Hi @lg1206
I was a couple of years older than your Mum when I was diagnosed with IDC and DCIS, HER2 positive (and ER & PR positive breast cancer) nearly 2 years ago. I had just partially retired and had plans that were well and truly scuppered!
My son was 30 and had just got married and my 26 year old daughter had moved to London to start a new role. I felt responsible for turning their lives upside down. The hardest part for me was telling them the news, followed by the uncertainty and lack of control whilst waiting for results.
Fleetingly, like you I thought ‘why me’ but soon switched to ‘why not me.’ My Dad had three different primary cancers , bladder, bowel then liver. I had jested with my sister that if one in two of us get cancer in our lifetime he’s had the share for 6 of us - but it wasn’t to be. I joined the cancer cohort on the paternal side of the family.
I decided that for me the way forward was to accept that it had happened and to focus on how fortunate I was that it had been found and that I had treatment options. There were days I felt sad and I allowed myself to wallow.
The MRI scan will give them more information about the size of the IDC. I was told that if it was less than 2cm I would have surgery first (mastectomy), but if it was 2cm or greater then chemo and targeted therapy first. As it was the scan showed that it was more extensive. The scan also flagged up something in the other breast. MRI guided biopsies of confirmed two areas of DCIS. I chuckled when I was told. Of course it would be me who had it in both. What would have been worse was finding out further down the line that it had become IDC and I’d be going through treatment again. I was very thankful that I was sent for those biopsies. When I updated my children with the news they agreed with me that they both needed to go
The chemo etc was unkind but doable. It was tiring and there were days I felt rubbish. I found joy in the small things. Time with those important to me. Loose plans so I didn’t feel guilty if I had to cancel. Walks in the countryside, chips on the seafront. Surgery was fine as was the recovery. I healed well.
I have had to have endocrine therapy. I’ve managed 13.5 months so far and I must say the side-effects are quite impactful. The chemo has addled my brain. Didn’t realise how much until I returned to work, 8 months on it has improved enormously.
HER2+ has a long treatment path. May be worth you looking at the thread @foxgem suggested. I have found it invaluable. It was reassuring seeing that others were getting through to the other side. Family members do post on it for information and support. It’s a friendly bunch.
Remember that the landscape for our cancer has changed because of Herceptin (trastuzumab). Hold onto hope and positivity. It’s been found and your Mum will be offered treatments and surgery to deal with it. It’s not always a straight path so be prepared for a twists and turns.
I’m sure she will be wanting to protect you from it all, as well you might also be wanting to protect her from how you are feeling. Sometimes we can’t find the words to convey the enormity and impact of it all. A tight hug is all that we can offer and might be all what we need.
She’s fortunate to have a kind and caring daughter supporting her. x