Jane, I was referred to a mcmillie pallitvive care pychologist, last year,(you don’t need to be in the pallitive care stage to be referred) by my BCN as I cried in the clinc. I had always been the jokey, take it on the chin person in their eyes. I just started crying, no bad results on that day. I was very lucky with the woman I saw, she made me feel on top of the word, not so much about cancer but about my achievments, she didn’t dwell on my failings (thankfully) but listed my good points. Cognitive behavioural approach. She has left now, but her comments still lift me when I am down.
Shop around until you find the right person for you.
Good luck with the lists, ladies. I’m not going to make one yet as I have had the terrible miseries over this New Year period - Think I am apprehensive about the coming year. I will do the list when I pick up a bit.
Monica, that was a lovely thing to hear. There is one thing that can pick me up and that is one of my boys, even the 6ft 4", 16 eldest, walks past me and randomly gives me a hug and tell me that they love me. Just thinking about it makes me smile. Bless them.
Sons, dontcha just love em? Mine reminded me that I need to "be nice to Grandma", the MIL who has landed herself on us for six weeks over Christmas/New Year and I guess hes right.Although I am only human and may slip up at times!
hi, yes that great feeling of being returned to me again, must say im a little scared now that the hols over, was able hide the cancer me and we all had great time,now i feel like the comfort blanket has been thrown and i now have to deal with gettin back on " noraml " track.
only glimerr is that every now and then I do get a slight feeling of the old me, so she must be around somewehere, probably just hiding behind my chemo baby belly
Hi Clare,Rhian,Debs,Happy New Year to you all.Hope you had a good Christmas.
Christmas was fine,but New year was a mess,OH who has been so amazing through all this finally flipped.He was vile all day,really cold & uncaring.I spent most of the day in tears.
Anyway the next day I managed to get abit of sense out of him & I think it’s a case of it was his birthday,the end of a horrible year & it was finally hitting home just what “he’d” been through.Just writing this makes me cry. He’s agreed that it would help to talk to someone but I’m not sure who’s available.I’m going to try Psychological Care at the Marsden tomorrow as that’s who I had a couple of sessions with.
There doesn’t seem to be much obvious help for those around us,but maybe it’s just a question of seeking it out.He’s a very quiet man who keeps it all in so I hope I can sort something out.
On another note,I start back at work on a phased return this Thursday & I’m very nervous.Logically I know it’ll be ok,but I’m so tearful at the mo I don’t want to burst into tears at work.It’s also the realisation that I’ve come full circle…back to where I started more or less.
Lots of love to you all & lets hope this year is much kinder.
Love Helen xx
posted this on the wrong forum so trying again here…chemobrain?
If you would like to give the helpline a ring tomorrow I’m sure they’ll be able to give you some guidance in finding the right kind of support for your husband.
hi helen
actually I think you posted to the right forum and the a great bunch of girls. My fabman also feels let down by the system and unsupported and we have lots of tears from both of us as he tries to make sense of it all.
I’m supposed to be returning to work soon but also feel really unprepared and not at all ready for this step. It doesn’t help that my Gp is also my boss and i feel sort of trapped in the I’m a coping patient but not a coping nurse! it also doesn’t help that my lymphoedema is dragging me down… ah well
i made up part of the sugar loaf - but today the breathlessness has got to me think i have a rotten chest infection brewing again.
i’m working on my wish list and tryin to plsn a 5 day break in new york with my girls and fab man at feb half term.
easter is harder as everthing seems booked already - damn
love to you all xxxxxx
My hubbie practises my “head in the sand” mantra! He periodically falls off this perch when drunk, crys, hugs and then forgets about it till next reminder.
Not great!
Ive stuck my head back under as cant process BC at the mo…ahhhhhh, ignorance.
Hi
Reading all the posts made me smile as i see me in nearly every one of them!!! I was diagnosed in july 08 with a triple neg breast cancer with lymph node involvement. My treatment finished at the end of may 09 and thought I would feel relief. Like so many of you i have been lost, emotional, angry etc since I finished my treatment and have found it hard to move on. Its only in the last month or so that i have started to feel more like me though having breast cancer has taken the old me away for ever as i feel it has changed me.I dont think you can be the same after such a devastating diagnosis My friends have all been great but sometimes i feel they dont understand how i feel. I cant be positive all the time though I feel they expect it so I smile and say oh yes im positive about my future. Tomorrow (monday 4th jan) im going back to work after 18mths off and im not looking forward to that. Im dreading the tiredness and emotional stress my work will bring. I work in a busy intensive care unit as a staff nurse in the hospital where i was treated so it will be hard to leave it all behind me. The only good thing I take from it is that its the last piece of the jigsaw that gets my life back into its “normal” routine. Weshall see how it all unfolds. Like one of the other ladies mentioned im scared i cant cope and have to go off sick again. U would think working for the health service they would be understanding but all they are interested in is “the organisation” as the lady at hr dept kept reminding me. She thought i was off for an excesive amount of time…thats the support i got!!! Ok i WILL be POSITIVE. Sorry this has turned into a rant but i know you will understand
If your care was anything like mine there isnt much information given about what to expect after treatment ends, apart from that it can take a year or more (much more)to recover from it. I find it distressing to read of those of you returning to work (especially in hospitals) when you arent far out of being a patient yourselves, and in terms of regular check ups will continue to be patients for some time.We have been through so much, I feel we deserve more consideration, and plenty of time to recover.
I was lucky enough and gave up my job before we moved to the USA, where we are now, so dont have that pressure and consider myself really fortunate as any pressure makes me buckle at the moment.
Regarding the pressure on husbands, I was moved when I went for my first post treatment mammogram. I was blase because I thought “They wont find anything” but my husband was in tears when I got the “all clear”.I hadnt realised how tense he was about it, and how relieved it was clear! My son was also badly affected by the whole process and,although a young adult, we had to bring him here to live with us, otherwise his imagination was running riot and he couldnt concentrate on his studies.So,theres lots of ripples in the pool when we get ill.
Thanks for all your comments ladies,Sorry you’re having such a rough time Rach,I keep making lists in my head too of all the things I want to do this year.I want to make up for the year I’ve lost.
I officially phoned in fit for work today (got a stinking cold though!),couldn’t believe it when he said I still had to fill in a sickness declaration form & I could ask to have my sickness discounted!
Hope your first day back went ok Gail.
I’ve managed to get some useful advice from BCC regarding help for my husband but I have to tread carefully cos I know if I badger him too much he’ll just dig his heels in & not want to do anything.
Marsden weren’t too helpful,receptionist said she’d fill in a form and they’d discuss it & get back to me,but she gave me the impression it wasn’t really their concern how my OH felt.She actually said to me,why does he want to talk to someone?
Hi Gail et al
hope your return work goes Ok and 18 months off is not excessive but i recognise that attitude from the NHS so well!¬!!!
I used to work in ITU and had a great set of friends but found that when people went off on long term sick leave a certain amount of impatience sets in and a lack of tolerence to the recovery process. You would think we would know better but i find health care workers the hardest to get support from. My mum is an old matron type nurse and as a kid i was sent to school with german measles, chicken pox, D&V, and asthma attacks - i was never as ill as her patients and therefore did not deserve time off - I laff about it now but at the time walking to school when unable to breathe was a bit much!
love to all xxxxx
Hi there
I don’t know if this will help but I go to our Macmillan outreach centre and I am having counselling through them. I am twelve months after finishing a year of treatment in 2008. TAC chemo, bi lateral mastectomy with right axillary clearance (5 out of 19 nodes with surrounding tissue affected) and radiotherapy. I am also triple negative so no follow up treatment. I was fine for a few months then it all hit home and my GP said I needed either counselling or there were drugs he could give me, ugh! So having already been offered counselling at my local Macmillan centre I opted to go there. They have also offered counselling for my husband, who has taken it all rather badly, but he doesn’t want to know saying he will deal with it in his own way! Hubbies are peculiar animals, but there is help out there for them if they will only accept it. Try your Macmillan centre, we have the Mustard Tree in Derriford Hospital in Plymouth with Triangle outreach centres in outlaying small towns.
Hi all hope you don’t mind if i join in. Although i have never been super positive of my future. I have mostly put on the obligitory ‘brave face’.I am however terrified and have found it so much worse over this festive period [will i make next christmas].Although it may sound petty and selfish I feel as if everyone assumes its over. I have gone back to work and the attitude seems to be ’ yeah we know you have been ill but you are better now get on with it. Don’t get me wrong I am not expecting any favours or sympathy.But i feel so isolated I have had over the past two weeks major panics resulting in days of tears.Hubby tries but I don’t know if he too feels I should be ’ back to normal’.Just reading this back and I sound like a totally pathetic attention seeker.I am maybe not expressing myself clearly.I am scared at what my future holds but all around me think I am cured Its a very dark and lonely place to be.Sorry for being a miserable git but i had to tell someone kittyx
Kitty have you thought about speaking to Cancer Counselling? Its a phone counselling service so you can cry in private in some respects! I called them and they were totally lovely and can offer free ( or they do like donations) sessions to try to help you get back some normal life. Its 020 7843 2292 .
Worth a go.
I am not back at work yet but its looming and i cant say i really feel much like supporting ladies giving birth seeing as cancer has stopped me having another baby!! Career change?! who knows…
Hello
Kitty, please don’t be thinking there’s anything pathetic about how you feel, I can’t see how you can just pop back to ‘normal’ when the rugs been pulled from under you - bc is not like having your wisdom teeth out or a broken leg. I think that psychological recovery needs to be factored in to recovery time - I know everyone feels differently and reacts differently, but I do believe most people struggle at some level to take the implications as well as the physical treatment on board. It took me ages to feel OK last time but there was no support network or psychology service or anything. This time I am taking advantage of(and appreciating) everything there is, and also I am giving myself the time I need. Everything has changed for me and I can’t even begin to think about returning to work, I think I will be going for early retirement and looking for something local, part time and with less responsibility. I want ‘me’ back, but in a more favourable situation!!
good luck to those going back to work
love to all
monica xx
Hi all and thanks for comments and advice. I think I am just having a bit of a wobble and will get over it.It may even be a bit of the green eyed monster jelous of those who are lucky enough not to have this s##t disease. Time to give my head a shake but thanks for being there it really helps to sound off now and again take care kittyx
Kitty, as you can see there are a good few of us that have had a wobble over the festive times. Don’t feel bad about talking about it.
I was alright at christmas, big kid I am still. Like the christmas tree and pretty lights, presents, getting my boys pressies but it really hit me this New Year Eve. Still wobbling badly, take outs last two nights, can’t see the point of going to the shops!
I have dvt appointment on Wednesday, can’t be bothered. Washing machine finished half an hour ago, can’t be bothered to empty it!
You are not alone, I’m sure we will pick up again. I know I will not let the wobble take me by surprise again, next year.
Dear Kitty,
I know what you mean about people thinking its all over.I dont know the details of your treatment but am sure it will be a long while till you feel like yourself again. I am not putting any dates or time lengths on my recovery, just hoping that over time things will start to look rosier! I want to develop a sense of amnesia about the whole thing and for good memories to eventually replace the events of the past year. To this end, I have either binned or put away clothes I wore to "distressing" appointments, those damned wigs etc, because they all carry memories which can take you by surprise.(My clothes are generally cheap, so no big loss!) I look forward to the day my hair no longer says "chemo" to me, that will be a big step forward! I was the friend of someone with breast cancer for years and now realise that I was just "ill informed" because it was just too frightening to think about,and wanted to sweep it under the carpet and hoped it would never happen to me. My observation, speaking for myself, is that the psychological scars will take a while to heal, especially when there is so much pop psychology nonsense about positive thinking talked about cancer, and people spout it because its all theyve heard.
