Miserable Sunday morning, one week to surgery. Thinking about how people have responded to my ‘news’… those who have supported me throughout this horrible diagnosis process, friends who have said nothing at all because they dont know what to say? (or maybe they are not the friends you thought they were)…and those who have said things that I cannot believe. Thought it would be good to share those things and make each other laugh
My favourites on telling someone I was having a mastectomy were “well, you’re not that big anyway” and “you’ll have to tell your husband to make the most of them while they’re still there”…speechless x
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Hi Maggie13
Stay strong an keep your chin up lovely , sadly I’ve had friends whom I thought would support me but out of sight out of mind, even if your surrounded by support cancer can be a lonely place so be around like minded people an there is loads of help out there so take it an be kind to yourself and eat well an often, rest is important 
I wish you all the very best sweetie keep positive an keep talking XXX
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Hello there Maggie
So sorry that on top of coming to terms with your diagnosis and forthcoming surgery that you are having to deal with these insensitive comments . Everyone has some sort of experience or pre-conception about cancer . They’re often scared and embarrassed that they’re scared and in some cases are afraid to have a real conversation. So they say something that either reflects their own pre- conceptions or they try to make a joke about it.
I have to say if I was in your shoes I would probably have lost it with someone by now - and if you do it won’t be the end of the world - if they really care they will understand and get over it and if they don’t then they aren’t worth having as friends. I did snap at a friend who told me to think positive - we are still good friends .
It sounds as though you do have good friends who are with you and on your side - try to concentrate on that. If you need a rant there is always someone on here to listen .
Waiting is truly awful but if you are in a position to be able to go out for a day or a morning / afternoon and do something you enjoy that will give you joy if only for a short time then I would do it.
Take care sending love and wishing you well with everything
Joanne. X
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@maggie13
I’m so sorry for the mastectomy…i know is a lot to go through. But you will recover soon after! I didn’t know how strong i was before going through all this!
I had bilateral mastectomy, with no riconstruction, because i didn’t feel to go through all the other surgery, total anesthesia and pain of having a protesis, possibility of rejection etc…and I had to listed the doomest and evil things, even from doctors and nurses! But they will eventually stop, or maybe i just don’t notice it anymore, i don’t care, i don’t mind! Also people may talk before they really think about what they are saying sometimes…they don’t do it intentionally for hurt you, it may be just something stupid that come out of their mouth because they didn’t know how to react… But my best friend and my most attached family members was the one for me more supportative and delicate about it.bEverybody else…for me is so unimportant what they think and what they say! Less than ever!
I wish you good luck for the operation and best wishes for everything!
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Maggie 
yes think we’ve all had the beam me up Scottie brigade where some friends do a beam me up Scottie and then beam back down again once your through treatments, and then you get the kindness of strangers from out of no where suddenly appear and give you help and hope you do everything your way, don’t worry about people who vanish that’s their problem not yours, you are still fabulous you do you carry on being fabulous it is disappointing when they do it but you won’t be the last one on here who has it happen like I say, it’s their problem not yours, you just carry on being you 
Shi xx
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Speechless indeed! I would turn it on them. Ask how would they feel to be told they had to lose a breast or testicle to have a chance of living another 5/10/15 who knows how many years, including unknown post op treatments. But that’s just me.
Fortunately I have received nothing but sensitivity and support. People know that I am still me. They have all come across cancer in their own circles of family and friends. If people really are that insensitive it might be a good time to let them drift away.
My mastectomy was last Monday. Not looking forward to seeing what’s under the dressings x
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Speechless…I’d have responded with appropriate words which aren’t printable on here
I kept my lump and subsequent surgery news to myself , husband and sisters for many months because i needed time to understand and process it however when i did eventually share some reactions were incredibly cruel
I was called selfish for keeping it to myself, i was asked if i wasnt coping and when i said yes it was hard then went into a vacuum of silence
I’ve since not seen or contacted these friends and I’m so much better for it
Thankfully keeping a daily diary to write down my emotions, having a wonderful husband, sisters and close group of around 6 friends has made it easier and theyve been my rocks
My breast nurses and chemo team were awesome too, several have held me and listened to my hurt, anger and worries and weve laughed too
You will be a rollercoaster just stay focused on your recovery and tell people what you want, even if its to be left alone at times
Good luck with the surgery
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Hi
Like others have said you’re not alone in people saying stupid or inappropriate things when you have cancer. It’s because of ignorance or embarrassment. You truly find out who your friends are. I don’t really bother with those that weren’t supportive anymore. Cancer can be a lonely place but if you know anyone whose been through the same thing reach out to them. I found this forum really helpful and even though I’m a year clear of cancer I still find it helpful. Good luck with everything and keep talking to those who understand🩷
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@Maagie13 I’m so sorry you have had to experience such distasteful and insensitive comments. It can be so hurtful and confusing at such a difficult time already. I appreciate that not everyone knows how to navigate the journey of a cancer diagnosis or what is and isn’t appropriate to say or do, but frankly I feel it my duty when offended or hurt to politely educate people on how very difficult it is and to consider thinking before they speak or at very least to consider my conversation from my frame of reference not theirs.
There is so much to navigate on this journey, spend your energy wisely and do what is right for you and communicate to your friends and family what you need, what’s enough and what’s not ok.
You’re likely to lose a few people along the wayside, be that by choice or people just not making time for you or simply remaining blissfully ignorant under the guise of I didn’t know what to say or do and them not being around. It happens. Just focus on you, find your tribe, and lean on them.
Should an occasion present itself that irks or hurts you and you’re up to it, say how it impacts you and never feel you must comfort or make someone feel better about their ignorance, insensitiveness or discomfort about your illness and what you are going through. Frankly I think you would be doing people a favour by educating them. When people outside my core support ‘tribe’, ask me now how I am, I respond with ‘do you want the polite I am fine’ answer or the real answer?’ I don’t mind if they don’t want the real answer, but that way I navigate who really cares and who I chose to tell.
So much of this can feel out of your control so I think it’s important to focus your energy on the right places with the right people, you’ll find them soon enough when being totally open and honest.
Take care of yourself.
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Hi Maggie13
Sorry about those silly people. It’s soo silly to want to joke about something so awful people don’t realise how offensive and rude it is. I was early on warned by my consultant to be surrounded by people who cares and I trust, who will support me. Didn’t quite grasp what she meant at the time but further down the line I’ve reduced the number of people I inform and talk to, save myself the burden to have to deal w these sort of comments.
I wish you all the very best. Talk to the nurses -and counseling if you have . Gwen
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Think most people go through something.
I worked in a nursing home .
One lady and the only two men workers came to visit .
I met someone while out I said hi ,she responded with oh I didn’t recognise you with that thing on your head ,and all the weight you put on .
You will find your true friends.
Good luck with your operation and journey
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I go in for my surgery tomorrow…. I will be thinking of you a week down the line… wishing you speedy healing. So far those that know have been wonderful, it’s all the other acquaintances to deal with next! One day at a time 
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Hoping all goes well today, sending a huge hug xx
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Tp1, good luck for tomorrow. We all just have to put ourselves in their hands x
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Dear Maggie, some people can be incredibly stupid (like in the replies you shared) but put them aside because they are not important in your story. Remember that song about seeing the “true colours”?? Take it as it is and let nobody take you down!! Best of luck with the operation and after, start rebuilding a “new” you.
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Please know that you are not alone and you are loved! Regardless of what stage you’re at- YOU are strong, you are powerful and you are fierce! As women, we don’t always recognize (or treat) ourselves With the respect we deserve! We do so much for every one else and don’t always get anything in return. But you are my sister- and I am here and my ears are open! I’ve been on Enhertu since April 2022. My cancer had spread to both breast’s, lungs, liver, lymph nodes and bones (spine, femur, spatula) Enhertu has done more for me than chemo! My #’s are good tuner markers are finally normal and I feel great! I’m so thankful and blessed! Just know that God loves you! I gave all my stress to God and I don’t worry or stress anymore. I’m here if you need me! Kim in Tennessee (USA)
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Polehna123 beautiful post above God bless you 
Shi xx
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