hi everyone,
finished my rads today, and feel so relieved.
at the same time I have had an awful day, feel so depressed and short tempered and angry, I dont know why.
I am tired and I know its probably a combination of finishing treatment and everything but I feel so fed up with everything,
I thought I would feel different to this,
is it back to the ‘norm’ now, I sound so ungrateful and nasty but I carnt seem to snap out of it.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Best wishes Liz xxx
I am just starting out on this journey, first chemo last monday, seven more to go. I hate everything about it, I just want my life back. You have been given yours back so I cannot begin to understand why you would not be doing anything but celebrating.
Perhaps how you are feeling is normal and I am sure someone will pop up and empathise with you. All I wish at the moment is that I was where you are now with all of “this” behind me.
Best of wishes for the future Liz
Deb x
hi Deb,
I agree with you I know I ought to be celebrating, but goodness knows why I feel like this,
My onc has suggested some head work, i.e. psychotherapy, I dont know whether thats a good thing or a bad thing,
if I go on a bad day, well goodness knows what I might say lol,
I felt ok until yesterday and then bump, hopefully tomorrow will be better
good luck with the chemo, what are you having?
very best wishes to you Liz xxxx
It’s really common to feel like this. Take a look for an article by Dr Peter Harvey, he really gets what’s going on.
cancercounselling.org.uk/northsouth/extra4.nsf/WebResClient/10F4C04D29781E7980257512004935B8?OpenDocument should get you there. it’s really well written and goes some way to explaining why you might be feeling so rubbish today.
And even if you are feeling rubbish, I have to congratulate you on getting through this far. Would you have imagined all you’ve been through nine months ago? You’ve gone through massive physical and psychological stress in the last few months, as do we all, so there’s no surprise that the relief of finishing the most active stages of treatment hits you like a brick wall rather than a party popper.
hi chocciemuffin,
do you know what? you always understand, in a lot of posts on here you have given brilliant advice,
“thank you”, for being there, I really appreciate you making me feel ok about how I am feeling,
love Liz xxx
Hi Liz,
I’ve not long finished active treatment and I feel exactly the same. It’s completely normal after everything you’ve been through over the last few months. I didn’t see it as a time to celebrate but a time to stand still and finally try and make sense of what has happened to me since dx. I’ll be honest, I’m still trying to do that but my BCN said that almost everyone goes through this at some point after treatment finishes, which made me feel so much better. I thought I was going bonkers for a while and felt lost without the support of all the regular trips to the hospital. It is the weirdest thing but like I said, totally normal!
Nymeria x
Hi Liz
I dont often post but having read your post I just wanted to try & reassure you that it is not unusual to feel as you do. I’m 16 months ahead of you with treatment. I was diagnosed in June 09, had a quadrandectomy 2/11 lymph nodes affected. Had chemo Sept 09 & rads in February 10.
I worked throughout my treatment, my employers were fantastic, they allowed me to halve my hours & work flexi time. I believed this helped me keep my sanity throughout the treatment as I didnt ever have the chance to think of myself. What with the pressures of work, trying to be as brave as I could for my husband & children even though I was terrified.I kind of breezed through it all probably because I went into autopilot mode. But like you once my treatment came to an end I fell apart and felt very vulnerable.
I just wanted to say to all of you ladies either starting or finishing this journey, things will improve for you all in time and as each month passes it does become so much easier. I made the decision to be as positive as I could, I decided that I may only live for 2 years but on the other hand I could live another 42. Of course life will never be the same as before diagnosis, but we can make it better and richer in so many other ways.
This site is absolutely fantastic, having each other is the best tonic ever as we can all totally understand what each other is going through.
I so wanted to reassure you, as other women reassured me in my time of need. No doubt in time you will also do the same for others.
I promise you things will get better in time! 
Big hugs & good health to all of you wonderful ladies.
Stella X
Hello Liz
If its any help I felt just the same. Very low in mood and terribly negative.I also had treatment during hot weather and I’m not sure I had enough to drink plus enough rest and really resented seeing the summer pass me by. I asked the nurse how long after end of rads I would be off work - she said 2 weeks - that was miles too optimistic.
The consultant explained that its a combination of a lot of things plus physical effects of the rads, plus a gradual dawning of everything we’ve been through. From which I understood that it was all pretty usual really.
Perhaps some pampering (even if only supplied by your good self), lots of fluid as its been sooo hot and some nice restful times while the rads take effect over the next few weeks. Hope you feel better soon. Take care. K x
Aww, shucks! 
Liz, rads are pretty tiring, which leaves most of us emotionally susceptible. And the others are right: the end of treatment can bring an emotional and mental wobbly with it. I don’t know if you have recently started to take one of the anti-oestrogens or not, but hormone fluctuations can have a similar effect, so you may have been hit by a number of stresses all at once at a time when you don’t really have enough physical energy to deal with it.
Give it a little time and then if you are still struggling, see your doctor. I believe that there are support groups in some areas, but not all. You might find some useful threads under ‘After treatment has finished’.
Hi Liz
If you haven’t already got it, order the Moving Forward pack from BCC which is full of helpful advice. Quote from the introduction:
“…so many people finishing treatment have told us that - while relieved at reaching this important point - they also feel isolated, low or fearful when their regular hospital appointments stop.”
Like supertrouper, when I was having chemo/rads, I couldn’t imagine feeling anything but relieved when it was all over, but the reality has been very different. You are doing the right thing in expressing how you really feel and there is help available.
Lilac x
hi everyone,
thanks for all your positive comments, I am going to contact my bcn and see if she can help me out,
in the meantime, feeling a bit better today,
thanks again for your help,
love Liz xxx
Hi Liz
I completed my rads in March this year having been very positive all thru’; even “skipped out from rads department” on final Saturday as none looking!
Went for a meal that night felt great; then woke up the next morning wondering what do I do now?
I went thru’ phases of feeling fantastic one day to down right scared on another. I did start to improve as my confidence grew & once I’d seen the Onc 4 weeks after my rads when the first thing she said was “How are you feeling now your 4 weeks on”?
She had a good talk not just about the “physical, but the emotional side as well”. I left not worrying whether I felt scared or fantastic it is all part of the recovery period.
Luckily work has been great & recognise if I’m having a bad day (i’m quiet; normally talk all day); if my manager thinks I’ve been quiet too long she has a word to see if I want to talk if I don’t she gives me space, sometimes with a hug as well; better still we go out for a coffee.
What this long post means is give yourself time & be kind to yourself; we all react differently you will start to feel more good days than bad I do know.
Still if I fancy a free coffee I just have to stop talking! Trouble is she still wants to give me a hug!
Take care
Lynne
Hi Lynne,
just spotted your post as I finished starting a new one on the same lines as this,
thanks for sharing that, I suppose I know in my head (somewhere that if things are to be different than they were before then I have to make them different),
That probably sounds strange to you but I know what I mean, I know I ought to be thankful, but I just feel so frustrated and to a point confused,
maybe having cancer again has made me see things for what they really are, or maybe I just need to give myself some time and space ???
Sorry for ranting Liz xxx