So was diagnosed only a few weeks ago . Her 2 neg ER pos . Had lumpectomy 2 weeks ago and node clearance and was hopeful but Was told yesterday that 7 of 13 nodes were cancerous so chemo now def which I am petrified of - and I need a CT scan to see if it’s spread. I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus . I feel like I’m in this enormous black hole and I can’t seem to be positive like so many of you are . I don’t seem to have any fight in me which if you knew me js not me ! My husband of 25 years is great but I feel I’ve let everyone down that I will change his life so much just feeling very lost and I don’t know how to snap out of it . I am however very thankful to NHS , they are getting me seen quickly as they can . I guess I won’t know if cancer has spread until we get the results but it’s so much to take in
Firstly, stop being hard on yourself for taking this badly. Everybody copes in different ways, theres no right or wrong way. Secondly, you are not a burden to ANYONE. This isnt something youve done to yourself and you need to remember that.
Ok, now the pep talk is done 
I had something similar to you, they knew mine was in the breast and lymph nodes but i had a full left mastectomy and full left lymph node removal.
When they got the histology back from my removal they took 33 lymph nodes and it was in 15! So the chemo treatment was a bit more hardcore than i was expecting. Threw me so bad!! I had been positive that whole time, then bam. However, ive just had my first chemo treatment (EC chemo for 4 rounds every 2 weeks, and then paclitaxel every 2 weeks for 4 rounds) and honestly, it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. Felt a bit rough, groggy and queezy on the first day. And im on day 5 now and today i feel hungover but nothing i can’t handle. Youve got this. Youll be fine i promise.
I also had a PET scan to see if it had spread any further but im assuming it hasnt because they havent said anything. Ill be chasing that up today lol xx
@epic1
Hi,
I experienced something similar… told ER+ HER~ two tumours, biggest 35mm (stage 2), no evidence in lymph. Then post mastectomy told three tumours, biggest 55cm (stage 3), evidence of cancer in lymph and vascular invasion too.
I was knocked side ways. Booked for full axillary clearance and CT. I was convinced it had spread and went to a dark place, gave my husband the financial run down, how to plan for our girls weddings… we were going for walks round the park at 4am because I couldn’t settle in the house but couldn’t settle outside either. Every time I ran, my problems came with me.
Eventually my CT result was clear, I went thro the 6 rounds of chemo (not great but done now) and now on maintenance meds.
I have no magic words for you, I wish I did. All I can say is try break it down to smaller chunks as at the moment it’s too huge-let me get thro the next hour, then get thro today… let the team know you’re available for cancellations… call the nurses here for support… call your breast nurse for support… do you have a wellbeing cancer centre/macmillan/maggie centre to go to?.. macmillan offer counselling that could give you urgent support…
I found that once I knew what I was dealing with, I was better. It was the not knowing/filling in the gaps myself with terror outcomes that was hardest.
I also have friends wo unfortunately were diagnosed with secondary diagnosis, who have been taking medicines for many years, who have no evidence of disease on scans so medicines controlling it well!
I am so sorry it is feeling so hard at the moment. Wish I could give you a big hug.
Hang on in there-hopefully the light is coming to stop it being so dark
Xx❤️
Thanks guys. I’m just struggling this week .im trying to be brave in front of kids and family then just go and meltdown in my room under the covers ! I get the results of CT scan on Thursday 
@epic1 I will be thinking of you on Thursday. My fingers crossed the CT scan is clean. I was in your shoes, 1 year ago. I had a large tumour and it had spread to 7 LN and yet the CT scan was clean. With that many LN involved, it meant a hard chemo followed by radiotherapy and now I’m taking abemacyclib for the next 2 years to reduce the risk of the cancer coming back. All of these milestones are difficult but for me the worst time was waiting to have the full picture, specially waiting for the CT scan result, just like Laura said. It might be difficult for you to believe it but it will get better.
Big Hugs 