Worries…
Worries… Hi girls
Do you mind if I list all my worries on here as I can’t talk about them to anyone else? Here goes…
I am not the old Debbie and I cannot do all those things that I used to do before, (although I would give anything to be able to moan about normal stuff again)
I cried coming home from work yesterday, it just came from nowhere
and I just kept saying to myself that I didn’t want to die. (The girls at work were talking about some radio presenter who had just been diagnosed with bc and the conversation lasted about 10 minutes they were talking about someone dying from a stroke I just felt like screaming) People think that we can cope with all this.
My lower back has been aching for the past 2 weeks and I don’t want to go to the Doctors because I could not bear having any more treatment.
Although sometimes I go out of my mind with worry.
Sometimes I can drive the car and for a few minutes I cannot remember the drive, it really spooks me out.
I am so tired at times and I really dont like it.
I want a day without aches and pains.
I want to run away and just live in a small cottage on my own with no family pressures or work load.
I want a partner who understands.
I just want some peace and to feel safe.
I just want to be normal.
Im sorry girls, I am usually a coper and I feel very ungrateful for what I have got, but sometimes I really feel a strong urge to be on my own and to try and simplify my life.
Thank you for listening
Debbie x
You really sound like you need a good rest - is there any way you could take some time off work to go away for a couple of days relaxation?
For Debbie Hi Debbie
I read your post and I understood it completely. I was already being treated for depression when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and the two things just trundled along together. Some days I could cope and on others I would long to be in a little hut in the forest with just my cats, a kettle and a good book! I really feel for you hun and the only advice I can offer is to find a bit of time for yourself even if it’s only in the bath - then close your eyes and picture the lovely place where you want to be and enjoy it. I have a book called ‘The Power of Now’ which has helped me a lot. It says that most of us spend all our time either in the past ,wishing we could change things, or in the future hoping it will be better. In fact all any of us has is this moment right now and when we realise that , we can find peace. Don’t know if that helps but I will be thinking of you and sending you peaceful vibes.
Blessings
Kate x
Hi to Debbie and to all who replied Oh how i can relate to you Debbie and all the girls that have answered you. I like all of you feel the same way and after thinking that i was the only one who was going thro this period and dark moments i am not alone. If I was to put a tick by the side of each and everyone of your feelings the boxes would be full.
Take note of what everyone says and try to embrace life (i am always good at giving advice but never good at putting into practice myself)
Give yourself you time…we are all in this together and we need each other.
Lots of Hugs
Elaine
Thanks a million girls… Just to say a very big thank you for all your kind thoughts and messages. It really does help knowing that there are others out there who know exactly how you feel through the good and bad times.
I went for a walk down onto the Heath with the dogs shortly after writing the post and it really helped, just having a little bit of me time. The wind was really bad…but I found it exilarating. Then when I came back I booked for a head massage and facial, (I wouldnt normally treat myself) but I thought ‘what the heck’! (It was wonderful)
PS Thanks Helen for reminding me about the bone density, I did have one of these scans in September and they too found an area of concern around my hip, I take a calcium tablet now. I will mention it to my surgeon next time.
Thank you again girls…
Much love
Debbie xx