Grade 3 and stage 3 are not the same thing. The grade is how fast it’s growing and I think they get that from the biopsy but not 100% sure. X

@starburst …I don’t think I will add anything new here but I want to reply to wholeheartedly agree with what everyone else is saying. I really hope, since you first posted this, you have found a way to not beat yourself up about waiting before you saw someone. So many of us have done this…I knew something wasn’t right for many months before I first went to get checked. I was then told everything was fine and yet, for many months afterwards, I waited again even though I knew my symptoms were worsening…I probably didn’t want to cause a fuss, or have them think I was being a hypochondriac or that I was doubting my original diagnosis… As mums, we can be guilty of beating ourselves up about so much…you really don’t need to add this to your list! I agree with what others have said about contacting the phoneline on here. They have been amazing with me - I will be forever thankful for their support and for their knowledge. It is thanks to them that I actually got through Christmas without falling to pieces…You know, I even managed to enjoy Christmas and it was because I parked all my worries with them beforehand. Rather than being ‘awful’, I think your ‘secret’ is pretty ‘normal’…not just with breast cancer but in how we humans often respond to our health concerns, whatever they may be. Similarly, as someone else has shared above, the healthcare professionals know that people will stretch the truth at times in how they answer questions…How many people are honest with their doctor about how many units of alcohol they consume, or with the dentist about how much sugar their kids eat? People tell little white lies because they fear being judged…but the biggest judge in your case is you judging yourself - No one will be judging you here though, this forum is full of care, understanding and kindness and makes us all feel less alone. I’m sending you huge hugs and strength to be kind to yourself…and, don’t forget, this forum is here anytime you need that extra boost of strength…


Now is definitely the time to start being truthful. Do not make things worse by being untruthful or evasive with your doctors. You will feel better if you deal with things in a straightforward manner.

Kat1 I’m so sorry you feel you couldn’t tell the truth but Iv had family members who did the same, self denial, my holidays more important I will do it later and too busy to have time. The important thing is you have been to see someone now. Doctors would rather you be honest but they shouldn’t judge you. The thing now is getting treatment for it. People on this forum are people who have or who are going through it now, you are not alone and we don’t judge just support. Counselling is an option ask your breast nurse to recommend you, the counsellor will listen. Sometimes family don’t understand the reasons why you held back, it’s ok to be scared and angry but you can’t go backwards and beat yourself up about it. Looking forward is now your focus and getting the right treatment for you now.
I wish you well but you will have a battle on your hands and you will need the love and support from family and friends and we are all here to support you too

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You have got this :heart: love…:bouquet:🩷:muscle:t5:you can beat it​:100:

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Hey, please be kind to yourself. It’s a hard enough diagnosis and treatment as it is.
You should know that the stage and grade are different, and there isn’t anything you could have done about the grade.
I was diagnosed in July 2023, aged 36, with a stage 3, grade 3, triple negative, ductal carcinoma. It was already in my lymph nodes (that was the lump I found…whilst on holiday!!), and I was at the doctors when I got home 2 weeks later. She thought it was just a blocked gland, as did the consultant, because the mammogram didnt show anything!
I have since had multiple scans, IVF, 11 rounds of Taxane/carbo chemo, a bilateral goldilocks mastectomy with full node clearance, lymphovenus anastomosis surgery, and I have 6 rounds of EC chemo planned to start in 10 days, then 20 rounds of double Radiotherapy as need it on my chest wall and axilla. I should finally have some more breast surgery, maybe lipo-modelling.
Its a slog, but you will get through it. Use your support systems, charities, and get some counselling sessions. That might help you work through it all :slight_smile: sending hugs xx


Wow! That is a lot of treatment, I don’t know how you’ve done that, and ivf as well. You are amazing.


Thanks everyone for your kind words. I feel a lot better about this after all your lovely comments and now the shock of the diagnosis is not as raw. Docs don’t seem to care when I found it, they think it might have been there a while but there has been no judgments.(I didn’t tell them)
I’m currently doing more tests (so treatment plan delayed) as my other boob is lumpy too, and I didnt actually feel that, and tbh now I’m touching myself up more😂 it’s actually completely obvious that the other one is lumpy too. They think it’s cysts but need another biospy as mri,ultrasound&mamo are inconclusive.
So good to have somewhere like this to vent.



I was talking to my therapist this week about the same thing. I found my lump long before I went to the GP. I was busy in a stressful job, I’d had a lump checked before and it was nothing and I was young so I kept dismissing it thinking it was nothing. I have beat myself up over this for months, thinking if I’d checked it sooner I wouldn’t be in my lymph nodes. The reality is, we will never know if that’s why it’s in the lymph nodes, maybe it was in the lymph nodes when you first found the lump. It’s totally normal to think of all the ‘what it’s?’ but it doesn’t change where you are. It’s a hard thing to do but try and focus your time and energy on where you are now. What can you put in place to make this time easier for you?
Also, you haven’t stuffed your childrens’ childhood. I have 2 kids and have been through chemo and surgery and about to have radiotherapy. Yes there have been things that have been hard but we’ve also had lots of lovely days and moments together. Mum guilt is a horrible thing!
Get support where you can, ask for help and chat to a therapist. You’ll get through this x


I think it doesn’t matter how we discover it or how long it takes us to seek help, we still blame ourselves.
I found my small TNBC and immediately went to GP etc but I look at my lifestyle over the years and blame alcohol and obesity.
It’s irrational but I think in some perverse way it’s human nature.
Maybe with time we resolve it mentally, I hope so xxxx

I’m coming to terms with the stupid decisions I’ve made but coming to terms with BC seems harder. Can’t believe people do this everyday. Don’t know how people are so strong.

Yes it’s awful but everyone gets on with it. At the time you might think you’re a mess then look back later and think " well I got through that , I did it I’m here and I’m ok " and be quite proud of yourself . Everyone has wobbles and bumps in the road but yes there is strength there too - and I’m sure you’ve got that xx

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ATM, I feel like I will be kicking and screaming into this journey. You are all stronger than you know.

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And so are you . Put all that anger to good use to help you push through xx

Please don’t beat yourself up. I did something similar. I started to feel very breathless back in June last year. I knew something wasn’t right in my lungs but as I was going to Cyprus in July I didn’t tell anyone as I was scared they would stop me flying. When I eventually did go, I had a lung full of fluid due to secondary breast cancer. I’ll never know if the delay was detrimental to my treatment. I didn’t tell anyone the problem started in June not late July. All the luck in the world for your treatment x

I’ve kicked, screamed and been generally obnoxious to everyone !!! I always ask why and if they can’t give me a good reason I won’t do it, like the not having nails gelled thing .
If anyone calls me a warrior or suggested I did the moonwalk I might deck them :see_no_evil:
A friend of mine who has incurable bowel cancer tells me I still mourning my pre cancer life and future and that eventually it eases into an acceptance stage.
Hope so otherwise my poor husband might move out !!!
And my health team might ditch me.
I am definitely not very good at this crap :poop:

:joy::joy::joy:I feel you. I say to by husband I’m not brave I’m stubborn.

Well I can remember one friend told me to think positive and I nearly bit her head off . The idea of being a brave positive smiling cancer patient made me want to scream / throw up and I think there’s a lot of false perception here because a lot of us have at one time or another smiled and said that we were fine just to avoid inappropriate questions or having to deal with someone else’s emotions when we had enough on managing our own . We all know thinking positive is a good thing but it isn’t always possible and at the earlier stages anger is natural and can be a good thing if you can use it properly .

Your team should be able to give you good reasons for doing / not doing things - the nail gel is that related to going through surgery by any chance .

Yeah, I’m definitely not the cheery happy cancer patient on her “journey” being a strong warrior. I’m a blubbing,resentful, bad tempered mess most of the time !!!
I think the gel nail thing is about the 100% acetone to take them off and the risk of infection if your cuticles get nicked.
But mine are done by a friend who knows I’m in treatment and her hygiene is immaculate, so I intend to carry on.
Let’s face it if your nails go black or ridges etc I’d rather cover them up. And gel definitely strengthens and protects them :person_shrugging:
I feel I’ve given up so much already, my HRT, half my left boob, wired bras, some of my work, my cruise we’d booked, I’m hanging on to what I can :see_no_evil:


I see . Nobody mentioned it to me but I don’t do anything much with my nails anyway. Xx