Hi Ostrich, sorry that you have had to join our club. I’ve learned loads from this site and have made very good virtual friends too. It’s great that your tumour is a grade 1, and that work are being so supportive. Mine have too and I can’t imagine how it must be for those who have problems with work. I hope the discussion with your surgeon goes well on Wednesday. I have got the results of my re-excision tomorrow so that feels like quite a big day! Take care and lots of love xxxx.
Hi Ostrich
Good luck with your surgery. I can understand your decision to have mastectomy and immediate reconstruction - that’s what I also decided to do and I’ve never regretted the decision - it’s been fantastic.
Like you, I couldn’t face the thought of waking up after the op still having one large breast and the other not there at all…and I thought I might have serious problems balancing. Also like you, I haven’t experienced any fear over the whole thing or about dying, just anxieties over coping with the after effects of surgery and so on. But it’s really been fine, despite the odd wound infection and occasional setback. The surgeons reduced my healthy breast at the same time so that it’s similar in size to the new one - and I now feel great…two slightly smaller and more pert boobs and a flat tummy to boot (I had a diep reconstruction).
The scars do eventually heal - I’m 6 months down the line now and still keep rubbing in the oil! A friend who’s a nurse advised me after my op to use the hairdryer on a low setting on the scars after having a bath or shower and I haven’t yet got out of the habit - it helps the wounds stay dry and inhibits infection setting in.
If you want any other advice about the op, it’s useful to look on the reconstruction thread (I’m sure you have already!) or please shout and I can try and pass on some tips.
Lizzie xx
Thanks for the welcome!
Its scary to realise just how many of us there are!
Am off to see the BCN about the op in a minute and surgeon tomorrow. Fizzie, I was wondering what oil you are using re the scars? Did you have to have chemo or rads as I have heard reconstruction can cause issues with rads.
Kate
Thought I would just add this before I go.
I suddenly realised last night why I feel ok about all this. I AM IN DENIAL. Lying in bed with hubby away and having drunk a bottle of soave I wondered to myself why I am not bothered by my diagnosis and then suddenly I burst out laughing and realised - I AM IN DENIAL. Because my diagnosis was 3 weeks ago and apart from a chat 2 days later with the BCN to tell her re my decision about immediate reconstruction and a letter from the consultant confirming I have BC nothing in my life has changed. My hubby and I had a spat on Sunday as I was telling him that hopefully the surgeon would want to do the surgery in about 3 weeks and he ended up getting v cross with me saying I should get it done asap and Friday if the surgeon offers and to stop trying to fit this BC in with the rest of my life. I realised last night that my attempt to control the situation by actually pretending it isn’t any different to anything else in my life (ie that it needs to be scheduled in once I have done the other things on my busy calendar) is because I haven’t actually sat down and told myself I HAVE BREAST CANCER. I have but not in any way that makes me think - sh*t I need to get this sorted asap and that another 3 weeks might make a difference to my long term health (although it probably wont) and that I may have to put off doing the things I had planned for a while.
I also realised that whilst I had been telling myself that “its only a teeny insignificant cancer in that its grade 1 and I might not need chemo and rads and therefore its hardly worth mentioning” - not like my friend who was a grade 4 - I was actually going to loose a breast and that if someone else told me that that was their treatment I would think “that’s awful”.
I HAVE CANCER! There I said it. Last night it was funny and also quite a sobering thought however again today it feels like nothing. Maybe I will feel differently after looking at pics etc - a reality check of sorts.
Hmm, on further reflection, I am not in denial, I know this. I think about it every minute of every day. When I went to church on Sunday and told a very good friend of mine that I was treating it like a journey I have to take she offered to pray with me and I refused because I knew that if I prayed with her I would loose it completely and that was very scary. I am not in denial, I am terrified and keeping a lid on it because I am too afraid to take my feelings out of the box and examine them because I am afraid I wont be able to get it back together.
Scuse the ramblings of my mind, just trying to work things out and writing them down is helping.
Ostrich,(interesting name)
Good luck seeing the BCN,please tell her how you are feeling. What you are feeling is normal,totally normal.You are in shock and your brain is working out how to cope.I wish I could say something to make it all better but I can’t.Don’t be afraid of your emotions let them do their thing.Its the bodys way of coping.
Writing your thoughts down here is brilliant ,keep doing it.
I am 44 with grade 1 and I have had a mastectomy ,recon and now am only on Tamoxifen.I didn’t need chemo or rads so fingers crossed for you too!
Its hard with your job too as you are by nature of your career seen as a strong person and you probably don’t feel strong now as this is out of your hands.
Hugs,
Dot
xx
Hi Ostrich
I’ve been using bio oil (quite expensive) and also aqueous cream (very cheap for a large pot!).
I was lucky as the mastectomy removed not only the whole breast, but also the area of skin which had been close to the tumour - so no radiotherapy needed. I’d partly opted for the diep as I was told by my surgeon that radiotherapy can sometimes adversely affect implants and there’s a risk they can ‘capsulate’.
Yes, this is a life-changing experience - no matter how much you feel you might or might not be in denial. There’s all the practical stuff to cope with and then all the emotional fallout. However, don’t feel bad that you don’t feel terrified all the time even though you know at some level you are. I’ve managed to get through it all so far and people seem amazed that I haven’t fallen apart. On the other hand, I’ve been really fortunate - my grade 3 tumour was small and I didn’t have lymph node involvement…it’s a different story, I’m sure, for others further down the line and I feel a bit of a fraud when I read some posts on here.
Good luck with everything, Ostrich, and keep shouting if you need anything.
Lizzie x
Thanks for your thoughts,
Ostrich comes from my tendancy to stick my head in the sand!
Didn’t tell the BCN about my feelings, too busy trying to take in all that she was saying and trying not to pass out as talking about drains and fluid build up etc made me feel icky! Am now confused as didn’t know prior to my appointment the BRI in Bristol only do the recon with the back muscle and was told if I want the recon with my tummy muscle I would have to be referred to another consultant at Frenchay in Bristol and to let them know. Now I don’t know. Don’t want to have to make choices. My husband thinks it is vanity to care where a scar is and feels that the one to two week delay in waiting to see the other consultant may be the death of me (he’s rather panicking that it all seems to be taking so long) and I’m not sure whether I do care that much but feel I ought to investigate it but also just want to get on with it too and be told what to do! Argh! Will surf the forum for pros and cons of both types of recon but Fizzie and Dotchas if you have any perspective on the surgeries it would be appreciated! I said I would let them know tomorrow when I go for my exam with the consultant (back muscle recon consultant).
Ostrich,
I opted out of reconstruction, but the issue isn’t just where the scar is, it’s also which muscles you use. If you’re on the beat you probably have a fairly active lifestyle and choosing back or tummy muscle might make a difference.
A delay while you talk to a plastic surgeon (and to people on here) is not going to make a difference to your survival. You’re right, your husband is just panicking and wants it gone, but you do need to do the research so you will be happy with what you have.
On being in denial - I’m pretty good at finding jobs that need doing, or a glass of wine, to stop myself thinking sometimes - I know I’m doing it, and so what. That’s how I cope. Other times, I can think it through just fine - so let yourself not think about it if that’s what works for you.
Lyn
And I like this comment from an American journalist, Molly Ivins, who died of IBC - she wrote some great stuff about being a cancer patient -
“I am one of those people who are out of touch with their emotions. I tend to treat my emotions like unpleasant relatives—a long-distance call once or twice or year is more than enough. If I got in touch with them, they might come to stay.”
Lyn
Thanks Lyndu, have been reading some threads on here and my booklet, beginning to lean towards LD as seems recovery is quicker but thinking I might go and see the other surgeon any how. Like the quote though, thats definately me!
Hi Ostrich
Yes, I think it’s worth a visit to the other surgeon and then you can make a fully informed choice.
I think it’s really unlikely that an extra couple of weeks will make any difference to your chance of survival - although I remember panicking at the time when I opted for mast & recon rather than lumpectomy and they had to put back the date of the operation.
You’ll have gathered that I’ve been thrilled with the results but I’ve also met others who’ve been really pleased with the LD recons. For me, because I was fairly large breasted, the surgeon couldn’t do an LD without an implant and he didn’t want to do this in case I needed rads. The abdo scar from a diep puts some people off, but mine is really low and doesn’t worry me a bit…even wore a bikini for the first time this summer since before I had kids - and the scar wasn’t visible at all.
It’s a hard decision for you - by the way the diep doesn’t use any tummy muscle, so it doesn’t affect how active you can be and I’ve been bouncing around all over the place (sometimes too much!!). I don’t think it’s vanity thinking about what you’ll find easier to live with. This is a horrible disease and the more comfortable you feel about how you’ll be with your body after surgery is really important to you psychologically and emotionally.
Good luck tomorrow and let us know what you’ve decided.
Lizzie xx
After some thought this evening I have decided to stick with the LD. I have enough to think about, whilst trying desparately not to think about it!, without such a decision. Whilst sitting there trying not to feel ill about the talk about drains and fluid build up I thought “its not like I even wanted to be here, if I was after a Jordan then I would shop around”. I cant face making any more decisions and just want to get on with it - start getting better. I have read some and cant see any real pros or cons in either surgery except a quicker recovery for LDP and as a front line policewoman (in a team of 8 other men) I just want to get back to normal life asap. I may have cried during sex with my husband recently but he just wants me well so whether I have a scar across my back or tummy wont change that. I just dont want to make anymore decisions. I am going to go for the LD tomorrow and hopefully come away with a date so I can start focusing on getting better.
Thanks for all your thoughts, sorry if it seems I am wimping out but now I have decided I feel better.