is there reason why we cant have starflower oil or evening primrose for hot flushes, another bc patient has been doing it for a few months and said she hasn had any more hot flushes. i reckon im heading for menopause, but after chemo apparetnly they can come back,
will read all your posts again,so much information on them.
nice to hear about the gardening, im still of the cant be bothered vein, just look at it and think its enough, only have smal borders and lots of concrete. may just throw some seeds around and see what happens, v lazy gardening,
im sure the interest will come back.
norm, this is the wierd time, you expect to be normal but things arent that easy,
trying to find little things to enjoy and be gentle on yourself as the flutterbys tell us to
xxx
Hi all you lovely flutterbys!
Well miracle grow worked wonders… On my flowers! Hair very much the same hehee!
Oh my goodness “hot flushes” what s that all about! Looks and feels like I’ve wet the bed some nights!!! Don’t get many during the day! Was advised to take my tamoxifen at night which was to help reduce flushes in the day! Seems to be working at mo! BC has a lot to answer for! Us ladies do not get it easy for being female!! But hey we can still smile !
Im feeling better today ! Strange just woke up in better mood! I’m booked in at my Macmilan day centre for some reflexology and chat with mac nurse tomorrow!
Doz - you are amazing with how you are dealing with everything going on in your life! Bug hugs to u! I’m not looking forward to wearing my uniform with my flushes And forgot about those plastic gloves! there bad enough without hot flushes! Only good thing I’m community and can put my roof down! Well not if I’m still wearing my wig! Could be embarrassing if it flew off and onto car behind me.
Helen- w/e was ok! Had my two glasses of prosecco on sat! gosh! I’m such real lightweight ! Need to sort myself out!l reading fyour thread sounds as if you a lovely few days! You so deserve it!
Stella- my hair is slowly starting to come through! its very thin on the crown and top! But my mad professor look is starting to disappear!
love and hugs to you all Norm xxxxxxxxx
Hey ladies just looking for some nice words, have been pretty low this afternoon after a busy day yesterday having coffee and cake with a chemo friend from the ward, it makes you realise youre not alone and its hard being normal and going through the motions of daily stuff. i know this is similar to what i said before, but i know you recognise it all, so just good to offlead, sorry.
i wonder if i have done something different today, but i think just too long on my own. haved rushed around, and then sat around with a book and magazine.
love to you all, hopefully norm i wil have better day tomorrow
xx
Doz, sorry to hear about vicky andher job, how are things at the hospital todya, and your shoulder did you find out much??
elsa, good news on the brca gene. what a relief xx
wanted to take a bit of height off my hair, and clipped a chunk of it out, thankfully not to the scalp, why do we start this
i didnt shave it completely during chemo so the top is a different height to the rest, silly Anne xx
Hi All,
well I had a lovely day planned - meeting up with a friend this morning and then tidying up some papers and giving myself a sense of control. When I met with my friend (in a very busy garden centre coffee shop) I started telling her about my return to work and got really upset - I just don’t know where it came from, it just came out there and then! Anyway, managed to just snivel rather than out and out weeping but it has made me stop and think about the impact returning to work is having on me. I am working 3 days per week and due to increase to 3.5 next week but am now thinking I need to slow things down as I am sooooo tired and emotional. Also, my manager is either ignoring me or behaving like a moody teenager if he has to speak to me and I just don’t need this aggravation. So, with my friend’s encouragement I have contacted HR to discuss the situation.
So, this afternoon was much better, sorted out some issues that needed phone calls, sorted out some papers, paid for my car tax - so lots achieved. Turned out to be a good day after all. I am very thankful for good friends - this friend also had BC and reached out to me when I was going through treatment. I am lucky to know her.
AMD, I think that it is perfectly natural to have some bad days as well as good - I am learning that you can’t rush your recovery and you have to give yourself time and space to heal. I am not a good student of this lesson as I have been resisting the tiredness and not spending enough time on me and my body. My friend today said that she thought people (maybe including ourselves) would behave differently if we looked ill (after treatment), had a plaster on our arm or leg - there seems to be a lot of pressure to be “normal” and OK and well adjusted just as soon as active treatment has finished. But, it isn’t that straightforward and for a while “normal” is a real effort.
Be kind to yourself,
Helen
Amd- you are not alone, we are on this journey together, we my might be at different stages of our treatment but our emotions, fears and feelings are the same!
You told me to take one day at a time and be gentle on myself! So i will say the same to you! As I repeat your words in my head when I’m struggling!
big big hugs Norms xxx
Thank you norms. I finished rads end of february, and another friend said its like being put out of a spin dryer and yes thank you for the remindier. i am not being gentle on myself today, but its got better as the evening goes on.
I am still hoping for a lucky break with the job situation, not happy at school and am thinking too much about it but for now i have to take day by day, and its not awful.
and just read Helen’s message. thank you. we just forget too easily all that has happened and think we can be okay,
thank you xxxx
Anne- my Macmillan nurse gave me a book to read its called “the Cancer Survivor’s Companion” its very good! It gives practical ways of coping with your feelings after cancer! Think it should be given to everyone at the of their treatment! It doesnt matter when you finished treatment !
Im going to buy it, as have to give it back tomorrw!
i hope something comes your way soon, with everything you’ve been through you deserve to be happy in a job that you enjoy! Think him upstairs needs to start looking after us ladies for once!
Luv Norm xxxx
Hugs to all. I’ve probably said this before, but I found being gentle with myself really really hard. It was a bigger challenge than ‘grit teeth and smile and get through treatment’. It’s an ongoing challenge. Currently pooped, so I need to be gentle tonight/rest of week…
take care,of,yourselves flutterbies…
Jane
Hi flutterbys! I wasn’t going to post for a while as I have issues to deal with then on reading tonight realised we are all feeling a bit fragile! I had a lovely two weeks in Cornwall with a bit of a mixed bag weather wise but we managed to get out most days and even had a couple of glorious days which were much appreciated (roll on proper summer!) this holiday was to set me up for all the tests I have come home to, yesterday went for bone scan only to be asked to do another so there goes the mind again!? 
the woman who did my scan with assistant and I got chatting about the joys of Arimidex which actually helped as she had her dx Jan last year but looked amazing? Then told me how rubbish she feels some days Phew! So not just me! The dreaded mammo on Mon then review with GP on Thursday to include even more dreaded blood test, when are our veins better anyone know? They take it from my foot which ends in tears such a wuss I am! Then to top it all tooth to be removed on 10th June so I am feeling a bit wobbly! Sorry I didn’t want to sound like a moan but why oh why does it all come at once?
Reading the bit on flushes made me smile as poor hubby gets disturbed by my ‘covers on’, ‘covers off’ routine! So now we agree when he is really tired he sneaks off to the spare room!! 
I also find that it gets worse in shops I look like a beetroot!! The times I have caught sight of myself and thought I look like I am sun burned!
Well enough of my moans! I see we have new flutterbys and I want to say welcome and say its wonderful how this group is growing! Doz you really started something there! Being gentle with yourselves is a real byword here and you will have good days ,bad days but always remember posting on here really helps!
sending spoons (Jane sounds like you need some extra!) much love and a big group hug Emmy xxxxxx
REPEAT AFTER ME… BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELVES
it is easy to forget how much we have been through and how long it takes for the mind to heal, a lot longer than any of us can comprehend… And yes if we had a plaster stuck on our forhead we,d get more compassion… Not that we ask for it but it would be nice if people were gentle with us too!
I had an absolutely awful day starting with problems with Daniels mortgage with him working abroad so now applying elsewhere then the seller rang me threatening to put the house back up for sale and after telling him he could store his furniture in her garage it seems her partner wants £100 a week storage or we have to move it all out by Friday Aaaaaaaaaargh! Sob! Finally calmed her down and she has now agreed to wait tho I drove past tonight and a for sale sign is propped up against the door??? then the lad who is renting Daniels apartment rang to stay one of the bedroom windows had a small leak could I fix it?? Er noooo?Rang the company who are letting it for him and Now got glazier going in tomorrow! BUT it transpires he has,nt paid this months rent Then had to get Vikki to Pain clinic…head all over the place Then took my sister some tea in to hospital and did she give me grief… She sure did… over something my younger sister had said! I,m afraid I cut my visit short and now sat curled up in my pj,s feeling like I,ve got the troubles of the world hanging over me… So tonight it’s BE GENTLE WITH MYSELF thinking of you all and how shite life can be sometimes… But tomorrow is another day… I,m not answering the phone or going out till its time for work
Flutter gently girlies we will get there xxxxxxxhugsxxxxxx
Well said Doz. You really do seem to be having more than your fair share of troubles - take care. I have just read your original posts at the beginning of this thread - spooky how what you wrote about your feelings then are just what I feel at the moment.
On a lighter note, I managed to have a monumental hot flush in a queue in M&S at the weekend - I looked red, sweaty, uncomfortable, embarassed and the shop assistant eyed me up suspiciously. MY OH said that I looked guilty a bit like a nervous shoplifter - so I guess I was lucky to get out without being searched!!
So, off to bed for me now - just need to make up the bed with extra towels to cope with the night sweats. MY OH has had quite a few nights in the spare room since my night sweats started - I found that I also slept better when I wasn’t worried about how much my sheets on/sheets off acivities disturbed him. Sadly, he is working away from home at the moment so beyond being disturbed by volcano Helen.
Sleep well all. Helen
Gosh so many posts to catch up on so not going to attempt to reply to everyone individually just to say the mantra Be Gentle With yourselves.I have had a bad day as a dear friend died last night it was a blessing as she had lung cancer but it is like the end of a.Big part of my life as she was older than me so I have known her all my life and she once said Philip and I were like part of the family.Chemo day tomorrow(last one ) but I know I can go to Maggie centre for a break so that will help.Mind not been too good past few days but hopefully will be able to resume counselling soon she has been off sick and I didn’t want to see someone new so fingers crossed.
So flutter gently girls rest when you can cry scream shout whenever you need to but remember we are all here for each other love hugs spoons to everyone Janice xxxxxx
Yippee and sob! I know - weird… but my darling daughter has just rung to say she’s got promotion (she’s a physio) and a job in a hospital in Surrey, near her partner. I’m trilled for her. They want to get married and really live together, rather than just weekends as it is now, but I shall miss her SOOOO much. She was absolutely amazing during diagnosis/treatment. DOn’t know what I’d have done without her… I don’t know what I will do without her… but she’s ready to fly the nest, and I AM thrilled and excited for her… funny mix of feelings innit?
Hope we all have a better day… <<<<< hug >>>>> Janice…
and <<<<< hug >>>>>> to anyone else needing one this morning
Jane xx
I bet you are so proud Jane but its not the other side of the world and you will see her often.All of mine live away as no work for them in this area but they are just a phone call away.Just off to hospital for the day and its windy and rainy so won’t be missing any nice weather big hug Janice xxx
Just read through some posts, which has eased my mind a little, thanks girls. I have been positive about all this from day one, this thing isn’t going to beat me, I said. My hubby was totally gutted, so difficult to talk about me coz in his mind he was trying to get around the thought that I might ‘leave him’ (he’s sort of ok now, bless him). Telling family and friends was the biggest hurdle but everyone was ok and supportive after the initial shock. Didn’t tell anyone at work, apart from management, as I didn’t want to be treated any different, can’t stand fuss, like to just crack on with things, after all it could have been so much more serious. I have sailed through my surgery (I’m a good healer) and radiotherapy, apart from the fact that my nipple is so hard and sore and the muscle under my arm can be painful at times, but I’m persevering with the exercises and I was expecting that. Now I’m waiting for my 6 week review appointment to arrive. That being said, what the heck is going on with me? People drop round and I just want to scream at them to go away and leave me alone, instead I smile and tell them I’m fine. I can’t be bothered with doing the simplest of chores, although I do make myself do it. One minute I’m hot, then cold and I burst into tears for no reason. I wake several times in the night and I’m tired all day and if I venture out for a walk, when I get back I sleep for 2 hours. I ache so much it’s a chore to get out of bed in the morning. I’m fed up and want to get back to normal. Thanks for listening to my rant.
Oh Doz…this is all so overwhelming…no wonder you’re curling up in your pj’s 
Flutter gently honey; deal with one thing at a time and you will get there. I hit a wall a couple of weeks ago and just came to a standstill as there was so much going on. I just stopped coping for a day or two and wasn’t achieving anything either at work or with my uni course and that’s when I stepped off the treadmill and went off sick from work. That one day off gave me some breathing space and time to get things into perspective and get going again.
Emmy-good to hear from you again but sorry to hear that you’re going through all this angst. I’ve got a check up looming on June 12th so already starting to get anxious about it; I can’t help myself and nothing I do will help; just got to go and get on with it I guess. Sending you multiple hands to hold for each appointment x
I know I’ve probably said this before but I am taken aback by the emotional impact that BC has; I wasn’t expecting it to last so long and this feeling of vulnerability and fragility keeps reappearing at unexpected times; even now, writing this it’s bringing all those feelings back from last year and here I go crying. Time for a coffee I think! 
What a lot of posts! It seems we’re all feeling fragile at the moment but the support on here always helps.
Doz, hope you’re feeling a little better today - you always have so much to cope with, I’ve said it before but you are an inspiration. 
I’ve got the book Norms mentioned - it is very good. Janice - hope Phil gets on ok today and you have a nice break at Maggies, hugs to you both.
I think we all have our tearful moments (I was full up reading the posts). It doesn’t matter what stage you are at, it just takes one small thing to bring it on.
Jane 2 - I feel for you with blood test - they tried to take it from my foot once, really hurt & still couldn’t get it. When I went hospital last week they did get it from my left arm which has been rubbish, but perhaps veins do improve.
I think we all get anxious as appts loom - its to be expected, normal for us. Still waiting for my CT scan appt.
The weather is supposed to improve tomorrow and for the weekend - so perhaps a bit of sunshine will lift us.
Tread gently and take care of YOU.
Stella xxxx
Gosh busy Flutterbys fluttering in and out Here goes…
Jane I,m so pleased for your daughter that’s a brilliant achievement and yes when they up and leave the nest it’s sometimes a hard pill to swallow but it does get easier and you have something to look forward too when they visit… I wish her all the luck in the world x
Janice I am thinking about you both today and hope its over with quickly so you can start to get your lives a bit more in order bless ya… x
Welcome Bobz your certainly talking to the right people on here… We,ve all been there with the positives only to be let down by the emotions… It would take too long to read through all the posts but each and every one of us has been there done that got the t,shirt only to have gained a sweatshirt on the way… its just the way BC or any other cancer for that matter leaves its effects… The Gift That Keeps On Giving… Be gentle with yourself keeps on coming out of all our mouths but its sooo true, we all need to remember that when our emotions kick off be it anger fear or just downright sadness we are allowed to feel it so don’t ever feel its not normal as it is… Too many of us once strangers all doubted our sanity but we must be normal as we all feel the same xx
My pj night put things into perspective and yes your advice is sound one thing at a time xx I just wish everyone around me would let me Sister is so stubborn and does,nt listen I,m sure she thinks I (her little sister) is play acting at being a nurse she,s alienating everyone (except me… She can’t get rid of me that easy by being so grumpy all the time, I know it’s fear of what the future holds for her, so tried to get her to talk to McMillan nurses… That hit a brick wall… She is under the impression they are for the care of the dying and won’t take it on board and no matter how much I try to tell her they are a wonderful support for getting on with your life she won’t listen, she said if her tumour is going to end her life then maybe she will contact them aaaaaaargh! So yes frustrating to say the least and stubborn does,nt come into it i will continue dealing with that…
Daniel is now getting just as grumpy … With good reason I suppose but again I feel like the punchbag being in the middle of contact for him and the rest of the so called bunch working for the purchase of this blessed house! Sigh! And I cocked up with the repairs to his window I got the Property company who are dealing with rental to get a glazier in… Thought that was what they did, only to find Daniel had already got a glazier friend in… So yes my mantra today is… next time tell me AND…“If you want anything else doing DOITYOURSELF.COM I,m busy!!!”
well that was a darned good offloading sorry flutterbys wings got a bit soggy yesterday AND today IS another day so any pooh that’s on it’s way can just sail right past me
Have a lovely weekend whatever your doing and wherever your going flutter gently and remember that ME time and repeat after me BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELVES xxxxxxspoonsxxxx&hugsxxxxxx
You are right Doz everyone is having something going on at the minute so it’s good to offload on here.We will just have to blow our stacks and then get back to pretending everything is fine.
Welcome Bobz hope we can be of help and let you know you are not aloneEm hope apps go okay and for you and others who need it the hands to hold.I am thinking of trying to grow a few more as I think everything needs one at the minute.I wrote a long post last night and don’t know whether I sent it or not as it hasn’t appeared so sending a short version hope you all have some sunshine today to dry your wings and tears love and hugs Janice xxxxxx