When will the termoil end??????

Hi Ladies

I am now 9 months post chemo, 4 months post rads and have been on tamoxifen for 4 months and am still having herceptin every three weeks. I would have thought by now that my emotions and generally mental health would have settled down and I would be over the worst bits. However it seems that this is not the case.

I have so many thoughts about death and not just about my own but about what would happen if it was my husband or my family ect… Basically its driving me crazy!!! I have total freak out moments where I store all these thoughts up and then I just blow which is very very traumatic for myself and my poor suffering husband. It seems that I have deep seated anger that just simmers away. I guess I have a right to feel some anger cuz of what the bc has done to me and my family, but I thought I should be over this now. I go around telling everyone that I’m ok and feeling great ect. which physically I do feel pretty good, but clearly I am not ok in my head!!! This is very hard to explain to most people, even my husband doesn’t 100% understand, just as I don’t totally understand what its been like for him. I just wonder how much longer the termoil will continue. Its relentless. I want to be cool with it all and return to my old crazy self!!!

I am just wondering if anyone else has been through the same. I am going to make appointment with one of the counsellors at the local Maggies centre, cuz I really think I need some help here. Has anyone else had any experience with Maggies Centre? I hear that they are very good.

Apart from that everything is just fine and dandy!! LOL!!

Take it easy gals

hi bird, i think what you are going through is normal , i too am going to see a counsellor as i was widowed 8 yrs ago so my hubby (was only 38)is not here to talk to and i dont want to pile it on my kids but i too am overwhelmed by it all although initially went through it ok and coped, i am triple neg and had quick recurrence and still have probs and dont feel physically great , i suppose its like a delayed shock,i hope you get some help with it take care love rachel x

Hi there bird

Sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way, but as fairyqueen says, it’s normal to feel this way.

It sounds like you’re thinking of speaking to someone or seeing a counsellor. You might also find a call to our Helpline useful. They’re great listeners and can also point you to other sources of support and information.

The number is 0808 800 6000. They’re open weekdays 9-5 and Saturday 9-2.

Do give them a call if you can.

Best wishes.


oh Bird,

so sad to read your post, I am not going to be much help, but at least my reply will bump it up to the top where someone who has got some practical advice can see it and be more usefull.

All I can say is that to be diagnosed and treated for cancer is such a huge shock, I read one post on hear of someone who is being treated for post traumatic stress syndrome. thats the thing they treat soldiers for after a bad battle.

You seem to have been putting on a brave front and bottling everything up and its still in there needing an outlet, dispite the occasional melt down with your husband. And the drugs cannot help, must play havoc with your mind and body.

I know nothing of the centre you mention, but talking it all over with someone and getting help must be a good move. even ringing the helpline here might help as well, they are used to listening and advising people at all different stages of the journey.

I do hope someone else comes along and give you some more practical words soon,I am just starting and you need to hear from someone who has taken as much as you.

but in the meantime have a big hug from me. ( and one for your husband, he probably needs one too)

Hi Bird

I am so sorry you are struggling so badly, and I’m sure you are not alone. I haven’t been to a Maggie’s centre, but I did spend 4 days at the Penny Brohn centre, and can’t recommend it highly enough. It’s a very safe, calm place to share your fears, and hopes, in both groups an individual sessions with trained therapists. It’s in a lovely peaceful setting, it’s free, the food and staff are lovely - and almost everyone comes away feeling more positive about things.

I do hope you get the help you need.

finty xx

Hi Bird

i go to a support group at my local Maggies for young women with cancer its excellent… they do have one to one counsellors and psychologists or your hosp should be able to refer you to one of their psychologists… most cancer centres offer some emotional support services.

my BCN who is fab had just left (boo hoo!) to go and work in Maggies… shes gonna be a huge loss to the breast unit but a major asset to Maggies.

the maggies centres also offer other types of support that may help you feel your taking back some control like nutrition workshops, exercise and relaxation classes or stress reduction groups… as well as other therapy groups like creative writing or expressive art.

some people also need medicinal help with antidepressants from the GP or may need their dose altered.

i hope things do start to improve for you… dont be hard on yourself though and give yourself time limits or compare yourself to others… you just gotta do whats right for you at your own pace.

Big Hugs
Lulu xx

so sorry you are feeling so upset Bird - I think it often hits us after the panic of initial treatment and then we just want to be “normal” and have to adjust to ongoing issues. I’ve found talking to a counselor very helpful - they can hear “anything” and it takes the pressure off off my family. I reckon they are paid to help me, see me cry etc and we did have a thread where lots of us acknowledged the need to be able to cry and not to worry about doing this. I’ve heard great things about support from Maggies - am actively fundraising for a new centre that’s being built in Nottingham as we sooo need somewhere to go for advice as the medics and BCNs just don’t have the time or width of knowledge on issues such as finance etc. - so if you have one near you then I’d go.
Hope you can get some support sorted - I’ve found it really does help.
Thinking of you and do keep in touch with us.


I spoke to a lovely lady at my local Maggies centre this morning. I explained where I am at in this journey and she told me that most of the visitors to the centre are at the readjustment stage like me. So that alone gave me some comfort. I’m going to drop into the centre next week and have a cuppa and go from there. I already feel better knowing that I am doing something about my termoil and the lady at the centre sounded really really lovely so I am actually looking forward to going!

Thanks for all your comments gals - once again I feel supported and comforted. Ain’t this forum just a godsend.

Take it easy and enjoy the sunshine