Ami - your post made me well up and shamed me into posting. Been welling up quite a lot over last few days 
don’t really know why. Somebopdy only has to mention BC and off I go! 1 year tomorrow since had mastectomy, perhaps its that. I am still reading all the posts though, you all sound so postive.
Hugs to all
Stella x
PS just checking my spelling and noticed I had put ‘nastectomy’ - quite appropiate!
Stella we seem to be in the weepy corner together hope you left some room for my fat bottom to squeeze in! I am sure the anniversary does make it worse and it brings back stuff we would rather not think about! You are a little crushed flutterby but we will unfurl and be the lovely flutterbys we are inside on the outside. We all do know how hard it can be which is why being a flutterby is wonderful 'cos the hands reach out to hold us steady when we wobble and wobble we will! Just post when you can we will all be here for each other and it’s not just for the bad things but also the good which makes it that little bit more special to know that we hold each other and celebrate together as well. Doz started a wonderful gathering of flutterbys who share the ups and downs with love and humour, sending you the hand to hold and a hug both sent with love from us all. I am sure the other flutterbys will be along with the same. Take care flutterby Em xxxx
Tears are good ladies as they help to wash away the bad thoughts we all have at times so let them flow and then get back up there with a smile 
or two .
I agree that Ami always has the right words at the right time she is indeed a wise flutterby.
Well all jobs in garden done before the forcast rain comes and a lovely afternoon walk ending with a bag of chips eaten overlooking the harbour no diet today ha ha love and hugs Janice xx
Stella, I didn’t mean to make you well up or shame anyone into posting. I just didn’t want to leave anyone out, flutterby! I tend to look who’s posted since my last post to reply, so to speak. We seem to be growing as a group so I try to include us all, one way or another, but I left you out, so shame on ME! We are a teary lot, even after BC is over. I feel Emmy has said it all….she is so good at putting things into words and comforting us!! Anyway, I’m so glad to see you’ve posted, ’cos we wonder where you are and if you are OK if you don’t!
Hope Friday goes well for you, Carolyn. Better to come back stupid and well rather than leave it. Be thinking of you. Treat yourself to a Jam Doughnut when you come back! And I’m doing fine, thanks for asking.
So pleased you’re a lot calmer Emmy. I did think, as you say, that you had Aug to look forward to. As you point out, Doz is the ‘Tower of Wisdom‘? She is so soothing and reassuring to us, along with Janice…… must be the Nurse in them. Bet the patients love them. Had Strawberries today, Em!! And ooh! Bag of chips sounds good, Janice. Wouldn’t mind a walk near the harbour either. That must be nice to have that near you. Yes, Janice, tears help wash away the bad thoughts….so true, you’re spot on!
So trumpet away into those tissues!
Love Ami xx
Ah Flutterbys xxxx
I will go along with all the words on here from all you sweet girlies… very wise each and everyone of you xx
Its definately a long and arduous road to get back some normalicy into our lives and even though i’m 18 months on I still fill up at the slightest thing and when my first yr came around after my op I was a wreck as were most of us… so Stella you are just another fragile flutterby honey and take it from me I will be just the same again when my second year comes round… eeeek!!!
I have been trawling through the pics on Daniels computer (this one which is on loan to me while he took my better one to Afghanistan) and I found this lovely photo of Vikki… thought that it would be nice for you all to put a face to the name you have heard so much about over the ast few months… my little princess 
She made me a cup of tea today without her brace on WOO HOO!!! she had to put it back on to come back into the lounge but I could have wept buckets of happy tears one small step forward YAAY!!!
I think now the line is out and she is coming down from the months on antibiotics we may just see some improvements… Fingers crossed
Blood letting this morning was soo painful, I’m sure she moved the needle in my arm when she reached over for another phial OUCH!!! Got a lovely purple and red bruise coming 
I’m now an official member of the I HATE NEEDLES CLUB
Well flutterbys its been a lovely day had a spell weeding and resting weeding some more and resting some more… and maybe… just maybe it will be ironong day tomorrow as the rain is on its way back… oh how I missed you!!! NOT!!
Flutter gently flutterbys and special hugs to fragile friends you are all so special xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
HI ALL
Dear Emmy- Iam feeling like i felt a few months ago, when in my head i want to comfort you, but have great trouble puting it into words, but Doz, Ami, Janice and Stella have a great way of putting things into perspective, and the comfort they give goes a long way , so sending you a 1000 hugs xxxx
crabbit- i also find looking around my house that it needs a good lick of paint, my garage now has 10 large pots of paint in different colours ready apply, i also cant be bothered as yet.xxx 
Doz- great news that vikki had her line out, hope she is doing ok, hugs to you both. xx
Ami- Went on to clean my cooker,and my arms still ache, think i over did it gosh sooo much needs doing
Stella- I think its good for us to have a good cry lets out all pent up feelings , untill the next time ( if that makes sence)
Take care one and all xxx yvonne xxx
Hi everyone
We all need to cry after what we’ve been through…I read your post Stella and so feel for you today…I can only imagine what I’ll be like when it’s my first nastectomy anniversary. What has taken me by surprise these last few months is the suddenness and depth of my emotions and they come from seemingly nowhere and absolutely overwhelm me. So my lovely, let the tears flow for now…we are here for each other through good days and wobbly ones, a big flutterby hug is on its way x
Yvonne-I’ve got so much cleaning to do too, I don’t know where to start I really don’t…but…I’ve got to start somewhere…its a rainy day so I can’t do the garden, which means I SHOULD do the house! It’s not good is it when I’m still in my PJ’s with the ever present mug of coffee to hand typing away at my computer!
Doz- so good to hear that Vikki is improving…small steps I know but going in the right direction
Well I went shopping with my friend yesterday for her Ladies Day outfit for Ascot today…I just wish the weather today could have been like yesterdays for her, she is such a dear friend to me and has been there for me through all this nightmare.
Anyway, must go …love Jane xxx
Hi Yvonne thank you so much for your kind words i have now calmed down I think my mind went into overdrive and for a while I was back to the start! Scared witless and shaking like a jelly with fear, I am not usually such a baby but somehow this doc got to me and he was oh so nice about it. Still going back in 6 months so in the scheme of thimgs I will have 6 monthly checks so at least they are keeping an eye on things.
Carolyn you can now have the hand and I am so sorry I sort of ‘lost the plot’ and didn’t send you the hand! So here it is and a hug to see you through it certainly does help to know that others are thinking of you sort of makes things less tense somehow!
Doz what a lovely pic of Vik here’s to her getting back to her old self and getting out there and enjoying life as she should. Also to you getting some much needed R/R and your thumb settling, it’s time for your ME time!
ami what can I say yes you do put the most lovely posting which can make me smile, so thoughtful and kind (no blushing!) and guess what hubby bought yesterday? Yep strawberries and cream it was lush!
Janice chips oh heaven and sitting overlooking a harbour that is deep joy! We just made it too with the garden hubby cut the grass and today it is looking grim! I bet as soon as this lot clears we will need to do it all over again!
Stella I so hope you feel a bit better? If not as Doz says pop on here and know we are all here for you sending another hug in case the other ran out!
Jane(Elsa) phew two Jane’s! I just love Shrewsbury for shopping! The last time we went about 6 months ago it seemed to be like most places at the momenet so many shops closed down such a shame as it is a lovely place my next favourite is Chester now I can do a damage with my card there quite easily! I hope you got what you went for?
Jane lovely Jane I hope you haven’t worn yourself out? I expect you have been extra busy showing the newbie the job? I couldn’t help admiring just how much of yourself you obviously put into your job it is something I think you can’t accept half measures for. I do hope you are taking care!
Well it’s off to the flipping dentist! I do seem to be having a funny few days I have never had so much trouble with a tooth before! It has had THREE fillings now so looking like it will be capped now , ugh into the horrible rain I go armed with brolly while I can as the forecast is fir it to be very windy next hmmmmm!!! Who has pinched our summer I wonder ?
P.s more kitchen sinks flying past??!!! Take care all whatever you are up to and many thanks for the kind thoughts as ever group hug Em xxxxx
Morning flutterbys - thank you for all your support, you all have a way with words that are very comforting - made me cry again but good tears this time. I met a friend for lunch yesterday and she talked some good old common sense into me so feeling better about things today. I opened the Daily Mail on the bus and the first thing I saw was an article about five ladies who’d had reconstruction after surgery - quite interesting and puts things in persepective that we all have different views as well.
Its raining here, so don’t think there’ll be much gardening done today. My yougest son is taking me out for lunch today - but think he wants to tell me his love life problems!! Put my Margery Proops hat on.
That a lovely pic of Vikki, Doz, and glad to hear she’s picking up - bet that cup of tea tasted like nectar!
Have a nice day flutterbys
Stella - big hugs back x
Dear Flutterbies… how very fragile we all are! Crabbit - let us know how the lumpy boob goes…
Em… not surprised at your panic at breast surgeon - not exactly desinged to build confidence! Hope the BCN was/is good… being kept an eye on has to be good, but we’d rather it wasn’t necessary, eh? Regarding strawberries and cream, obviously strawberries are fruit, and good for you, and (as I once heard the Cooking Canon say) what you have to remember about cream is that it’s reconstituted grass and grass is fibre, and good for you!!! Never forgotten those words of wisdom!! I had lots of scones and cream and strawbs in the midwives office when the Queen came last week - delish!
Doz - SO glad Vicki’s line’s out and that she was able to make you a cuppa (much needed by the sound of it)
Sorry, I’m not going to attempt everyone - please have a group hug!
I’m taking some time back this morning, having had a very wobbly day yesterday. I was so tired I didn’t quite know what to do with myself, and I lost confidence (again!) Had the funeral of an 11 week old first thing, and had my hair cut ( !) and I’m really pleased, I now have a “style”… then to work Not many patients, but several members of staff - some of whom I was supporting and some of whom were supporting me, and one or two it was two-way! Then I had to have a colposcopy, which showed I don’t have cervical cancer, so that’s a relief! Lie in this morning… pottering gently now… Got thrush in the mouth again - probably cause I’ve been overdoing it. The locum probably won’t start for a month or so (CRB and all that), so we stagger on. Next week I’m at a Diocesan clergy conference in Swanwick, so I’m hoping that will be restful. At least it’ll be a break. wing juice - someone offered wing juice! I love it!
We had two days of sunshine to warm the wings… now it’s cloudy and wet again. The tomatoes and beans are strugglng…
Anyone need a hand-hold today?
love
Jane
Jane - you take it easy today after you’re awful day yesterday (apart from the haricut.) The colposcopy result must be such a relief for you - you ladies do some difficult jobs (mine’s a walk in the park in comparision. I don’t know how you cope, very strong people. Hope you have a nice week at Swanwick. I like the defintion of cream 
! Some cream cakes in the kitchen at work for a birthday, think I might indulge now I know its good for me heehee!
Stella x
Jane you amazing woman take it easy as much as you can! I am sending a special hug 'cos you sound a bit worn and wings need energy to flap! I think a bit of sun won’t go amiss either just starting to enjoy it then UGH!!! What a strange year we have all this rain in the middle of a DROUGHT!? Serves them right I guess but the joke is wearing a bit thin! coloscopy result is good news, you will feel a bit fragile so take care of you.
I just dropped by to let you know dentist is my friend now he did a silver filling (Who is expensive?) and hopefully that will sort it !
Stella so glad I thought we had lost you and it won’t be the same if any of us stop posting 'cos we spark off each other !!! I am so glad you are feeling better it does go round and round in your head but I have stuck mine in a box (not my head! my thoughts!) and will see BCN tomorrow!
not going back over everyone again as Jane says a BIG group hug! Em xxxxxxxxxxx
p.s that’s it more cream mmmmmm!!!
Yesterday I sat down and wrote a long letter to an old friend who I don’t see very often, telling her about what’s happened to me as she doesn’t yet know. How fragile we are, the tears started almost straightaway. I felt strong enough yesterday to write this letter as I have been putting it off, but those memories of finding the lump, being diagnosed, telling your family, friends and work, having surgery, seeing yourself for the first time after your operation all came flooding back and overwhelmed me. But, it’s done, and the letter made the last post.
I feel that my last big hurdle is going back to work. I’m one of those people who doesn’t like a lot of fuss, I don’t like being the centre of attention and I know that when I walk back into the office (its a big open plan affair with the admin staff in one half and the clinicians in the other) that they’ll all focus their attention on me and this is what I’m dreading. How do I cope with this??? Help!!!
So GI Jane…I’m feeling a bit wobbly at the moment and could really do with a handhold today
Sorry flutterbies to be so mawdling today
Love
Jane xx
Hand sent and holding on wobbly flutterby, when are you back? Have you some staff who you get on with that you could maybe ask out for a coffee? sort of break the ice? I am not at work now but I did go back for 6 months I made sure I was the first to arrive so I could see people arriving one at a time. Have you spoken to your boss then you could maybe ask them to let people know what you would like? Just a couple of suggestions ? I bet you get some more then you could look at which approach you would feel comfortable with?
Sending another hug they run out so fast don’t they? Right on my way with my head in a box! Catch up later with you Carolyn sending you a hug too! Take care fragile flutterbys Em xxx
Jane that was a hard one to do telling your friend my heart went out to you but hey you did it! x
Thanks Emmy…you always know the right things to say. I thought that I’d discuss my feelings with my manager beforehand, he’s very good. I know that once the first few days are out of the way then it should be ok, its just getting them out of the way that bothers me because its going to be so emotional for me. I am meeting up with my manager before going back and I’m also arranging to see another colleague for coffee as well.
What is really worrying me is that a few months ago one of my colleagues took a couple of months off work as her mother died. When this colleague returned to work all the admin staff very insensitively and cheerily said things like, welcome back, how are you, nice to see you as though nothing had happened. She turned to them and said, 'don’t you know my mother died? She had to leave the office in tears. The admin staff probably meant well but were insensitive to her fragility.
You’re right, those hugs don’t last long do they? We all need a constant supply of them to keep us going. Hope your appointment with the BCN goes well today, will be thinking of you
Jane xx
Hi Jane (2) and all you lovely Flutterbys xx
I really felt for you Jane as I have been in the same situation where the letter needs to be done and the tears just flow the minuite the writing starts… but well done you for finishing it bless you your still recovering hon and no matter how much you think your strong enough for getting “normalicy” back its a very scarey place to be, with hormones all over the place and the body still recovering… but as we’ve all said in the past the mind is the last thing to learn to deal with it so the old adage is be gentle with yourself xxx As for work I went back a bit too early thinking I was mentally capable and it was a shock to realize just how fragile I did feel, so perhaps you could try going in to see them all a couple of times before you actually plan to restart? that way the formalities will be less severe and everyone will be used to seeing you again… Its never an easy decision when you’ve been through this type of trauma as we look ok on the outside but inside we are a blithering mess, I hope whichever way you decide to go back, it is right for you… hand always open and a massive hug on its way xxhugxx
Just had a knock at the door so must shoot we have a gas leak outside my house EEEEK so forgive the shortness of my post love to you all for now!!! I’LL BE BACK xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi everyone, I have been reading the posts here and hope I am posting in the right place, you all sound so friendly and I wasn’t sure where to post this.
Here goes. Yesterday i finished all my treatments. From dx and surgery in November, through chemo from January to May (nasty experience) and 20 shots of radiotherapy, i am done. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I have walked the dog in the wind and rain early this morning along the beach, I came home and juiced kale, celery/peppers/ carrots/cucumber and sweet potato, drank it, boiled two organic eggs, ate them and drank a green tea.
Physically, I am overweight and trying to do something about it. I have filled in and sent an “exercise by invitation form” from my surgery to my local sports centre and am waiting to hear from them. My hair is starting to come back now, it’s grey, but at least it’s coming back. I’m waiting for the fatigue to hit me, I’ve been warned that the next 2 weeks may be quite difficult.
Mentally, i’m ok on the surface but a smouldering cauldron of emotions underneath. I could cry at the drop of a hat. I have cancelled a social event I was aiming to be better by as I just can’t cope with a crowd of people.
What i think i’m asking for is reassurance from you guys that what I’m feeling is normal? I’m not on any hormonal treatment as I am triple neg so as far as treatment goes that’s it. I have looked into diet and lifestyles and am trying to be as healthy as possible, but underneath it all am I just kidding myself?
Hi hero
Whilst you await replies I am posting a link to the BCC ‘Moving forward’ information page which I hope you will find helpful:
http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/moving-forward
Our helpliners are always here to offer a listening ear too, please feel free to call 0808 800 6000, the lines open 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Saturdays
Take care
Lucy
Welcome to this thread Hero67-you are a new flower in the garden and I’m sure all the other flutterbies will be along soon to welcome you.
Everything you describe, the cauldron of emotions, crying at the drop of a hat, not liking crowds…is very, very normal after what you’ve been through…the emotional healing takes time as I am still finding out though the good days now outnumber the wobbly ones. I’m meant to be going out tonight to our wine tasting group. It will be the first time I’ve seen them since my op in February and I am having a wobbly day today and wonder if I’ll make it tonight, maybe that’s why I’m having a wobbly day? I’ll need an escape plan if it all goes pear shaped!!
With regards diet and healthy lifestyle, do what you feel is best for you. I’m overweight and am trying to follow the Slimming World plan, am also thinking of getting a swimming pass to the local pool so I can go swimming regularly.
Once treatment finishes, I don’t know about you but I felt somehow that I was in a twilight world and left to get on with things. It was a scary place but the support I’ve had from this site has been immense and uplifting.
Take care flutterby
Jane xx
Welcome to the world of Butterflies Hero67
Butterflies… as we will emerge one day whole again… until then we flutter gently, hence the Flutterby status
All you have said can be read and understood by all the lovely flutterbys on this post as we have all been there and as you will see some are still going through it so welcome with open arms XXX
We are all probably carrying extra weight and if you see a previous post a very nice Dr said better to put it on than loose it and Janes advice “do what is best for you” is as sound as it gets
The next few weeks may make you feel tired and a bit lethargic as Radio Therapy does keep on building up for a while so be gentle with yourself and if you feel the need take some time out for yourself… it is allowed Not everyone feels it but most have said how tired we felt, as I did… But take each day as it comes and if you feel tired or low know that it will get better, fingers crossed you sail through it hon… We are always here and I speak for all the lovely ladies on here if one cant advise on a subject then someone else will bounce your fears off us and join in with the banter… these precious Flutterbys have been my lifeline
Well finally got rid of the gas men who invaded my house… in the rain… dripping wet having not intended to do any housework today as the weather has been so dreadful… I found myself mopping up cleaning the floors (wooden thankgoodness) and feeling slightly ashamed when I had to move the sofa for the guys to get to the mains found half of Ben’s coat rolled up in little balls underneath EEEEEEK!!! Now that IS disgraceful!!! Tho I bathed him on monday so he has shed a bucket load of hair… and thats where its settled
The leak was just outside my house in the joint connecting me to the mains… and I didnt smell a thing, it was my next door neighbour who had rang them thinking it was their house… only to find it was mine… so there I was typing merrily away to you girls IN MY PJ’S having only been up half an hour I had’nt even brushed my hair so a sight to behold when I answered the door to them ALL AAAARGH!!!
Em I hope all went well today for your appointment and they have managed to get your poor head out of the box… bless you I’m sure they will have eased your worries and sent you on your way with a nice big smile… hands outstretched xxx
GI Jane you poor love you really need to take care of yourself what with always being there for others you need to look after No1 with having had tests and such your poor head must be all over the place, big hug on its way with the order to be gentle with yourself as always xxxhugxxx
Well I can safely say my house is’nt haunted… spooky or what? For the past 3 nights Vikki has been hearing noises in the night?? I heard a few bangs one night then must have slept through the following nights as I didnt hear anymore… we had bought a lovely old pine wardrobe that had been unused and stored in an outbuilding for a few yrs… we put it up in Vikki’s room and gave it a right good clean and polish (looks amazing) we are assuming it was the wood settling the first night that we heard the noises but the next night Vikki was kept awake for hours with a strange scraping/grumbling noise??? So last night I stayed in her room till 3 listening but we didnt hear it again so I went to bed and must have fallen asleep quite quickly as at 5.00 Vikki woke me up to say she could hear it again??? but she was laughing as it was ME snoring??? I dont snore??? Do I??? the answer is yes ha ha!! the noises she heard was me ooooer!!! So no Em it wasnt Narnia in the wardrobe ha ha ha!!!
I hope our fragile flutterbys are feeling a bit better and tho the weather is bad summer will come I hope… one day!
Flutter gently girlies we are growing in numbers so a bit difficult to reply to each of you but know you are in my thoughts always hand hugs spoons and love to you all Group hug on its way xxxxxxxxhugxxxxxxx