I had cancer and so did my husband, but its my husband who isn’t wanting intimacy. Its been like this for a while, I feel embrassed as my libido is more than my husbands. But he doesn’t desire it as much as I do. I am also having UTI infections which cause me distress so I feel like my sex life has been infringed on by external factors. He is always spending time on his laptop in the evenings and comes to bed late, and again there is no time for us getting close. I am the one who feels sad about it, not my husband as it doesn’t effect him as he is content with the lack of intimacy. Are there any other women who have this problem?
Hi,
Your story is similar to mine. my husband had stage 3 bowel cancer in July 2013 had to have a stoma while on chemo and in Feb 2014 I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer with surgery, chemo, more surgery then rads which ended Nov 2014. Whilst my husband had his stoma which wasn’t removed until April 2014 he didn’t want to have sex not coz he didn’t fancy me but he didn’t want me to see his bag and stoma. Then when I was going through everything it wasn’t until 2015 early that we tried and it wasn’t easy both emotionally or physically as I had then developed the dryness.
my husband also did what your husband is doing he has now said that he did this to try and put the sex to the back of his mind and was embarrassed to talk to me.
we still struggle but now it’s my dryness. Even though we are in our mid 50,s with no kids at home we started having date nights, and we would try to get in the mindset of it being a newish relationship to try and boost the excitement.
We both also agree that sometimes cuddles are just as important than sex but that maybe coz we have been married for 35 years!!
Uti’s can be a problem for women with dryness as they use lubrication wihich can bring bacteria from the bottom up,to,the front area causing extensive infection. If this rings bells with anyone my advice from my nurse was have a wee straight after sex as it is our own disinfectant or use a bidet to wash or a shower.
hope this helps anyone