Hi Doz thanks for the good wishes, how fast are these weeks going? I swear I turn around and here it is again, sigh! Well have treated myself to some new tops for work I am struggling to find things that cover the sleeve and make it a little less obvious! Had a mention in despatches from a parent who I have supported through a rough time and it set the flipping tears off again,at least I feel I have done something right! But these tears are a pain good things,bad things ordinary things and off I go again!
I guess it’s something that will ease with time so hiding in the loo looks like a new habit. I hope you are all well flutterbys? The weather has been quite rough here I kept thinking of Percy out in it and wondering who will let him in first? Bet it’'s Doz! Ha!Ha!
Going to snuggle down and watch last episode of Call the Midwife on i-player as had visitors so missed it! Loved it anyone else been watching it or is that a silly question?
Take care all and big group hug Em xxxxx
Absolutely LOVE Call the Midwife - I’m a few episodes behind, but it’s just magic! Moving, funny… brilliant!
I left work on time today! Woohoo! (something to do with text from OH saying we need to eat at 5.30 to get somewhere…motivating!)
Good when you’re work’s recognised Em - even if it does make you run and hide in the loo!!!
I’d love to snuggle down now… but I’ve got to go out… it’ll be OK when I get there (lovely people) but I could do with vegging… ah well…
Flutter gently… Jane
Loved call the midwife had read the book some time ago and can’t wait for next series.Ithink about you and your tears EM I don’t seem to cry as much now and if I am awake at nights I find that I am thinking of other things instead of crying like I used to.I think maybe because I am not working now and don’t have the stress I am a much calmer and happier person at least I hope I am. I have got my date to have my breast put back to where it should be so will be hoping to have my nice boob on 26th March which is sooner than they said but means Iwill hopefully be fine by the summer if we get one that is.
Doz it must be really hard working days and nights like that they need to be a bit kinder to you after what you have been through.
Take care everyone and snuggle when you can hugs Janice xxx
Hello all you lovely Flutterbys and hang in there Em!
S****y week at work, oh dear me! Not good but got through it (Friday’s my job share day!). BCN wanted me to ring GP re pains etc and I got cancellation appt for twenty past five today. Note to self, not a good time to see your GP. She was tired and needing a cuppa! So I kept my bra on. She listened to my chest and prodded my side. Thinks it’s RADS damage, which seems sensible but boy did I feel bad for taking an appt so late on in the day!
I felt so bad I didn’t dare mention my emotional anxiety etc re work. I bet she feels as bad without BC lol!
Anyway I am ready to say ‘no’ now at work. Just need to practise a little.
Keep smiling lovelies, and thank you so much those of you who are further on and giving us relative newbies some hope of things calming down!
Carolyn x
You have to stand in front of a mirror Crabbit, and practise “no”…“no”…“no” It’s easy!! (Until there’s someone else there of course!)
TGIF eh? I’m off tomorrow (annual leave day), so LIE IN !!! Yay!
then day out with best friend, so I’m looking forward to that - just hoping I don’t get called out tonight…
be good flutterbies, and yes, there is hope in the land of NED…
love Jane
Hi all
Thought I’d try my local hairdressers which opened Monday. I was disappointed to find my old hairdresser had closed shop and disappeared during my treatment. My hair hasn’t been professionally cut since it grew back. I nibbled it a bit myself and now, eventually, it has some length for styling. It’s been very, very slow to grow and I’ve tried to resist cutting! As I was being shown round the new salon I discovered my hairdresser working there which really pleased us both, so now I have a lovely new cut. I feel better about my appearance now and she’s cut it so I can just shake it or brush it in any direction. Managed to get some gardening done as the weather has been mild today but I’m so out of shape!
I loved ‘Call the Midwife’. One of those programmes I’m sorry to see finish as there’s so much repeats and rubbish on I don’t find much to watch. Emmy, Hope you went on OK today and you’re not too battered and bruised - just keep thinking ‘That’s another one down’. Are you feeling generally worse with Herceptin as time goes on? I did. Hope you all don’t find work too tiring this week and end up feeling off, flutterbys. Janice, your op is booked the day after I had my MX done 2 yrs ago. Lost my hair June 2010, started growing back in the Autumn, it’s taken so long, argh!!
Doz, you won the double dare!!!
Love to you all xx
Hi flutterbys! Silly puter has been playing up I tend to use my touch pad but that takes so long to type on so chanced it and dunno what I did but seems O.k now! Well another one done and dusted and it was inside wrist again nurse is sure it will last for the last 3 so fingers crossed!
ami yes I am really feeling tired these days and almost as if I am dragging my sorry a–e around! Piriton has helped so much I could stamp my feet at the docs! I had all that tummy upset for the sake of a couple of days of Piriton! So glad you feel better about how you look funny really I think most people wouldn’t really see it but it doesn’t half make you feel good after so between you and Doz we have us some glamour pusses!
Crabbit bless you work isn’t your life and after the pummelling I took emotionally a few weeks ago I have decided that I will not take any more c–p! after all if I didn’t lie down with this lot then work is nothing in the scheme of things!Another one who is a book end to Doz ,I really feel for you both I have some hardening of the breast from rads which goes underneath and makes bras almost impossible by the end of the day!!! So as I have said before off it goes along with the shoes when I come home! You are like us all not wanting to be a bother! BUT you are important too and it is the docs job so if you need some help go back and get it ,I am speaking as someone who knows I had to have anti d’s and they have slowly helped hence the blasted tears! Hopefully they will diminish!
Jane I hope you got your lie in? how lovely having time with friends this experience certainly makes you appreciate those that stayed the course! I also hope you didn’t have any calls on your time!
jmr I hope you don’t mind but I did giggle as you explained that you were having your boob put back where it belonged though I know the procedure it sort of conjured up an image of you keeping it in your pocket!! Sorry warped brain I am so happy for you so roll on the 26th March we will all be sending positive flutters to you and I am glad the tears are becoming a thing of the past I am hoping the tablets from my doc help with that as I was getting really fed up with all these blinking tears!!!
Doz! I do hope you are feeling a lot better and have managed to catch up with yourself, heaven knows how you manage to do shifts and keep going! I am such a wuss three mornings and I am gone! I am glad you have some time off to spend with Afgan when he is back! I bet you can’t wait to spoil him.
Well sorry for the long ramble flutterbys but was out of it last night so making up for it today! Take care all and have a peaceful weekend Em Group hugs xxxx
Emmy glad you had a giggle we all need to laugh at silly things now and then and I don’t mind at all.Do hope vein lasts out you will be glad when its all over.SO pleased Piriton is helping as well.
Doz I had a chat with my G.P re statins and he has changed mine to pravastatin to see if that is any better I hope so.I would probably just have pottered on if I hadn’t seen you had had yours changed.
Isn’t it nice to have hair cut and styled makes you feel so much better especially for you Ami when it took such a long time to grow back
Crabbit Ido hope you learn to say no and don’t feel guilty if people had been through what you have gone through they may understand a bit more
Jane hope you enjoy your time off and had a nice time with your friend.My friend Jane came today and she is mad as a hatter so we had a good laugh especially when I was telling her about having my boob re-adjusted ha ha
Have a nice weekend flutterbys I am having my eldest grandson so mine will be lovely take care hugs Janicexxxx
Dearest Butterflies, I have just fluttered by to say I love reading of your antics. Doz how is your lovely boy doing these days? I used to hate night duty. I could never sleep during the day. In those days we did twelve hours of eight on four off for three months. Yuck!!!
Ami I long for the day when my hair needs a cut. It is growing out in all directions for a whole cm. if only it wasn’t so white …and as for the black patches, somebody is having a joke, but it is not me!!!
Jane I shouldn’t moan about night duty with you on this thread. It is so easy to forget the gruelling hours a hospital chaplain does in the middle of the night after a full day’s work.
I shall be turning into a smaller new flutterby because somebody on another thread mentioned using a small knife and fork. I will try anything once!!
Sleep well all
Cackles xx
Cackles! So sorry I try to send everyone a little message DOH! Chemo brain! The hair thing was the same for me a bit like a badger! I put a temp colour on it and think I did something to the roots? It came back a dark brown with some silver in it so don’t mind after having curls cut off but it is still quite wavy hairdresser told me it will stay that way! So another bit to the new me to get used to!! Take care Em x
Hello lovelies,
Yes Jane I know, you are so right though I know what i should be doing/ saying but whimp out a bit. I feel I have got through a bit of a crisis though fingers crossed??
Ami, lovely news about your hairdresser too. Some things are meant to be and what a boost it will have given you!
Emmy I’m glad to hear that piriton has made such a difference. I know work had been kicked into persepctive, musn’t lose that again! I did get measured up properly for a bra for the first time since treatment ended and it is much comfier. Here’s hoping! Good luck with your next chemo. Hugs x
I hope that you enjoyed your weekend with your grandson too Janice. Here is another weekend already. Going to have a resting one. A little wander around town and a mini car valet.
Take care ladies. Carolyn x
Hello Flutterbies! Hope you’re all fluttering gently…
I wasn’t called out (yay!) and i had a lurvly day with my old school friend yesterday… we went to a sort of collection of farm outhouses which are now shops: butcher, deli, restaurant, wine shop, clothes shop, gift shops… had a scrummy bowl of soup and a potter… then went to see a friend who’s opened a gifty shop in a posh village… and I spent ages in a pair of flat knee length boots (in the shop next door) were £225 reduced to £89… but I didn’t buy them in the end! Not QUITE comfortable enough… but SO tempting! Rounded the day off with a lovely meal we both cooked, and our respective other halves… sigh… lovely…
Today I’m making marmalade with the seville oranges I bought at the farm place… and another carrot cake… and wondering why my hand has swollen up! I’ve got my sleeve on! I’m hoping the cake will survive, it had been in the oven 5-6 mins before I realised I’d forgotten the walnuts, so I whipped it out, chopped up the nuts and stirred them in and I’m hoping for the best! Chemo-brain!
The ruby’s on soon… and the sun’s still shining… and I can flap my wings a bit in the garden…
Did I tell you my other half was building a GRED? What’s one of those? Half a greenhouse and half shed! It’s not shelved or a nything yet, but it’s so warm in there in the sunshine, I might just put a chair in there and take my book…!!! “Going to talk to the plants dear…” !!!
Lots of love to you all… Jane
Ha ha talk as much as you want 
i’m sure its allowed Jane!!!
What a b****y awful week i’ve had I dont know where to start or if I should??? You’ll all be saying oh dear here she goes again!!!
Do I…?
Oh well sorry flutterbys but here goes!!!
I started with an Optical migraine last sat.,on my night shifts (zigzag flashes for around half an hour with NO headache) Put it down to being tired but 6 days later and it was still there??? Only now I have a floater swimmimg around in my vision that resembles a smoke ring?? its driving me nuts!!! so booked to see Opthalmic Specialist at an Opticians a few miles away… It seems I have partial Vitreous detatchment of the retina… have been told it can be VERY serious if it detatches completely (Go blind in that eye) so now freaking out in case it does before I get my app, through at The Eye Hospital in Hull… If it worsens before app, I have to go straight to A&E GULP… tho he said that was just a precaution as if it WAS going to detatch it would have by now… but still to keep an eye on it… no pun intended 
hav’nt really picked myself up from all the tests aches and pains nor have I had time to go to Dr’s to discuss results so feeling pretty fed up with myself Then today I did an early shift and my poor daughter rang me in tears, she has previously had abnormal smears going back a few yrs so has to have regular checks and the last one 2 weeks back has come back abnormal again and with having already had part of her cervix removed, she is absolutely devastated… Why is life so damned hard sometimes???
We both went through some crazy times when I was diagnosed as the week I went for op she was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis so we were both off our feet for a few months… and hers has been a hard one to come to terms with as she’s still so young, now I’m just speechless as to why we seem to be blighted with illness and bad health AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGH!!!
I’ve had enough now and would like something nice to happen for a change!!
I’ve always tied to stay positive throughout life and always managed to pick myself up dust myself down and smile (tho have slipped a few times lately) but cripes enough is enough and I cant see an end to all this rubbish SIGH!!!
On a happier note how lovely is this weather!!
Hope life is treating all you flutterbys to a few nice days I must be due mine soon??? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhugxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Now that was a massive whinge sorry girlies x
Aaww, Doz, no wonder you’re fed up, I would be!! It goes on and on, doesn’t it? I’ve had zig-zags in the past without the headache but it always cleared after about 20 mins. I found mine came particularly when I was tired or stressed and it sounds like you are both! Have they advised you to try not to jolt your head or be careful not to fall to avoid detaching it? Sounds like you need to rest and take time off, you can’t keep going on and, picking yourself up and dusting yourself down indefinitely. You need to take care of yourself, flutterby! Working must be hard, let alone the shifts! Your body doesn’t know whether it’s coming or going. Emmy is right - work is nothing in the scheme of things! You certainly need something nice to happen to both you and your daughter. My friend had Ulcerative Colitis and it was really tough for her for a long time but eventually it did clear up all by itself. I’ll be thinking about you.
Emmy, I felt really sluggish towards the end of Herceptin. Like you I was dragging myself around, my legs felt like lead and everything was an effort. Looking back I don’t think I realised how bad I felt because I just gradually got used to it and had forgotten what the norm was. Don’t try and push yourself - I felt I ought as I thought I’d done the hard bit and should be feeling OK, putting on that smiley face we talked about, but nobody warns you how you might expect to feel, really. I suppose they don’t want to plant a seed which could grow! You just know you’ve got to get through it if you can, so don’t feel bad about it and beat yourself up, flutterby, just admit to everyone that you’re feeling rubbish and lighten your load.
As for tears, Emmy, Doz and Janice, and anyone else I’ve missed, better out than in!! Lovely you had a good time spent with your friend Janice, someone mad as a hatter to make you laugh is good soul food. And enjoy your weekend with your grandson! In fact enjoy all you can to boost your immune before your op.
Carolyn, I know you also said about work issues. You come first, try and remember ‘cos if you go down, that’s no good at all, you‘re the one that suffers. It all takes time to recover -much longer than we think! Anyhow, I hope you’re indulging yourself a bit this weekend. All we’ve been through makes us more sensitive to things we used to cope with easily. Be kind to yourself, recovery is a slow process.
Cackles. My hair isn’t me either. I’m not used to white and although the hairdresser’s worked miracles, the texture is so different. Don’t know about shaking it and it falling into place. When I’ve had a towel round my head for a shower, it’s stuck up like fork lightning and stays there until I comb it flat!! Before I went for a cut I thought I’d blow dry my hair upside down to get some body into it. When I came up for air it looked like I’d been plugged into the electricity so I crept in on OH and made him jump so we both had a good laugh! Smaller knife and fork? Mmmm….So now I will eagerly await the small new species of the Cackles butterfly.
Jane. Great you had a lovely day with your friend, it does you the world of good. I went shopping into town and saw some assistants I hadn’t seen since before BC and they remembered me, even with my different head so had a nice chat and bought some cosmetics which I love to try. I’ve found that since my hair colour has changed post chemo I suit paler shades, the old stuff is too harsh! Another thing to adjust to the new me!! Hope you’re resting that arm this evening and your carrot cake came out OK! Asked my OH about a GRED, he looked at me gone out but laughed when I explained and thought it was an excellent idea. I could see the little grey cells at work. You never know, it could catch on here!
I’ve waved my magic wand and sprinkled the fairy dust for a restful weekend for everyone. Hugs Ami xx
Woo Ami - brilliant round-up! Doz… what can I say? It stinks! Can you reduce your hours/shifts or go back to Occy health and get some lighter duties till you know what’s what with your eye? Just want to wrap you in a huge hug… praying for you if that’s OK. Thinking of you if it isn’t!!!
Carrot cake has no walnuts roundo the bottom rim, but tastes OK. Marmalade all ready to boil tomorrow, so peel all cut up and pulp de-seeded… tomorrow should be the easy bit! I’m really tired now, but nothing like as bad as some of you…
gently with those wings now…
sleep well flutterbies…
love Jane
Oh Doz I so feel for you I had a few tearsbad enough having migraine without having other problems do hope they sort your eye for you and everything turns out alright.Funny I don’t get headahes now just the zig zags and they usually go in about an hour makes you wonder if its anything to do with the drugs or treatments we have had.
Weather has been gorgeous and I hope you have all managed to enjoy at least some of it.Take care everyone love Janice x
Aww Doz,
What a rotten time you have had (and are having). Are you able to take a little time off? You have such a demanding job and enough going on without all this. Hugs xx.
I’m glad you updated about the cake Jane, was wondering too lol!
To all the other flutterbies, take care too. xx
Flutterbys you are such a tonic and support… even just in words.
I’m sat here with tears rolling down my face not crying but filled up and the eyes are leaking… at least that still works!!
Magic dust, prayers, hugs are all welcome and humbly accepted…
I have a week due soon when Afghan Dan comes home and next week its just late shifts so I can catch up on my sleep and chill a bit… My heart is aching for my poor daughter I sat and watched her looking so forlorn last night after her news and of all people I just didnt know what to say to her, you just want to take the pain away for them
I’m sure she will be fine but its just one knock after another at the moment and seems so unfair we both work our butts off and the rewards just never seem to come… not that i’m greedy but…
She has worked 6/7 days a week for the past 6 months with no break or social life (and she’s only in her 20’s)so perhaps your all right maybe we should take some time off… I had thought about dropping my hrs but the time never seems right and the money factor keeps rearing its ugly head… But I will give it some serious consideration
Ami your hair will eventually settle my sister’s has, she went through the same doubts as you but 6 yrs on has lovely long hair so dont give up… as for the makeup I totally agree we do need to tone it down somewhat?? I dont know if its the meds but I’ve gone a shade lighter too…
The zigzag migraines do only last around 30 mins to an hour and are an effect from being tired… I have had them for a few yrs Janice so cant blame BC we say it all the time dont we lovely I wonder if its that which causes it but in my case I think it may be stress related AND tiredness… it all comes back to work for me I do love my job and the patients but I wonder if it is getting to me a bit…
I (me me me just keep going back to my original post… Where did I go?? the last year has brought me back to earth with a bang, and i’m just finding it hard to get back to the energetic happy person I used to be… I had it in my head that a year down the line and life would have returned to “the norm” again, I just didnt expect all the setbacks and ailments that came with it…
Ami i’m sure the Opthalmic guy I saw was right in that if it was going to detatch it would have by now?? and his advice tho scarey was just a precaution but I will wrap myself up in cotton wool for now and avoid any trauma’s… is crying alright???
Thankyou flutterbys for being there I might just have gone crazy if I had’nt had you all to bounce things off. Hope thats not too selfish cos you are all so precious xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Doz never selfish love! This site is there for the good and the bad , we all have reason to be grateful that the flutterbys are here when it goes pear shaped too! It’s has been a saving grace for me! saved what’s left of my sanity and so sending you all of it magic dust, prayers and ever so many hugs. I am just realising that the pain we feel for someone close is so much greater than what we feel for ourselves, I am sure everyone understands and been standing where you are at some point. It has also made me realise how much family hurts too when we were going through our treatments and there wasn’t a lot they could do! I think just being there made the difference and this site has been a wonderful place to put some thoughts down that we don’t want to burden anyone with which is why it is my piece of sanity!
You also need to get that eye sorted out as soon as!Wrap yourself in cotton wool and I know how hard it is when you have other things going on but that is a must lovely Doz.
ami I am with you on the hair thing I kept saying it had become coarser and the texture really throws me as it is nothing like before! I have also found that my make up has changed I get lighter shades now as my skin has changed colour and become quite fair? I am glad it is not just me with the dragging myself around thing! I get some days where I think I am fine so I do things (as you do) the pay off seems to be a couple of seriously tired days!
janice the weather is soo lovely! I am quite cross that I am too tired to go enjoy it but we went to B.Ham to see Billy Connolly last night so it was a late one! feels like a hangover! (no such luck!)
jane marmalade mmmmmmm! I hope it went well your carrot cake sounds lovely too! My absolute fav! My youngest and I used to go to a cafe where he became seriously addicted to said cake and he is now 30 and guess what he loves best? thankfully some things never change!
Corolyn yes the tummy thing has really settled just get a bit sore from time to time compared to before Piriton it is bliss!
I know what you mean regarding the bra thing but admit I was shocked to find I was two sizes bigger! I shouldn’t really with the blasted weight I have put on! But sad really as got one smaller than the other! Well hey ho at least I am here to moan about it!
I hope everyone is enjoying the weather ,I am sending out a great big group hug! Em xxxxxx
Hi Em
I’m so glad you enjoyed your night… if anyone deserves it at the moment with all the H problems… you do Flutterby…
Billy Connolly you either love him or hate him but whatever, he still has the capacity to make you laugh
As for the hangover effect, were just not used to burning the candles at both ends anymore are we :)tho i’ll bet your glad its not an alcohol induced one
Take good care Em love n hugs xxxxxxxhugsxxxxxx