Hello all. I just thought I’d register and see if this site helped at all, and after a quick look I thought - yes - what a supportive bunch of women!
I was told this morning that I had bc. My sister just finished radiotherapy for a grade 1 tumour, 7 cms. Mine is grade 1, but they don’t know if it’s 16 cm or 26 cm so I have to go back on Tues for an MRI. Also on Tues a biopsy on the other breast as there is some calcification. I’m 44 on Tues.
I feel quite calm, although I was very bad tempered in the immediate aftermath of being told. I am a recovering alcoholic (been sober for three years) and have just started living properly. I am engaged to a beautiful man (an American) and am moving to America to get married and live in about 6 months (the consultant said treatment would be finished by then, almost certainly).
I have been given plenty of info by my nurse and my sister and am quite determined to be as calm as possible and to take each day as it comes (Alcoholics Anonymous say “One day at a time”, so I’m used to that!).
I do wonder, though, what your experiences of still feeling fancied by your other halves has been like. I know everyone is different and lots of you have children, but I would be interested in your experiences. My fiance, of course, says he will still fancy me, but you never know do you? I know he loves me, which is the main thing.
I am so sorry you’ve had to join us but ‘welcome’ to this most wonderful site.
I was diagnosed in March, age 34. I live with my wonderful boyfriend (well, he’s my toyboy!!). I had a right mastectomy a week after diagnosis and was initially scared shi**ess at the thought of this as I was unable to have an immed recon due to further treatment. I was terrified that he would no longer find me even remotely attractive and that I would look like some sort of freak. He’s 8 years younger than me, and as we’re not married yet, I wasn’t even sure he’d want to stick around. I thought he may think ‘s*d this, I’m off’.
Thankfully I couldn’t have been more wrong. He has been absolutely amazing throughout this whole ‘journey’ so far. I cried buckets with him before my mastectomy as I said I was gonna wake up a completely different person and he wouldn’t even be able to look at me anymore. I just felt that if I couldn’t bear to look at myself then why one earth would he?? This was sooooooo NOT the case at all!! Thank god! I was actually able to look at myself v.quickly post op and really wasn’t horrified at all. The first time my boyfriend saw my scar was when I’d been discharged from hosp and my dressings needed changing. He did not hesitate in helping me, and I actually think he felt quite ‘grateful’ to be involved. He never batted an eyelid and never has since. The whole thing has not fazed him at all. Even now, when I’ve got a white baldie head due to the chemo, he still loves me. Our relationship was always strong but this has defo made us even stronger.
We still have a good sex life (despite the chemo!), and I know he still fancies me as much as he always has. Bless him, he’s awesome. I’ve no doubt you’re fiance is awesome too, and will absolutley still fancy you. After all, you’re still you!
Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doin,
Sorry you had to join us on here. I was dx in July with bc and secondary liver and am absolutely terrified of losing my hair, and my husband not wanting to be with me, but he has been so supportive, came and bought a wig with me and my little girl came too, although she wanted me to get the bright PINK one!!! Yeah right.
I think they go through this with us, even though can’t know exactly what we are feeling, they are suffering too, as it is the person that they love suffering, and I think this does bring you closer together, as they want to help. My husband has been great, making me stay in bed in the morning for extra hour while he does the little ones etc.
I do worry that as I may get more ill with treatment as not suffered at all yet, it will get harder, but I know in my heart he will be with me every step of the way, even when I am grumpy, bad tempered and crying everywhere.
This forum is such a wonderful place to get on and find so many supportive people that are in similar positions.
Take care of yourself and keep us informed of your treatment etc.
hi emma,
sorry to hear about your DX.
I was DX 3.5 yrs ago, thought husband wouldn’t fancy me sexually after lumpectomy…but he has been completely wonderful…when i lost my hair too i was convinced there was no way he would fancy me…but he still did…he has been a complete star…there for me all the way through …
Dear Karen, Dawn and Kelly. Thank you so much! I knew I would feel better if I talked to you lovely people.
So far, the situation is that if the tumour is 16 cm it will be a lumpectomy, rad and anti-hormone. If it’s 26 (it’s just above right nipple) it might have to be a mastectomy. Surgeon will take lymph tissue to test while I’m on the operating table. And then there’s the calcification in the right breast - biopsy on Tues.
So, I’d got a bit used to the thought of just one breast, or one reconstructed breast, and then I read about side effects of Tamoxifen. I don’t want to be fat, dry and hairless as well!! I have always been considered physically attractive and am getting married for the first time and it seems as if my fiance is going to end up with a, well, not what I was. He, of course, says he loves me, and I know he does, but still…
Having said all that, I am very reassured that your partners still fancy you (hurrah), and thank you so much for taking the time to share with me.
Hi Emma, i had a full mastectomy followed by back flap reconstruction on the 29th of June, the swelling is going down nicely, and at the moment it does look a bit like cyclops, as i have to wait for the nipple recon and tattooing, my hubby thinks it looks fine, has supported me so much, as he says, whats a few scars when we are still together? he.d rather have me scarred and bad tempered than not have me here at all, its me who doesn’t want anyone near it, (it does still hurt a bit) as i’m scared of hurting it, sounds daft and that could be my sub-concious way of not feeling great about me at the moment, plus think i need to grieve the loss a bit more, but it does get a bit easier everyday. as to the side effects of tamoxifen, well, it effects everyone differently. and they can sort the dryness out quite easily for you, i haven’t put any weight on, and last time i looked i still have my hair, so you must’nt be worrying yourself about tamoxifen.
Thanks, Alison. I have been concentrating on the worst scenario and you are very reassuring. I can understand you being “scared of hurting it” completely, even though we know it’s not logical. Your husband sounds as brilliant as my fiance is. We are so lucky to have good men. All the very best to you, Alison.
Emma xxx
I had a mastectomy and recon and my partner still loves me the way he did before if not more, I guess if it makes a difference to the guy then he isnt worth bothering about in the first place…
My husband told me that when I lost my boob it would make no difference to him because he loves me, for who I am…and the fact that I may be missing a body part makes no difference to the way he feels about me. Same for the hair,
If I could I would tell the whole world how wonderful my husband is… and as for the intimate part of our relationship…still the same and for that I am glad. I was very worried he wouldn’t want me, but he does. I love him.