sorry this one is going to be miserable… i’m having a gloomy day and wondering if anyone else feels like me?
i was diagnosed in march IDC, grade 3, 2.8cm. 0/8 nodes but had lymphovascular invasion. i’m 33. my onc says we are “going for cure” but i can’t help but think who the hell are we kidding.
do people really get “cured” of this s**tty disease? do people really not get recurrences of a grade 3 breast cancer? i know there are no guarantees and no ‘all clears’ but are there really women out there like me diagnosed in there thirties who have managed to watch their kids grow up, or even seen their grandchildren? can this really happen?! i’m fed up with my family and friends telling me it will be ok and to be positive. they just don’t get the point. i’m p****d off. angry. i feel like it’s not a case of ‘if’ it comes back but when. sorry if i’ve offended anyone…
Hi Redcell
I think you are entitled to feel angry.
Generally I’ve found the medical profession to be tight lipped when the news is negative and vocal when the news is positive. So that fact that your onc sayings you are ‘going for cure’ is good.
I was never told what my grade was but have done enough reading on Cancer Research website to know that it was (WAS) a grade 3 with 1/29 nodes affected. I believe that this is still a really good chance that I’ll be around for quite a while longer but think I will not reach very old age, which is fine with me.
I have one friend who is 15years post dx and had children after tamoxifen (but not chemo).
Keep posting and BCC offer a helpline and peer support which is really good.
love
Wizz
Redcell,
We all have days like this, thinking the worst. Dark thoughts. And at times like these I find it is best to hold on to the facts. That is three quarters of women will live at least ten years these days with a diagnosis of breast cancer. Or put it another way you are for more likely to die of something else than this disease. And with modern drugs and latest evidence informing treatment plans, the odds are likely to increase further.
At the beginning of treatment there is a real yearning to totally immerse yourself in websites, reading material, bc stories - in fact everything to do with the disease But after a while if that is all we do, then our minds are only taken up with the illness, rather than everything else we have in life.
So do try not to worry, the future is the best for us its ever been. Bright x
Hey Redcell
Don’t apologise or give a 2nd thought about posting a ‘miserable’ message. In my humble (yeah right!) opinion, I think you have to allow a period of ‘wallowing’ and time to scream shout and spit as much bile and venon as necessary (recommend doing the ‘bile & venon’ stuff on here as these ladies really know how it is - others might just think you’re bonkers!). That, in my view, is a good way to start ‘coming back up’ and starting to cope.
I haven’t got a lot of time for people who simply say, “It’ll be fine” & “Be positive” - usually said by people who haven’t been through or don’t understand what you’re going through, even though usually well meant. When others who do not have life threatening problems, eg, boyfriend/girlfriend/work issues etc, come moaning to you, I bet you don’t turn round and say, “Be positive” - they’d look at you like you’d gone mad … hmmm!
Hope I haven’t sounded too flippant - just trying to empathise. Rant as much as you want or need to and most of all Good Luck.
Lots of love xxx
thanks guys…xxxx
this thing really sucks and i feel better now ive ranted. more importantly you have made my rant valid. thats what i needed. because of you all i now won’t hit the next person that says “but the cancers out now isn’t it?”
thanks a million xxxxx
Hi gals - I think those of us who have been dx with BC look on it quite differently from those who haven’t. We are all familiar with the so-encouraging stories about people who have lived for 50 years after dx ( slight exaggeration) - once it might have been US who would have been giving out the same platitudes as those that are now given to us.
Those of us who didn’t have a very thrilling prognosis to begin with, know the difference between optimism and realism and it’s tempting - but a bit cruel -to say to our kind enquirers 'I’m fine- unless and until it comes back There is no cure. ’ Folk just don’t want to hear this but although we all hope and pray that we will be the ‘lucky’ ones - we know that a lot of other women won’t; the simple stats tell us that.
Though I am probably a lot older than most of you, my life is still very sweet - but if I could, I would gladly add any years left to me onto my younger daughter’s ‘allocation’. She has BC in both breasts and still is under 40. At that age, a 10 year life expectancy is just not that good, is it?
ten years sounds like a long time… but in ten years time my son will only be 10. i will be only be 43. my husand only 47. it feels too young and so cruel to be greatful for just ten years!!!
Redcell,
Survival charts tend to look at 5 and 10 year points. With the thinking being that if you survive 10 years then you will have more or less have the same odds of survival beyond that as women who have not had bc, and have the same probability of developing it again as they do for the first time. Perhaps then a bit of a red herring…
Bright x
Your oncologist knows your individual diagnosis and path report and if they have been optimistic about cure, then embrace that with both arms. I work with consultants who give out bad news about oral cancer and believe me, they do not flower it up - on the contrary, they are brutally honest. They have to be because is would be grossly unfair to give someone false hope and also you could sue them for incorrect information. So if yours is saying a cure is possible, then they must truly mean that at this time with the information they have to work from.
Becky…
I so understand where your coming from !! Im so angry that Im going to have this hanging over my head for the rest of my life…the worry of it will come back and the fact that Im not gonna grow old with my hubby and see my grand kids…I just cant see that happening…
The thing is, at the moment if someone offered me just another 10 yrs Id grab it with both hands. I obviously dont wanna go anywhere but one of the things that scares me most is with my girls being so young that they wont remember me and how much I love them. If I could have 10 yrs taking them to 16, and 12 at least then they would know me as person and remember me…and know how much my world revolves around them. Id do anything for that…
This disease is so so cruel entering our lives and spoiling our time with our babies…
salsal, you sound like you are talking right out of my heart! i’v e just come back from our local soft play centre where i took my son… we were crawling around and he was giggling when i was jumping out on him and his face was such a picture!!! but i know he won’t remember it and thats what hurts. who will be able to tell him how much fun we had and how happy he made me if i’m not here?!! i don’t want him to have to look at photos to see his mum. i want him to feel my warmth and be soothed by my voice and my advice when he needs it. this fear i’ve got right now is paralysing and i want it to go away. i can’t believe we have to live like this for the rest of our lives… it has to get easier???. i also feel guilty for feeling so self indulgent when i know people are in a worse situation than mine. but i think my anger comes from wanting to protect my son from all this. i was breastfeeding when i was diagnosed so our bond was so close. i’m not always so doom and gloom, but i only tend to come here when i’m low… so forgive the negativity. xxxx
Sorry can I jump in here as well?
I was 41 when I was diagnosed and my daughter was just 2. That was over 2 years ago now and I think I coped fine with everything. I was very fortunate with my reaction to all my treatment suffering little side effects. My daughter then went on to develop cancer 6 months after me but thankfully is doing really well now. I have loads to be thankful for but at the moment I feel really low and very anxious about the cancer coming back. It’s like I’ve been in denial these last 2 years and now all my worries have come rampaging to the fore.
It is so difficult to be positive because everything is so uncertain, I feel my future has been taken away.
Sorry to moan but I just wanted to say that I totally understand what you are feeling.
Take care
Hi Veggiebean
Just read your post and really feel for you. My son had cancer when he was a baby (now 17) and to be honest, my own diagnosis seems nothing by comparison. I guess you have put all your concerns about your own cancer on the back burner so to speak whilst dealing with your daughter and managed to carry on through her treatment. It will only be now that the crisis of her being ill has lessened that the reality will hit you. Have sent you a PM
Cathy
x
Redcell, we need posts like this from time to time as we all have these horrible thoughts that we might not see our children grow up, grow old with our hubbies(partners), see our grandkids etc. Its so so shitty. We shouldn’t be having those thoughts at our age, and when our lives are so busy being busy young mummys.
But in a way I think we need to have those thoughts as we don’t know what our story will be, otherwise we’d be in denial and that isn’t healthy.
I was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago when I was breastfeeding, my little boy was 7 weeks old and my other little boy was 2. It was the hardest time of my life and I feel very angry about it still that I was robbed of my baby’s first few months as I have very little memory of it all. I just wanted to be a mummy, didn’t want to be a cancer patient! I had chemo first, then surgery, then rads, then herceptin. Finally finished it all last October.
My eldest, George, is going to ‘big school’ in September and we were there the other day for a settling in session and I was fighting back the tears as I was remembering walking around the school when I was on chemo and feeling so so so shitty and ill and I thought then - what is the f***ing point of looking around schools as I won’t even be there to see him go!!
But, I am here and I thank everyday that I am here to see their gorgeous faces and smiles and giggles and cuddles.
It’s a horrible illness as it affects so many of us at a time in our lives when we could be doing a million other things than thinking about f***ing cancer.
But it’s there and we can hope it will go away, and that’s all we can do.
Please let me know how you’re getting on - it’s really tough going through treatment with a little baby, as you still have to be a mummy but that is what will help you get through it too.
lol
hannah
x
Hi,
I am going to jump in as well. I was diagnosed just over two years ago in very similar circumstances to Redcell, I jumped on this site and like you, had a good old rant - it was very therapeutic. I am doing well, on hormone therapy with the hot flushes and the like but okay. Even so, I do still find myself jumping up and down (sorry I don’t want to get anyone down who has just started on this journey) but I do find people look at me now and ask “how are you now, doing well?” whilst nodding their heads and I’ve given up and just agree “Yes, I’m fine”. I don’t bother explaining to them that I’ve been left with pain in my chest from the radiotherapy, I haven’t had a nights sleep in two years because of hot flushes and stupid things like the need to wear padded bras all the time so I look balanced.
The thing is, I don’t think you can pick up where you left off. This changes you, completely and totally, not who you are, but how you look at things, how you think etc.
On the upside, I’ve just completed a novice triathlon (probably why my chest is really hurting and hence the need to rant) and raised lots of money for this cause and I bet I wouldn’t even have tried had I not had breast cancer. After all, if I can live with this and perhaps, sometimes, survive it, I can take on anything??
thankyou to you all for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me… i really don’t feel so alone in my fear and anger now. i know i’m quite new to breast cancer and the s**t that comes with it but i do think it’s important to be able to have somewhere to go to vent spleen… and i’m glad there are others who share that view with me!
sometimes i read other posts where women seem so strong and humourous about it all and it makes me feel like i’m being too negative. but then i think…hey, i’m putting up a front all day, everyday, if i can’t have a rant on a breast cancer site then where can i!!! thanks so much to you all for listening and sharing your story with me
Becky
xxxxxx
HI,
A FRIEND OF MINE WORKS IN THE HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM. HE SEE’S MANY LADIES IN THEIR 80’S WHO HAVE MAYBE FALLEN AND WHEN HE CHECKS THE NOTES HE SEES THEY HAVE HAD BREAST CANCER OVER 30 YEARS AGO’ SO THE ANSWER IS YES PEOPLE DO SEE THEIR FAMILIES GROW UP!
WITH LOVE DEBBIE