Today is April 1st and my op is on April 5th. Since I had the biopsy results it has felt as though I was waiting ages, now it’s just around the corner, and my thoughts have divided into 3 camps entitled ‘I just want to get it over with’ and ‘I don’t want to do this at all’ and ‘I am going to do battle with this and win’ - sadly this camp is shrinking as anxiety increases. I’m trying hard not to be angry, because if ‘it’s not fair’ starts up as well my brain will not be able to cope with all the thoughts…
My brain isn’t working all that well, actually. Finding it hard to concentrate and get normal things done. I keep retreating into books to take my mind off the approaching surgery. I’d like to divert the energy into meaningful action - fundraising or something - but solving fictional crimes is a lot less demanding and feels much safer.
Rationally I know that I can get through this, that the people caring for me know what they’re doing, that I’m a grown-up sensible person and I’m lucky enough to have caring friends and family who will do all they can to support me, but underneath all that there’s a childlike wish that some magic person will come along and make it all just vanish. Anyone know where I can find a fairy godmother?
Sigh… living in the real world is not all it’s cracked up to be!
You can drive yourself round the twist with all these thoughts Lin ,it’s exhausting waiting to deal with something so anxiety provoking .Its very hard to concentrate on anything .My driving was appalling I kept clipping the kerb and couldn’t park at all.On the day of my op I really felt like just legging it from the hospital ,but we have no choice but to trust the medics and get on with it do we ?You will feel a lot better after the op .Jill.
Hi lin,
As with anything else when going through this, the prospect is worse than the reality, it is quite normal to have these feelings to varying degrees, but we get through it.
I remember having an odd half hour when I felt a bit irrational about it all.
For me, it was such a relief when the day arrived, I almost enjoyed the experience, although I did not have major surgery.
Anyway, it will soon be gone & you’ll be further through your treatment plan.
do take care
ann x
Know just what you mean, exactly, as my op is now Monday, took a cancellation, should have been 10th! Couldn’t sleep last night, saw my granddaughter today, best way to take your mind off things & they are coming over tomorrow to go for a walk tomorrow afternoon, hopefully the bluebells will all be out in the woods behind us! Trying to be very positive, as know that is the only way to be, but a little doubt creeps in, but try & shoo it away, it is the start of a long journey, but sure it will be okay!
Will let you know how it goes & please let me know about yours.
Know just what you mean, exactly, as my op is now Monday, took a cancellation, should have been 10th! Couldn’t sleep last night, saw my granddaughter today, best way to take your mind off things & they are coming over tomorrow to go for a walk tomorrow afternoon, hopefully the bluebells will all be out in the woods behind us! Trying to be very positive, as know that is the only way to be, but a little doubt creeps in, but try & shoo it away, it is the start of a long journey, but sure it will be okay!
Will let you know how it goes & please let me know about yours.
You can get through it but be kind to yourself and realise that it’s perfectly natural to feel completely overwhelmed with it all. Wishing you all the best for your op and treatment xx
Good luck Lin and Diane with your surgery. I’m still waiting for mine. We’ve opted for MX so they’ve asked me to consider reconstruction options and I’ve got to see different surgeon on Friday 7 April. I fear all the weeks of waiting are dangerous.
Lin I have just the same thoughts as you. It is exhausting. I also have to really concentrate when driving so my mind doesn’t wander off to another planet.
Sometimes I feel it’s all happening to someone else and sometimes it’s all too real. The waiting time at appointments is the worst I can’t sit still!
I remember I was out like a light with my party mix! They said it would relax me, like I had too much to drink on a Sat night out, I said I don’t drink which made them turn on their heels and say better get going then. That’s all I remember, didn’t even experience the full anaesthetic and having to count ! Good luck everyone.
You can do it Lin !!! Can you have some little treats over the next couple of days to cheer you up maybe buy something for your holiday ? Getting the balance right between keeping busy and exhausting yourself is quite difficult .
Hi Lin, I also have my op tomorrow WLE. Feeling nervous but hopefully this time tomorrow it will be done with. Hope all goes well for you. These forums have been a godsend since my diagnosis on 7th Mar. Lou
Well, I’m home, somewhat sore and very tired. Staff on the Day Case Unit could not have been nicer. Hubby has been a hero, done the trip there and back twice because I sprang a leak just after getting home and had to go back to be checked. So we’ve done 120 miles and been up since 5am.
Thank you for the good luck wishes. It’s a nice feeling Lin isn’t it to get it over and done with. Long day yesterday, worst bit is the waiting around beforehand but was well looked after and just glad to have it done. Feeling a little sore but not too bad under the circumstances. No drain fitted like I was expecting, not sure why. Chill time now x
Exercises are so important. I did mine straight after each meal, b’fast, lunch and tea. Good excuse to get out of washing up! Thought it was easier to remember that way.
Did mine like that for 3 weeks, 3 times a day and physio discharged me on my 3 week check up. She did give me more advanced ones to do for the next 3 months.