where can i turn

Sorry this is probably going to sound incredibly negative and self absorbed but I honestly don’t know how to go on.

I have always had a phobia of breast cancer and thought i would fall to pieces if it ever happened well last july i got the diagnosis after a routine mammogram initially i was told it would most likely be pre cancerous so just remove it and radiotherapy. To say i was relieved is an understatement so you can imaging when i got the results a week later and the consultant said yep its cancer only small we’ll remove it then radiotherapy it was like being hit with a truck, i was on my own you see i didn’t tell family or the kids didn’t want to worry them so held it in.

I was kind of numb but i didn;t fall apart at that point i had surgery which went well but then got hit with news had to have chemo so though i cried at thought of losing hair i got through it alone I’m not sure what i expected but it didn’t seem so bad and with the cold cap i managed to keep most of my hair. I’m a single parent and so money very tight so half way through chemo had to go back to work self employed so no choice. I finished chemo and radiotherapy and thought i would feel better and my life would get back to normal pretty quick but its now that i am falling apart I’ve been taking tamoxafen for just over a month and don’t knw if this could be causing my mood to sink lower.

my finances are in a mess ive used all my savings and the only advice from macmillan is food banks i have no family other than my brother i have few friends. I had a part time job on top of my self employed work but after 7 months off there isn’t a job anymore and to be honest i cant really do the work i used to have applied for jobs but with a cancer diagnosis and 7 months off theyre not falling over themselves. I have looked on line for possible funding to re train or for start up projects but there doesn’t seem to be anything out there for people like me. I’m not lazy i want to work i have a degree and teaching certificate i have written my own courses but cant get any help to set up

The worst part of all this is that it has made me realise how totally alone i am i can’t see the point any more I’m sorry to put this on here i know people are looking for support comfort somthing to make them feel better i just needed to talk to someone to just get this out of my head.

if anyone has any practical info i would appreciate it i don’t want to be like this i don’t understand why now and if i don’t pull myself together soon I’m going to lose everything

Hi Amanda,
So sorry to hear how you’re feeling. It sounds like you are not long out of treatment & it’s all hitting you now, many of us have felt like this to varying degrees after treatment.
Apologies if I’m staying the obvious, but have you seen your GP about your low mood & how you’re feeling?
Others here have found Macmillan helpful about financial issues, is it worth trying again there?
I haven’t been on one myself, but others have found the ‘Moving forward’ courses very helpful in coming to terms with it all, as well as getting support from others. Your bcn will be able to advise on what’s on in your area, or give the helpline here a ring.
Do hope it feels better to have put it all down here, do come back & chat as you need to & as I said above, it might be an idea to ring the helpline here anyway to talk things through.
You’re not alone in feeling & going through all of this.
Sending hugs
ann x

Hi Amanda blimey you really do sound down ? it may well be something to do with the tamoxifen so I would definitely mention it. Also just a couple of thoughts re finances…have you looked at agency work? And also when I was diagnosed and was talking to Macmillan Re my worries about finances etc they asked me who I had my gas and electric with. They then told me (and set it all up) with NPower a set monthly amount £20 FOR BOTH. Apparently they have some sort of deal with them. At the end of the term, which is 2 years now I think, you then go back to normal tariff BOOO but that in itself helped me enormously. It may be something worth looking into? 

Failing that you will just have to meet a rich man who will sweep you off your feet ? 

hope you start feeling a bit more positive soon

onwards and upwards as the saying goes

bye for now

debbie x 

Hi Amanda
This is the place to come when you want a chat. No one will judge you. You are not letting anyone down.
Be kind to yourself… It takes a long time to recover. A year after treatment, and I’m still trying to piece my life back together.
You are not alone… We are always here for you.
Please pm me if you wish, as I don’t fully understand your work situation.
Best wishes
Sue xx

Hi Amanda
No problem… Let me know how you get on xx

Hi not too bad today though it has been a rough few weeks. I got through the diagnosis surgery chemo and radiotherapy without falling apart but since I started taking the tamoxifen I have felt worse and worse. I spent 3 days in bed last week literally didn’t even do that when having treatment. Not sure why this is happening now, but seen nurse practitioner at GPS and she has referred me for some counselling and therapy and spoken to bc nurse who has helped re the meds because had 2 different brands and I think second lot made me unwell we’re going to keep an eye on it for next month see how I go. I didn’t join this forum till I’d gone through everything wish i had dontbfeel so alone now. Thank you for the reply x