Hi, My mum is having a mastectomy this afternoon. She has two lumps in her breast and one under her arm and is having it all taken away. I’m worried that she might not survive the surgery though. I know that sounds irrational but my sister in law had had a miscarriage a year ago and died having a routine D&C.
My brother is scared, crying and can’t talk about it, my dad who is 75 is paniced and being a pain because of it and I am left trying to deal with my own fears and thiers too.
During the run up to the operation last week I spent my time taking my mum to the hospital for various tests and spending tme with her and I know she’s scared and upset but it came out as anger and nastyness which was directed at me.
Can anyone tell me whether any of this behaviour is normal. I haven’t said anything to anyone about it because I can understand why they are all like it but I’m not a punchbag and nor am I responsible for other people’s grief. Do you think they will all calm down when the operation is over?
Any advice or help or insight would be of great help.
Thank you
Lorraine
Hi Lorraine - sorry to hear about Mum & the family. Yes, being verbally abused is all part of dealing with the ‘breast beastie’ I am sorry to say. As is crying, wailing, not sleeping, having morbid thoughts, having nasty thoughts towards those that complain about a flipping cold and lots of ‘what if’ thoughts. It really does screw up your mind! While I was waiting for my official diagnosis, I even wrote a list of those that were NOT going to my funeral and the reasons why, and I even intended to put that on their non-invite! How evil is that?
My only tip to you is to let it go in one ear and out the other. None of it is directed at you personally, you just happen to be the one coppin’ it!
Once the op is over and she is a bit perkier, it will calm down. I didn’t have a mastectomy so I don’t know too much about healing times/recovery times, etc. Is Mum having chemo/radiotherapy in the future?
You might have to be a tad stern with Dad/Brother and tell them to pull themselves together as it’s your Mum thats poorly and she needs all the attention, not them! I don’t mean to sound nasty, I really hope it doesn’t come over that way!
Keep posting on here as often as you need to, everyone has words of wisdom and will support you all the way.
Hope the op went ok, and don’t stress or you will end up ill youself.
Love & hugs…Daisy xxxxxxxx
Well it’s 10.30pm and I’m just back from the hospital with my dad. Mum’s surgery went well but she had problems with the aneasthetic on waking up and now can’t breathe on her own. They have had to sedate her and she has a mchine breathing for her. She is in intensive care. We had to wait for ages to see her. I brought her case home with me because she won’t need it now. I’ve got her glasses and her wedding ring and earrings and her clothes and she might die - but not because of the cancer - how ironic is that!!! All the time i’ve been worried about the wrong thing!!!
Daisy, thank you for your kind thoughts.
If anyone out there can pray please do because I sure as hell can’t.
Lorraine x
Lorraine
Hoping that your Mum pulls through this.
Fiona
Hi Lorraine
Your Mum is going through a rough time at the moment but it is early days. It is the case that some folks do react badly to anesthetic (Me being one) the care she will be receiving will be expert and your mum will be well monitored.
You are bound to be worried especially if they gave you her belongings to bring home. I think if anyone goes into intensive care all possessions go home because they haven’t the space to store cases and if another operation is needed they do not want the reponsibility of securing valuables. ( That is whatI was told when my mum went into high dependency).
The mood swings you will all be feeling are part an parcel of the whole thing. I know you don’t want to be a battering ram but you can not control how folks react you can only control how you deal with it.
I hope you get some relief soon because this is a very long journey.
Take care
Lorraine,
Just a wee bit of support.It looks like you need it. I’m in recovery now, so I think I can spare a few prayers and kind thoughts for you.Best of luck with the family.
Tricia
Thank you so much to everyone who has written to me. I have never joined a forum before and I only joined this one originally looking for information about breast cancer when my mum was initially diagnosed.
I hadn’t realised how much support and comfort there could be from something like this and I am truely grateful to everyone that has written back, especially as you are all going through similar or worse yourselves.
You are all so brilliant, caring, kind and lovely people.
Many, many thanks
Lorraine x
Thinking of you all, hope your mum gets through this bit, although she ranted at you I’m sure she is grateful to have a caring daughter,love and prayers Debs xxxx
lorraine,
I often think it is worse for our families than us at times ( or am I just odd!) I was so busy with my treatment - Mastectomy,chemo and rads that I just got on with it and I was fortunate that I suffered from no major side effects.
I hope your Mum is doing ok and I am sure she is being well looked after. Remember to look after yourself as she will need you to help and support her when she comes out of hospital in the weeks to come.
On reading all the comments I love the one from Daisy about the non invites to her funeral and the reasons why - I had similar thoughts - must be a new black humour we develop!
Anyway I’ll say a prayer for Mum and keep smiling - I try to and it makes a difficult situation easier to bear and in this credit crunch it costs nothing!
love and best wishes
Rosie10