Wondering why?

Hi there

My mum was diagnosed with BC about 6 months ago, but must have been keeping it hidden for a long time (at least 18 months). I knew that something was wrong, but didn’t think it could be as serious as BC (naive - i know). I guess I just feel very confused why she couldn’t talk about it / do anything about it - we talk about everything usually. Mum’s in her early 50’s, and the consultant said he was very surprised someone ‘her age’ didn’t get help sooner. I feel really guilty I didn’t do more, but it got to the stage were every time I mentioned seeing a doctor she’d tell me to leave her alone - or she’d she’d seen a doctor and everything was fine. She’s having some treatment, but has left it very late to get help. Just wondering if anyone else has similar experience. Sometimes I feel I could cry, other times I’m angry/annoyed:(L

Hi Lily
Im sorry to hear your news-its always a shock to get such a diagnosis and you will still be reeling from the news.
Its sadly common for some folks to ignore obvious signs of illness and hide it from those close to them. Theres really nothing you can do other than be there for her, as she didnt feel like acknowledging her situation.
Exactly the same thing happened to my mum-and she was a nurse. She probably didnt want to upset anyone and although she obviously knew she had a serious condition, she sadly kept it to herself.

I hope you get some peace of mind, just dont try to beat yourself up about something you have no power to change.
Cry and let it all out-then get back to being there for your mum.
Lots of love
Cathie xx

Hi Lily,

I’m so sorry about you and your mum. Speaking for myself, though slightly role reverse – I left it for a long time before I went to my GP and even after diagnosis, didn’t tell mum (she was in other country) until a few days before the start of my chemo. (I did leave it a bit too long! By the time I was diagnosed, it has already spread to my bone!:frowning: )

I just didn’t want my normal life to be interrupted by treatment… well, never thought I could get cancer in my 20s, also no family history and relatively healthy life style. I wanted to ignore it and hoping that it will go away… maybe at my age, it could just be my homorns. Being very ignorant of cancer at the time, I didn’t want to be told that I was going to die soon (which isn’t true). I didn’t know what to say to my mum and didn’t want to worry her. I cried many many times before I eventually told my mum. And lots and lots of times I wanted to tell her when she phoned me, I just couldn’t say the word “cancer”.

Maybe from that you can sort of understand why your mum wanted/wants to keep everything to herself. But as times going on, I found it was too difficult to bear everything myself and welcomed help and support from family and friends with open arms. When that day arrives for your mum, be there for her.

Take good care of yourself and your mum. If she doesn’t want to talk, please don’t force her.


My gran had bc and a mastectomy aged 71…she had had it for a while before I think. She died 9 years later when I was 11 of it.
My mum, who i did not see much of after I was 14 died 6 years ago having never been to a doctor. BC was found to be the cause but I was not told until genetic testing commenced this year as myself and my daughter both have it (49 & 26 at dx this year)
My mum was i believe scared…and hated doctors. If she had only gone and had the mammo she was called for we could all of been spared a lot of suffering. However it was her choice and one has to just accept that people choose different paths…