Who am I ?


Does anyone feel like me.

I’m on my second tax and my eyelashes have good as fallen out and my eyebrows are seriously thining. I look in the mirror and don’t recognise my eyes. I don’t like what I see and now my eyes don’t even look like mine. I told OH today and he agreed that my eyes don’t look like my’n. No-one else has said anything to me about it but if i’ve noticed how different I look surely they have. I can’t believe what a difference eyelashes can make and how they can almost make you feel unrecogniseable.


I absolutely hated loosing my eyelashes and couldn’t believe how bad it made me look. A few well meaning people said you couldn’t tell I didn’t have any, yeah right! The good news is they are now back to practically how they were before, I had my last chemo in November so hang in there. This whole experience is certainly character building.

Hi sukes

I read on here that a light grey eye-liner around the edges is a good idea as it is soft enough to look natural and defines the edges of the eyes. i bought one just in case. depending on your colouring a soft brown eyeborw pencil might do a better job.

hope this helps

FizBix xxxxxxxxx

Hi Sukes,
yep…felt the same as you. I put my name down on the “look good -feel better” list at my hospital- it took 4 months to get a place on it as they are in big demand. I have never been into make-up in a big way. This really helped me as they show you lots of tips and give you the lovely products to do it all with which is a big bonus as I wouldn’t have had the money to buy all the things in the goodie bag!!!
I didn’t feel confident on the day but the more I practiced the more it began to feel like me.My lashes & brows have returned slowly and a slightly different texture so am still using the kit and it really does make a difference.
Having said that I save it for "going out " not for everyday. The skin care products I do use every day and that has helped my skin enormously,
I believe that there are over 40 places throughout the country that do the session. The ladies are all experts in their day job and work at top counters in places like selfridges/john lewis etc and do this as volunteers in their own time so most have lots of experience and were great…I thought I would be a bit intimidated by them but they were all really lovely ,helpful and I am very grateful to them,
Hope there is one near you,
Love Kay. x

Hi All

Thanks for all your comments. ihave re-opened my makeup bag to see what I can find that might salvage my face from no hair!

I will also see if i can put my name down on the look good feel better day but to be honest I haven’t heard of it before but thanks for the tips anyhow.


Hi Sukes

This link will take you to more info on the very popular ‘look good feel better’ courses which are available around the country in various cancer centres:


Hope this helps.

Best wishes

Hi Sukes

understand your predicament. i had a long wait for my looking good session. While I was waiting it was suggested that I went and saw one of the make up ladies who run the session at her counter in a local large store. She showed me how to apply the eyeliner, eyebrow pencil and make up my eyes in advance of my looking good appt. Did my confidence a world of good.

Have now had the looking good session and it was well worth it.


Hi Sukes,
I’m a week off second Tax - so not far behind you. What about false eyelashes? I bought some before starting this - I’ve never worn them before but these ones are sort of ‘stick-on’. Now I’ve got the giggles because I haven’t even worn eye makeup for years so I can just imagine the mess I’ll make of this - they’ll fall off at an inopportune moment, or maybe come loose at the edges and flap. Oh dear.

Very dark glasses?

Best, M-L

hi again Sukes

i just had a bit of a shock myself!

had to go and get a driving licence photo and the woman in the picture is not the same one as the passport photo 4 years ago!

having said that … the passport photo one was 44 and although there was a lot of hair it didn’t really do that much for her face

the new one … now 48 … is much more distinguished looking!!! (the grey temples were there before but dyed) and the short hair does do more for her cheekbones (although it does need to be longer to be far less butch)

I might even have to dig out my old earrings! The clasp ones rather than the dangly ones … think I have been in a bif of denial about my age and feel like I’ve gone from 40 to 50 over the space of a few months … but then I suppose I am nearly 50! … it’s all very confusing … think a makeover style evaluation is needed after this …

if the hair ends up with more body than the old hair and is curly (PLLEEEAASSSEEE) then overall it’s not a bad deal at all! … not that i would have chosen to go through this to get it … but not bad all the same!

think this is a bit like redecorating the living room - when all the furniture is out or covered up you get a very different perspective of what you’ve actually got!

Think some of us might end up looking a lot better long-erm after this - I know i will.

Shockingly my makeup only takes 2 minutes to put on in the morning now - and I look sooooo much better - so why haven’t i been bothering! ???

speak soon
good luck with the plastering and slapping everyone
FizBix xxx

by the way - have been bothering on chemo - just not the 4 years before that!!! - except mascara …

Hi all

Have the same problem with eyelashes and eyebrows. I have a few eyebrows left which i still manage to put a bit of mascara on but my eyebrows have all but gone and waht little i have left are completley gray.

The other day i looked in the mirror and cried as the person looking back at me wasnt me. That probably sounds completley insane but it really felt like i was looking at someone 10 years older than me. I am 44

Dont think the fuzzy grey hair helps much either LOL

Love to all

Lynne x

Hiya, I second your sentiments - I seem to have aged ten years over the last 5 months and don’t recognise myself at all - I’m 37. I’ve never really worn make up - or at least certainly not really worn eyeshadow - but since being diagnosed in December I’ve been experimenting and as much as I feel I have put on years (as well as weight) I’m amazed at just what a difference a little make-up can do. I know that in the scheme of things how I appear is irrelevant but after a mastectomy (albeit with immediate reconstruction) anything that can help me to recapture my femininity (of which I was unaware until I felt I had lost it) is a real antidote. And on this coming Monday, I’m off to Birmingham for the Look Good Feel Better session. I perhaps ought not be grateful - I should rather be disappointed - and perhaps even worried - but with my next dose of chemo postponed for a week I’m hoping that I will be able to enjoy the day on Monday like any other day I might ordinarily have enjoyed before all of this materialised - if only for an hour or two, at least. I’m also looking forward to the bag of goodies!

As for wearing very dark glasses, I’ve found that when I put my sunglasses on no-one else can see me!

Naz xx

Hi Ladies
I am really down tonight at a time when I should be really up cos the sun is shining and physically I really am beginning to feel alot better. The problems started earlier in the week when I looked at some photo’s of me on the race for life website. I too look about 10 years older than I am [42], my hair is all fluffy and wispy with a half hearted attempt at being curly so it just sticks up everywhere, i am desperate to grow my fringe back but it just won’t grow downwards just up and out. I have a very high forehead which has been kept firmly underwraps with a full fringe for pretty much my whole life, it strangely wasn’t too bad when I had no hair, the forehead just joined the rest of my head but now its sooooo obvious I cant stand it.
I’m having a birthday bash at the end of the month and now I want to ban cameras, I’ve tried my dress on tonight and its tight, so that has peed me off as well. How can such a feminine disease rob you of everything that is feminine about you. I know it all sounds shallow but stuff like this is important to us girlies and it makes the whole experience so much harder to come to terms with. Sorry to be such a whinge

You whinge away, we all have our bad days/weeks and suddenly something hits us firmly between the eyes.Mine at the mo is adjusting to the fact that after my op I have one boob bigger than the other which I only noticed in the mirror this morning as the swelling has gone down.I know its not the same as the hair as no one else can see but it still has an affect on our emotional well being.As I said on another thread which you replied to I am already in turmoil over the sex thing and this makes it worse.
We are not being shallow we are trying to keep what we have of our femininity and it so damned hard at times,but I am sure it will come back and god help those who stand in our way girlie

Stay strong



Thanks for your reply, its really hard sometimes isn’t it. I had an appt with my surgeon recently and the first thing he said was has the right boob always been bigger than the left [obviously he said breast but I prefer to call them my boobies!], anyway i looked down in horror cos I hadn’t noticed until he said. Apparantly its been caused by the radiotherapy but I just thought great something else to add to the list!!!
I think I might call in at the DDI for a stiff drink.

What a damned fine idea - first round on me


Sorry to hear you are upset about your “upness” in the barnet department …

Having had nothing but flop all my life I am looking forward to a little height myself - having said that I have noticed that for the first few days after chemo my hair is positively verticle - gravity defying - quite odd and shocked looking - like a pineapple

a thought occurs … which may or may not be helpful …

perhaps your forehead doesn’t look that bad at all ??? maybe you are just focussing on it …

the reason I say this is that I have a HUGE head (hats perch on top, wigs don’t fit easily, scarves look hysterical) AND a short thick neck and so I have had my hair longer for ages to try and compensate for this … but looking back it’s better for my face to have it short!

I have always been told I have a big head and a short neck etc etc etc … which although true it’s hardly disgusting!

I know I can’t see from here but whilst I do sympathaise enormously with your frustration I do have the sneaky feeling that you may look far better than you think you do … different … maybe not 100% OK but probably a good 80% ok …

think you should try and focus on other features to help you … try a lip liner and lipstick and focussing keeping your lips done all day or something …

… or how about a bit of dark powder/blusher shading under the hairline to shorten it a bit ?? someone on here must have a better idea than me - i’m new at makeup …

hope this helps - even if it’s a bit …

lots of love
FizBix xxxx

Hi all,
I sit here at the moment with a nice cowpat of henna on my 1 cm hair - after doing it for thirty years to a waist-length mane, my! it was a simple procedure! Like Fizbix, I have an enormous head. My son inherited it and he was monitored for his first six months because they suspected hydrocephaly (‘waterhead’ as it is in Finnish, lovely), but when he was considered old enough for a scan of some sort, that worry was put to bed. Personally, I knew it was rubbish, he comes from a long line of cannonball heads & after the doc had cleared baby he turned to me, measured my head and told me that I was the one who might have a problem - a mild Finnish joke.

Cutting it all off exposed truly bulging cheek bones & a strong jaw (with a pendulous bit hanging from it like a small soft pillow on a clothes line) - a bit butch, but my female university colleagues are 100% in favour: I look like they do, now - very feminist. NOT a label I’ve ever accepted; I KNOW women are better than men in every way. Still, their approval was a bit of a boost; as Fizbix says, AJ, it may be that your discontent with your intelligent high forehead (who wants a low, simian one like an ape?) may be something purely between you and your mirror. Think Elizabeth I & the actresses who have played her since, all of whom had to go through painful depilation to achieve the look.

Though it’s true that it was hard facing the world, naked-faced for the first time. I wore a scarf for the first few days but have now got used to it. This is ‘who I am’ - at least for the moment.

Still, I am taking a bunch of students to the wholesaler to direct their foodbuying for the anthropology spring party this morning & thought that ‘chestnutting’ the whitish temples might give them less of a fright. (Normally I also direct the cooking for this annual affair - as an ex-restaurant/catering company owner - but not this year. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see how a handful of non-professionals handle serving a 3-course, sit-down dinner for 80, but I’m not great in the evenings and am going to pass on the event).

Like Fizbix, I have also dug out some flashy earrings & when I am meeting friends I layer on eye makeup, as I have not since my twenties, to draw attention to them. It’s a ‘look’ - and who’s to say it’s not actually from free choice?

By the way Fizbix, you’re about where I am on Tax - but I’ve forgotten if you had FEC first? I’ve no sign of hair loss yet; my eyelashes are shorter and thinner than when I last regularly used mascara, but as I started with it the day before chemo, I can’t blame it on that. FEC is the big hair-dispenser, my onc tells me. As for the age thing - I’m 50, and though the ravages of middle-age didn’t really start to become apparent until after I was about 45, I’ve had that little bit longer than you to get used to the fact. I don’t think that now is the best time to be digging out old photographs, however, and don’t.

Love to all, M-L

hi ML - yes I had 4 x FEC first and have just had 1 x TAX with 3 more to go … speak soon FB XXXXX