We didn’t cry 'cos of your post lovely Yvonne! It was your amazing bravery, it was that we all recognised how very hard it must have been for you to write as you did again big hug for going for it! To use ami’s saying WAHOOO! You go girl!
Yes I am proud of my son and the work he does but from what you have written it would seem you both have a lot in common … a heart as big as a bucket!!! That’s what counts and yes we are all damaged but I think holding a hand out to someone is so much more important! I think your hubby will be happy that you have stood up for you!!!
I am looking forward to your comments as I do everyone’s we are quite a friendly bunch and secretly? Bonkers! in a nice way! Take care and keep posting. Hugs as ever Em xxx
Oh lordy! Doz just read your post as mine wouldn’t go you must have been sending at the same time! Spooky! How awful! You should write that book I would buy it! It is strange how these things set other things in motion and something does change no matter how we try, I guess it’s the ripple effect, a bit zen sorry! Sending a special hug to you xxxxx
Yvonne 
if your still awake I hav’nt run out of breath just very aching finger ends!!!
Crying is what we do best and sharing comes along with it
So glad you have kept on posting it can only get better hon
There is no failure in being honest and pat yourself on the back for having the strength to sit and put it all down… keep at it and enjoy being a flutterby, we will emerge into very new and lovely people… not that we are’nt already!!! ha ha!! Just a bit different!
Have a lovely weekend xxhugxx
Oh Jane, that is crappy about the car! Doz, your burglary tale was absolutely jaw dropping. Very hard to deal with that when the perpetrators are local! Seeing them in the street/ at school must have been so hard.
Quiet weekend for me. Just put OH on another plane following his Saturday home. Getting things ready for an exhibition at work on Weds.
Hang in there everyone. xx
Emmy: I’m wondering if you’ll feel better quite quickly once you’re not taking Piriton? I didn’t take it but a lady next to me did and it instantly sent her to sleep for the session. You must be very proud of your son, seeing him grow into the confidant man. Really lovely for you all. The cloning of your card must have really stressed you. You must have been beside yourself which you don‘t need! Sorry flutterby, but you made me smile at the hair products….that’s adding insult to injury!! Colour of wings….I’m going for blues, too, - iridescent. Also good description for Fluffy.
Alex You don’t need to lurk. The rate we’re joining together, we’ll all madly type the hours away in order to flutter.
babysteps. You made me giggle at the thought of you in radiotherapy as I could identify with that, ha ha! And yes, do blubber onto the keyboard along with us, then you won’t worry about worrying your daughter! BC does make you feel unreal at times, as if it can’t possibly be happening to us. I have let go in the shower and wash it all down the plughole, then come out with a big sigh and try to get back on with life! It’s not as frequent lately as time gradually heals, but I was dx along with my mum…she died within a few weeks so I put off surgery, never telling her, then my dad nearly died, so there was a lot to cope with throughout my ongoing treatment. But, I got though, so just hang on in there. Talking to your sister could be just what you both need. She may be thinking the same but if anyone understands, she will. If you don’t feel you can, there’s us lot, always someone here, anytime you need it.
Oh Jane, what a horrid thing to wake up to! Very unnerving the thought of someone creeping about and you being sound asleep as they do it! It makes me so angry and as Fluffy says, what I’d like to say is unprintable.
Carolyn. Yes, we are having a group nod here at what baby steps says . A lovely encouraging post from you, I am ‘burping with bubbly‘!
Yvonne You made me laugh reading your OH’s saying. I haven’t heard that for years. My family used to say it. When you read your post again and again, did you like the new you?
Fluffy Chic. Sorry you are feeling stressed and fed up. I’m also 2 yrs from dx and had been ‘super positive‘, as you say, throughout and know what you mean. You’re bound to feel afraid. Having treatment is a positive thing to rid us of BC then once it stops we feel on our own and are afraid it might come back and can set you off in a panic. Something may set me off and my imagination runs riot but I try not to allow myself to carry on. I can only think of one thing at a time and try to choose an alternative thought. I have stopped striving to be the person I was and I’m now just me.
Doz I like your ‘rabbiting on’. It comes from the heart and is so natural. I’m sure there’s a book in our postings. Perhaps ‘On a Wing of Inspiration’? I am a bit speechless at your post. Words fail me I am so shocked at what happened to you. Yes, it makes my blood boil too! As Carolyn says, absolutely jaw dropping.
Love to all, Ami xx
I think this describes what we are to each other on here!
If you’re alone
I’m your shadow
If you want to cry
I’m your shoulder
If you want a hug
I’m your pillow
If you need to be happy
I’m your smile
But if you need a friend
I’ll just be me.
I’m there for you
ami I love it!!! Made me smile and almost cry!! Flutterbys United! xxxxx
Just been catching up with everyone’s posts…sitting here in my PJ’s drinking my nth cup of coffee…
Yvonne, who cares about punctuation and spelling, your post came from your heart…when you’ve been diagnosed with something like BC you realise what’s important in life and believe me full stops and commas and semi colons aren’t up there!!
I was really sorry to hear about your car Jane, must have been gutting for you.
Fluffy, it is natural to have anxieties and fears…I only hope that time will lessen them for us all and that black hole becomes a crack in the pavement, which one day we can step over without thinking too much about it. Sometimes I feel like my world has stopped turning and that everything else is turning around me in slow motion, i feel like I’m looking on rather than being a part of things…only some days!
I loved Ami’s poem…I also read this beautiful quote, which felt like it had been written especially for us Flutterbies…
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet
when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly
My friend and I going to see the film Cabin in the Woods this week…It’s meant to have a really good twist at the end. Will probably spend most of the film with my eyes covered!!Not good with horror and suspense…why am I going!!!
Today it’s not raining…yet! So, there’s gardening to be done before the weeds engulf the flowers.
Loves and hugs to all you lovely Flutterby ladies xx
Hi all
ami: What a lovely poam, i have hand written that down, and will read it now and again. i do like the new me, now i have to tell people i meet when the issue asrises, gosh! might be different face to face with someone, not going to carry that black cloud anymore tho.
yesterdays post took me nearly 2 hrs, so will have to go now, other wise ide get nothing done.
take care all you butterflies xxxxxx yvonne
Ami…you poppet xx
what can I say apart from that was so apt and beautiful xxx
Follow that???
I cant Speechless for once ha ha!! xxxxxhugxxxxx
lovely poem ami! and Elsa’s too…
Feeling good now my insides are back inside and seem to be being held there by the ring… SUCH a relief! The GP was so nice this morning. The car is kind of annoying, but nothing, in the scheme of BC and things - it’s just stuff. Yes, it does feel odd someone prowling about, but I try to put that out of my head… or I’d go daft (OK, dafter!)
Yvonne - you’re doing really well - keep going hun!
flutter well ladies… love Jane x
My goodness me you ladies have been busy over the weekend it has taken me ages to read all of your posts.I really don’t know where to start.Had lovely weekend as my daughter and family came as boys wer going to the wrestling in Newcastle so it was lovely to hear all about their Florida holiday.Don’t know what is happening with my grandson as haven’t heard from my son I seem to say the wrong things as does my O.H as they are so stressed it doesn’t matter what is said it is wrong but we are here for them when htey want to let off steam and hopefully they may get something sorted soon.
Doz cried when I read yuor post honey you have had some dreadful things in your life huge hug on its way but you have 2 lovely children who I am sure think the world of you as must your patients xx
Jane how awful about your car so sorry such a horrible thing happened to you.Didn’t quite understand about the “insides” then suddenly realised glad you are feeling better.xx
Emmy will be doing hand holding Thurs you will be glad it is the last one and you can begin a proper recovery.You must be very proud of your son xx
Babysteps welcome this is a great site and as Em says we are all a bit bonkers.
Gardenparty how wonderful you managed to post yourself even if it did take a while I think you should be really proud of yourselfxx
Elsa hope you saw some of the movie I hide as well when watching horror filmsxx
Fluffychick welcome and we all worry but this site always helps and tears are a good release remember thatxx
Ami what can I say lovely words.Ihad a post from a friend the other day which was quite applicable to us all
WHEN I SAY I AM FINE WILL YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND SAY “HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL”
I have a friend who always asks if I am really ok but she seems to be the only one.
If I have missed anyone sending hugs to everyone so fly high flutterbys we will make it and may we bebetter people after what we have been through love Janice xxxxx
p.s met a friend today who is 73 and had a mastectomy when she was 34 and another when she was 69 and she still looks great so how wonderful is that xx
hi fflutterbys, i love being called that! its so appropriate. some days i feel im fluttering around looking for my brain. i have just read all the weekend posts. Doz i had to read yours twice!! what a terrible thing to happen. 16 thugs walking all over your house, what i would like to do to them is unprintable!! especially when it has affected your children so much. and of course none of the parents felt responsible for their offspring!!! jane, these things always seem to happen when we are at our most vulnerable, hang in there.
gardenparty, keep posting, i thought id never do it but it helps to be able to offload to someone else besides the family.
Ami, wonderful words thanks for sharing.
i am going to ring the doc tomorrow for an appt for antidepressants, im so up and down its unreal.
one question, many of you mention the BC Nurse, to ring her for advice? well i tried ringing her for advice 4 times between lumpectomy and the start of R/T but she never replied??? has anyone else found this happen to them?? i saw her at the planning appt but not since. take care all flutterbys.
Hi Flutterbys
Babysteps that is so bad about your BC nurses??? I must have been lucky but then when I look back… when the grey matter lets me I didnt ring the BC nurse I got in touch with the lovely McMillan nurse thats part of our BC team so that might be worth a try… mine got lots done for me and would always reply so it might be a better path to go down, the up and down days are a bummer and we have all posted about them at some point or other… just when you feel a bit lifted ooops down you go again… and most of the time without reason 
Your Dr will help but its sad that you cant get through to BC Nurses who must come across it all the time, and should be there for support? xx
Janice so pleased to hear your weekend was so nice its brilliant getting those catch ups
Your son and his family bless them sound as if they are still in shock from it all and yes sometimes they hurt the ones they love most by not accepting what you tell them… I’m having the same with Vikki at the moment, I get the frustration backlash as i’m always there and no matter if proven right i’m always wrong!! so dont take it to heart lovely its just the way things are and just being there will be so important for them whether they realize it or not…
I have a friend too who is quite astute at knowing if i’m ok or not without having to say anything… How do you REALLY feel is quite apt xxx
Jane I hope things stay in place and you stay well xx
Gardenparty… your a star just keep at it it becomes very addictive and sadly the housework does suffer but it’ll still be there tomorrow and tomorrow is another day keep fluttering hon xx
Elsa your my kind of girl… PJ’s endless coffee’s SIGH!!! Bliss! I love the quote its so apt for all of us when the wings just wont/cant get some momentum… but fly we will… one day xx
And to all the lovely butterflys out there be gentle with yourselves and continue to flutter onwards… and upwards!
Love spoons hugs and a couple of hands winging there way to you Em ITS YOUR LAST ONE WAHAY!!! and then hols we’ll be there holding your hand and tapping those veins… the giggles will come when you fly out of there quicker than the speed of light me thinks!!! xxhugxx
Take care each and everyone of you xxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxx
hi all
Dear Doz, Have read and re read your sad post over the last few days, just wanted to say, there are people, who do life long damage to others without concern of those they do it to, they have to live with what they did, what ithink is inportant is that u have a kind and loveing heart, and it shines thro when u speak of your family, also the advice you give, which gives us another way of looking at our worries, your a great lady who has come thro some very hard times and survived. power to you!
babysteps Never had any trouble with BCN they have always got back to me real quick, to the extent of calling an amburlance when i had unknown to me! nutropenia scary time that was…
when i moved from london to B/ham i was put on antideprssants as found it hard to cope without my extended family and the feeling of loneyness. they really helped get my feet back on the ground.
emmy Good luck for thursday, didnt relise some of you were still going thro treatment, sending you a hug emmy xxxxxx
Gosh its 10.30 and not even dressed yet.
best wishes to all other butterflies yvonne xxxx
iam flutting by the submit button
Doz agree with Yvonnes post she put into words what we all think of you a remarkable person take care hun and remember to try and have some “me” time if you can hugs Janice xxx
Aw Flutterbys bless you all xxx
I posted because of poor Jane’s experience and ended up rambling on… I have re’read what I posted and cant believe the amount of hurt that surfaces over something that happened so long ago… I didnt mean to write so much but once I get started I cant stop… you are blessed I didnt go into details
I smile because I am blessed to have come through it all with my sense of humour intact (hopefully) 2 offsprings who I am very proud of, and along the way met people who I would’nt have normally met in everyday life… Policeman and his wife and several of the Detectives have become very good friends, and I now think possessions are only life’s ornaments in the greater scheme of things! A content heart and loving family are where the good memories come from not things we possess… (Though a lottery win would be very nice thank you We all have events in our lives that shape the future, sadly this event shaped mine in a way i’d never expected but from it I have a career that I never dreamed i’d be blessed to have… tho on days when i’m tired I might beg to differ A pretty little home in a village far enough away from the old family home and whole host of good memories that will always be mine… no matter who comes in and out of our lives the box of memories will always be mine
I can now liken all that to BC… if I had’nt gone through the trauma of this event I would never have had all you precious flutterbys in my life So yes out of all bad things that happen along the way there is always a silver lining… you just have to see it through different eyes! so yes i’ve been blessed! (And I dont fancy my ex anymore so maybe it all has a way of working out for the best
Was that a bit deep???
Gardenparty I feel so humble reading your posts as I said we all have events that shape our lives… just look at you go girl I am so glad for you that you came on here and became a fully fledged flutterby by your own initiative… Power back to you hon and I hope life for you in the Midlands has settled, its not easy uprooting and starting all over again, as for still not being dressed at 10.30 shame on you ha ha!!! join the club!!! Its what we do best xxx
Janice were all remarkable xx but I did puff out my chest (whats left of it a bit when I read yours and Yvonne’s very sweet comments… I have such a love and empathy for people/animals who are in need of a hand to hold… or a beak to feed and in the case of my lovely Alice (Labrador) who died last year the runt of the litter but the sweetest thing on four legs who again I was blessed to have in my life… and now Ben, discarded and abused but has become a character in his own right… apart from when he tries to protect me from vets assistants eeek!!! And Scrumpy our Dormouse who I found in the garden still with his eyes closed all alone… after probably being disturbed in his nest… that was 4 yrs ago, I took him in and he is STILL alive in his little home, made from 3 plastic fish tanks glued together and air holes put in with mesh,I love DIY he climbs up a small branch of a tree that fits inside and cleans his whiskers for all the world to see… so cute!! ALL WELCOME
Em… ONE DAY TO GO WOOHOO JOURNEY DONE AND DUSTED xxxx
Sending spoons hugs love hand holding whatever you need to get you through the next few weeks and to have an amazing holiday is yours for the taking xxhugxx
Flutter gently be kind to yourselves and stay well Butterflies love and hugs as always xxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxx Doz
P.s Physio booked for Vikki… finally WE WILL GET THERE!!!
Cripes… they get longer!!! sorry xxxx
Doz post good to read and your right BC has made me a different person and I found out who my real friends are.Keep your strong attitude as it is obviously helping you to come through everything and its sounds like you are happy where you live and your lovely family and pets(love the dormouse tale) or should it be tail ha ha take care my dear and hope Vikki recovers soon love Janice xxx
IT TAKES FAITH, HOPE and IMAGINATION for a CATERPILLAR to become a BUTTERFLY
Think this applies to us all xxx
Just had my appointment date through to get CT scan results…its a week this Friday and I’m very, very, very anxious about it. My poor GP, I went to see him the other day and immediately burst into tears so he had to delve in his ‘teary drawer’ for a box of tissues. He was so understanding. I’ve asked him for another sick note and he’s given me a further 6 weeks off work, hope I don’t need any longer than that as I’ve been off since christmas. Sorry to rant on but this anxiety has got to go somewhere!