Just q quickie to say lovely evening at the Award Ceremony… my BCN told me that she’d been having a really difficult, frazzling time at work, and then the letter from the Chief Exec arrived saying she’d been nominated & shortlisted, and it made such a difference to her. So… if you had great care, check your hospital websites - they may take patient nominations too… She didn’t win, but it was a great evening, and fab stories…
time for a cuppa!
Busy butterflies 
I dont know what happened but came on here on Vikki’s ipad yesterday and was a bit confused at the sausage roll swear word (ha ha tell it like it is Em x as I could’nt find any relating posts??? Then this morning came on the computer and there they were??? 5/6 posts that didnt show up before so here I am doing an Angie and reading all the back posts GREMLINS again
Jane what a shame she didnt win bless her they all should win… any recognition for doing such a good job is good tho I bet she was proud as punch… also nice to hear you had a lovely chill night for once xxx
Em I am soooo with you on the 8 week prescription… where shall we go somewhere warm quiet peaceful and a maid of course ha ha!! Maldives… oh yes please you’ll need to hold my hand on the aeroplane tho!!! xxx
Stella the first anniversay is always the worst we all dread it as it brings things to the surface we all want to forget 
we were all the same but now for me 2 yrs on I seem to have hardened to it a bit and the build up is not as bad, I do get the jitters when I suddenly remember its looming, but I try to not think about it now… its going to happen whether I worry or not and to be honest the actual mammo was fine, the nurses have a real empathy for the ladies who have been through the mill and i’m not going to let the wait for results get to me… brave words now ha ha i’ll let you know how I feel after monday has come and gone we can all giggle together just dont make me laugh out loud I want some sympathy from them and if I laugh I wont get it xxx
Ami bless you and your cornish pasty at least its not a surge of upheaval for you by moving across slowly as for the lack of xmas shopping Shame on you ha ha ha!!! only 5 weeks to go girlie… Yikes so close! I am with you all on the feeling a tad low and not really knowing why?? It seems to come from nowhere and stays too long sometimes… We would be worth a fortune if we could find a release from it, hope your on the up again sweetie xxx
Yvonne good to hear you stayed on the blessed meds hon, best you do for now then perhaps the Dr’s will reassess you when your results come through, they wont keep you on them if they are causing too many problems, I remember the BCN nurse saying we dont give them to you to make you feel worse, thats the last thing we do so if they are causing problems there are alternatives me dear… I hope all goes well for you and the results are good xxx
Janice I do hope the chatting with an outsider does help… its surprising what good it does you I can recommend it, its like sunbathing in a bikini on hols and wondering if you look too fat who cares we wont see them again so to say bare it all hon is a bit of an understatement just tell them everything and let them find the little boxes to store the useless away for you… xxxxx We did that didnt we Em… box the useless and sort the wheat from the chaff!
Have I forgotten anyone… I hope not? love hugs spoons and some virtual sunshine on its way to you all flutter gently xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I’ve been doing some baking this morning and so far have produced a beef bouguignon and a triple layer chocolate cake 
My alternative christmas is taking shape and that’s making me feel better and it’s actually quite liberating in a funny sort of way. As a family we love walking and seeing wildlife so the plan is do a bit of both on christmas day and come home when its dark to a pre-prepared supper, play a few games, watch a bit of tv and enjoy a drink or two.
A lot of us are feeling bit down…so sending lots of love, hugs and spoons to any flutterby who is fluttering low to the ground at the moment Jane xxx
mmmmm… went to see the Lymph nurse this morning… having weekly lymphatic drainage massage… OH is doing it twice a day as well for me… wearing a sleeve 24/7 and it’s getting worse. She’s got me a “juxtafit” thing which velcros on, to wear at night for a month and will review at the end of that month… if it’s still getting worse, she’ll refer me back to oncologist. Doesn’t THINK it’s anything sinister, but might need to eliminate …
so tired, I can’t cope with this today… been teary at work and seen no patients… came home slightly early… have to focus on the fact that she spent a lot of time saying she really believes it’s OK…
worked out that with last weekend being eaten into by work, I’m in the middle of a 26 day stint with no day off… no wonder I’m tired! Have worked out the next few weeks so that my weekends “off” have an extra day (time back) on them! Maybe that’ll help!
have a good weekend flutterbies… flip flop…
Jane
Oh Jane! Extra hugs love, I know where you are coming from and bumped into a fellow patient who seeing my sleeve tells me she has developed b****y lympho in her hand. She is a private patient who was advised to exercise rather than have a sleeve??? I was told I had done TOO much exercise??? So it is obviously not enough or too much exercise? I don’t think so I was quite good at mine but despite the sleeve it does swell under my arm which is uncomfortable so I think tiredness will also play a HUGE part in this too. Poor delicate flutterby my heart goes out to you. Good for you with the weekends I think that’s a plan but you really need to be kind to you,I would be tearful after 26 days too! I once did 18 days on and was so tired I reversed into a very epensive BMW on my way out of work!! That woke me ! I realised I had to learn to say NO which is hard hard when you work with people as I did too! I think when you have rested you will feel a little better, I am sending you positive thoughts along with the hug flutterby loads of love Em xxxxxx
Ah Jane… I remember in the not so distant past my little flip flop telling me I must learn to say NO… well my dear flip is now telling flop to stand in the front of the mirror and practise scrunching the lips into a very definate N O !!! You really cant keep doing those hours sweetie your poor old body (nothing derogatory in that remark xx) has to slow things down as your arm is telling you its tired and overworked… my lympho nurse explained what happens to your arm if you get over tired… Imagine your arm pit being a roundabout and 3 lanes go down your arm and 3 go into your chest… when the lymph nodes are removed its like a traffic jam, all the traffic has to go down any remaining lanes and when your overtired the lanes become clogged up so you MUST start to rest it and only do the exercises you have been given… not work all hours god sends bless you! I will say this only once (for today anyway) BE KIND TO YOU xxxx
Well done Jane 2 your alternative xmas sounds just the job I do hope the weather stays good for you all so you can come home put your feet up and enjoy a tipple or 2 You all put me to shame the only thing i’ve made in the past week or so is my bed!!! Which at this moment in time I’m soooo looking forward too, just sat with a coffee and starting to feel a bit of a yawning session coming on only 6 and a half hours to go!!
Flutter gently girlies a big hug to those in need bless ya and of course hugs even if you dont need them sleep tight and have a good weekend xxxxhugsxxxxxspoonsxxxxx
Oh Jane…following on from what Doz has said and in the same vein…your body needs to slow down and recharge its batteries pronto. You’re always on the go at all times of the day (and night), you need some ‘me’ time now…flutter gently if you can but best of all land on a flower and rest your flutterby wings
Just been reading back through a few posts and Emmy I saw that you’ve had anti d’s and found that they really helped you. It’s just every now and then I feel quite low and tearful and emotionally vulnerable and I don’t know whether to go and see my GP or not. These last few weeks have not been good in that when I’m driving to work each morning I get to thinking about everything and my eyes well up with tears…I spend half the journey pulling myself together before I get to work! I’m ok once I’m there it’s just these times when I’m on my own and the old brain cells go into overdrive. 
Anyway, flutter very gently everyone
Jane xx
Jane two, yes I took anti d’s from Oct last year then around May halved the dose till I stopped in July. Yes they made a huge difference to the tears and general low mood I was in, it took a couple of months to kick in but I was warned by the pharmacist that it takes time. It was like I saw the world through a net curtain everything was an effort! slowly it started to lift and I found I could cope with things that had got to me. I am a very sociable person as a rule but I didn’t want to speak to anyone and could not handle crowds. I still don’t like crowds but cope if I must and my moods are much more like me than I have been for what has been a very long time. I am becoming someone so different from what I used to be but the same in some I think only the flutterbys understand that statement! I think people see what they want to see and I know inside I am never going to be the same but accepting that has made things better and I think one way or another I handle things differently.
I don’t like taking pills but would now never underestimate the good that some can do! I am now off them but they helped me when I struggled to get back to some kind of normal and I would say speak to your GP or BCN they will advise you in what is best for you as they know you , I hope I will never need to take them again but would not hesitate if I do. Sending you a hug flutterby and as ami says tears can wash such a lot of rubbish away but if they start to take over then do get help. Emm xxx
Bless you all…
having walked the dog, I’ve been catching up with Children in Need highlights and not doing very much at all…
except I’ve got a talk to write for tomorrow… and an untidy house… just seen the article about our kitchens being more buggy than our toiletl seats…Euwww! off to bleach everything!
I’m exercising - and now wearing a Juxtafit http://www.circaid.com/products/juxta-fit/jf\_armsleeve.php if you want to have a look… gross and not very comfy, but bearable… except I took the hand piece off cause I can’t type witrh it (never mind make soup!) and put the glove on instead, but I see the back of my hand has swollen up, so I’ve put it back on tightly, which will probably chasse it all to the fingers, so maybe I’ll hve a rest from it… sigh… flop
thanks flip… I’m just not sure how you say no to the situations I face… but I am trying… consultant I had a chat with yesterday said I needed a spa weekend - sounds fab… but… on MY salary??? loved the description of a roundabout - why does tiredness make a difference though??? Sorry to be thick…
so pleased the tablets helped.d… useful things…
love and hugs
Flutterflop Jane!
Hi Jane - I can only echo what everybody else has said - you have to put yourself first. I know it must be difficault for you and Doz in the professions you are both in, but as Doz says practice saying ‘No, sorry can’t do’!
I’m also an a/ds (amtripylene) and have felt the difference they make. I was also on a/ds before BC cos of a sleep problem and now realise after taking the new a/d that the old one wasn’t doing anything for me. Nobody likes to think they need a/ds but heyho it it lifts you up a bit, why not?
Jane 2 - I’ve sat on the bus before now going to work trying to stop myself from crying - it may well be worth a visit to your GP. I’m on a low dose so shouldn’t be difficult to come off them when I feel able.
Well back to the ironing for me - Jane after you’ve done the bleaching, sit down with a good book and relax. Big hugs to everybody.
Stella xx
Hiya Flutterbys
Jane sorry I didn’t elaborate more on the roundabout system I was typing whilst grabbing an unofficial coffee break… Tut tut!
when our body,s are tired everything becomes sluggish as we all know (hence too much traffic going down an already full lane with no slip roads to get off) and that can affect the lymph drainage system in the same way thats why the arm and fingers swell…too much fluid, your not thick sweetie xx I just thought it was a superb way for her to explain to me the way the our drainage system works… It slows down when overloaded and the best advice is to rest it. I do hope you get some respite from it soon its s**t and I know know hard it is for you to slow down and take some time out for yourself but at the end of the day we are all just a number and be better to have you in one piece than broken lovely… It’s time they stopped overloading you and got someone to help you so you can take some me time… As for the spa break, Ragdale Hall do some really good offers 2 for the price of 1 etc, or 3 nights for the price of 2 especially mid week… I never dreamed I,d ever be able to go there as I always thought with it winning so many awards its was out of my league… But I,ve been twice now and planning a third trip it is,nt cheap but OMG soooo worth the money Jane…Do it!! Xxx
i do feel for you all who have those rotten creep up and make you vulnerable times… I read last night on a BC site that talks about pain after and the vulnerable aspects that BC gives us all… and some health professionals not admitting to knowing much about it? It is real and it very sympathetically said this is an adverse side effect for sufferers… I will try to put a link on here (don’t hold your breath:) tonight on my break! I have felt rotten for a couple of months… But I have been trying to ignore it… I know, you don’t have to tell me… I did go to Dr,s and will be going for the MOT…,but it’s so hard to explain… The tears the aches the net curtain as Em describes it so well, and i just don’t feel like me half the time I try to give myself a kick up the bum thinking I,m just whinging… And also trying to dismiss the BC connection but hearing you all saying the same and reading the site last night maybe it is just the b****y gift that keeps on giving!!! I,m rabbiting sorry girlies All in all I just feel S**T teary and just worn out. Moan over!
have a good weekend Flutterbys try not to flip and flop flutter VERY gently… We’re in this together xxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxx
Maybe we should all plan a well earned meet up at a Spa??? And flop together? xxxhugxxxxxxhugxxx
been thinking… dangerous I know… I wonder if we’re all still feeling like weeping because we THOUGHT that we’d be “over it” by now, and find we’re still living with the blasted thing?
looked up spas near me - ferociously 'spensive (and no offers/deals!) Maybe after Christmas they’ll do some…
sermon writ… rest (with dog on lap) enjoyed… dinner cooked…feet up tonight…(hopefully!)
love and hugs and flutters
Jane
Yay go on girl
i think your right Jane I,m sure it’s all the lingering problems that get us so low… And the lack of motivation (on my part anyway) to do something about it and the meds of course! X
oh well another day another dollar… work beckons and I feel less like going than going into the garden to eat worms!!
Love to you all xxxxhugxxxx
A spa day sounds lush…I’ll be looking for offers to see what’s available.
When I was first diagnosed with BC I remember saying to my OH that our lives would never be the same again. Somehow I’ve got to find a way of living with this, it’s this emotional fragility and vulnerbility that’s really difficult to explain to others how it makes you feel. I can be ok one minute then the next I well up and my thoughts overwhelm me…all those ‘what ifs’…
Anyway, as Doz says, another day beckons and we’re going in search of Waxwings today!
Flutter gently
Love
Jane x
ooooh… where? love birds… Jane
Hi Jane2 alt xmas does sound good I know years ago my son and his wife took a picnic and walked the hills around Edinburgh as he isn’t a xmassy guy and they enjoyed it Hope you got to see waxwings we are quite fortunate and get a few different birds in our garden even though we live on the coast goldfinch chaffinch green finch 3 types of tits (oops)so I enjoy watching them all.Re the tears at the minute I can hardly hold a conservstion without being teary just hope this counselling helps me to compartment my brain and start to get back to near normal whatever that may be xx
GIJane hope you had a restful night and hugging the dog would def help the stress levels I so miss my dog.Hope lympho starts to improve it must be awful.Luckily I haven’t had it xx
Stella I had a mad housework day yesterday after seeing all the dust under the dvd player think I will stop wearing my specs then I won’t notice it ha ha hope you took your advice you gave Jane and settled with a book after all that ironing xx
Doz its that time of year methinks mammos apps etc doesn’t help the mood at all.Hope you have a quiet night and will be there handholding tomorrow.Spa idea sounds good may start saving and you never know we may yet meet up.
Ami hope you are having a nice weekend and are fluttering along nicely
To all flutterbys have a quiet night and lots of hugs on there way love Janice xxxxxxxx
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Hubby saw field fare and redwings , he reckons it could mean a hard winter!!?? He did also say if waxwings were around then it is looking likely. wanted to send extra hugs to you Doz for tomorrow and hand holding till you say let go! So looks like time to put the feeders out for our feathered friends. Janice I so hope the counselling helps with the tears lovely, it’s rotten isn’t it? I am there with virtual tissues and more hand holding. Take care all and try to keep warm. Spoons, love and as ever group hug xxxxx
Ami my flower I am sending you another hug we all need them just now! Bless you with your tum not nice as for the tears sweetheart cry if you need but you can also say all the off words to the horrid people who made you cry!! How dare they! Yes I am shouting as if you haven’t had enough to deal with. I know I don’t know the whole story but I think I know you well enough now to say they can all fluff off!!! That was incredibly tame for me but I know you know what I mean! I don’t do that unless it is expressing how I feel. Goodness we are all fragile flutterbys of late, I think I could turn to drink except I really don’t like it!
I think without exception all the flutterbys are of the same mind as myself , we are a silent but very deadly wall you can hold around you. Don’t let them get to you love, I think it is because you,are feeling down due to being poorly and they should be ashamed of themselves! Aaarrgghhhh! Just a good job we don’t know who they are 'cos sure as eggs are eggs we would gang up and flutter them into submission!!! We may be flutterbys but we are strong,powerful and bloody amazing!!! So there! Wow! That was fairly scary! I really,feel angry for you as I am sure all our ladies do. You ami are the sweet voice of reason so often and have a sense of the ridiculous that I love, please take care of you and that tum. Please give the pasty a huggle from me and I hope this week is better for you. Spoons as many as you need, loads of love and a huge hug Em xxxxx. P.s hope this made you smile?
Emmy, you are so lovely. Thankyou for being there.