I am hoping that just the act of writing this will be catharsis enough to stop the wobble I am having write now… Fingers crossed.
So in May it will be 5 years since I found the lump - lots of chemo, WLE and some radio, at the end of Feb it will be four years since I finished treament, apart from the never-ending Anastrazole… The wobbles have been pretty rare for a year or so but have arrived back with a veangence now.
I last saw the surgeon in the spring, and it was rather fine to be told to come back in a year… Next appointment booked for Feb 2015, seemed like forever and I really felt positive. In November I got a letter saying that the hospital are trying a new scheme, doing the mammogram a few weeks before the checkup so that they’d have the scans in plenty of time. So off I went the Monday before Christmas, to find myself back in the clinic, ladies with MacMillan badges smiling everywhere and nervous women sat in fear of their lives… I don’t know why it shook me so hard, as it’s a new unit and I know I can never go back to the room where they told me the test results as it’s been demolished! But there I was, trembling like a baby.
The mammo was done, and I headed off home. It’s awful to have a scan and not *know* that it’s clear for nearly two months… is that just me? I told myself that if there’s anything awful they’d call me back sooner so no news would be good news.
On New Years Day my ex died. He’d had some kind of lymphoma behind his lungs, they never really got to the bottom of what it was and in the autumn they told him that there wasn’t really anything more they could do. I knew that he was very ill, I knew it couldn’t be long, and I thought I was prepared, but actually getting the news really knocked me back. I figured after 15 years apart it wouldn’t be so painful, but there’s a great big hole in the world now.
Then about half an hour ago I saw the postie walk up the path… I went to pick up the post and there it was. I knew it was from the hospital, I recognise those letters now. I was nearly sick on the spot and just stared at it for what seemed an age before I opened it. It wasn’t anything horrid - just a routine letter informing me that my appointment has been pushed back from Monday to Tuesday - I can’t see that being anything other than the usual schedule shuffling, nothing to panic over. So why am I still sat shaking like a leaf and feeling sick?
Hi MrsMushroom
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MrsMushroom, my sympathies. Especially when you’re coping with losing your ex so recently, too. I don’t think there is any reason for these wobbles - and we just have to cope with them when they come. I am 13 months on from diagnosis (treatment finished in the summer) and recently had my one-year mammogram. I had 8 days to wait until the oncologist appointment that would give me the results. That was fine, shorter would have been better, but was coping with that. Then a phone call: he could see me a couple of days earlier if I wanted. Sure I wanted, that would be good. But then I spent the next 24 hours feeling sick! How crazy is that?! (Results were fine…)
I think whatever the time gap since treatment, we are never the same again and have to expect the unexpected. Best wishes to you and all other wobbly folk out there…:smileyhappy:
Hello ladies, I was very interested reading this thread as it sounds like i feel! I also have had major wobbles regularly since my diagnosis back in Oct 2012. The whole of 2013 is really a blur after the operations, Chemo, Radiotherapy and endless appointments, blood tests, scans, doctors appointments, and a several stays in hospital (including one for the dreaded MRSA which was picked up from a previous hospital stay!!). Then started the Hormones (Anastrozole) in Sept 2013, which have given me no end of side effects! Several infections, numerous antibiotics, further scans last year for an irregular heart rhythm caused by any on the cancer treatments, suspected gallstones, lump on neck, skin rashes, Liver Cysts which I have to keep an eye on, the list goes on!!
So to start the New Year I am waiting to hear when my appointment for my 2nd Mammo is for next month then another one to see the Breast Surgeon in March, when hopefully all will be clear for another year and they will refer me over to the Open Access Unit run by the Specialist Nurses.
Is it really any wonder that we all have the wobbles from time to time - I never ever got them and i never really worried or had panic attacks or similar over anything. I always remember the day after I found out about the B/C - it was a Saturday and my hubby and Mum were working, my sister was away and I had just lost my beautiful girl, my dog susie, 2 days before my diagnosis. I thought I was okay and was busy cooking bacon for myself and my 2 boys lunch and without warning I had what I presume was a major panic/breakdown stood in the kitchen frozen to the spot shaking and dizzy and feeling like i was going to pass out. What made it worse was knowing that there was nobody i could contact to talk to - i didnt know about the BCC/MacMillan websites at this stage. I think that until I can cope without any side effects or illness for any lenght of time then it will be a long time until i feel remotely like “myself” again.
Cheers, Michele x
Hello ladies. I think your wobbles are quite understandable Mrs Mushroom in the circumstances especially as you lost your ex so recently. I had my last radiotherapy a few days before Christmas 2014 and have an appt to see the clinical oncologist this coming Wednesday and then my first 6 monthly check up with my surgeon in March, a year from my diagnosis but no appt for a mammogram. When I phoned his secretary she said he would arrange for the mammogram when I see him as she is unable to request it. I think I would rather have the mammogram before so I can get the result when I have my appt with him. I think that it is amazing that we cope with everything the way we do so an occasional wobble is not surprising. I do hope everything works out well for you MrsMushroom.