where do i find the courage?

was told on the 29-10-07 that i had breast cancer, had 2 ops since then (lumpectmy,lymphnode clearance) still got numb feeling. in arm and part of chest(whats left of it)I thought that after what ive been through in my life it couldnt get any worse you see i lost my son(12) in a car accident almost lost my daughter a year later back then i thought that life couldnt get any worse .then this comes along when i found out that i have cancer i thought to myself i can cope with it how WRONG i was iam find it a big struggle i promised my self that i wouldnt hide how i was feeling that people wouldnt see how i was feeling but here iam hiding it from them to protect them iam not angry nor will i get angry for i find anger is a wasted energy and i need all the energy i can get for i start my chemo soon and i dont know where or how i will get through this i feel guilty for putting my hubby and daughter through all this i know i got to be strong for them but right now i dont know if i can.please can someone tell me how to copet

Dear dotmac

I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time, it may help for you talk to someone in confidence. Have you thought of phoning the Breast Cancer Care helpline? Here you can share your fears and concerns and the staff who are either breast care nurses or trained staff with experience of breast care issues may be able to give you some help and advice. The number to ring is freephone 0808 800 6000 the lines being open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm. I hope this helps

Kind regards


I am no expert but would contact the McMillan service. They have trained counsellors who will come to your house and just chat. You can cry all you want to them and it really helps. McMillan service is not for “end of life care” as I wrongly thought. Even now, 13 months on, I can ring my Mc Millan nurse and talk to her. I was reffered to them by a lovely radiographer as I sobbed through almost all of my rads. The radiogarapher, Claire, was doing a thesis on how rads affects women and she would wait for me each morning with a box of hankies and tin of sweets! She would hand me a hankie and offer a chocolate. I think it was the Tamoxifen making me so weepy but you have been through at least 3 truly terrible experiences and talking really helps.

Thinking of you

Lot of love


Hi dot

Everything you are feeing is perfecty normal. But at the end of the day, you will almost certainly need support to get through this. Whether this support comes from famiy, or outside, is not necessarily the important factor. You will get through it - and you’re right, anger is a wasted energy but in my opinion it’s also a part of the process, as are all the things you are feeling - including the guilt. But you didn’t plan this - it’s not your fault. At the end of the day the only person you have to be strong for is yourself - not other people. I was dx on 1 Nov, have since had right mastectomy & full node clearance, now on chemo and have rads and then more chemo + herceptin to come.

I have given up being strong for everybody else - it’s a bit like your theory on anger - I just felt I had to put everything into helping me - and once you have shared how you are feeling you will be surprised how much strength you have. I hope you get the help and support you need. Please keep us posted

Take care
Margaret x

Dot you are obviously a very strong person to have endured all you have been through, and now another loss is being heaped upon you. You will cope because of your strength but strength has many faces and one thing I am learning is that once I expressed my feelings about the guilt I felt about brining this to my hub and children I then found a new kind of strength which was to be strong enough to let them know how I felt and not to pretend all was okay when it is not. In turn I allowed them to care for me for a change which is what they wanted so much to be allowed to do rather than sit back worrying and thinkning there was nothing they could do. It is heartreaking to think that you have caused pain but none of this is our fault and I think the kindest thing we can do for our families and friends is to give them the gift of helping those they love. Keep your strength and use it to get through treatment and getting well again. In the end all the good things in yur life will be stronger for it.
Luv and big hugs
M xx

I don’t think anger is wasted energy. Better out than in is my philosophy. Besides which cancer is a bum deal