Why is this happening again?
Why is this happening again? My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer over 10 years ago, she had treatment and was ok for a fair few years. My dad then got a brain tumour and whilst my mum was looking after him her breast cancer came back, my dad sadly die 2 years ago. My mum never lets anything get her down etc.
She was on Herceptin for a while which was working really well until it caused cardiac problems and had to be stopped. She had radiation at the tumour site last year whihc she didnt really want and seemed ok for a while alhtough had irritation with skin after it.
In December 2006 she developed lymphadema and the doctors appeared to take little or no interest in this even when she got an infection and temperature the gp said there is a sickness bug going round. She was on anti biotics for about a month and stil has open wound under her arm at the tumour site.
In January 2007 she felt a little unsteady and had an appointment with the oncologist who sent for some tests (finally).
The news was not good, the cancer had spread to the brain, liver, sternum and lung. As you can imagine this was a huge shock. because at that time mum was feeling ok.
She had whole brain radiation which finished about a month ago and yet onc doesnt seem to want to do brain scan unless symptoms appear.
My mum started taking taxol (which she has had before) last week, she has rapidly been getting worse. For a few weeks she had serious pain in leg and yet xray showed nothing.
Last 3 days whe declined rapidly to the point where she cannot hardly walk or get up and yesterday was in so much pain we had to call an ambulance to take her to the cancer hospital, they say she has hypercalcemia.
I have read several things about this on the net and am becoming more afraid of what is happening.
I feel so useless, i try to be strong for my mum but i am 8 months pregnant so i cannot even help her get up properly or anything.
My husband is in india courtesy of the incompetence of the British High Commission over there and im scared im going to be alone.
I know it may sound like i am wallowing in self pity right now but its so hard just 2 years after my dad for this to be happening again.
I am being strong for everyone else so as not to upset them and yet i feel like im tearing apart inside.
Noone seems to be ablt to tell me what is going to happen all the oncologist said is “we’re not looking at years”
What does that mean?
I have read about hypercalcemia and it doesnt appear to be a very good thing for my mums prognosis.
I am so scared. I just want to help her but there is nothing i can do.
Help Line Hello there,
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care forums where I am sure you will get lots of help and support from the many users of this site.
I am sorry you are having such a difficult time at the moment and to hear that your mum is so ill. It may help both yourself and your mum if you call our freefone helpline, here the breast care nurses and trained staff can talk about both technical and emotional issues surrounding breast cancer and may be able to give you some information where you can get the extra help you need for your mum. The lines are open now, until 5pm tonight. The helpline is run from Monday - Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm. The number to call is freefone 0808 800 6000.
I hope this helps.
Kind regards
BCC Host
My thoughts are with you Just to let you know, my thoughts are with you …Your mum knows how much you love and care for her… there are few words that anyone can say to you right now to ease your pain and suffering…
except to let you know, we’re here to listen when you need us…
Stay strong my dear,
Sending you and your baby a big hug,
Best wishes
Caroline x
What can be said? Oh darling as has been said before words can’t change how you feel or take away your pain.
Remember you have a major part of your mums life to look after - her grandchild - you need to make sure your not affecting your health or your baby’s as that won’t help you mum and she wouldn’t want that.
All you can do is ask the questions you want to know and just be with her when you can and give her the most beautiful gift you can - Another generation!
My thoughts, prayers and wishes are with you, your bump and your wonderful mum!
Well, what can i say about this week? Firstly the hospital where they took my mum had decided she was gonna die and decided to call me thursday morning last week and tell me to go straight to the hospital. I went, where i was told mum had hours to live. I then proceeded to mums room where an hour later she was sitting up in bed and talking to me.
The hospital told me she was refusing fluids and this was not true, she drank all day.
The problem was the level of care, whenever she woke up there was noone there and she couldnt reach a drink as it was too far away and the call the nurse button was positioned nicely out of the way on the wall behind the bed.
I stayed with mum all day and most of the night and then i had to go home as i was feeling so terrible (i suffer from syncope, which is a bit like fainting and brought on alot by being tired or under stress)
I noticed when i got there the following morning mum had been drinking more as i made such a fuss about it the day before with the staff.
I moved her with her permission to a hospice nearby as the care level there is much better and mum goes as a day patient every week and knows the people and would be more comfortable.
Again, the first dr told me mum was gonna die within days, i said she not ready to go, she determined to stay, he said the body is giving out.
The next day mum was out of bed and sitting in the chair making demands of things she wanted bringing from home etc. She has gained progress everyday and now is even managing to stand and bear weight on her legs and move around with a frame. She has amazed everyone of her doctors she has seen this week and she may be able to come home next week.
My mum is an inspiration to me, she is the strongest person i have met.
I understand we are not out of the woods yet, i also understand that she may not be “cured” anytime in the future. But i also think if i had listened to the doctors and not pushed as hard as i did she wouldnt be here now.
If it means she gets even a few more months and is here for the birth of her grandson its worth every second we spent fighting for her.
She is a tough lady my mum and has blown us away with the strength and courage she has shown this last week.
I am still praying for a miracle as i am sure everyone else is in a similar situation when the doctors have given up. How dare they? she isn’t giving up.
My mum has been home for nearly 2 weeks. The level of care is nowhere near what i expected. I have to fight for everything. We have carers 4 times a day and most nights a night sitter as my baby is due in 4 weeks and it helps me to get some sleep if i know someone is watching over my mum.
The doctors are as pessimistic as ever and i feel this doesn’t help my mum.
I’m angry that it feels like they sent her home to die when she was doing so well in the hospice.
She doesnt stand anymore and cannot get up, she uses the hoist to get from bed to chair and back again and it is not always successful.
I’m scared, my husband is thousands of miles away courtesy of the incompetent immigration system in the UK.
Everyone cannot believe how they can be so heartless, i am having a baby in 4 weeks and my mum is suffering and declining infront of my eyes and yet one person decides our marriage is of convenience and i have to wait 6 months to take it to appeal.
We married in church with a supporting letter from my vicar who knows us both.
I’m angry with the system, im angry that im pregnant and cannot do anything to help my mum.
I’m angry that i have seen this before with my dad and know whats coming.
I;m scared of being left alone with a new baby and my husband not being here. I need him so badly.
Its hard to keep pretending everything fine when my world is falling apart.
To watch my mum suffering is the hardest thing in the world.
Your Mum’s experience chimes with daughter’s when her son was in an overworked surgical ward. Those with relatives to nurse them or act as runners for help throve those alone were always at the back of the queue and wilted.
You’re doing it absolutely right. Be with your Mum as much as you can and see [if geographically poss] that the rest of the family do their shifts too- your mum sounds as if she may surprise everyone yet in the best possible way, hope so, dilly
Family are not really much help, mums brother lives in scotland and we are in england and her sister lives usa. The problem is her brother came down when she was in hospital and was talking like she already gone.
I feel its hard enough to keep myslef together without having to look after everyone else.
It made me a bit angry because whilst i understand he upset and so are other people i do not want the displays of sorrow around my mum, its not helpful to her.
I feel like crying every minute of every day but i dont because mum is suffering enough without having to look after those visiting.
She wants to keep things as normal as possible.
My mother sadly lost her fight on the 2nd May. She was the most courageous person i have ever known in my life and i will always miss her dearly.
I am so sad that she has missed seeing her grandson who is due to be born in 11 days.
I just feel despair right now and trying to get through one day at a time.
I am so sorry for your loss. This has been such a hard time for you and you seem to have faced it all alone and that makes me very sad for you. Good support at times like this is essential.
Your Mum was an inspiration and you will carry positive thoughts of her in your heart forever, and I know you will make sure your son knows his Nana as well as possible.
I hope you are not alone for the birth of your son, but if you feel the need, keep posting here, you still need support and will do for quite some time as you know from losing your Dad.
Take care
Love Irene
Condolences Hello loozit,
From all at Breast Cancer Care our sincere condolences go to you and your family at this sad time.
With kind regards,
BCC Host
dear loozit do you live in London? Let me know, I would be happy to write letters on your behalf re your marriage, might do some good
Mole
Hope you and your baby are both well Dear Loozit,
I hope that you have your new baby by now and that you are both well. I was so sad for you when I read your messages about your mother. My mum died before I had my three children (now grown up) so I understand a little of how you feel. Have you tried contacting your MP regarding your husband’s entry to the UK? Anything is worth a try as you need his support at this difficult time. I am sure that your mother loved you very much and hope that you will feel her love with you always.
Best wishes
Francine x
sorry to hear of your loss Sorry to hear that your mum passed away. She could not have been better looked after by her daughter. Hope you have now had your baby and you and he are ok. When you get time let us know how you have got on and whether your husband is now with you,
all the best Chloe x
empathy Hi, my name is tracy. I can fully understand what you are going through. My mum just turned 59 in feb. Firstly diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 45. Was on tamoxifen fro 5 years. Always kept reasonably well. Around christmas time compliained of sore throat and was unable to walk 100 yds without getting breathless. Went to docs who said it was probably viral. Never even listened to her chest. I sent her back to docs who reluctantly sent her for a chest xray. Docs phoned midweek to say slight collection of fluid noted on lung and to wait on word from breast clinic for drainage, if no word within fortnight then contact gp again.
Got to the stage that 2 days later could’nt speak a full sentence without getting breathless. Took her to a&e, where they inserted chest drsin and drained of 3litres. Unfortunately no infection and was diagnosed with metastasis. Spread to skull, back, and lung wall. Onc siad she should have up to 3years. Three months have passed and she has been on trial drug arimidex. Re-admitted to hospital with severe pneumonia, complained of severe headaches and left sided chest pain. Had repeat scans, cancer now spread to upper left lobe of lung and further spreading on skull and top of spine. Keeps also complaining of really bad leg and foot pain to the stage that its very sore when walking. Docs wanting to take her off arimidex as they feel its not working although they say her cancer markers are not any worse. They also want to give her some radiotherapy to left lung but dont feel she is well enough at the moment. They say they cant understand why she is getting leg and foot pain but refuse to do a bone scan. Feel that mum is waisting away in front of me. I am a nurse myself and have seen many things like this before. sometimes feel helpless and that they are just treating mum as a number, but she is number one to me.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. Baby was due 26th, still not arrived yet. I finally got everything i need for the baby sorted so now i am just waiting.
My midwife got angry with MP for not getting involved with my husbands case as did my minister, my consultant wouldn’t write me a letter but my GP has done it now so i just have to take it to the MP. The date for the hearing could be upto 12 weeks if none of these things manage to bring it forward.
I just miss him so much, i cant go and see him because i have been pregnant and even after the baby is born i am stuck because obviously we dont want to risk his health.
The only 2 people in the world i wanted with me when i have the baby aren’t here. 
Truth is i haven’t really dealt with my mums death at all, i cant afford to, i cant fall apart till i know there is someone here to pick up the pieces.
So, i go on automatic pilot and hope that i dont have a meltdown before my hsuband gets here.