Hi all
Am new to this forum but been looking at posts over the past week.
I found a lump back in October and made a doctors app the next day, who assured me it was a cyst. The lump didn’t change but I went back in Dec, just before Xmas and she referred me to the hosp.
On 30th Dec I went in and had mammo, I’m 40 and nothing showed up on this. At the US it was confirmed it wasn’t a cyst but the scan man couldn’t say what it was and ‘was sitting on the fence’.
The consultant also said he wasn’t sure but was unable to do a FNA as the lump was too near the surface and I was to skinny (!) for it to be done so he would remove the lump under GA. This operation took place last Monday (9th) and I’m going back on Thurs for my results.
I have to say I am absolutely convinced it is cancer as for years I’ve had a niggling feeling that I’m going to get it. I know I do suffer from health anxiety but I’m pretty good at dealing with it, apart from at night when I have gone to some very dark places.
The waiting is horrendous, I can’t get it out of my head. I just want to be told so I know what I’m dealing with and get on with it.
The doctor did say the lump was small and the US showed under my arm was clear. I’m hoping that if it is the worse I’ve caught it early enough.
To begin with I was in a state and kept looking at my 3 young children imagining the worse. But after reading lots of posts on here I’m quite calm about it as now know it is no longer a death sentence but something I could beat. I’ve been good and not googled as know that would make me worse.
Every now and again I do have a panic that I’ll have an incurable diagnosis!
All your posts have inspired me and are keeping me sane, especially at night when it seems the world is fast asleep apart from me:).
Any words of advice would be great and from anyone that had the lump removed instead of FNA as that has worried me a bit as everyone seems to have had a needle biopsy.
Thanks all:)
Hi Ang,
I haven’t had my lump removed for a biopsy, although they did remove it when I had a mx, so they could analyse it further.
The stage you are at is horrible, all the waiting for results. Just because they haven’t told you what they think it is, doesn’t mean it is cancer. My US lady told me straight away, before they even did the biopsy that it was cancer, but they are still on the fence with you. It could be benign and they just need to be sure before they tell you.
The panic and fear is natural and every lady in here knows how you are feeling. Sending you big hugs and lots of luck for your results.
Thank you so much Silverlady and Helena for replying.
At the moment, I know I may be in denial, but if it is BC then I’m not too worried about the treatment, I do not in anyway mean this to sound blasé. I’m far more worried about my children being left without me as I am sure everyone does. I also know I am about 100 steps ahead than where I am now, my mind races away with the what ifs, and I think some people think I’m mad:).
The only way I can deal with it, is to tell myself it is BC so when I go in for the results on Thurs, I’m prepared. I really hope that makes sense to you both.
Thank you for kind words, and I am sure I will be back in here today. It really does help to talk to people who know what the wait is like. I keep hearing ‘worrying doesn’t change anything’ and ‘try not to worry’ from a few meaningful friends that do know. And I know this but I can’t help it.
Thanks again, your posts are appreciated xx
Hi Ang
I had tissue removed during GA - but that did follow Ultra sound biopsies too which had come back as inconclusive. Everyone is slightly different - I can really empathise with you though - as my scare meant that despite inconclusive FNA - there was a chance that the BC was hidden due to how it was presenting on the mammo and I wouldnt know until the results came back - a week after surgery. My surgeon removed quite a lot of tissue, giving wide margins just in case… I can say it was the worse week of my life - not only with the physical stuff - but not knowing what was going to happen next. So I would say sometimes the order of how things happen arent the same and we shouldnt see that as something bad. Mine came back OK - and I think it is important on this forum to reaffirm that not everyone has BC.
Let us know how you go, and take care
Hi everyone . I originally went to docs back in june was told my lump was a hematoma and it should go in about 12 weeks and to go back if it didnt , walked out of there feeling like i had wasted the doctors time .lump never really altered and i got on with work and life , stupidly never went back feeling i had all ready wasted their time .that is untill two weeks before xmas a huge bruise covered the lump , so i went back and again doctor said she thinks its a Hemotoma but would refer me for scans .had mammo and ultrasound last week then the lady doing the ultrasound said the lump was hard so she would have to do biopsies there and then 3 samples from boob one from lymph node .lump seems worse since then waiting for result is so terrifying more because of my 12 year old son …so wish i had been referred when i first went to doc in summer …i hope you all get good results x
Thank you ann for your reply , that’s reassuring to know before my head went into panic mode more than it is x
Such good advice from all of you and Helena you are so right - I need to get to Thurs before thinking about anything else. I will definitely be re reading your post when my mind starts to run away. Same as you, I will fight anything for my family and it sounds like you are doing an amazing job, you sound so positive, which is lovely to read. As for friends you are right, I would no doubt say the same thing in their shoes:).
East side, thank you and when I’m not in panic mode I do tell myself that a lot of ladies here did not have bc.
Maria, I really do know how you feel, the waiting is the terrible. I hope you don’t have to wait too long for results. I find reading these posts and other threads has really helped calm me down and not letting me get too anxious. In some ways I can’t wait for thurs and in other ways I’m dreading it.
Xx
Thank you ladybowler x Ang im very much like you in the sence im convincing myself worse case in the hope ill be prepaired if it is , but not sure ill feel like that if its bad news , my ds just keeps hugging me past couple of days so i know its worrying him already .unfortunately he is at the age where they have been taught about mammograms and such and there’s no hiding things from him lol x i wish you the best for thursday
Thanks Ladybowler, believe me the positivity has only come from finding this forum, and it has stopped me googling. The amazing stories I’ve read have really helped as I haven’t read anything negative which is amazing seeing what a lot of you are going through!
Maria, rightly or wrongly, I can only deal with it, expecting the worse and all that can happen is that I have a pleasant suprise on Thurs. Thinking of you too Maria and we can get through this, whatever the results bring us.
I’m off to the cinema tonight with friends that don’t know, so hoping I can escape my thoughts for a couple of hours in La La land:) xx
Jo, brilliant, that’s what I tell myself too:) x
Joe, if you like musicals, then for 2 hours of pure escapism go and see it. It took my mind off everything, I will dream of Hollywood tonight:) x
Looks like ill be here for a bit , bad news day .total shock to the system x
Maria
I just saw your news in this other thread and replied. Sending you lots of positivity xx
Thank you ang .hope all goes well tomorrow x
Ang
Thinking of you tonight - tomorrow will soon be here and you will get through it.
Take care
S
Maria
So sorry about your news - you appear to be facing up to this in a pragmatic way. Hope the scans and treatment plan are put in place quickly. Thinking of you
S
Thank you East side. I’m really panicking tonight and up until now I had surprised myself with how calm I had been about it xx
Thanks again, I just feel like i’m clock watching till my app. I off to the gym in a bit, so that will make me feel better. Just want the app over with:). Thanks for your posts, it really has helped x
Thank you eastside .kind feel like im in some kind of auto pilot atm . .feeling shattered today but thats thank s to this cough .should be fun when i lay down for scan ?
Hi ang , im hoping your ok and everything went well for you today .maria xx