What can you say

Continuing the discussion from [What can you say?]

Friends what can I say:-
The friends who are very vocal and tell you “they are there for you and will be on the journey” (goodness, I hate that word).

The friend or in my case sister who is constantly talking about your BC, even though you just want to be treated normal and just do normal stuff.

The friend who is the work friend who keeps you going and lets you moan even though you no longer see them everyday.

The friend who is more like family but now has excuse after excuse for a get together including family dinners. This is sad as others are affected by their attitude.

The friend who texts every week and cheers you up with their silly pictures and antics.

The there is the friend who has gone through BC and just has the right answer and just lets you shout swear and be yourself. She/he are the real friends.

Lets all be this friend for all our friends no matter what
Sorry rant over, its hard telling friends.
Diagnosed July following routine screening with 2 naughty lumps which are going under the knife this wk, followed with chemo, radiotherapy, target therapy. Already on Hormone treatment so this is my excuse.


You don’t need an excuse x


It is difficult for people. It wasn’t until I had breast cancer that I realised how inappropriate my responses to others had been. Lots of telling them they looked fab and that medical science was improving and they would certainly get through it, blah, blah, blah.

The truth is that when I was at my worst I didn’t want somebody telling me I looked fab. I wanted acknowledgment that what I was going through was absolute PANTS. Any cancer sufferer pours over statistics so they don’t need a friend reciting them. We mostly know the odds and we face them. The friends who worked best for me were those who agreed that yes, it was all hideous and they sympathised.


I think we probably need to cut people some slack with well meaning but cringe comments and judge them by their actions .Like you Teddy until I had cancer myself I didn’t realise quite how hurtful certain comments could be . I still have flashbacks to my nextdoor neighbour telling me over the garden fence that he had terminal lung cancer ,I said something appallingly trite and slunk back into the house . Now I would find better words I hope but that’s through living the cancer rollercoaster twice !!


Absolutely. People do struggle. I actually liked the friends who said, ‘Yes, you look absolute PARC.’ One friend used to do my shopping for me on a Friday morning. I always had chemo on Mondays so by Friday the effects were full-on. ‘I’m dying,’ I’d tell her. Oh dear, she said. Bad time because you always said you wanted lilacs on your coffin and its out of season.’ Black humour I really appreciated, not ‘well 9 out of 10 women survive another 5 years so you just need to persevere,’ - as if I’m somehow not trying hard enough.