Hi all
Im new to this. My Mum told me she had BC about 2 months ago, she has had a lump removed and all clear but it had spread to too many lymp glads??? So she is having chemo followed by Radio. She has had 2 sessions of chemo and its made her hair fall out already and she feels very sick after for a good few days. I live in Surrey and she is in the North so I cant pop round to see her or take her food etc. I really want to send her something to let her know im thinking of her but want to send something she will like. I did send her some pic of my boys that we have just had done and she loved that and ive just done my wedding album only 5 years late but was going to get her a copy done. Is there anything I can send her. I know you have to be careful with creams cosmetics etc. Just dont know where to start. Im hoping ot get a place with breast cancer care for the london marathon and i know she would be very happy if i got a place and could raise money to go to the charity. I just feel so helpless and I dont know what to do or say. Ive been reading the ladies post of how they feel and it makes me so upset. I know family probably do and say all the wrong things, its just so hard to know what to do. You guys are my only hope of people to talk to as my Hubby just really dosent know what to say. I am in bits about it all and just want to be near her to give her some big hugs and see her through all this.
Sorry to go on but I needed to get it all out.
xxxxx
Hi,
sorry to hear about your Mum and the fact that you are so far away from her.
As to a gift for her, and thinking back to when I was going through this, I feel that something that would mean a lot to her would be something very simple. My kids made me a card and put just a few words each in it. My eldest brought it to me in hospital with a small bunch of flowers. That meant so much more to me than some of the expensive gifts that I received.
If you want to get her some creams then the “simple” range is very good and I have used it throughout. Superdrug have the full range and have now got some gifts packs in as well.
Sure the wedding album would bring many happy memories back for her at this time.
It is a very difficult time for both of you and she would be proud to know that you are thinking of her.
K x
That must be very hard for you being apart. Chemo’s doable but grim, and something to make her smile would be my recommendation. The wedding album is a lovely idea too, but have a wander round the internet at some of the quirky shops and find something small to make her laugh - laughter is good!!
I am sorry to see your Mum is going through this and it is a long haul. It’s the little things that count. I have bc and my Mum lives 1000 miles away and cannot travel to see me. She sends me little cards more than once a week, we have regular skype phone calls, ordinary phone calls and emails. She sends me flowers via interflora from time to time too. It’s the thought that counts, and since March I know that she thinks about me every day.
Good luck to your Mum and to you her wonderful daughter.
Maria x
Hi,
Sorry to hear your Mum is going through this rollercoaster. I was diagnosed in February, my dil had a personalised book made of my grandchildren, each page had photo and written what they had been doing and where they had been. Thought as you live such a long way from your Mum it would be something for her to look at when she feels down! l know my book puts a smile on my face.
Lots of companies do these books, so if you are interested, please search for the best company.
Good Luck to your Mum, and you and your family
Sandra xxx
PS. my dil used photobox!
Hi sassap
I treasure the things my son has made me especially cards. I would make cards for your mum and personalise them depending on their age - so if they’re young I would either do hand paints of their hands or even draw round them with a little hand written note inside or a personalised verse, cheeky smiley photos, a splash of your perfume on the card, and little stories of your childhood along the lines of remember when we or when I did so an so,
Hope this helps, it’s what I’d like as a mum and if you want to buy her something, maybe a nice photo frame with a photo of you all in it?
I wish her and you well D x
I thought throughout my treatment how hard it must have been for my husband and family to watch me going through it all. One of the main things for me was contact as I was very poorly with the chemo and so spent a lot of time either in bed or at home.
Yes, people sometimes do say the wrong things but what was worse for me was that some of my family avoided contact completely. Give her regular phone calls (you probably are anyway) and ask how she’s doing and then tell her other news but keep it all brief if she’s feeling tired.
My friend in Australia sent me a box packed with small goodies - lovely hand cream, lip balm, a hat, a book etc. You could think about something similar. It was lovely unwrapping everything and a real surprise.
The main thing is knowing that you care and you love her.
Some freinds came round to see me and brought me something similar to the above, a small basket packed with little things: candles, travel size soaps, creams etc, health bars and small biscuits, fridge magnets, cards, … There were so many different things it didn’t matter if I didn’t like some, and it was great fun unpacking it all. I hadn’t had anything like it since my christmas stocking when I was a child! Recommended, plus you could add in some little photos etc as you suggest
Sarah
Sounds like you are already doing all the right things - and you have had lots more tips on this thread.
I really loved having anything from any of my four children and their families who all live a long way away from me- especially flowers, notes, photos etc and messages from the grandchildren.
I especially appreciated their attitude to me - which was kind & sympathetic when I felt lousy with the chemo but jokey/ black humour etc when I was OK… As they rightly said, that’s how they usually are with the ‘aged parents’ and if they then treated me any differently . I’d really think I was ready to ush up the daisies!
Is your Father on the scene? If he is, don’t neglect him as he will be feeling very anxious and perhaps fel he has to hide it ; you could be a big support to him too.
If you CAN manage to get up to see your mum- if only for a short visit, that will mean the most to her. I was overjoyed when my very busy working daughter got up to see me on a weekday once.
Also important to continue to keep in touch just as frequently after your Mum’s active treatment has finished- it’s harder then when everyone thinks that you’re OK again
What can i say but a HUGE THANK YOU to you all. Its has given me some good ideas what to do. In fact ive just been doing sponge painting with me 2 boys to send to my Mum. They r only 4 and nearly 3 so its about all we can cope with! We did make a big mess. I will get lots of little bit together and send them up in a parcel. I will also get my step dad something as im sure he is feeling a bit low too. You r all fab thank you so much.
Sarah xxx
So sorry to hear about your Mum but she is lucky to have your support and anything you do will be appreciated more than you can know. Lots of good ideas here but something my daughter (she’s 7) enjoys doing that might be fun is pottery painting… you can find a local Pottery Painting Cafe or buy a kit online and paint your Mum a plate or a Mug - maybe fill it with a favourite herbal teabag selection!
The photobooks are a great idea - nothing better than to have something like that to take into hospital with you.
Or if your Mum isn’t internet savvy maybe some print outs of some of the BCC information sheets that might be useful for her.
Jx
hi sarah
Crayola do a really good set which has a mug in it with paints so the children can decorate it . But also, and this is the fab bit, it has a little recorder thingy underneath and you can record a message from your children to their grandma, and the recording comes on each time the cup is lifted . My boys did one last year for their nanna and grandad when they were 1 and 3 ( the boys, not the grandparents!) and their grandad picks up the cup each day to hear their voices. Its such a lovely time capsule of how they are now too. We have another one in the cupboard ready to do for cristmas. Think the entertainer toy store does them, amongst others.
otherwise, definitley little and often is the way to go as you start to feel very isolated and unloved ( even though you arent!) and so regular contact from the outside world is wonderful.
Good luck to you all.
Vickie
I have sent my Mum and other friends who have been diagnosed with cancer, gifts from an online company called CareGifting, caregifting.com. I have sent the Mastectomy gift, After Surgery gift and the Heal gift. Great products and a great company. Call them if you have questions on shipping or want to change something in a gift basket, they are very helpful! Hope this helps
Hi,
How lovely and thoughtful you are.
My top tips,
Postcards via touchnote on the internet, you can upliad your own images and add speech or thought bubbles to insert humour.
Flow the risk of infection guidance of her treatment centre, may relate to flowers etc.
Deborah Hutton book - how can i help, 75 practical ideas
Cordelia Galgut - emotional support thru breast cancer, i thought a very insightful booklet.
Follow her lead,yes this is horrible, but sometimes its good not to talk about it too.
Much love
LL xx