I wonder if any of you ladies can offer any words of advice?
I have suffered from anxiety since my thirties (am now 55) and since BC diagnosis in jan 2008 it has got much worse, perhaps unsurprisingly. However, as well as imagining every little ache/pain/unusual symptom I get is a recurrence of BC, I also constantly worry that my husband will get cancer. He recently had a nasty urinary tract infection which eventually cleared and is currently undergoing investigations to see if there is any underlying cause. Apparently they usually do this as it’s (I’m told) not common for men to get UTI’s.
My husband is not worried as he now feels perfectly recovered, the urology consultant has said he does not suspect anything sinister – so why am I so terrified they will discover some form of cancer? He has no symptoms to suggest that. His dad died relatively young from pancreatic cancer but I believe that is rarely hereditary and no one else his family had it.
We have been married 30 years and have no children and he is pretty much everything to me. I know that when this episode is out of the way I will be OK until the next health ‘scare’ comes along and I have no peace of mind at all. I can’t concentrate at work and seem to think cancer all the time.
Has anyone else experienced any thing like this and did you find a way of dealing with it? I am currently on the anti-depressant citalopram but don’t know if it helps or not. To be honest sometimes I feel like I’m going completely bonkers!
Hi Linda
I am also 55 and had BC 5 1/2 years ago. I had a wide excision (lumpectomy) followed by Chemo and Radiotherapy. I am fine. Yes sometimes I do think about the cancer thing but I try to put it to the back of my mind. I think you have become obsessed with it which is not necessarily your fault. Do you have plenty going in your life ? Obviously the more your head with filled with other stuff the better for you.
I would suggest some counceling for your which could be arranged by your doctor,. I feel it helps just to get everything off your chest there is probably a lot going on in your mind you don’t realise. Perhaps you could join a support group also?
Breast cancer is now very treatable and not frightening as it was 20 + years ago.
I hope my message helps.
Kind Regards
Sue
Hi Linda,
Firstly it is good your husband is not worried and feels well in himself.
I am sorry you are having to cope with the anxiety of cancer, but it is perfectly natural the way you feel, it is the way we all feel, and l for one never suffered from anxiety before breast cancer.
l was a confident person, and tried to deal with each problem as it came along.
But since bc my whole life has changed, my thought is of my bc 24/7, but l now find l don’t cry quite so much, l have more days when l can think of other things, it is our way of coping. We are all different and we all cope in our own ways. I am 6 months and 14days since l was diagnosed, still having treatment, still trying to cope. Each time l see the onc or surgeon l get upset, but it is natural, so l try to accept it is how l will feel for a very long time,
I wonder if it is worth speaking to your doctor! have you try counselling? or perhaps a different anti depressant may help.
Instead of worrying about cancer try and arrange things in you and your husband lives, perhaps something to look forward to, a days outing, or a local theatre and a dinner. Have you or your husband a hobby that you both enjoy, even a trip to a local garden centre. Anything you can think of to arrange, just to take your mind off cancer. You need to keep your mind busy with fun things, where we live there are lots of coach weekend outings, perhaps you could look into these. a day at a nice country house or a country pub for a meal. if you arrange something for every 2/3 weeks would give you time to arrange and think about it, and hopefully cancer will get further into the background of your mind, where it deserves to be.
Good Luck
Sandra xxx
I am so sorry you are struggling with this. I think Sandra’s advice, as always, is spot on. I am not a worrier by nature - quite the opposite - so was never in this position before, but having cancer changes everything. Three things keep me sane when things seem very bleak - one is keeping busy, and I have 4 or 5 interests that I have kept up through treatment and will do for as long as I can. Another is doing all I can in my lifestyle to improve my chances (rigorous cancer diet, daily exercise etc) which helps me keep relatively positive. The third is spending more time with friends - I shut myself away for a bit during the intensive treatment, and have enjoyed being out and about more since.
I had an awful week recently when both my children were away and I had too much time on my hands and spent most of it in tears - since then I have kept myself busy and things have been much better, so I know it works for me.
I think some counselling would also help you, and maybe you could consider going to somewhere like the Penny Brohn centre for a few days. I think the important thing is to make a start on some small changes - even if you don’t feel like it or feel it will help, you may be surprised.
thank you so much for replying. sometimes it helps just to come on here and say whats on my mind because i know there will be people out there who really do understand.
its quite true - i am obssessed with cancer or rather fear of cancer. i do try to get out and about, we do have a fairly good social life but, to be honest, the only time i don’t have the fear on my mind is with a few glasses of wine inside me - and i know thats not the answer, can’t spend the rest of my life tipsy!
i have had counselling which helped at the time but the effect does not last. its been suggested i try cognitive behavioural therapy. has anyone tried that and found it helpful? i saw an oncology counsellor at my hospital in the early days and she was somewhat dismissive of CBT so i probably allowed that to put me off. i’d be very interested to hear other opinions.
Hi linda.,
sorry you find yourself stuck in this position. I have seen s psychiatrist who specialises in treating people eith breast cancer, it is early days for me so I have not had CBT but she recomended it as an option for the future if I became obsessed with thoughts of dying and wad unable to move on. She went through lots of different treatment options which would be open to me in the event I suffered various different problems, such as counselling to help me offload etc. I think it might be worth looking into for yourself as an extra tool to get yourself back to enjoying your life.
I haven’t tried CBT myself but have friends who have, and found it very useful - although not for this type of problem. Give it a go - there’s nothing to lose.
I met with a clinical psyc today and talked about cbt. We are going to start it at my next app. It looks at different types of anxiety, how you recognise unproductive worry and and how to deal with it. I am hoping it will help me get some balance and give me some coping strategies. Maybe you could look into it. Good luck dx
Hi Linda
I had CBT about 20 years ago,in my late teens, unrelated to BC. I learned some very practicl coping strategies for dealing with anxiety and panic, and a way of tackling things that have stayed with me.Since my BC dx in 2008 I have had some times of utter panic and I still use those strategies-it can be hard work and doesn’t take away the panic, but makes it manageable. Worth a go, maybe.
All the very best
C x
Hi Linda so sorry to read you are still having such an anxious time. I am 55 and was diagnosed in 2008 and had my share of “rabbit in the headlights” feelings and still do when something aches or I feel tired. I had it suggested to me that once we have experienced Cancer it does become part of who you are now but that doesn’t mean it has to be in charge of who you are. I try to think of it being parked in my thoughts and every now and again it peeps out of its parking space and needs to be firmly placed back there. I can then cope with it o.k. it is there but it is not speeding around in my thoughts all the time. I acknowledge it and then put it away. You will find your way to deal with it and I hope that comes to you soon so you can enjoy your life again.
I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this. I was diagnosed 5 years ago at the age of 36 and tried to go back to normal. I regret this now. I have had a few scares since when a hotspot was found on a bone scan and I suffer from severe chemo induced neuropathy. All of these things keep cancer sitting on my shoulder. I have been on citalopram for several years and my dr has decided to change this recently. I also have councelling. All of this while trying to work full time.I have felt incredibly alone through all of this.
On Friday, however, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel when during a hospital visit, I stumbled across the Macmillan information centre. A very lovely lady sat me down and told me I was not alone, in fact the way I feel is very common, even after all of this time. She gave me lots of information about how Macmillan can help and welfare officer is coming to see me now to see if I can claim any benefits so I can cut my hours and take some time for myself. She also gave me this website address so I can talk to other young women who have been diagnosed and who feel the same way. She is also at the end of the phone if I need her.
I am not someone to open up so this is difficult for me, and that has probably been half of my problem.
I wish you all the best with coming to terms with the new you and just remember that how you are feeling is normal
Thanks so much to all of you for replying. I really do appreciate the advice and support and my mood has lifted a bit just reading all your comments, so bless you all. I think I will definitely explore the CBT thing further.
Julie - so glad you can see some light at the end of the tunnel - hope it gets brighter and brighter!
Hi Elvi - I am glad you had the courage to speak about your feelings. I am 53 dx one year ago and think about it all the time. It doesn’t help that my niece (she is more like little sis)is currently battling with brain and other mets. I have spent so much time looking into cancer fighting foods, diet and natural products lately I never have a single day when cancer doesn’t figure large. When I work it helps = I teach psychology for a living so can’t be thinking about cancer when I’m teaching. I also worry about my husband and I have two daughters and worry about them too! I don’t worry too much about myself since taking a lot of supplements and eating a bit more naturally but I can’t stop worrying about others!! maybe mine is a control issue. I am sure psychological techniques like CBT could help you. The key is to have other things that you are forced to focus on. All the ladies here give such good advice. Good luck
alex
xx
Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with bc in 2008 when I was 39. I thought I had dealt with it and put it all behind me. most days I did not even think about it because it seemed to me that if I worried about it I was causing myself stress which would weaken my body and perhaps (no scientific evidence for this!)make it more likely to return. Also, I figured that life is even more precious now and if I worried about it and it never returned then it would be as if the cancer had claimed another life because it would have claimed my peace of mind. Does that make sense!!!
However, I have recently had a few low points in my life and this has made the bc rear its extremely ugly head again. I think the answer seems to be to try to squeeze as much enjoyment out of every day as you possibly can. If you can go somewhere and have a great time then do it! And surround yourself with positive people. Nobody can predict the future, but you have got the time here now. Don’t waste it worrying about something which may never happen. I think that possibly separates a cancer survivor from a cancer victim??? I hope you don’t think I’m beuin harsh, but grab life by the wotnots NOW!!! Love and best wishes. Gill xxx