I went with my wife to the Breast Screening Unit in Linenhall Street, Belfast just over two weeks ago. She had her first mammogram done, and the lady working with her asked her to wait while she had a look at the films to make sure they had a clear picture. She came back and said they were fine and she’d get a report within three weeks. Two days ago she received a letter asking her to attend a breast assessment clinic this Tuesday. Of course, the letter stressed four out of five women recalled did not have breast cancer, but it gives no idea why she’s been recalled. Our GP said that some of his patients have gone to this assessment centre for their first mammogram and have been asked to wait because something has been noticed immediately. He also said in Northern Ireland the scans are taken from three angles so when they’re blown up even the tiniest speck will show, which is not necessarily the case with other screening programmes. My wife had major surgery on her cervical spine four years ago. She also has large calcium deposits in both shoulders. She is due to discuss these with her surgeon during the next few months. Could calcium deposts in her shoulders be related to possible calcification in her breasts?
I know this sounds pathetic but I’m going out of my mind with worry. We’ve been under so much stress lately, following my redundancy, and the fact my wife had to take medical retirement because of her neck problems. My mother in law died two months ago and we frequently had to literally lift her around her house during the two years before this. My heart is pounding, my head’s thumping and I feel really sick. I’m doing my best not to let her see how I am feeling, but when she’s not nearby I’m sitting crying. I told my GP I knew I was being ridiculous. He said I’m suffering from an overload of stress, but I don’t care about me. I just want everything to be alright with my wife. Can anyone offer any words of advice?
Hi and welcome to the BCC Discussion Forums. It sounds like you and your wife are having a really difficult time at the moment. I’m sure other users will be along soon to offer support, but in the meantime I wanted suggest that it might be helpful for you to contact the BCC Helpline, tel 0808 800 6000 Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm. It’s a free and confidential service offering support and information. Lines will open again now on Monday morning at 9am.
With Best wishes,
Anna, BCC Facilitator
Hi Worried.
What a crappy time you’ve had lately, no wonder you’re feeling stressed!
I can’t answer anything about your wife’s mammo results other than what was stressed in the letter you have received - your wife has an 80% chance of this all being FINE. I know that’s not much help because there’s the frantic panic about what if she’s in the 20%, but do try to remember she does have pretty good odds.
There is no point in worrying yourself sick between now and Tuesday, so I hope you’re able to find some way to relax, the last thing you and your wife need is you making yourself sick with the worrying.
To help you a little, you might want to read some of the leaflets in the Publications section of the website, particularly those at the early end of the scale, and also one called “In it together”, which is aimed at family members. We all know that our family go through all the worrying with us, and I think it’s actually worse in a way for our families than it is for us.
You might also find it really useful to call the Helpline on Monday morning as they might be able to help you calm your fears a little.
On Tuesday you will find out more, but not knowing is the world’s worst. We have all found the very beginning to be the worst part of our own experiences.
If you’ve spoken to your GP, perhaps you could ask for something to help you relax, in the short term, until results etc come in. I know a lot of people on here have had a week’s worth of sleeping tablets because they were unable to relax enough to get some rest, and your wife will need to have you functioning if you’re going to support her, which I can see from your post you really want to do.
I’m sorry, I’m rambling a bit, but I hope you get the idea. One final piece of advice, in three simple steps.
- Breathe in.
- Breathe out.
- Repeat steps 1 and 2.
Tuesday will come along and you’ll find out more then, and will probably feel a lot less panicked then too. There will probably be other partners and family members coming along to offer support, but you will certainly get support from the (mostly) ladies who have been where your wife is.
Here, have a virtual hug, sounds like you could do with it.
CM
x
Oh WTD I so recognise where you are just now and it is a horrible place to be. My husband was just like you – trying to be so brave for me but falling to pieces in the process. I don’t have enough knowledge to offer you any advice about what may be the reason for the recall. I can just say that once you do find out it will become easier for you to handle. I am 7 months post bilateral mastectomy and though there were some bad times along the way I feel very well. What I am saying is that even if you do get news you would rather not like to hear it will not be the end of the world. There has been tremendous progress made in recent years and for most women a diagnosis of BC is not the death sentence it once was. Anything I say will not stop you worrying but if you read the posts on this forum you will find dozens of ladies who have been where your wife is now and are getting on with their lives. Hopefully it will be nothing but if it is not there is still life afterwards.
Hello WTD, I am just sending you and your lovely wife a hug. We know exactly how you feel and what a strain you are under just now. Believe me the waiting for results is the worst bit and we all become anxious when this is happening.
Good for you to find the site and to put down in words just how YOU are feeling. You are doing fine. You will get there. My suggestion is ONE DAY at a TIME. Do not jump into the what iffs. What will be will be. PLEASE keep writing to us on here and getting out those emotions. There was no site like this when I was diagnosed 22 years ago. We are here to support you as best we can. Just keep in touch. Take care. Val
Hi,
what a horrid time for both you and your wife. And I dont think it can get any easier over the next few days. All the possibilites must be rushing around in your head, even though you know 80% of things spotted on a mamogram are not cancer, it is only natural to also explore the possibility --what if??
Some straws to grasp onto. As your GP said, if there is anything immeadiately obvious from the mamaogram your wife would have been asked to wait. If the technicians had any doubt at all they would not have been talking about a report in three weeks. Anything suspicious is followed up much quicker than that. So whatever they found is so small that it was only picked up by a second look.
Lets assume the worse, lets assume she is one of the unlucky 20% who has some cancer, then it must be very small that it was only picked up by a second look at the pictures. Cancer is not necessery the beast it was evan a few years ago. There are so many different types, many do not need chemo. Two months ago I found a lump it turned out to be a 1inch round cancer. I could see it on the pictures from the other side of the room. Since then I have had it removed,I’m driving again and back firing all guns with my day to day life. Got a neat scar, and not even a dent. I do need radiotherapy. Thats 4 weeks of daily trips to the hospital and probably a coule of weeks of maybe being tired afterwards. But they have told me if I have time to rest during the day there is no reason why I should not be able to do a 2 hour performance in the evening.( i am a 64 year old drummer in a rock band)
Obvioulsy I would have prefered not to have had the cancer and the treatment, but I tell you , I could go through it again, but would never want to got through the worry of waiting for appoinment and then waiting for results–it was mental. The worse weeks of my life.
Whatever emotions you are feeling are completely normal, some people cannot sleep or eat, some cry, some get angry, some go into an off planet experiance and some go from one emotion to another. I think you just have to accept that that is the way you need to deal with it and try to take each day as it comes. Your wife is so lucky to have you there to support her. Not all husbands are so caring. And it has come on top of everything else. You are not being ridiculous at all.
I realy hope that your wives results are good. Do be prepared though that they will decide to do a biopsy on the spot. This is normal with anything they find on the next type of scan. And then there is another wait for those results, but remember 50% of biopsies are negative.
You might want to ring the helpline, they deal with partners too. I am sure you GP is good, but the helpline only deal with cancer and know how devestating these first few weeks are.
or if any more questions pop into your head, come back here, we all wan to help.
Hi Worried, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I wish there was something I could say that would ease your worries, but no matther what the stats said, you will still be worried sick until you know what the position is.
Here’s to hoping you feel a little embarrased in a few day over worrying about what turns out to be nothing!
Paul.
WTD - the waiting is horrible and you and your wife have all our sympathy. Do come back on this thread and let us know how you get on. There’s another thread you may like to check out - it’s called Northern Ireland Meet-ups and you’ll find it under In Your Area. If there’s anything you need to know about local services, we’ll try to help. The Macmillan Centre beside City Hospital is also good at giving help and advice. The staff there are very friendly and helpful.
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all your kind comments. We’ve just been talking about it, and my wife has told me I really need to relax. She worked in the Health Service for more than 30 years so she knows what’s what. Her sister’s going into hospital tomorrow for a day procedure so she’s not telling her. In fact, if all is well no-one else will ever know. I’ll let you all know what happens on Tuesday afternoon. The way I’m looking at it is that they’re not going to find anything that isn’t there, but they will find something that’s there when it’s very small. Fingers crossed.
WTD - Really hope that all goes well for you and your wife tomorrow, will keep everything crossed
cb1
WTD - Good luck to the both of you for today. I sincerely hope that it is not what you dread. I know that knotted stomach feeling, but you are there for your wife and that’s what matters. To be stressed is natural, it shows you care. Unfortunately this sort of thing usually happens when you are already either stressed about other things or are dealing with other issues in life. What this does is simply put things in perspective and prioritises things in the right order. It’s funny but this sort of experience clarifies the value of living and the time you have with the love of your life.
Thinking of you both today!
Richard
Once again thank you all for your kind comments. They’ve got me through the past few days. I went with my wife to the Screening Centre this afternoon. She was in for about an hour, and had much more detailed X-rays taken. They asked me to come in when she was discussing the results with the consultant, but were very quick to say it was not bad news.
The consultant explained she had been called back because they noticed very small changes in her left breast, in the form of calcification. She said she is 100% sure my wife’s calcification is benign but will repeat the mammogram in nine months time. If she thinks there is any change in the calcification, which is minute at present, she’ll check it to be sure it is not becoming cancerous. She stressed nine months is not long enough for this to become even a very small cancer, but is long enough for it to display the changes which would make her think of doing cytology on it.
However, she does not expect it to change. She is sure the calcification is not made up of pre-cancerous cells.
One of the nurses told me that the majority of first time mammograms are recalled at the Screening Centre because of calcification, as they simply don’t know what’s normal for each woman.
So there it is. I hope everyone suffering the terrible worry which I have experienced since last Thursday, receives good news.
I also hope all of you who are currently receiving treatment enjoy a speedy successful outcome.
To say I’m very relieved tonight is an understatement. I just wish I could make it possible for other people to feel the way I do at present. I am thinking of you all.
That is such wonderful news. You must be so relieved. Perhaps it is the change in tide that you need after all your recent misfortunes and perhaps life has decided to stop throwing you curvballs.
All the very best to you both
Dear WTD, Just hope that you are cracking open a bottle of something nice to celebrate. Will join you in that glass of wine if you are! Good to hear from you. Hope our wife realises what a wonderful husband she has. I am sure she does. Keep well both of you. Val
That’s fantastic news! What a relief for u both, i hope ur going out to celebrate 
Ur obviously a wonderful husband who cares deeply about his wife so go off & enjoy yourselves, all the best to u both xx
Hi WTD this is really good news, have a lovely evening both of you, take care junieliz
What wonderful news, thanks for sharing this with us all.
All the best
xxx
Great to hear your good news! Thanks for coming back on here and letting us know.
WOOHOO!!!
How lovely to see someone leaving The Waiting Room via the All Clear door! The biggest cheers come from those who left by the other door, and we don’t begrudge your fortune for an instant. What a wonderful relief for you both.
Excellent news!