Rhian - enjoy new year, sounds lovely!
there are lots of ignorant people out there aren’t there - and you can’t always tell them where to go out loud, but you can inside lol.
My son’s girlfriend’s mother is trying to collect me for her trophy cabinet full of sick friends who she can get sympathy by association for. She is an impertinent busy body and showers me with little presents and calls, and every nugget of info is commented on etc etc. In the new year I’m going to make it plain that she is not part of my life. she’ll be shed faster than the excess weight!
xxx monica
Hi girls, some of my friends on here, can i join in too!!
i too find it hard when people say 'so youve got the all clear then!'I usually say breast cancer isnt like that! but i often feel they just think I’m being miserable or pessimistic!!
I don’t think we will ever get back to normal, whatever that was this has been such an enormous event in our lives that it must change us!
Learning to cope is the hard bit! Roadrunner thanks for the link very interesting and made a lot of sense.
Lyn hope you are ok, i agree with everyone else you don’t need that!!
love Debs xxx
I have very mixed feelings when people tell me, “My mum had it fifteen years ago and she’s still playing tennis.” I know it’s well meaning, and I used to find it quite reassuring. But since I’ve learned about how many different kinds of BC there are, some of which may never develop into anything sinister and may even go into remission on their own, I’m beginning to find it a bit irritating. That person’s cancer may have been nothing like mine - they might as well say, “My mum had an ingrowing toenail.”
And I really HATE that “You’re very brave.” Oh, sphericals! If stamping on a cute little kitten could have got me out of this, the kitty would have been curtains. And people who say keeping positive actually helps your survival chances - hey, if it was that easy, we’d all survive. In fact why would we have got it in the first place?
Eeee, just get me on “Grumpy Old Women.” I’d give 'em a right earfull!
Susanne i agree…kitty would have been stamped on!
Stupid cancer
X
Hi Suzanne, I so wish that there had been computers and laptops around when I was first diagnosed. There was nothing like the support of women all over the country/world as there is on forums like this. I felt so isolated and on my own. Luckily my BC Nurse did introduce me to a lady who had had the same op a couple of years before me and I found that to be a huge benefit to me making any decision about treatment etc as well as helping me mentally because I knew of no-one who had BC at my age, I was 39 and that was in 1989.
When I found I had bone mets 10years later…out of the blue as I was checked regularly and didn’t suspect it…I was devasted and again I knew of no-one with mets. I think it was wonderful when I could converse with Dawn on this site as she had been having similar problems to me and had bone mets as well.
I agree it is irritating when people say they know of someone who had it 15 years ago and was playing tennis still/ or there great-grannies first cousin twice removed had BC in nineteen-dot…I also agree that being positive does not have any effect of your survival chances. I have lost too many friends who tried everything they could to survive this dreadful disease as they SO wanted to live. One friend lost her life and had four daughters under the age of nine. She wanted to live… but she didn’t make it either. So what I am trying to say is…yes everyones cancer is different BUT I never knew people could go on LIVING WITH cancer…for longer than I could ever have hoped. This was a new fact to me. As for “being brave”…what choice do we have…we just have to get on with it…and “oh you are looking so well” well next time I feel like sh** perhaps I should call you over to see just how awful I can look…coz on those days I don’t go over the door. I can be up 6 times in the night on bad nights…perhaps I should call them on the phone then…just to tell them how bad I am…OOOOH that was a good old rant…thanks Susanne…love Val
Hi, I hope you don’t mind me joining in too. When I was dx in 2004 a late diagnosis, did the treatment, had lots of complications, home life was hard, single mum, my boys were 4,6 and 11 two with special needs. Within a month of my diagnosis two of my cousins were dx, there was no spare help to be had. I did alright, went to appointments, all chemos and stuff on my own. Scared witless when treatment finished.
June 2009 was told I had bone mets and now I am now feeling ashamed as I kinda waited for it to come back. I never made the most of that time. I’ve always been tired. Cut off myself off socially and any friends I did have vanished. I have managed to look after my children well, and still do, made great inroads with their problems and their lives are on track. That seems to be my one achievment. Now I feel like I should spring into action whilst I feel not too bad do all the things I should have been doing. Still waiting for the springing bit to happen. 
I never really did get back to normal, I don’t think or this is the new normal me!
Also what really gets on my nerves are the people that say, even now. You have survived so much, you will beat this. (I have had lots of serious stuff before cancer, stuff a lot of people wouldn’t survive). I always answer with a laugh and say, course I will, I’m going to be an annoying old lady and bore you all with my surviving stories.
I really want them to say, oh no that is terrible news…you look awful - the truth I suppose.
Sorry waffled on for ages there, don’t know if it makes any sense either.
Hope you dont’ mind me joining in too! I have been having similar thoughts over on the Sally Webster thread and I’m worried that I may have made it depressing for others so can i stay with all of you?
I am cross with myself that nearly eighteen months after diagnosis, though still in treatment that I can not find normal. Of course I am at work, I look normal when dressed. But I don’t look like me;frumpier with unmanageable short hair and a different body shape -not much fatter but its all on my middle now. I’m missing my boob and the recon hurts all the time. I feel miserable and i don’t know if it is treatment or if I have just had a complete personality change. I’m anxious because I should be enjoying and making the most of any well time but I can’t find any pleasure in anything. As the days go by I feel worse. I’m sick of no-one being real and saying that’s sh**. I’m sick of being told that a positive attitude will see me thru - no, it just makes it easier for everyone else if you don’t have a miserable boat!
All these people others tell us about who got over it and who are better for the experience - have any of you actually met any of them? I keep being compared to all these people I have never met who have been inspirational cancer patients - but i have never met them. Most people i know living with secs or recurrances have just learned to keep it all in to protect those around them.
Spreading misery as ever…
Love
Jane x
Hello Jane
hope you don’t mind me sticking my nose in, but I was really sad to read your posting because I have been where you are and dragged myself out of it over a few years. I bombed again later when caring for my dad and started taking anti-depressants and THEN things really started to get better.
Of course we are all different and you might want to tell me to p off, but I look back with a lot of sadness at those dark days. I hated myself, my changed body, my changed mind and I hated most other people for not allowing me to be honest about how I felt, but only wanting to see the ‘brave girl’ they decided I should be.
It is a really bad place to be and I have had a few tears for you, to be honest. But there are things that can help - the bottom line is, the changes have happened to you and you need to find a way to live with them. It might not be medication, but please talk to someone who is in a position to help or arrange support. You deserve better than the feelings you now have, and it is possible to feel better.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that I got help. After 12 years I had a recurrence this year and am now going through so much of the original grief, sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the loss of so many things that I struggled so hard for. This time I have opted to see a psychologist as well as taking the anti depressants, but am also thinking about having the dosage reviewed. I would love to be able to do without chemical help, but that doesn’t work for me.
Anyway, what I really wanted to do was tell you that, however rotten things are, there is hope. I don’t for one minute want to minimise whats going on with you now - quite the opposite - I wanted to say that it IS crap, hideous, rotten, but also to say there may be ways to feel better that you haven’t thought about.
I hope you don’t think I’m being glib, or patronising, thats the opposite of how I feel - I read your posting and I could have written it myself.
I’m sending you love
monica xx
Hi Monica
Thank you so much for your response. I’ve shed a few tears for you too - because a second crap diagnosis is a bitter blow when you have worked so hard to get on top of it. Is the psych helpful? Do tablets make you feel spaced out or odd in any way?
I feel worn out from struggling to be on top of feeling low. I did counselling which has left me feeling worse, wasn’t sure she was awake half the time. Talking doesn’t help. I have been reluctant to take tablets but maybe I need to.
Thanks agin Monica and sending my love too
Jane x
Hi Jane
the tablets have been great - no SEs and I feel alert and well on them. Was getting to the point of being able to take one every other day (but not willing to give up!) when this started, and am back to one every day. Some people have to try a few before they get onbe that suits them, but I haven’t had any probs with them whatsoever.
The psych is slower but has given me some good insights and is def affecting my thinking, in a positive way, about some stuff. I am making some big life changes in the next few months, about work etc so its helping me with that, too.
Its such a crap we to be, hating the situation, how you are etc, isn’t it? and it is really tiring. I used to get so sick of my head going round and round over the same stuff, its such a downward spiral sometimes. I can’t even write in my journal when its really bad - all the sh*te stuff is retrospective (and I’ve been writing my feelings down all my life really).
I hope you find a way through this - let me know how things are going, I’ll be thinking of you
love monica
Hi monica and Jane
I feel for you both and I recognise all that you are describing. two yrs ago i was tested for lung cancer (which missed the enlarged lymphnodes on my left armpit btw) but was finally diagnosed with a chronic deblitating lung condition (bronchiectasis) - i slipped into dispair. So i went for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and took antidepressants, whiched helped greatly and again the SE were non existant - I felt then that I had to make a change in my life and attitude, so this this time last yr, I lost weight, got fitter and decided to try to stop the anti d’s. then this bloody thing happended! talk about back to square one.
But do try CBT, psychologist or anti d’s (I’m also taking amytripyline for pain which is an anti d)
I hate it when people say to me about aunty dot dah dah dah… even my mother has fallen foul of my temper when she say cousiin so & so had it but she didn’t lose her hair - silly but i felt she meant losing my hair was somehow my fault!
love to you all xxxx
Ladies, I really feel for you all and I know exactly what you mean. But please be kind to yourselves and don’t forget that you’ve been through the mill - physically and mentally. Surgery, chemo, rads, hormone therapy - whatever you’ve experienced, your body has been affected in some way. I also think that all these drugs can have an effect on not only your body, but on your mind too.
I had surgery in Feb 09 and rads May/June which I coped with very well, but ever since I started on hormone therapy (March), I have struggled. Since March, the only time I felt myself was about 6 months ago when the onc told me to have a break from tamoxifen because of the SEs. Within a week I felt great. I’m now on Zoladex and Arimidex, which is better, but I’m still experiencing SEs.
A couple of weeks ago I was so knackered from lack of sleep that I decided to try acupuncture. I have had three sessions and I am already feeling the benefit. Over the last week I have started to sleep better (not brilliant as I still wake several times a night with hot flushes, but much better than before), I have more energy, the lethargy has gone and I am feeling positively cheerful. Now I know that it’s early days yet and this might be a coincidence and that it could also be temporary, but I do feel MUCH better and I wanted to share that with you. There is hope - it’s just a matter of finding a way around all this stuff.
You really deserve to feel better and it’s a question of finding out what works for you. Don’t just accept that feeling crap is how it has to be. It’s very easy to do that, when you feel tired, lethargic, depressed etc, but do try to find the energy to find your own solution.
Oh and I know what you mean about those mythical bc wonder-women. Probably, they are just like you and me, but they don’t tell anyone how they really feel.
Love to all of you and I hope you find a solution.
Sal x
Dear all,
this famous poem always helps me when I am down and brings a smile to my face…perhaps we should all start to wear purple in the new year!!! I wish you all the best for the new year!!!
When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin candles, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
and run my stick along the public railings
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other people’s gardens
and learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go
or only bread and pickles for a week
and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
Pir xxx
Hey Everyone
Thanks for all these fantstic posts and your experiences. Well, I am certainly not as unusal as people seem to think I am! That actually does help a bit to know that I am not the only misery in town…
Wise words from man of you - thanks and much love and empathy to all who feel sad at the loss of the woman they were.
Love to all
Jane x
Jane i think you are in good company!
Tonight is New years eve and we are sitting down an making a to do list as i am damned if i am going to let cancer ruin everything!
I feel this is my wake up call and if something is bugging me its going to get changed.
lots of good wishes and love to you all
S
X
Hi everyone
Evie a list is a good idea, and it’ll be a way of focussing the mind on the way we want things to be - I’m going to do one myself.
I feel like I’ve found people like me who struggle with the psychological effects of this shitty illness - for me, the physical stuff comes and goes (although its bloody horrible) but the grief and loss and anger hang about for so long and spoil the life you have. Its really great having people I can talk to honestly about this
thank you all very very much.
Its new years eve, more symbolic than anything, but maybe being able to share our feelings will be a turning point and we’ll be able to look forward in 2010.
love to you all
monica xx
Hi girls
Sue-evie i like the idea of lists - I am also trying to sort out my head for thenew year.
tomorrow I hope to climb part of the way to the top of the sugar loaf (a mountain near me) I have done before all this BC sh*t started but it will be a major challenge as even walking up stairs still pollaxes me’ lol’ however i’m going with family, friends, the dogs and the kites will be flown! So even if i only manage part of the way its a start.
I also had a small but significant critcal illness payout a few months ago - that really hit my in the stomach to see how little everything is valued when my life and left boob are priceless - still at least i had the insurance. F in law suggest we invest it and look to the future - I though what piggin future? Unless of course I am great aunt dot with the tennis playing arm lol!
So we arelooking to holidays that would have been pipe dreams.
I dream of seeing the northern lights of hearing a wild wolf howl and seeing them in their natural habitat, I want to whale watch and drive a dog slegde in the snow. I might not be able to afford it all but i am certain that i am going to work pretty hard at achieveing it!
love to you all for a very happy new year xxxxxxx
Hi everyone,
Rachel ( mummytumbles), Just to let you know I ventured out in the snow and ice here, north of the border especially to buy the Woman’s Own magazine to read the article you appeared in. It was good to hear you full story and to see other photos of you and your lovely husband and daughters. Well done you. It was a great article.
Now the making of lists for 2010…I have started a list…but it is mainly a “to-do” list for my husband!..mainly decorating and jobs in the garden I cannot manage anymore…once his list is done I will start one for me…places I want to visit…old friends I want to see again…and meeting the new friends I have bonded with on this site…
I don’t know if I am having a quiet or busy Hogmaney tonight but I love Jules Holland so must check what time that is on tonight.
I wish all of you the very best for 2010 and hope that we all get through it in one piece. Love to you all, Val X
Well, um… it was a little chilly down here in Torbay! (I can’t resist checking the weather for Shropshire, and going yah!) And we have acquired a new puppy! A tiny little Yorkie, about 10 months old, called Lucy. I’ve really missed my Scouse, who died in the summer - right in the middle of my chemo - this wee lass is quickly making a space for herself! Ollie (the Afghan) is still a little dubious, but he’s getting used to her.
Here’s wishing all my cyber-pals a much better 2010.
here’s to a year with no unpleasant surprises, for all of us.
We almost got snowed in at our friends house in Northumberland yesterday but the 2 guys dug our 2 cars out and we drove back in a convoy of cars that looked as though they had been iced like cakes!
This morning was daughters 22nd birthday and we had a lovely time, and I explained to the kids (son is 24) that this was the last year of big pressies as I am looking to retire from the work I do and get something local and part time. They just hugged me and said their biggest gift is having me around. How lovely is that?
had a weep then washed the dishes lol, life goes on!
love to everyone
monica xxx