worry about daughters results

Hi my youngest daughter 28 y ears old was diagnosed with BC she has had a lumpectomy and had some of her nodes removed and she will get her results on the 16th feb,I am trying to stay positive as she is being a marvel so super strong, but she is my baby and I am finding it so hard to cope, as my daughter her husband and my two young grandchildren live with us I have to stay positive must of the time but then it hits me like a sledge hammer. how can I cope i dont want to let her down. why do the take lymph nodes out? sorry for my ramble feel like i am going mad xxx

Hi Budster,

To help you along in supporting your daughter I have put for you below the link to one of BCC’s publications you might find helpful, it’s aimed at partners of those with a diagnosis but I am sure you will be able to relate to it too.


If you would like to talk to someone in confidence then the helpline team are here to support you and your daughter, so do please give them a ring. Calls are free, 0808 800 6000 lines open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 9-2.

Take care,
Jo, Facilitator

Hello again Budster, I remember your first post, and really feel for you as you support your beloved daughter.

You ask why they take lymph nodes as part of the surgery. It sounds as if your daughter has has what is called a sentinel lymph node bioposy (SNB) whereby they inject a special blue dye into the lump to see which lymph nodes act as ‘sentinels’, which is the first place any stray cancer cells might get ‘trapped’ (which means the nodes are doing their proper job). I think people usually have up to four sentinel nodes, but just occasionally someone is ‘wired’ differently and has no obvious sentinels.

They will also tell your daughter the size, grade and hormone receptor status of her cancer… this sounds scary but it will be a step on the way to beating this thing.

Hopefully the nodes they take will be completely clear of cancer, but if there are cancer cells there, then they will work out how best to treat her based on that extra information.

The waiting is the worst time, as you already appreciate, but once your daughter gets her results it will be more ocpable for all of you.

I’m sure your daughter values your support and love at this time. I hope you hve support too.

Hi budster, my mum was on holiday when I was diagnosed and I remember crying because I wanted her so much to be with me. I know deep down she is really worried for me but when she is with me she is strong and very honest with me. You will get through this and so will your daughter, all mothers want to protect their children regardless how old they are. Keep strong for her, loads of hugs to you both, karen xx

Budster it sounds like you are being an amazingly supportive mother already I don’t know what you could add! To the extent that you can keep practical things running as normal - a little extra taking the children out so daughter and son-in-law can get some time together, whether to canoodle or scream at each other - a little extra “meal on the table” stuff but I feel you are probably there anyway! I don’t know who works and who doesn’t in the household but sometimes those with a separate life outside can find the balance easier, those inside can get hothoused and over-pressured ini an unhealthy way. If your daughter is worried about the childrens’ future, then helping them become independent will help her to relax, maybe going along to parents evening/schol events with or instead… If she’s worrying about coping, recovering from treatment surgery etc then maybe if you are in a gentle exercise class, she might feel able to join you later not have to treadmill against the lycra brigade of alpha females club19-30 that can be so daunting at the best of times never mind with body image issues. Same if you already have a relaxing hobby she could join in, if she’s used to being too busy and suddenly has to drop to being too tired to bother and feel she achieves nothing… five lines of tapestry worked together may not be much but it’s tangible evidence of progress…
I’m certain that you wrorying is natural, and I’m eqully certain that it won’t help a lot, but that any way that you can find to relax will almost certainly be a way to help the whole family too, so be creative for looking after yourself first off, focus on the good things in life not the cancer. Best of luck!

Hi Budster,
I really feel for you in this situation, frankly I think it is worse to see a loved one go through all the BC treatment than having to do it oneself. The ladies on here are great and have given you lots of good advice (as always). I would just add a couple of things - coming on here is really good - you can vent all you like and will get lots of help and practical advice. It will help your daughter if you are informed about BC treatments etc - again there is good info on here - stick to the more reputable web sites or you will scare yourself silly. Try and help your daughter in a practical way - washing, ironing, school runs etc. Don’t smother her - however much you may want to wrap her up and keep her safe try to keep things ticking over ‘normally’. She may want extra help with the children or she may want to spend more time with them herself - (if that is the case don’t feel pushed out) there is lots you can do ‘in the background’ to help which i am sure she will appreciate.
you sound a strong family you will get through this

Hi ladies

Thanks for all your comments since my last post, my daughter got her results yesterday. she has got to go in to hospital on wed 22.02.12 for a mx, she has got grade 3 cancer and has got to go for a scan to see it the cancer has pread to her bones live or kidneys. this is such a shock, I am walking around in a daze Hayley is still 110% positive she is amazing. 2 of her nodes cameback unclear there is so much info to take in i just dont know where to start xxxx

Hello budster

This is still all routine, so please don’t panic. As soon as lymph nodes are affected they do CT of abdomen and some hospitals do bone scan as well as potentially it could have spread to other parts, but in most cases it hasn’t.

Hugs and love,

Christine xx (who also has a very worried mum)

Hi Budster,
I’m so sorry that the news of the pathology showed that two lymph nodes were affected. As Christine said, it is pretty much standard if there are affected nodes to do scans to check in case there is evidence of spread. It is a very scary time, but they do get on get these scans done as quickly as they can, so that you can get on to the next phase. With grade 3 and node involvement there will almost certainly be chemo. Whilst it’s not anyone’s idea of fun, and some people have a really tough time, it is all doable and very worthwhile.

It is a lot to take in just now, but you will be surprised how quickly you all adapt to the new routine it brings, and that you all cope, if only because you have to.

Hope you have as good a weekend as you can, and that you soon feel a bit more in control again.

thank u so much for your positive comments xxx

Budster I hope you have a super weekend and here’s you thinking you really won’t, couldn’t possibly. But one useful practical thing to prepare for the future as the definite details take shape, is worth heaps of worrying, so maybe consider taking your daughter out shopping tomorrow to make sure she has enough button-through not over-the-head tops/cardi’s that she can pull on/off easily after surgery. Like preggy dresses, she will live in these for a few weeks, then hate them forever, so try the charity shops too. Alternatively if it’s too wet to go out, raid her kitchen and make sure nothing essential is stored above elbow height, cos she won’t be reaching up for a while.
Check the mastectomy threads for other practical tips, but those were the big two for me. Turning out cupboards is SO much easier with help, and especially with chocolate buns or bacon rolls together afterwards!

It’s bad that her nodes are affected, obviously, but it’s good that they are getting the scans done and will be treating the whole body anyhow; how annoying would it be if they hadn’t bothered with all that till later and she had major surgery that didn’t actually solve the problem? Praying all goes well next week.