Bobbin bless you! All flutterbys know where you are coming from! We all have experienced those ‘down’ times and you need to listen to your body. I have been taking anti d’s for a few months it takes time to come through it all, my chemist told me to stick with the tabs as it is not a quick fix ,it takes time and yes go see your GP I had mine doubled thankfully I am slowly coming up for air ,as anyone here will tell you it can be two steps forward then ten back some days! Please do go and talk to your doc, let them know how you feel. You are not alone we all support each other on here, good days,bad days we share and no it’s not easy! We are all at different stages on here but are all aware that we are changing (hence the flutterby reference) welcome to where did I go? This has saved my sanity the women are amazing and I am sure they will be along to say Hi! Meanwhile have a hug and know you aren’t alone .
Oh ami! I was just about to send this when your news popped up love you I had all this last year when having rads hubby was rushed in with a stone in his bladder, it was so scary and horrible! Funny how much someone else’s pain hurts so much more than your own ! Sending huge hugs and still holding your hand … hugs to all Em xxxx
Thank you Emmy and Ami for your kind and comforting words. It makes so much difference when you know there are people that really understand and can only do that having been there themselves. I keep thinking that I’m just being lazy but that is so not me. I’m sure I will snap out of it when my body is ready to…it doesn’t seem to help trying to force it…lol.
Yes Ami, Bobbin is the family dog. She is just over a year old and a handful but great company. If it wasn’t for her I don’t think I would go out at all! I fractured my back before I learnt that I had BC and I think my problem is more this than the C. All those months of inactivity whilst on chemo has made the situation worse, no exercise etc, but Bobbin makes me go out for a pull along so, thank goodness for her 
A big hug to you both. xxx
Oh, thanks Emmy, you’re right - I felt worse with OH than with my own ops and wrist etc. Lovely, encouraging post for Bobbin. YOU got it in one, this time, putting it all into words for others. Sleep well, flutterby. Hope we hear from Bobbin tomorrow…and where is Elsa?
Hi Bobbin… hope you start ‘bobbin-along’ again soon… The others are right - I so didnt’ appreciate what an emotional battering it all is until I dipped my toe in one day (before I was ready to go back) and SO couldn’t cope with listening to folk whitter on… Normally not a problem for me, but I just couldn’t hack it. Now, several months down the line, I AM beginning to feel that I’ve got my old stamina back (most of the time), but thereh are still moments when I could blubber. Fortunately, not, so far, at times of crisis for others, but in the office or corridor over something stupid (like looking at my survival stats this week - SO should not have done that!) Anyhoo… hang on in there, give the ADs time…
No ladies, I am not particularly special etc etc… just have a job I love, which is a calling, and so do many of you… couldn’t nurse to save my (or anyone else’s) life - so I take my hat off to you guys… I think those of us who are in the jobs “we were made for” are extremely blessed/lucky…
Off to the crem to flap my wings again this morning… time to go…
lots of love, FlutterJane
Hello girls and a big hello to Bobbin,
Please feel free to have a guilt free whinge! It makes me feel so much better when others do too. I am all for being brave and protecting others etc but this is a lovely thread for letting some of the vulnerability out! It doesn’t mean you fail!
I actually feel worse now than I did at any point during surgery/ RADS and I am sure that, in my case, it is the Tamoxifen. I have a good week, think I’m getting over it then back to being exhausted again lol.
Sorry I can’t stay on and mention everyone although I have read the posts. Will do a proper catch up soon!
xx
Hi Flutterbys and new butterfly Bobbin Bob in bob out as much as you want were all here and always offer some sanity even if its only in the sense that we’ve been there… still there!!!
I cant remember the last time I had a good day???
certainly not in the last month anyways… Oh I lie I had a lovely night with Afghan Dan he spoilt me and just the 2 of us went to a tiny little Italian called D’Giani it only has approx 10 tables and always full so going on chance we were lucky to get in YUMMY and now he’s on his way back SOB!!! I cant believe how quickly his time home went and sadly due to Hospital visits I didnt get to see a great deal of him so feeling quite flat today after saying goodbye again 
Heads really not been on my shoulders lately tho I suppose with good reason, having a couple of bad days with Vikki bless her, she has to wear a back brace for 3 months as the damage to her spine is a bit of a problem at the moment and she has now developed odeama on her hip which will be investigated on monday when she is going for another scan poor girl should be out dancing not layed up for the next 3 months and she is also having trouble with her veins again for the IV antibiotics so they are considering a central line… and to cap it all is now pretty depressed at not seeing Daniel apart from visiting times so we had buckets of tears this morning when he called in to say bye, His girfiend… love it Ami also burst into tears so I thought what the H**l may as well join in…and I did!!!
Oh my!!! when will all the rubbish end??
Ami bless you what a scare I really hope they get to the bottom of it as its really awful when a loved one is poorly I can so empathize xx
Janice I hope things are settling for you and the new boob is looking better than its feeling? brave girlie I would love an even booby but so fed p with hospitals and such a coward when it comes to me…! A wuss actually xx
There are so many Flutterbys to remember and its getting late so my love to you all always, hoping that we take some sanity from Em’s post as she got it in one bless xx
Take good care and get those thermals out along with the PJ’s DG’s and a big pile of spoons to enjoy the weekend xxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxx
I’m having a zoppy night tonight so very soon if you look towards the East you may just see some rather large ZZZZZZZZZ’s rising up from my pit!!!
It’s me again :)) I don’t know Doz it is like a chain reaction when something goes wrong everything just seems to follow!? I do however think that the little things fade into the wallpaper and the biggish stuff just won’t leave!! It will soon lovely you will have Vik home and before you know it we will all be countdown to Afgan time again! It is so scary how everything seems to be in slow motion but the time??? How fast does it go? Biggest hugs and some spoons lovely to tide you over.
I am in the throes of a BIG decision however, had to go to doc as I all but crawled down my stairs yesterday due to osteo arthritis which has become a bit of an issue along with this blasted tiredness which is getting worse instead of better! I am not moaning I just don’t have any energy to enjoy LIFE! I come home from my three days at work to spend most of the time stuck to the chair and I really resent it! I don’t do much and get so tired . Off I popped to find a trainee young woman who has just done her training in osteo issues so thought she may have some answers, she did bless her first blood test! that scared me so she agreed I can ask my chemo nurse to do it at my next ‘H’ on Thursday (they said they would) and signed me off work for two weeks to wait for it… Sleep when I want, rest when I need and have a think about if going back to work is in my best interest? I am 58 so she said I think after the last couple of years you need to admit enough and start to have some time to get well properly! Convalescence is an art we have not allowed ourselves and chucking yourself straight back when it is messing up the quality of your life is not good?? Funny I never really thought about that but we do rush back to be ‘normal’ again without any thought for what isn’t and that is the mountain of rubbish our bodies have gone through! So I have to make some decisions as I have been struggling (big time) and trying to pretend I am coping when I am not! Funny really I worked with adults with learning difficulties for 20 years and didn’t get this stressed! So I think I need to talk to some family look at the finances eeek! and make some decisions about my life funny I never thought about it before just assumed I would go back and be happy ever after!
So flutterbys that is my ‘pickle of the week’ and somehow I think the young doc got it in one! I hope you all have a lovely weekend and sorry I haven’t ‘gone around you all’ but I know you will understand. Sadly the sun has gone here and it feels cold so going to have my shower and dig out the woolly jumpers!
Quick one ami I hope hubby is better? Sending lots of hugs and spoons Em xxx
Big decision Em… but very def. worth a big think… Good for young doc!
Doz… have a hug love… how long’s Dan back in Afghan before teh next break? How long a tour of duty do they do before getting a “proper” break in the UK? And poor Vicky! She probably doesn’t want hugs from strange ladies, but sending her a virtual one anyway… and a group cry sounds totally appropriate!
Sun’s hiding now… I’ve put the heating back on (much to OH’s disgust!) but my little wings are cold.
BCN loves the imagery of us being butterflies - says it’s just right…
have a good weekend my flutter-friends… hoping for a quiet one (on call)…
love to all I’ve not mentioned…
Jane
Morning Flutterbys
i will pass on your hugs they are well needed at the moment and grabbed one for myself
Sending one back to you all xxhugxx
Daniels back until August then will find out if they need him for a further 6 months when that stint is over so it could be next year before he gets home to stay, initially it was 6 months then 8 and now possibly a yr and 2 months… no definate plans yet
Em I am right there with you on the rushing back to normal bit it just does’nt happen does it hon!! We think we are ok we think we should be ok we think why are’nt we ok and the answer has to be because were not… does that make sense? I have tried the normal for so long and it is’nt feeling right I too have made the decision to rethink my job… and hours.
I have decided that I cant afford to stop working but I can lighten the load by reducing my hours and in light of what happened to Vikki its woken me up that I cant be in 2 places at the same time and it would be so wrong to spend it caring for others when I should be with my own family caring for them… SOOOOOOOOO the decision to cut my hrs has won!!! Now I need to find the right way to tell them as it wont go down well at all with all the staff shortages at the present time, I’m 63 this year and I think i’ve done my bit for society without feeling too selfish… so its now PJ time and lots of ME time with my girlie when she finally comes home… bless her!
I am working a double tomorrow as the ward has reopened after the virus, and i’m begrudging the time i’ll be there so I know i’m making the right decision as my hearts not in it as much as before!
I will do 3 short shifts a week as I can so empathize with the lack of energy on my days off were not being fair to ourselves Em, its such a hard long journey and I think the only way to get through it is to prioritize what we do on it… I hope you can make the right decision sweetie, I know I have
Love to flutterbys everywhere hoping you and yours are all ok??
Hugs and spoons on their way to all xxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxx
P.s The weather is PANTS!!! I WANT SUNSHINE AGAIN!!!
Good day to you all
Thank you again for your words of support. Had a good day yesterday. Spoke to my friend about the inkling that I have a secondary somewhere around my body. Have not mentioned this to my family as I know they would really be upset but getting it off my chest has done the trick a little. I was so adamant after surgery it was all gone. I’m sure this is a normal reaction and I have too much time on my hands to dwell on this subject. I know what I need to to do to kick me out of this…just waiting for that energy to return so I can do it…it will come, I’m sure.
What a coincidence that you call us flutterby’s. When in the deep throws of FEC, having a real bad time and felt that IT would get me before the C, I ordered off the internet a bunch of solar butterflies that flapped when the sun was on them, and gave one to all my friends and family…just in case …it seemed an appropriate parting gift at the time…lol. Have promised myself one too.
I have 10 weeks to get myself match fit as 4 of us old girls go on holiday to Spain. I don’t mind too much if I can’t include myself in their antics…they can just leave me at a bar somewhere; I can while away the world and people watch.
I, too, have a big decision to make. In August I see the surgeon who, if all is good, will be offering me re constructive surgery. At 60, I,m not too sure about it. I have stopped smoking and gone on to the electronic ciggy as I know he won’t do it if I’m smoking. The thought of a seven hour op and the recuperation time puts me off quite a lot but I’m sure if I go ahead, my self image would be much improved. I’m sure most of us go through this though process, or something similar. I think it’s something that nobody can advise on?
I hope you all have a good day. Mine is a lazy one thus far and I think it’s going to continue. I will make sure tomorrow is different!
Hugs to you all. xxxxx
Hello all you flutterbys and to our new friend Bobbit a big welcome hug.I hope your O.H is feeling better Ami I bet it was very scary for you both.Doz what can I say you have a great big heart and your family are so lucky to have you.I am glad you have made the decision to reduce your hours I hope it helps.I didn’t go back to work and financially it was very hard savings don’t go far but we get by now hubby has his pensions and are getting back to near normal.I didn’t get much support from work and that helped in my decision and it has really helped me as I had time for myself and possibly that is why I am feeling so much better mentally as well as having all of you to keep me sane.Boob not as sore and not as swollen but still in iron bra yuk.I am a bit concerned about cyst they found but trying to be positive as they weren’t worried (at least they didn’t appear to be)
I don’t think any of us will ever be the same again but hopefully we will emerge stronger and eventually come to terms with everything we have been through and again look forward to the rest of our lives which are going to be LONG.
Bobbit the decision to have reconstruction may be easier if you talk to others who have had one.I had revision of scar and may have to have Lipo fill but mine was because I was so uncomfortable and not of the way it looked you will do the right thing for you when the time comes and hopefully once you get past that first mammo you may feel happier
Good Luck all you flutterbys including the ones I haven’t mentioned by name we will all get there in the end Big Hugs to all and a gentle one for Vikki and safe journey for Afghan Dan love Janice xxxxx
Emmy: I’m so glad you’ve got 2 wks rest. It’ll give you some space to listen to your gut feelings. I really do empathise with how unwell you feel, as I felt the same towards the end of H. Try not to let it worry you. You’ll begin to gradually feel better after you’ve finished. I was a while. I went really, really down energy wise and had the Dr call as I hadn’t the strength to get to the surgery. I couldn’t understand it! I was expecting to pick up. I was worrying I should feel better and in turn made me low which is unusual for me. As your Dr said, you do need time to get well properly, mine thought I’d done really well, considering what I’d gone through. It was OH that kept pointing this out to me whenever I thought I should be fully well or feel guilty about not doing things. I used to say ’I’m OK’ and sometimes thought I was. Worrying about coping with work is no good. Even I can see from your postings how you must feel - ’cos I’ve been there, flutterby. Look after yourself. You can’t just jump back into the saddle. Comfort hug is winging its way as I post!
Doz: That release of tears should make you all feel better. It must make Daniel feel very special to have all you females crying over him?? I know time seems to stand still while waiting for Vikki to get better, but each day is one positive step towards wellness. In no time at all you’ll be looking back and thinking how she has improved, just wait and see. If you’ve made that decision to cut your hours if you can manage, then live and be happy, and if they can’t understand, well tough! Have some ‘me’ time, or you’ll never recover properly!!
Carolyn: I don’t think your lack of energy is just down to Tamoxifen. I think it’s the whole thing of BC and only time heals. It can’t be easy for you with work and family. We tell ourselves we’re OK. If others can’t see illness visibly I’m sure we feel as if we have a duty to appear to be completely well again!
Jane: At least YOU’RE feeling the old stamina coming back and I’m really pleased for you.
Janice: Don’t be doing too much too quickly, there seems to be a theme going here on this posting!
Bobbin: After treatment you do think C had gone, then as time goes on, negative thoughts creep back in and you start almost waiting for it to rear it’s ugly head. I have to remind myself I could think this way for the rest of my life and when I eventually pop my clogs, have worried for nothing as I’d died of something completely different, ha ha! What a waste when I have my logical head on and analyse it. I’m glad you seem positive about energy returning. It will!! The Butterflies sound delightful. What a lovely gesture, but I feel like telling those you’ve given them to, to chuck them as you aint goin nowhere, flutterby!!! You have a goal to aim for in 10 weeks….that lovely holiday! I decided early on that I didn’t want to go through all that reconstructive surgery. I am what I am……… and a coward!
Thanks everyone for your support. OH is feeling much like his old self now, which is a huge relief! Got my mammo letter this morning. Thought ‘That’s come early’ Heart went in my mouth as I had visions of being called back, but thankfully it’s clear! Woohoo!!
Love Ami xx
Should be leaving for work any second but had a quick pop on here and saw your post Ami…
WOOOOOOO HOOOOOO well done Flutterby another yr gone and ALL CLEAR
Massive hug on its way XXXXXXXXHUGSXXXXXXXX
Oh Ami, great news about the mammo and so pleased hubby is on the mend too. What a worrying time!
Janice, I hope your iron bra situation improves soon. Are you managing to get comfy at night?
Bobbin, glad you had a good chat with your friend and you must be really looking forward to Spain with your friends. Where are you going?
Doz we are hanging on to the sun here, but a chilly wind in places so it’s cardigans and sweatshirts at the ready. Took Lewis to a new Children’s farm type play area yesterday and it was gorgeous but only because we were well sheltered. Might go again today. Siege mentality has set in to make the most before the weather disappears!
Jane, our heating went on this morning too. You enjoy it (and the looks of disgust from your hubby lol). I hope it was a quiet night for you last night and you managed some uninterrupted sleep.
Em, what a struggle you are having too. Osteo on its own can’t be easy, never mind in addition to your treatment and BC issues. I can’t blame you at all for looking at work issues. There is more to life.
Have a lovely day, we’ll see how much snow and cold tomorrow brings. Winter tyres still on my car so at least they won’t melt now!!
Carolyn xx
Ami fantastic news and glad O.H is on the mend.
Doz hope your decision to cut hours is the right one and you can have more me time.Hope Vikki continues to get better even though it sounds like a long haul time will pass and she will be better before you know it.I am sure Dan enjoyed his time with you both and he will be back in August so its something to look forward to.
Emmy make the most of your time off and get plenty of rest and hopefully it may help.Sending a gentle hug.
Jane very cold here as well so heating on last night then had hot flushes when I went to bed so no win situation. Glad you have a bit more energy but do conserve it and rest when you can.
Carolyn I would love to have been at the farm with you I love them bet Lewis loved it too.We have a fabulous one near to us and take the boys when they come in the summer for grandmas benefit methinks ha ha.
Bobbin talking to others always helps and b.c nurses are good listeners too
I am going out for a walk the time O.H is watching the footie. will put fleece on but will also need sunglasses as its sunny but cold Love and hugs Janice xxxxx
oh Doz I hope you had a reasonable shift? I know how you feel and just hope you were able to get some time with Vik whilst you were at work. I agree with the decision to cut your hours I think this c****y disease has taken enough of our time and we really need some me time for ourselves! Not that you’re getting much with all this running about,I bet you feel like you are running on fumes! Sending the required amount of spoons which actually is as many as you want lovely along with a big hug! x
ami I am so chuffed for you the waiting room is the pits no matter how much we tell ourselves it will be O.k. it isn’t till someone in the know tells us it is! I am so glad hubby is doing well I know how scary it is for us but it did make me realise how scary this has been for my hubby too.Thank you for sharing your experience of the dreaded ‘H’ I honestly thought I was going mad ,I kept on telling myself other people get through it so what is wrong with me? You made me feel sort of ‘normal’ whatever that is but took away the stick I have been beating myself with as I felt I should be up to things by now! Blowed if it isn’t much worse as time goes on and I found myself clock watching at work not 'cos I had nothing to do but so I could go home to do nothing as I felt so drained,it felt as though I just used up the bit I had getting up and getting there! I do think I am slightly bonkers though! I so wanted to get back and had to fight my corner when I did now I can’t be faffed. I feel like the doc took the decision away and let me give myself permission to be tired and to just deal with that for now. I am having blood taken on my ‘H’ on Thursday for the osteo thing as last time a doctor took blood he made such a mess of me that I was shaking at the thought(big wuss!) but the GP has allowed the nurses to do it at the hospital so I feel a bit better at least they know where to get it! Sending you a hug too ,can I have my hand back now? He!He!
Carolyn how lovely to enjoy things with lewis I am so jealous!I love seeing things through the eyes of a child they make it much more wonderful with their uncluttered view of things which makes them so much fun! yes it is looking like those tyres will be useful eekkk!
Jane has it gone really cold where you are? I have put my heating, bed socks (fluffy and warm) along with the required PJ’s and fluffy DG it is flipping cold here and they are threatening us with snow!!!??? What a shame for the children at Easter I just wish we could rearrange it so that was last week!
Janice you have one of those too,a man who watches footie! I have three sons who also watch footie!!! As long as your walk did you good and you were warm enough! I do find I feel the cold so easily these days now I even have a blanket across my legs like my nan used to, Oh dear not only do I look like my mother when I look in the mirror ,I now behave like my nan and completely understand it now!!! Just keep warm I am sending you a football widows hug!
Bobbin and Elsa wishing you cosy days in the horrible cold it is the best time to PJ and just snuggle after all flutterbys do like the heat and this one certainly does! I hope you are feeling a little better now and as the wonderful flutterbys say come on here we don’t mind 'cos if you read our stuff you will see we have all had a go at some time or other! It’s good for you and in a safe place where it won’t hurt anyone moans,groans and general feeling rubbish is all allowed. I love that no one is judgemental and if you feel rubbish they listen support and just make it all a bit better ,I would be so lost without the lovelies on here!
As for any I may have missed forgive me I am a bit dopy taken a sleeper and brain is beginning to do it’s own thing! So to all flutterbys who lurk,write and generally send such lovely support I am sending the usual group hug! take care all Em xxxxxxxxxxx
Emmy: Have sent you a PM
Well, the radiator in the bedroom has jammed full on, so, now the heating’s back on (frosty outside, but no snow!) so many hot flushes last night!!!
How did your shift go Doz? and when do you break the “good” news to them??!!!
I finished at the hosp. by lunchtime yesterday… a colleague was in a bad place so we went for a pub lunch, then I let the dogs out and went to the OTHER hospital we cover, where a friend was in the Mental Health Unit in a bad way (strong guy, so it’s a tough time)… by the time I got home I was too tired to make carrot cake… Have to wait till next weekend now! However, Bizzie Lizzie plug plants collected and potted up (by OH) lots of seeds coming up… new life… new hope…
walk along the Thames sounds fab…
hpeyou flutter your wings gently this week flutterbies, and that there is some nectar/food/resourcing for youu…
Jane
Morning my winged beauties!!!
My double shift felt like a week… I was pooped which has made my decision a lot more agreeable! For me anyway I wont be seeing Sister till wed afternoon so the more the time passes the more determination I am getting… Crikey I’ve made a decision ha ha!! thats a rare event!!!
Yes I managed to see Vikki who has now moved to the Infectious Disease ward not too far from my ward, so its easier to pop in through the day if I have to go to pharmacy or collect things from other places etc, she is,nt infectious but its the best ward to treat IV’s and to get a Hickman line put in… she has her own room with a door out into the garden and a tv so is getting settled in, it was a night mare when they first moved her as they gave her a room with no windows that opened heating on full blast and NO tv!!!
As we had just put £45 on the robbing TV bundles she was mortified but more to the point could’nt stand the heat ( it even made me uncomfortable??) so after a lot of useless negotiating with the staff on the ward and getting nowhere… Vikki in floods of tears which wont do her any good… 9.00 on sat, night and I had to get up for the double yesterday, I flipped!! could’nt leave her like that so went out to ring The Nurses at Night team… who were just as concerned as myself for her and within half an hour had found her this lovely room to swap with an elderly guy who didnt watch his tv and was happy with the warmth… so all’s well that ended well… at 10.30pm so at least I got home and managed to get some sleep!!
Beats me why they could’nt have swapped in the first place knowing how upset she was?? Oh well it takes all sorts but a shame I had to move it along!! I’ll be now known as THAT relative who complains ha ha ha!!! there’s a few of those about!!!
Well it seems were all getting this cold weather suns out but freezing!!
Janice so good to hear your out and about… ye gods woman take it easy xx
Em once you make that decision it feels soooo good I know I cant keep this up much longer I’m so tired today and back on shift at 12 so trying to gather in those spoons… take it easy up to thursday hon and remember your nearly there xx
Jane…and Ami Oh those hot flushes!! i’m right there with you, you just cant win I have them when i’m cold and have them when i’m hot too so I dont know which is the better of the two evils!!
Carolyn I smiled at your day out with Lewis and it brought back memeories of my 2 on Family farm days out… we have quite a way to travel to our closest but we used to go often as Vikki is animal mad and it was always a favourite… even now she’s asking for me to bring bird food into the hospital so she can throw some out the door for them all, she has a cheeky Blackbird who suns himself in the doorway!!
Well girlies hope you are fluttering through the days ahead and not too cold… your walks out sound lovely… oh for the time!!!
Day off or should I say Busmans holiday tomorrow… going in to wash Vikki’s hair i’ll probably drown the poor girl but i’m sure she’ll feel better Take good care lovelies and stay warm love hugs and spoons a plenty on their way to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Doz have sent you some spoons to help you through your shift wish I could be there to see Sisters face when you tell her.You have to think of yourself first as without you Vikki would be in dire straits so you need to keep well.I am not going mad but feel fine so enjoying walks and shopping as housework can wait and hubby is wonderful so can do as I please don’t worry I won’t overdo things just roll on Thurs as getting itchier as the days go by just hope they don’t strap it up again it feels much better already.
Emmy glad you are resting and hope things go okay on Thurs hand will be there to hold if you need it.
Jane how lucky is everyone to have someone as wonderful as you there to listen and not to judge. thanks for the hug he was ecstatic as his team won so just hope they can keep it up as he is a right fanatic.
Ami hope you are keeping warm and hubby is okay.
love and hugs to all you lovely flutterbys Janice xxxx