i too only found out 3 weeks ago and i told everyone sometimes with a lot of tears especially my mum and sister but i feel i can talk about it now i was offered surgery for 3 weeks time but am on holiday next week so put it off …right or wrong i am having lumpectomy then if further surgery requied mastectomy. thesupport from family and friends has been over whelming (i didnt know i had so many), i have good and bad days some days i have lots of tears some none. i am having my surgery 2 days after i return from majorca! so no time to worry really. my kids are worried (14 &9) but i try to reassure them it will be ok bcn coming today to discuss surgery again. its a personal thing i know but i havehadcomments advice from my friends, my mum said just let them take it off! easy for her shes an a cup im a dbut i said that when he said its cancer (in tween the sobs ) well im sure i will be on here again more than a few times.
dawn
thet’s very small, it sounds like they have caught it early, how old are you? I am 36. My lump is 1.2 mm x 9 mm. I had all the lymph nodes in my armpit removed, my surgeon’s standard practice.
I live in Shaw near Oldham.
Have to wait 2 weeks for the results of the pathology report, it seems ages. That will tell me if the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes. I feel a bit confused about it all, it seems you have to learn so much medical information so quickly!
Fiona
Hi Lorraine,
How are you getting on? Hope all these comments have been helpful to you. Hang in there and keep talking.
Love Hayley x
Hi Fiona
How are you doing - I go in on Monday.
i didnt tell anyone except my boss because of needing time off for fna and then scan etc. i didn’t want any sympathetic looks from anyone and felt i would tell if there was anything to tell. i was told i had it and then waited for appt to give me a date for surgery, once i knew that i told people, some didnt know what to say.
its all individual i suppose. i had mastectomy in nov 2005 am back at work and feeling great, not had recon but may consider it in the future.
best wishes with your journey.
I’ve had to have time off already and haven’t even had surgery yet, and I made my boss to promise not to tell anyone - but now I’ve got a new boss! I haven’t told the new boss any lies, and the old boss has told her that I have a bad back (which is true but not the reason I’ve had time off, obviously) so I’ve sort of let the new boss think that I might need surgery because of my bad bacK. Old boss says this morning New Boss has asked him why I am still riding my bike if I have a bad back!
Spoke to Old Boss this morning and told him I am not ready to discuss anything with New Boss yet as I don’t know her from Adam (Eve?). I haven’t even told my family and I SOOOOO do not want to discuss this with a stranger, or have New Boss mark me down as potentially useless cripple before we’ve even had a proper conversation about work stuff. Also don’t want to break down during first ever conversation with New Boss! That would be awful. However, I recognise she is my employer and deserves to know what is going on, so she can plan ahead for if I am off work a lot, which I expect might happen… I have lovely employers but I don’t want the whole firm talking about me or feeling sorry for me, as hubby and I are coping quite well with only a close friend knowing. I know it seems a bit unfair to the firm but I don’t want to upset myself by confiding in her before I tell my family. At the moment I am worrying more about New Boss than I am about BC!! At least it is keeping my mind off the next lot of results!! Any thoughts, anyone? I’d welcome some advice if anyone has any thoughts.
Hi Kitty
Sorry that you are now having to worry about the new boss situation along with the bc situation. I understand that you do not want the entire firm knowing at this pont, but your boss is duty bound to keep your health issues confidential if that is your request, so you should be able to tell her the situation and have her keep it to herself. I was lucky with my employers and colleagues all being wonderfully supportive - the majority of my colleagues are young men and I did wonder how they would react, they were wonderful and respected my wishes not to be treated like a poorly person … the common response was ‘sorry to hear about the boob thing’ .
Good luck with the surgery and also the new boss.
Thanks Doll! You are good to reassure me. I think the new boss is going to take this discussion a lot more calmly than me, if ever I pluck up the courage to have the conversation with her! I just KNOW I’m going to cry as soon as a mention it!! I’ve just thought, should I be a cowardy custard and ask Old Boss to tell her? Or go on holiday and send her a postcard? Or tie a note to the collar of her cat? What do you think?
If you fear getting upset at your 1st meeting with the new boss then perhaps getting the old boss to tell her is the best option. I kind of took the cowards way out of telling ‘the lads’ and got their line manager to tell them. I didn’t want to just disappear for what may have been months without them knowing before hand, once they knew they all expressed their support in various forms.
kittybuttoon
I think you need to tell your new boss somehow as they are duty bound to support you through treatment if you have a permanent job. you have rights and as person who currently has or has had cancer in the past you are covered by the disability act but if the new boss doesn’t know then they can’t really plan to support you with that in mind. I don’t see anything wrong with asking old boss if they wouldn’t mind telling new boss because talking about it is still difficult at times.
You could talk to the helpline here about the employ stuff they’ve been doing which helps people know their rights but in essence it’s their job to help you through this and in some very practical ways but they can’t if they don’t know.
Just something to think about (like you don’t have enough already).
I did tell my boss as soon as possible and he’s been really really supportive and it’s nice to know he cares (genuinely).
Good luck with it all.
Angie
xXx
Kittybutton,
It dosen’t really matter who your new boss is if you are working for the same company. Company rules are for all and not for the chosen. They can’t discriminate and cancer comes under the disability discrimination act. This is taking it one step further but it gives you confidence when you do have to tell work.
I told my ‘big boss’ from day one and I’ve been lucky and haven’t had, so far, a problem. I hope that it will be the same for you.
I know that I will be on a phased return when I go back, which I hope will be soon.
Good luck.
This is good advice - thank you all for your help with my dilemma. I reckon that soon I will take the coward’s way out and ask Old Boss to break the news on my behalf- he is truly lovely, kind, supportive etc and I have no reason to think that New Boss won’t be just the same. I’ve got a large team to look after myself and if I heard this news about one of them I’d respect their wishes about privacy, and support them through their illness. However, it’s all so difficult now I’m the potential subject of everyone’s interest. I have worked for my company for many years and they’re great employers - but sickies do tend to get fussed over/talked about/worried about quite a lot and I don’t want to spend the rest of my career being brought cups of tea and having my arm patted! Talking to you guys has really given me confidence and cheered me up. Love Kitty xxxx
Hi everyone,
I told everyone straight away because I belive that everyone should be ‘breast aware’ not just women but men too. Mine was caught early with my second routine mammogram. I was very worried as I had only just started a new job in April (I was diagnosed 2 weeks into my new employment), but they have been so supportive, maybe because of the disability discrimination act, but they have also been genuinely concerned, not too sympathetic and not too inquisitive but I think the world should know how important it is to get the blasted thing early, I thought I was only going to have lumpectomy and some lymphnodes removed and then radiotherapy, but it has worked out that I have had 2 lots of surgery the second on on 14 July (axillary clearance) and I am still very sore, (stitches out on Monday). Chemo and radiotherapy and 5 years of tamoxifin to look forward to. Told my family when I had the full facts (no need worrying them until then) but I felt it was important to keep my employers in the loop because of time off. I only told my Line Manager after the biopsy, she said she would need to tell big boss because of needing time off work. big boss asked my permission to tell the staff, I agreed.
Kitty I would get your old boss to tell new boss but I hope you get the courage to talk openly about it soon, it does help and I have found that people after the initial shock, don’t really mention it too much.
Lorraine I think you did the right thing.
Cyber hugs to all.
Laurel x
Hi everyone. I have been talking to my husband and told him what you all thought. He has suggested that we meet with Old Boss and New Boss together, in the coffee shop round the corner from the office. He says that this way, I can break the news my own way, with support from him and Old Boss. I can explain that this is an ‘outside the office’ subject. Husband suggests that this way, I am in control of the conversation and the environment. And if I start to break down he will help out - but actually I think it will be ok this way. I am going to think through all the ideas but I am feeling so much better for discussing it with everyone here. And thanks for the hugs, Laurel!
Kitty xxx
ps: Laurel, my sister in law had the same pathway as you. Of course it was gutty right at the beginning, and five years sounds like a long time to be under the cosh, but she took each stage at a time, the Tamoxifen didn’t have any ill effects at all, apparently, and everything went just fine for her and she has just had her ten-year check and all clear. Meanwhile, she joined in with all sorts of adventures with my brother (taking up horse riding and Lord knows what else) and she says with all the Moon Walking she has done she is a million times fitter than before the BC. Funny how it goes, eh? I am not saying you should wear yourself out training for the 2012 Olympics, though - moonwalking not compulsory!!!
Love Kit xxx
I think your husbands suggestion is a great idea. An out of the office meet-up may well be much easier, and having him their for support will be wonderful.
Glad to hear your sil has reached the 10 year mark and well done her for doing the moon walk … I’m not tempted to join in to that extent but I am doing a 10k walk soon with sponsorship money going to the voluntary driver charity that took me daily for my rads.
Good for you! I once got one of those pedometers that count the number of steps you walk, to inspire you to walk 10,000 steps per day. The only benefit I got out of it was the knowledge that it is 11 steps from my rocking chair to the fridge!!!
Kitty x
Kitty, jut catching up with this thread. I think your husband’s idea is a brilliant one as it takes some of the pressure away from you. I told my bosses and close colleagues straight away and they have been really, really supportive. Good luck with it and do let us know how you got on.
Maggie x
Kitty
The porter who took me down for my wire insertion yesterday said that they cover about 8 miles a day round the hospital!!! Rather them than me!!
Angela
Hey angela
Are you okay? Been thinking about you and can I uncross my fingers and legs now???
Love
Tuesday xxx