What would you do in this situation?

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1

What would you do?

2 years ago I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer with all its after problems such as radiotherapy, tablets, lymphodema, infections, sleeplessness, anxiety, etc.

It has been a dreadful 2 years regarding my health and my emotions.

This has been made worse by being accused of things I have not done. My instinct tells me I must fight to clear my name - which will be costly with solicitors if I should lose but common sense tells me to walk away - which I could do.

All along, my instinct to fight has been the stronger but now I am beginning to think that maybe I should give in and walk away from the problems with my tail between my legs, so to speak.

I know this is a minor problem in comparison with some of yours but it is a very big problem to me and trying to get over the big ‘C’.

What would you do? I think I know what you are going to say!

Christiane
PS I entered this a few minutes ago in the wrong section.

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Hi Christiane

It depends how serious these accusations are. If they may cause you lots of problems later then It might be worth seeing a Solicitor or at least getting a Solicitors letter sent to your accusors. It may be worth seeing the Citizens advice and ask them if they think it is serious enough. I know its easier said than done to rise above it but todays news is tomorrow fish and chip paper or so they say.

Best of luck
Andrea xx

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Christiane,

There always seems to be a “low point” with all of this, a point at which you can’t be bothered anymore. The question you have to ask yourself is how you will feel in another two years if you take the action you want to, and how you will feel if you walk away from it. If it’s defamation of character (libel/slander) you are talking about it’ll be very expensive, and you are right to consider the impact of that. If you decide to walk away, its not with your tail between your legs, it’s with your head held high and with a moral victory if not a legal one.

Perhaps counselling would help you expose the right course of action for you.

All the best, whatever you decide will be the right thing for you.
Sue xx

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Yes, Sue. To make it clearer - it is ‘defamation of character’ I am talking about. I have been to a solicitor specialising in disputes and he says I have 70% chance of winning it.

I am of good standing in the community and a small group are trying to destroy this. All this is whilst I am trying to deal with breast cancer.

What do I do?

I do feel strong enough to fight it.

Thank you all for your replies so far but I am still not sure what to do.

Christiane x

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Hi Christiane

Like others have said, it depends on how you feel about this. If its about the balance of stress. If you leave it, will the bitterness and anger eat away at you and cause more harm? If you proceed, you may be in for lots of further stress and costs, especially if you don’t win. Is there any other way you can clear your name without going down the expensive legal route? Would a small claims court be a better choice? You wouldnt get any monetary rewards, but if its clearing your name you are after, this could be another solution that would be much cheaper. I did this when having a terrible wrangle with my brother over my mothers will. there was money at stake, but not much, but it was to clear my name as an executor and establish who owns the plots to her grave (he is welcome to them). The judge was brilliant and sorted it all out for a small cost. The other solution is to print a notice in a local paper (with help from a solicitor) pointing out what you have been accused of and that you are not guilty. Explain that you have decided not to proceed with court because of ill health but this doesnt mean you havent been hurt by everything. It all depends if you want your dirty linen washing in public, but a court will do that anyway. Someone very wise once said to me not to go to court on principle. Only go if you are clear what you want out of it eg money, cleared name etc. otherwise it is too stressful if you lose.

good luck

Cathyx

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Perhaps having the solicitor write to these ppl and advise that you will proceed with legal action if they do not detract the lies that thy have been telling may be enuff to get it all stopped. I know ppl who’ve done this and it worked well. If it is not enuff and you feel you are strong enough and have the finanaces to risk the 30% not winning then proceed with legal action and clear your name.

At the end of the day people who know you and matter in your life will know the truth and anyone who’s prepared to beleive the ppl spreading lies about you are not worth worrying about.

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Personally I think you are better off ignoring ignorant lies. If people get no attention they don’t bother to go on with things and the only people who seem to gain from litigation are lawyers. I can remember someone trying to blackmail the Duke of Wellington over something and he just said publish and be damned.

you know who your friends are and your conscience is clear and that is all that really matters

Mole

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I’d send them a solicitor’s letter.It worked for me! I think people who gossip and lie about others are usually not very intelligent.The thought of them having to explain their actions in court put the fear of god in them and they soon went back to their covens.Good luck Christiane - you need it with people like that around! They never pick on someone their own size,do they?
Love Josie

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Hi Christiane

I think you have had some really sensible replies. After looking at them, if I were you, I would r get a solicitor’s letter sent. This will test the water without costing much. It will show what they are made of and whether they would want to go to court. Like Josie said, they probably arent that clever and dont realise that defamation is a serious offence and back off. If they dont back down, then you know whether you are in for a rough ride in court. As Mole suggests, shrugging your shoulders and giving them all the “fools’ pardon” may be the best solution. Depends how serious their allegations and how it will affect you.

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Bump

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If it were me, I would think much the same way as Mole does.

I would consider sending a letter (personal or solicitor) marked ‘without prejudice’. This would stand up legally, and would make your case without sounding vindictive or sinking to the level of your accusers.

Rise above them, you have more important things to deal with.

Jenny.

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Thank you all so much for your replies. You are all so wise. I cannot see the wood for the trees - and also my emotions get in the way. I cannot even write this without tears.

I have sent solicitors letters but the group are only playing ‘ping pong’ with them and deliberately running up legal expenses without dealing with the points in the letters. The word ‘defamation’ has been mentioned to them but because they are a group hiding behind each other they do not appear to be taking me seriously.

They have now offered me ‘mediation’ which I will do. If mediation does not work I shall then have to decide whether to go legal with a ‘defamation of character’ action. Mediation does not change the fact that they have defamed me and that is very important to me.

Costs are an issue if I go down the legal ‘defamation of character’ route.

All this has been going on whilst I have been and I still am dealing with my cancer over the last 2 years and ongoing.

Please do keep advising me - you are all so very wise and I am ‘listening’ to all your comments.

Christiane x
(PS Sorry about the 2 threads.)

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re Cathy’s previous comment, I’m afraid you can’t use the small claims court round to sue for defamation/slander/libel.

Go with your instincts.

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Dear Christiane

If you go for ‘mediation’, who does the mediating? Do you have someone you can trust to be with you for support? If it were me, I would rather mediate with one person at a time - would this be possible? I would feel less intimidated than being faced by a group, and conversely, I’m fairly sure those concerned would feel less secure on their own. Otherwise it seems very much a ‘them against you’ situation.

Best wishes, Timetraveller

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Christiane
Just remember bullies are always cowards and you are coping with cancer which makes you very brave do not let them defame you, it sounds as if your solicitor is not sending the right letter, i like the idea someone suggested putting it in the paper and i would mention them by name . I was always taught if your cause is just fight on.
Lots of love and take care if you do need any help please let me know
Kate

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Hi Christiane

Just a thought … if you go for “mediation” you need to make sure that you take someone with you to act s a witness as to what was said … in case of any errors in documenting it afterwards
good luck love FB xx

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Below are your comments from my previous thread as I opened 2 threads in error. I have cut and pasted these previous comments below because they are all so relevent and important to me that I didn’t want to lose them. Thank you all so much - you are helping me to believe in myself again as my confidence had taken a downturn with this continual bullying and defamation by these ‘intellectual professionals’.

You are helping me to deal with it - on top of dealing with my cancer treatment.

Thank you all so much. I feel I am not fighting this on my own any more.

Christiane x

o CommentAuthornaunamh
o CommentTimeJun 12th 2008
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Hi Christiane,
Well you have foughtt a life battle and got through to the other side, hardly anything could be as devestating and traumatic as this. Why on earth should you now slink away from a good life one that you have fought for?
If finances permit and emotiomally you are stong enough go for it girl!
I feel angry that apart from all this bc sh.t you have had to face false accusations. I don’t know how you coped. I for one would like to see the truth come out and the perpretrator of these lies shown up for what they are.
Margaret
2.
o CommentAuthormaryfrod
o CommentTimeJun 12th 2008
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Hi Christiane
Totally agree with Margaret.you have coped with enough and have the damned right to clear your name and hold your head up high,but get the right advice.

Be Strong

Mary
xx
3.
o CommentAuthorlilacblushes
o CommentTimeJun 12th 2008
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My 1st instinct would be to fight … but depending on what the accusations are and how confident you are of being able to prove them to be false (I’m not doubting your innocence - just some things are difficult to prove) and the possibility of facing huge legal bills at the end I would have to really consider all the pros and cons.

It’s so unfair that you have dealt with all the cancer crap and now you have this to deal with too.

Good luck whatever you decide.
4.
o CommentAuthornaunamh
o CommentTime6 days ago
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Christiane
Just bumping this up in case you didn’t realise there were two threads running
5.
o CommentAuthorrjenr2
o CommentTime6 days ago
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Christiane…

it depends how much it matters - you know you are in the right.

If it’s a work thing in UK then tribunal…
if it is other stuff…

seek appropriate advice but do what is right for you

J
6.
o CommentAuthorFizBix
o CommentTime6 days ago
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Hi Christiane

It is very difficult to give an opinon without more information (I’m not asking for more I’m just qulaifying what I am writing…

One thing that is clear to me is that you need to move on … the question is what is the best way to do this?

If you go down the legal route you will be swimming about in this legal process for ages … which of course means reliving it. Are you sure that you want to do that? The problem with the legal process is that it applies the law - which is not necesarily the same as natural justice … so you could be disappointed

If you do not clear your name then can you get over it? Can it be forgotten? (Hard to know without knowing what it is).

Is there by any chance a third way? Can anything be done without going the whole hog ? Can you ask for a retraction of some kind? Can you go for councelling to help you come to terms with the injustice?

Something to consider is these two scenarios …

You do the legal action , it takes ages, takes over your life for months/years to the extent that it impacts on you enjoying yourself … you look back and think “was it worth it?” … how does that feel?

OR

You don’t do the legal action … try and get over it … but it keeps following you around (how likely is this really) … and you look back and think “I wish I had tried to clear my name” … how does that feel?

The way I feel right now is that life is short and I’d rather enjoy myself … but having said that I’m not quite sure how serious this is and the impact that not clearing your name will have on your life … all I know is that life isn’t far and sometimes you just have to accept it

good luck - let us know what you decide to do - we are right behind you
Lots of love
FB xxxx
7.
o CommentAuthorFizBix
o CommentTime6 days ago
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I nearly forgot - you need to think how easily you an afford it … is it just that you would prefer not to spend the money or will you ahve to make sacrifices to do it?
8.
o CommentAuthorchristiane
o CommentTime5 days ago
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Thank you all so much for your replies. You are all so wise. I cannot see the wood for the trees - and also my emotions get in the way. I cannot even write this without tears.

I have sent solicitors letters but the group are only playing ‘ping pong’ with them and deliberately running up legal expenses without dealing with the points in the letters. The word ‘defamation’ has been mentioned to them but because they are a group hiding behind each other they do not appear to be taking me seriously.

They have now offered me ‘mediation’ which I will do. If the mediation does not work I shall then have to decide whether to go legal with a ‘defamation of character’ action. Mediation does not change the fact that they have defamed me and that is very important to me.

Costs are an issue if I go down the legal ‘defamation of character’ route.

All this has been going on whilst I have been and I still am dealing with my cancer over the last 2 years and ongoing.

Please do keep advising me - you are all so very wise and I am ‘listening’ to all your comments.

18

Thank you all for your thoughts and giving me the strength to help my decisions.

I am going to see my solicitor again on Monday and I shall bear all your comments in mind.

The solicitor has already written to the group and has mentioned the word ‘defamation’, has asked them to retract their accusations but they do not seem to be at all worried. They are just ‘stonewalling’ and I think they think I will go away if they spin it out long enough. They have agreed to mediation in words but nothing positive has been done.

Please keep your comments coming in as it is helping me physically and emotionally. I feel I am not on my own.

Christiane x

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I thought I would just bring you up to date with my saga.

The saga is bewildering. In public now, the majority of this group are friendly with me - and yet privately the group are not backing down. Why? Everything they have said is untrue and they cannot possibly have any evidence unless the evidence is based on lies.

They are fighting to the bitter end - as am I at the moment - although I can opt out at any time.

I am still trying to find an impartial mediator.

Physically I am getting stronger by the day but my emotions are all over the place. One day I am very positive about things and the next day I am despondent.

I just thought I would let you know where I am at with it all ie waiting for a suitable mediator and for the mediation process to start. Our solicitor is extremely positive about the outcome with the right mediator - but I am a realist and I do not see how mediation can possibly work when I am not prepared to accept anything less than a public apology and legal fees paid but the other side seem prepared to fight on regardless.

I also cannot understand why, independently, they are now being so nice to me publicly when behind the scenes they are continuing the dispute. Can you?

Meanwhile I keep taking the Arimidex and suffering all the side effects of breast cancer!

How can they do this to me!!!

Christiane x

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Some people are just so sad that they will resort to doing stuff like this - remember that you are better than them. They are jus sad sad people. I think the fact that they are being overly friendly in public means they are to a degree running scared.

Good luck with the continued fight.