My wife has breast cancer for the 3rd time. It is now lobular cancer all over the tummy. She has had 4 weekly sesions but the time has come to decide whether to continue or not , because she is suffering badly and is down to 6st 10lb from a best of 10stone. She is constantly restless ( she tried the local hospice but could not settle) cannot sleep and so is very tired and suffers from hot flushes.
We don’t know what is doing her the most harm , the chemo or the cancer or indeed the drugs she takes at home. As the cancer does not show up on the CT Scan nor in her blood we cannot tell if any progress is being made.
We are tempted to go ahead with one more session while her blood count is high, but then to withdraw from the program for say 2-3 weeks to see what the reaction is. Has anyone any suggestion
It sounds like you and your wife are having a difficult time at the moment, if you think it might help to talk things through please remember the helpline is there for you to use. You are able to share your feelings and concerns with one of our trained members of staff, who will be happy to offer you a listening ear as well as support and information. The number to call is free phone 0808 800 6000 and the following gives you information on when the lines are open over Christmas.
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Keith
I’m so sorry that you and your wife are in this terrible position and my heart goes out to you. It is the hardest decision you will both make I’m sure. I was wondering if you have also posted in the ‘family,partners and friends’ part of the forum as you may get a different prespective from there which might be helpful in thinking what to do.
I’m sorry that your wife was unsettled in the hospice. I’ve been twice into my hospice for symptom control and have always felt quite listened to by the medical team and reassured by them. They have managed to control my symptoms and I have also seen other patients there who were in pain or very unsettled who have had their medication changed so that they become more settled. Although I have also seen patients discharge themselves as they felt unsettled or left before the changes of treatment had come into effect or would rather be at home. It is so important at this stage that your wife is at the place where she feels happiest/most comfortable and that will be different for each of us.
I’m unsure what support you are getting? Do you see the MacMillan nurses or palliative care community nurses or district nurses? Do you have a relationship with them where you can discuss what you have shared here?
My position is different - I’m coming towards the end of treatment options and am better on chemo than off it but have used all my options up and my cancer is so widespread now that I will not live long after I finish the course so my decision to end treatment has really been taken out of my hands. My husband and I have discussed similar scenarios to the one you are in and as our children are quite young - 11 and 8- it is important to us that they do not see me suffer too much so may well take decisions to end treatment that others would not.
It is such a personal choice and some people will want to continue with treatment right up to the end and others will decide to stop chemo and let nature take its course. There is no right or wrong answer here but once you’ve made decisions I’m sure you will both feel better but you need an opportunity to discuss your choices and your fears. I’ve been seen by the palliative care nurse at home for the last 2 years so have built up a good relationship with her as well so feel when I reach the stage that your wife is at we can talk over our options and fears with them and we can make our personal decision.
Do you see a MacMillan nurse or hospice nurse and if so do you have a good relationship with them? Can you talk to them? What does your onclogist or your GP advise? I’m really concerned that you sound so unsupported and this should not be so but sadly seems quite common
There have been many discussions on this site and in this part of the forum about when to end treatment and opinions about ‘assisted suicide’ and as you would imagine there are very mixed opinions and this may or may not be useful to read at the present but felt it might be something to read so you do not feel so alone and can see that there are so many different opinions.
I’m sorry that you are placed in this position and it must be so hard seeing your wife go through this. I really hope you have family and friends that can support you in this time and that you can access medical advice so that you can reach an informed decision.
I’m sorry I feel I’ve rambled on without being helpful but feel I can not tell you what to do as it is such an individual decision and hope people will support you whatever you decide. Unfortunately, it is an area where some people have very fixed opinions which may be different to the decision you make but I expect they have not had the awful practical experience of living/existing with very advanced cancer that we on this site have experienced.
Thinking of you
Kate
It always amazes me how people like you with all the problems you have can still find time for
others , Thank you so much for your comments , much appreciated and of course you will be
in my thoughts.
Doreen’s GP and his wife have been wonderful , dropping by most every day and being encouraging,
but of course the final decision is hers. The problem with the MacMillan doctor is that although he has
been truly sympathetic over the 10 years in which he has been managing Doreen’s problems he must know
himself he should have diagnosed cancer months and months ago when Doreen kept telling him she had the
same symptons as before.