Hi Janice
Its funny you should mention that about working nights and BC being related there was an article in an NHS news letter a few years back which said the same…not that we took much notice of it at the time but I do now!!
I give up with expecting support, it just makes me sad and as you rightly said we give it to others but it never seems to come back when we are in need, I didnt get it through BC so I cant expect it now 
makes me feel like my life is trivial when all these blips arise, and they are arising!!! But I got there before without it and I sure as H**l will this time but it ia a bitter pill to swallow after all these yrs! hey ho at least on here we are all dancing to the same tune 
albeit in the rain sometimes ha ha!!!
Have a lovely sunday hon love and hugs to everyone xxxxxxxxhugxxxxxxxxx
Talking about working nights…I used to do 2 nights a week for years so it does make you wonder doesn’t it?
Brilliant news Ami that you don’t have to be seen for another year…and so good to be told that its better to put on weight than lose it and saying you don’t look overweight…i’m liking this doctor a lot 
All this good news, Janice you too don’t have to go back for another year…yaroo!!
I’m starting to ‘get back to normal’…its taken time and there are still blips when something will trigger me off and bring back awful memories but these are getting less now. I know that when I go back to work that the first day will be emotional for me but I also know that once this is out of the way that I will be ok. I’m going to meet up with one of my work colleagues for coffee to break the ice with her and get one of my hurdles out of the way.
Well, yesterday, I sang with my choir and right on cue just as we started singing ‘As Torrents in Summer’ the rain came down!! Oh joy…
Love, hugs and spoons to everyone
Jane x
Hi all
I had a birthday weekend, we went for lunch at a place called ASK pasta and pizza among other dishes
my grandaughter had spag bol, when the waitress put it in front of her, my grandaughter said" with chippps" the waitress fair play brought her some, the way it came out when she said it, was so funny we all laughed.
Like you jane iam getting back some of my lost energy and it feels wonderful tho i know when i have done to much i sleep the afternoon away, like i did sunday lol xxxx
Just cleaned my shower with Cillit bang active foam its a new and shower looks all new , spray leave for 10 mins and wipe down easy, looks great, Wish i could dip my house in it, ha ha.
My OH 's car had M O T on saturday and failed , its in garage now being sorted £300, Doz they are expencive but we really missed it over the weekend, getting it back today, fingers crossed xxxx
Iam still in PJ’s, so going to have coffee and then get dressed.
hope everyone is keeping well love yvonne xxxxxx
Wow 2 dry days in a row but I have a stinking cold so don’t feel like going anywhere just typical after being stuck in for days.
Yvonne I too would like to dip my house in something so it came out all shiny.We had a leak in our bath last week so water poured into kitchen luckily ceiling is okay but after mopping up I realised how bad things were so have been busy today cleaning all through I am getting really lazy these days so needed to getup and do something and now feel good because it is all done.
Doz I had a visit from bluetits the other day but only one baby which was huge nearly twice the size of its mum.
Oh dear Elsa Jane you poor dears singing in the rain(pardon the pun) It must have been like the flotilla on the Thames last week when those people were singing and the rain was pouring down.
Ami,Emmy,GI Jane, Carolyn and anyone I forgot to mention have a good day and hopefully keep dry love and hugs Janice xxx
p.s wow didn’t realise we have passed our thousandth post what busy fingers we have xxx
Well quick one got all plants done and weather was kind! looks like someone lives at our house now! All that said b####y filling fell out eating a banana! so back to dentist Thurs was so chuffed so back to the drawing board! Never mind it’s sunny here! Birthday indian tonight yummy! Enjoy the sunshine flutterbys big group hug Em xxx
Hope all goes well for Vikki’s line removal tomorrow, Doz. It will be such a relief for her and another step on her road to recovery. How did you appointment for your thumb go today? Also good luck for you on Wed, flutterby. Be thinking of you both. Well, as you say, at least it’ll get you out from ‘rotting in PJ’s‘, or is that rooting?
Elsa-Jane Your choir certainly was ‘singing in the rain’ then? What a shame for you all after all the rehearsing. Perhaps when you do go back to work those blips you talk about may disappear. When you are so busy you might not even think much about BC. Also, easing yourself back by meeting your work friend is a great idea. Confronting one thing at a time like that may work for you.
Hope your cold is a bit better, Janice. You don’t expect to get one in summer, do you? I’ve also felt like doing more housework lately. Haven’t dared examine things too closely before as I knew it wouldn’t get done, ‘cos I just couldn’t rustle up the energy or enthusiasm! And yes, you do feel a sense of satisfaction when you step back and see how clean everything is. As you say Emmy, looks like someone lives there now, ha, ha, ha! I always say “Looks like someone cares now”. Hope it’s not too awful at the dentist on Thurs. Enjoy your Indian!
Spent a couple of hours doing crafts, which I haven’t touched since BC, and listening to some old music which took me back in time. Interesting that music triggers memories you had forgotten about and brings back all those feelings you associate with it.
Hope you’re OK Yvonne and you’ve enjoyed your birthday. Haven’t seen Jane post lately. Now we have two Jane’s. Jane and Elsa-Jane to differentiate! I have 2 neighbours, both called Jean. When we haven’t seen them together my OH comments, “Haven’t seen the pair of Jeans!” Hug to everyone else.
Ami xx
SOOO tired… on call Saturday…2 hours at lunchtime…1.5 in the evening… waited up for OH who’d beenat a conference all day. He got back at nearly midnight… heard about his day…w ent to bed 1am… pager went at 1.15… family I know from outside… little one with a life-limiting condition… 20 months and deteriorating… was there most of the night with family and the doctors who were in different places… (transfer/ventilate vs not in child’s best interests). Got home eventually, but sleep was ellusive… had a couple of chats with the ward and consultant during my “day off” - back today and I’ve done 3 hours extra today too… can’t think straight…
Training new volunteers tomorrow morning. Lovely colleague’s farewell do in the afternoon… OH’s birthday meal in the evening!
hope you’re all being more sensible than I am…
flop flip
Jane xx
Ooh Jane! I should think you can’t think straight. What a busy time! I don’t know how you do it after what you’ve been through. I’m concerned you’ll get burn out! I wouldn’t be able to function properly if my sleep patterns were so erratic. I’ll have to send you an injection of wing fuel (or 2 match sticks to keep your eyes open) Hope you’re in bed now and you don’t read this until tomorrow!
Hug, Ami xx
Got app tomorrow with new surgeon having check over which was missed due to my old surgeon retiring! I am not too bothered but it is the thought of another stranger looking over the boobs, I know it’s daft but I could cry 'cos it’s not like we have a choice! Though did say when having radiotherapy when there were men in white coats in to repair yet another machine that it was lucky I hadn’t tore off my top to them it was almost like conditioning!!! No I don’t do it now but remember one of the girls saying be careful 'cos we have got decorators around the place so be careful!!!
Meal was lush and I am a happy,full satisfied bunny tonight! take care all and as ever big hugs Em xxx
Emmy. Just a quick one to say I hope you read this before you go to bed and a big hug for tomorrow. I have seen a different onc every time as I have improved and I know what you mean, we just do what we’re asked and try to think blank. The decorators will have paint on them anyway….and maybe a brush. The smell will give them away too, he, he, he! If it is bibs and braces then you can be rest assured it’s certainly decorators!! The doctor will have gloves, although beware if they are yellow marigold……with Vim! Be thinking of you. Good luck although I’m sure you’ll not need it.
Love Ami xx
Emmy- be wary of men in white coats…methinks Ami is right in that you have to check their identity first so …look for splodges of paint, sniff for a whiff of turpentine and feel their pockets for a brush (back pockets only I hasten to add!) 
T’would be awful if they asked you where to strip (their intentions being only wallpaper) and you being on a different wavelength altogether could end up in the altogether so to speak! Seriously though, hope today goes/went alright and I’m sending a virtual handhold to you x
Doz- thinking of you and Vikki today, hope all goes well and I’m sending you both virtual hugs and handholdings
Jane-you’re working really hard, and I don’t know how you cope with broken nights sleep…look after yourself too Flutterby.
Yvonne-ASK do great food, I remember going to one of their restaurants in Liverpool docks when our son was a student there and the meal was scrummy.
Ami-I plucked up courage to phone my manager this morning to discuss going back to work in July sometime…I managed to hold it together for the phone call but I cried afterwards. He suggested meeting up informally out of work first which I think is a good idea but I know I’ll still cry the first time I meet him. This is how I am, and then I’ll be ok so I’d better prepare him for tears!
Well, I felt very british and patriotic singing in the rain on Sunday, I had to smile to myself as we sang Summertime with the plip plopping of raindrops on the gazebo…there’s summertime then there’s british summertime!
Going shopping with my friend tomorrow as she needs an outfit for Ascot on Friday…a bit last minute! So, we’re talking hats and posh frocks, can’t wait.
Jane xx
Hi all
Had my cleaning head on yesterday, so was asleep by 8.30pm and up at 7am
Gijane- you really work hard, hope you will be able to fit in some me time and relax , sending you a hug xxxx
Emmy- You must be at your appointment now xx thinking of you xxxx
Doz - Hope all goes well to day for you and vikki xxxx
Elsa- How nice to have meeting with your boss outside working hours, about going back to work. i think thats really nice way to make a start to go back, very chilled xxxxx
ami- Had a great weekend, thank you for the e-mail card, all my family watched it and my grandaughter loved the moveing teddys and had to repet it twice over, how wonderful it was .xxxxxx
its gone very dark here, looks like its going to rain, i have loads of washing out, must go!!!
love yvonne xxxxx
Gosh what busy flutterbys 
you put me to shame!!!
All that housework eeeek I will take my Mum’s advice ha ha!!! What does’nt get done today will be there tomorrow and in my case tomorrow never comes!!! 
It does but only in short bursts!! I went through Vikki’s bedroom with a fine tooth comb on sunday wish’d I’d had the cillit bang!!
After several cuppa breaks it finally shone and yes how good to stand back and sigh with relief and pride!
I would never have thought i’d feel like that just over housework but in the last year its an accomplishment to finally finish a job!!
GI Jane you must take some time back for yourself girl otherwise the flip will definately flop you really need to rest lovely xxx
Ami I got my appointments all mixed up… there are so many in this household pending that I got my mondays wrong its next week I go for the blessed thumb!! Vikki had her line out this morning we had intended getting up before 7 to set off early as the olympic torch was coming through our village at 7.40 and they had closed off the main road out, but poor Vik’s was still in the land of nod at 7 so we missed it such a shame as i’ll never get to see it here again in my lifetime but on a happier note the line was removed they had a bit of trouble locating the cuff in her neck so had to cut her a bit (4 stitches) but the entry port in her chest was nice and clean so that will heal really well and as I speak she is snoring her head off
Janice i hope your cold is getting better there is nothing worse than a summer cold… though is it summer yet??? Plenty of fluids lovely!!! I noticed the other day we were past 1,000 posts who would have thought when I was first whinging my head off wondering where I went that we would still be here and so happy that we are flutterbys xxxxx
Em I am sending you a massive hug and the hand is always open xxxhugxxx Happy birthday for last monday 
I love Indian food so next time you go give me a shout ha ha!!! I hope you are ok cos I cant flutter without you xxxxx
Yvonne so glad you had a good one too Happy birthday to you too We have an Ask in Hull and yes it is lovely food… well done you on your cleaning splurge you certainly sounded more enthusiastic than me I’ve spent the last couple of days running in and out with the washing we’ve had some lovely weather but we keep getting big black clouds coming over that look as if its going to bucket down so in comes the washing then half an hour later out it goes DOH!!! Finally today its clear!
Jane singing in the rain is VERY appropriate for England 
I’m sure you still had a good time… we Brits dont usually let a spot of rain spoil anything do we
I can empathize with the blips… we feel as if we are just reaching a point where normal comes to mind then something silly will happen and the memories and fear come back and knock us momentarilly off our feet again… I think we will always have that little niggle in our lives but it does get easier to come to terms with as time goes by… but I still think we’ve been to hell and back and the aftercurrents are a bit unfair to us all Ami is right just take each step as it comes and as for work you’ll know hon when your ready and dont rush it if your not really up to it xxxxx
And to close today I will thank the Dr from the bottom of my heart who said better to put on weight than to loose it… choccy biscuits here I come and a cuppa of course… keep those wings fluttering girlies and enjoy the sun!!!
Love hugs spoons and hands outstretched for anyone who needs it
xxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ami you made the 1,000 post 
xxxxxxx
O.k I have come off the ceiling now! I went into a mega stress today as surgeon was not happy with lumps around scar and said I should have a mammo? I told him I had already had one around eight weeks ago but he didn’t appear to have the results so suggested a scan till the nurse offered to find results for him so he reluctantly agreed but said he will see me in 6 months as he wants to ‘keep an eye on it’ , that really put the wind up me! I came home and as I was alone had a good cry till I fell asleep for an hour! on waking I replayed the whole thing and got quite cross as I had my lumps looked at by my bc nurse about four months ago and was told it is scarring or rad damage , then I thought about not having the results in my file and now I think it was so wrong he didn’t have all the facts to hand!!! I will see bc nurse on Friday when I go for reflexology and have a chat, on the plus side he is keeping an eye so I should feel reassured I think? Thank you all for the hand and support I seriously wonder how I would have got to here without you!
Ah well hubby finished putting in new shrubs and the garden is looking lovely just need to cut the grass AGAIN! it is growing like mad at the moment and it isn’t going to be the nicest of weathers for the weekend so we have to make the most of it!
I am so glad Vik has been sorted out Doz and hope this is a whole new beginning for you both! I will catch up with all you flutterbys over the next few days so enjoy the sun on your wings while you can and Jane take it easy you will need another holiday at this rate! ami love that you are the 1000th! wonder who it will be next time? Take care and as ever sending spoons,love and of course a group hug Em xxx
Emmy, I am so sorry that you were sent into a panic today! I don’t think they see just how anything a little bit out of the ordinary affects us. I can see it has sent you into shock but it appears he is being extra cautious and if he isn’t seeing you again for 6 months then that sounds very encouraging. I agree, I would have thought your results should have been to hand after all those weeks! I hope you’ve recovered enough to have a peaceful night, flutterby. Sending you a huge hug.
Glad you’ve found some energy, Doz, and managed to get some satisfying work done. One great step forward now the line is out! What an uplifting day for you both. Isn’t it great that this thread is still running over a 1000 now and we are all there for each other and now friends who keep in touch? That’s thanks to you, Doz. Hiy ham highly honoured to be the 1000’th……hiy thank you!! (Takes a bow) Can’t remember when I was so important! I really mean it when I say that each and every post is important to us all, where would we be without them and each other?
Hope your cold is clearing, Janice! Elsa-Jane, get spending and enjoy your retail therapy! Yvonne, don’t go doing more cleaning, you’ll put us to shame! Hope you are rested, Jane, and you had a good day with your staff change. Carolyn, are you joining in with this cleaning trend? If I’ve missed anyone, will you come and post? Look after yourselves, love Ami xx
Emmy I still have some lumpy bits and as doc said to me probably due to rads so I am not worried about them and I am sure yours will be the same.Re garden our grass seems to be growing at least an inch a day so hopefully may get cut tomorrow.
It was so nice here today we went off for a picnic and nice river walk got to make the most of it.
Doz glad Vikki got sorted with her line today and she has a sparkling clean bedroom to sleep in we all seem to have been busy bees lately as opposed to flutterbys.
Ami a smiley face for you as our 1000th poster .
Gi Jane you need to be careful you don’t want to end up ill with exhaustion but I suppose it is hard when you have the vocation you have.
hope everyone else has had a dry day and my cold is much better thank you so may have another jaunt out tomorrow if it stays fine big hugs love Janice xx
Hello lovely ladies,
Here I go trying to catch up and working my way backwards through the thread. First of all hello there Em and I’m really sorry that you had such a rubbish time with your ONC. It’s that whole idea of ‘your life in their hands’ isn’t it? Hugs to you.
Doz, I’m loving your doctors advice!! Have been on a diet for nearly a month now, although pleased I’ve lost the tamoxifen weight I’m now craving jam doughnuts of all things, yum! x
Yvonne I am very impressed by your cleaning energy. I am looking at a house which I don’t feel has had a thorough clean for weeks! Really need to paint some scruffy walls too! Can I be bothered? No. x
Elsa Jane, sorry you’re feeling rubbish and contending with the whole work issue. Do look after yourself too though. As soon as I was back in the door everything was being piled upon me as if I hadn’t been away. I am rubbish at saying ‘no’, but am trying lol.
Jane, are you managing to relax yet? What a busy time (as usual I have to say!). Take care and look after you. xx
Ami, I hope you are okay too. You always chip in with kind and helpful comments! Hope you are doing well.
Got an appt with consultant on Fri to look at my good boob, it’s gone a tad lumpy. No doubt it will be just knackered veins! I will probably come back feeling stupid and with ‘panicker’ stamped all over my notes, but you jusy have to don’t you? xxx
Hi flutterbys well in the cold light of day after a reasonable night’s sleep I am feeling a lot calmer, I am still mad at the stupid man but then he is doing his job having never met me before (I miss my old surgeon!) I don’t think it fills you with confidence to have a change of specialist specially if he doesn’t have his records to hand and it’s my life,my illness and he should have been up to speed! There rant over but I will see my bcn on Friday just to make sure! Still as hubby pointed out we have Aus so I am hanging on to that!
ami you love thank you for the reassurance it does help and Doz you are such a tower of wisdom in the middle of all your poo you thought of me. All you lovely ladies I am so glad to have you here I think the robins in my head got the better of me for a short while but thanks to you all for your hand and hugs! Carolyn I think it is time for ‘the magic hand’ girl so sending mine and the others will be along soon.I am so sorry I have not been a good flutterby I just sat yesterday when I woke till hubby got me to ‘supervise’ him putting in new shrubs. I wish these magic hands and cillit bang could wend their way to my house! I have really started to notice stuff isn’t it awful? I just do the bits you can see (yes ami you were right) but I did clean our shower properly a few days ago and this awful weather just puts you off! I am hoping that we get the grass done today as it is forecast to be cats and dogs once again and I don’t know whose kitchen sinks go missing they seem to be thrown in for good measure!
Loving the advice on weight makes me feel quite saintly! Strawberries and cream are my biggest downfall this time of year! So I tell myself fruit is good and the cream …good for me! Well flutterbys thank you all I am looking at blue skies and not looking down again! Spoons, love and hugs Em xxxxx
Emmy-so glad to hear that you had a reasonable nights sleep and are feeling calmer…after what we’ve been through makes every doctor’s appointment more worrying and your doctor should have had your results to hand, its not fair to you…could you phone his secretary and ask for a follow up telephone appointment if you don’t have any joy from your BC nurse on Friday? On a positive note he doesn’t want to see you for another 6 months which is very encouraging.You poor thing going through all that stress yesterday…am sending you a bucketful of hugs xxxx
Crabbit-also will be thinking of you this Friday, hope it all goes well xx
Well this morning, I am up, showered and dressed for my shopping trip to Shrewsbury…looking forward to it…now, where’s my lift???
Jane xx