HI , just a quick line as will post later, sorry i have been rude and not posted but i have been in a huge dark hole for quite a while re progression , xeloda not working , hospital stays etc , am now on weekly taxol also but still can hardly walk. need physio now .
anyway be back later when feel like typing more.
love to all Tracy xx
Tracy
HI there ! have been wondering how you are and looking out for your posts - sorry things have not been great for you…please do post when you can…its so hard and its harder when you feel crap. Sending you lots of love- Cathy
Hi Tracy
take your time we are here when you are ready.
Hope you are feeling better on taxol and it is working for you. This disease really p.sses me off so many of us going through a scary time.
Love Debsxxx
Hi Tracy
Have also been wondering how you are, so good to see you posting even though clearly things are not going well. Hopefully that will change soon and the taxol will start turning things around for you.
Take care
Lots of love
Kay x
Hi Tracy
Sorry to hear you have not been so good I have been thinking about you. Post when you feel up to it and we are here for you.
Big hugs
Beli x
Hi Tracy
So sorry to hear that you are in that big black hole again, and things are not improving for you. Will keep everything crossed for you that the taxol kicks in quickly and gets you up and about again.
Take care and let us know how you are when you can.
Love
Dawn
xxx
tracy
Sorry to hear you’re not doing so well. I hope your taxol works for you. I’ve just had my 3rd weekly taxol and wearing me out. Seems to be working for my liver and lymph lumps but not on my breathing or swallowing which is disappointing. Hope yours is more successful.
Hope to hear from you when you’re feeling up to it.
thinking of you
kate
Hi Tracy
I’m in a black hole myself right now so know a bit what you mean.
This stinks.
Also starting taxol theis week.
Jane x
Hi Tracy
so sorry you’ve been suffering. It sounds awful.
Maybe it’s something about this summer but I’ve been in a very down place too, so not on here much lately.
Do come back on and tell us how you’re doing. We are all rooting for you
Jacquie x
hi ,just off for taxol and zometa now , fel tired and weak and its not the place i want to be . i feel very scared at the moment about my life so much so my nurses have me seing a councellor tomorrow at 2pm as they say i cant go on like this with my life . i am always worried and frightened and with my legs so so weak it makes it worse . i seem to cry ll the time , i wish i could meet you all again but know i couldnt do a london trip at the moment ,
last taxil i burnt all my osophogus and could not eat or drink for a week and landed in hospital so heres hoping this will not happen again .
it seems we all are feeling very low at the moment and very aware of our own mortality , the nurses keep telling me i have to live my life to the fullest and try and be happy as much as i can , but how when we got this hanging over us and all the awful side effects??
i think my unit think i have gone partly mad and have offered me a phyciatrist !! i just wan t answers they cant give me . oh well my lift is here , be back later , sorry to be gloomy .
love Tracy xx
Oh tracy
I am just checking in here before i go off for taxol later, burnt your oesophagus - awful, awful
Really i think they say all these things- but how would they like to be in our position (eh? i would like to see them try it)
Of course the nurses are right we should try to enjoy things and go on, and alot of the time I can do this but its not easy is it. You have had so much trouble with your legs after the taxotere - i wonder if its neuropathy- its so much harder on a day to day basis when you feel tired and ill.
Seeing the psychiatrist is probably a good idea - it might help - I have seen a counsellor here and i felt a bit better after i saw her- spent the entire time crying and came out feeling a little lighter - you know just a couple of pounds lighter feeling,…it did help. if you don’t mind can you tell me if you think it helps?
Hope today gos ok
love
cathy
Hope the hospital today has been ok for both of you, Tracy and Cathy. Burning your oesophagus sounds absolutely awful, Tracy - must have been so distressing for you as well as painful.
I get so cross with people who tell you you should go out and enjoy your life etc etc - if only it was as easy as they make it sound. Of course we all already know that if we could enjoy our lives etc as they are it would all feel better (it is in fact stating the very obvious) but it is so difficult to get out of that hole sometimes. And when you are dealing with nasty side effects, virtually impossible. I know personally keeping busy is best and helps enormously but that always has to be balanced against getting overtired etc. ANd when you are really feeling fatigued and ill, you cannot possibly do what might help you in other circumstances.
I did have counselling last year and did find it helpful, so seeing a psychiatrist (or a counsellor) might be worth trying, Tracy.
Love (and hugs) for you both
Kay xx
Hi Tracy
hope all went well for you today.
I burnt my oesophagus in Feb and it was hell so I have lots of sympathy for how you are feeling. It did get better but took ages.
It is incredible how we all react to treatment I found taxol the worst chemo I have had, others on here have been able to tolerate quite well, hope it gets better for you on the plus side I had really good shrinkage and am on a chemo brake have been since May.
Sending cyber hugs.
Love Debsxxx
hi the appointment went ok and my anti dep were made a stronger dose .
huby got in a while ago and i burst into tears again , just cant shake this off . also seems when i eat i feel so full makes me wonder if the liver is huge . i have had 3 taxols now and had zometa on tues , have been in bed 2 days again with fever and feeling awful yet again . i cant go on like this its no life , i am so sorry i must p*** people of with my gloomyness.
Tracy
No you dont piss me off its the reality of it isn’t it?
I think taxol is going to turn out to be quite hard - i have had one now.and feel quite achey now, and i am not too happy about having to go weekly…i think psychologically this is a bit hard, and thats if its working! I wish I could take away this nightmare from all of us, can you just get into bed with your husband and have a cuddle for an hour or so…i find this helps…how is the family, are they helping, OK?
sending you lots of love
Cathy
yes family are ok thanks , yes we do cuddle but i cry so much even now as i reply here.
i cant leave my family they need me and the thought cripples me…
i know zometa can alter mood alot as well as all the other side effects , i hope i pick up soon.
cathy i hope taxol works for us xxxxx
I really need a bit more time too and Know what you mean, hope it works for us…
Cathy XX
feel a little better today , been out for a drive with husband and daughter , no tears of yet . got myself a walking stick to help me up the stairs felt concious but it helps me up the stairs at home !
hope everyone is ok xx
hi Tracy
Glad you had good day today - felt a bit sick and achey this morning but not too bad- we all went to see the Narnia film, on at a kids club, my son loved it which was nice, he managed the whole thing at 2 hours plus. So I had a pretty good day myself…
x
Hi Cathy and Tracy
How lovely that film is Cathy these special moments mean to so much. I hope you start to feel better.
Tracy We all know how you feel we are all I’m sure waiting for the day ourselves when we have to go back on to such a grueling chemo as Cathy is finding out herself. the tears are only natural. Ive have been in floods of tears today, my daughter broke up with her boyfriend of nearly three years and I feel for her she is heartbroken but it just makes me sad for the time when I won’t be here for her, yet I know this happens all the time with young love but I’m just so sad today.
Beli x