I was told on Monday by the breast clinic that they’ve found a suspicious lump, with possible spread to lymph nodes. Couldnt say for certain until biopsy results on Wednesday but the implication was clear.
My mental health has fallen apart. Im 38 with two small boys. All I can imagine is that I’m completely riddled with cancer and I will have to leave them.
Even if it’s spread is there still hope? Thank you for listening.
Dear wildthingscare,
I’m much older than you but have a 9yr old son with Autism. I found out in January that i had breast cancer- early stage but its still hard news to hear. I fell to bits mentally, like you I thought I’d being leaving my lad alone in this world. Friends mean well but dont always know what to say or understand. Do ask for help from breast care now nurses/ call the helpline. Until you know facts- and the waiting is difficult, you wont be able to make firm plans but talking thing through really helps. Best wishes to you
Hey lovely yes there is hope. Get to the doctors to give you something to take edge off. You know what’s coming so write down questions and when you go in wed you will
Know what type it is. I’m a week ahead of you and it’s absolutely horrendous but the more you learn the more it helps. I’m always here. I’m In for a ct scan tomorrow x
Hey @wildthingsare
So sorry to hear how much you’ve been struggling.
Talking to others who’ve gone or who are going through it and those who can offer quality professional information is a vital part of this journey wherever you’re at in it and some great advice such as asking for help and learning more has already been mentioned here.
The answer to your question about hope is a definite yes! Even if it does turn out to be cancer, even cancer that has spread, there is absolutely loads of hope. x
Firstly big hug. Everyone here knows those feelings.
There is lots of hope. As you’ll see here there’s a vast range of treatments for breast cancer. Take it one step at a time and ask all the questions you need to.
Biopsy results will start to tell you which path you’re on but be prepared for changes as the doctors get more information.
Hi there @wildthingsare I’m 37 and I was in your exact position just over a month ago. In fact if you read through some of the previous posts you’ll see mine which has some really helpful advice from the other ladies on. If I can figure out how to link it I will.
First of all, it’s completely normal to feel what you’re feeling. Everyone will tell you, and they’re right, this is by far the worst part of it all. Knowing something but not everything is awful and your mind will go to some really dark places. That’s ok and normal but that’s all it is, in your mind. Try as much as you can to only deal with the facts you have to hand, and I know it’s easier said that done and I absolutely did not do that but try if you can. I was absolutely convinced, and I mean convinced, that it had spread all over my body. I had pains everywhere and drove myself mad thinking about them. All my scans were clear and it was exactly where they said at my first clinic appointment - breast and nodes.
The best thing I did in the early days was speak to my GP and get something to help me sleep. Everything is so much worse when you’re sleep deprived, so if you’re really struggling please do speak to your doctor and get something to help you through this part.
As others have said, once you have your results and plan things will start to settle and you’ll start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And absolutely do have hope and lots of it because you have no reason not to!
Sending you lots of love. This bit is so, so hard but but you will get through it xx
Here is my earlier post. Give the responses a read through when you’re feeling up to it: Awaiting biopsy results but cancer likely
Thank you for all your kind replies. It helps to know I’m not alone. I know it sounds dramatic but it feels like I’ve entered a kind of parallel universe this week, nothing feels real. I was so unprepared for them telling me that, I really had assumed it would be a cyst or just normal lumpy boob and I’d just be sent on my way.
I don’t even know how/if I can tell people at this point. Like it feels like my world has collapsed but it’s not even confirmed yet? It’s such a lonely place
So so so lonely. I remember walking down the street (i still do) and wondering wtf me? Especially when I see some peoples behaviours (not that anyone deserves this ofcourse)
It is a lonely place, as you say, a parallel universe. But keep one foot in this one! Which is why places like this are so helpful. I choose not to tell family/friends until I knew what i was dealing with (and certainly not my son). but we are all different so need to do what we feel is best.
@wildthingsare I absolutely understand how you are feeling right now. I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer which had spread to my lymph nodes in 2010 when I was 36. I had one little girl at the time and thought I was on my way out for sure BUT I wasn’t. I was treated successfully and went on to have another daughter in 2012.
I have just been diagnosed with another primary breast cancer in the opposite side at 52 with no spread this time. I didn’t expect to end up back on this journey again but there’s no reason why I can’t make a full recovery again.
There is always hope and the journey may not always be straight forward or what you expect but keep strong, you’ve got this.
Sending positive energy your way xxx
I was you a month ago. Of all the waits and all the scans the CT to determine spread was the worst. Statistically it is very unlikely to be metastatic on first diagnosis. So I found some hope in that. But there is no feeling like the despair during your wait. Just know you’re not alone. I just made myself very busy. Distractions where I could. And allowed myself to cry.
I’m 37 with a 2 and a 4 year old. As if life isn’t challenging enough! I’m post mastectomy now and ready for a PLAN.
BC is one of the, if not THE most researched and well funded conditions on earth. So we are in good hands. Xx
Hey 
@wildthingsare
Please know, there is much more than hope. When they say BC is treatable that is the truth. Please do not worry. I felt the same a month ago.
My ultrasound, the one where they say “is anyone with you?” led to a serious spiral in my mental health. But two weeks later at the biopsy meeting, when I’d explored all my options and looked at the stats of recovery, I’d decided I had a good chance with this cancer. I’m 47, my tumor was 3.5cm in diameter. They can do something, they can do a lot. Surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy for a kick off. I don’t have children, but I have a family, a partner and a niece who would never get over it, we are so close, she is my twin sister’s daughter. So I get it, we all get it. You are so not alone in this.
I want you to know that we are all here for you 
This is a club you never wanted to join, but we will all support in every way. You will be OK.
Love and hugs xx
Thank you so much for your lovely reply. It’s truly such a relief that everyone on here knows the exact feeling of this horrible wait.
I have an appointment with the consultant tomorrow where hopefully I’ll get my biopsy results so will know more then, and (hopefully) it will feel a bit less overwhelming.
It makes me realise I’ve lived a really charmed life so far. Other than elderly grandparents, I haven’t had to deal with any cancer diagnoses in the family and I just was completely blindsided by this.
Thank you all for your kindness. Will no doubt keep lingering here for the duration of this disease…
When I first found a lump the breast cancer nurse at Breast Cancer Now told me to concentrate on the facts as I know them. Don’t let your wild imagination start to think the worst, or you will dive down a deep rabbit hole.
You don’t know if it has spread, so don’t even go there! Love and hugs while you work through this.
I just wanted to say I understand how you feel and it is totally normal. I really wish I could tell you how to get rid of the anxiety and worry as it is the worst..
I had a lumpectomy in mid April but they found nodes involvement so I’ve spent the last 4 weeks going for a CT scan then results, then for a bone scan as the CT picked some things up. The last 3.5 weeks have been like living in a nightmare. I have 3 children 12-16yrs and everytime i looked at them I wanted to cry. I got my results today and the bone scan was clear. My nurse told me and i just burst into tears. I’m now booked in to have the rest of my nodes removed next week then they’ll discuss what treatment i have next.
Many people say the information gathering time is the worst and they are right. For the first time in all of this i feel a small sense of relief. It is only small but my husband said thar i actually smiled today so that’s a win in my book. Thinking of you 
Hi there - I felt exactly the same. Then at 36 with a 3 and 1 year old I was diagnosed with stage 3 BC earlier this year. My life turned upside down. For the first stage of biopsies and CT scans etc I felt I was living some sort of detached from reality hell and I genuinely thought I’d be dead and not see my children grow up. That was the worst period and so dark. I’m now almost through chemo (I hope) and moving onto surgery and grateful for every day, the amazing medics treating me, and full of hope. If anything my kids have made it more manageable as their little faces make it all seem so worth it. The research and treatment options for BC, whether early stage or metastatic, is remarkable and whatever the future holds I am sending you the very best. Good luck tomorrow xxx
@wildthingsare Wishing you well and good luck with your appointment. Remember we are all here for you.
Hugs Tili 
It’s totally understandable to be blindsided by this. How I am not sat on the floor drinking whisky all day I don’t know. Anyone would be affected by this, and I’m pleased you feel you’ve had a charmed life, though you’ve probably had more struggles than you think. We all have way more resilience in us than we believe.
Hope today goes well and you get the answers you need. Ask lots of questions and take some out before deciding your approach to this, remember healthcare is a partnership and you are the key part of the medical team. Good luck today and please let us know when you find out what your results are. Sending you good wishes. I have my pre-op today so I’m stressing too if that helps. Sending you good vibes xx
That’s a HUGE win! Well done xx