Dark evening this evening, sorry, just needed to share but maybe too much information, may end up editing this tomorrow to a joke as I sit there in the cold light of day regretting spilling so much, 
O,
Was a dark evening so post has been edited out. Have decided in cold light of day that I don’t need to share that much, pulling my life socks up again and moving on and up as I usually do.
Thanks Nicky, x
Poor O, I do feel for you.
I have seen you posting recently on here so am assuming the BC dx is fairly recent? I think when things like BC come and smack us in the gob we all assess what’s happened to us and how our lives have been. Yours certainly seems like a rollercoaster! However you do seem a level headed, kind, caring person (from the posts I’ve read) so you can’t be getting it ALL wrong 
There is no reason, once you are through all your treatment, that your life won’t become that normal quiet one you want (and deserve). Hopefully this is a blip that’s happened and makes you stronger, closer or however you feel you need to be. This forum is so good for expressing ourselves on without scaring our loved ones sh*tless! We all know how things feel and how scared we can be so understand when we all need to sound off at times - after all it is a support network! I hope you come out of the dark evening into a brighter day and the sun shines for you.
Take care
Nicky x