Advice Please not coping very well with this!

Thank you for the replies ladies, it’s very comforting to read. I just need to get through Wednesday’s mammogram and ultrasound, though I’m sure that on the day they will be able to tell by looking at the scans and then will just need to await the biopsy results. I’m paranoid that they radiologists will give me a certain look and then I’ll know. My husband is being so positive and in his head it’s all going to be clear and I’ll be cancer free, however I don’t have a good feeling about this and I’m prepared for the worst. In my head once I know I can start to deal with it.

I’m not very good with pain though, do mammograms and biopsies hurt? Do they use a local at all? Sarah xx

Hi Sarah!
Indeed, whether you had health anxieties before or not, it is a very stressful time waiting for the appointments, as you will see in all posts of other women here on the forum. You have the right to feel stressed and anxious, it’s a normal reaction to this wait. When someone whom I told about my scare played it down I just thought ‘at least I KNOW that you’d feel just the same, no matter how ridiculous you find it now’!

They should have checked to be sure about what it is or isn’t, really! But at least now they will. As delly already said, we need to put our feet down and demand clearer answers- if not before, then the time for it is now.

I see that you don’t feel like leaving the house, but I found out it’s the best thing to do to keep somewhat my sanity. It takes a lot of time for me to get my bum out of the house, as I can’t help but spend time worrying and googling (bad!) but once I’m having a walk in the park or walking through town shopping for baby clothes for my newborn nephew (preferably without buying anything in the end), the bc scare feels far, far away. Whatever you feel you need now! For some work helps, for others work is simply impossible. Wish I was in the first group, but I’m with you in group 2, in which other distractions are needed.

It’s really surprising how many East Kent people are here right now! We’re the same age, same clinic btw, only that I have my appt tomorrow. Hey, we could almost start a local self-help group ‘East-Kentish women waiting for an appointment in September 2015’. Ugh.

The waiting is the worst, that’s what many here wrote, and you have only a few days of that to go. The good thing is that now they will have a thorough look at it, so you know that you will either get an all clear that puts your mind at rest, or will be able to take action and challenge the beast! I feel strangely calm wit this thought just before my appointment.

Wish you luck and good news on Wednesday!
Nicole x

Tina,
I’m sorry that you got bad news from the clinic, but I admire your courage and how you cope!
General anaesthetics are a bit scary beforehand, because you know that it’s all out of your hands for a while…but then again, they’re a gift. Had it myself for minor things, though, but then already I was glad I didn’t have to put up with an active role in it, good grief. Wish you all the best for the 8th!
Nicole xx

Thanks Nicole for your message, fingers crossed for you and your appointment today, I’ll be thinking of you.

I’ve just had a call from the breast clinic specialist nurse and she’s managed to move my scans forward to this afternoon, so I’ll be off to the WHH ashford. In one way I’m pleased I’ll know earlier and in another way it’s made me more nervous as I think the nurse must be quite worried. I’ve asked her this and she said that she is concerned as the lump in my breast does feel very hard and that coupled with the swollen lymph node has given her cause for concern.

I need to try to stay calm, as I’ve said before, in my head I’ve already decided that it will be cancer, which is helping me with coping with it all in my head. However, I’m still very scared. Sarah xx

Blimey Sarah its no wonder you are in a state after all this time, shocking that you were dismissed so easily in the first place! Hopefully you will have an answer today, they were so through when i went and although my lump was quickly dismissed as fat it was still biopsied to be sure and by sheer fluke another harmless area that was also biopsied picked up some cancer cells on the edge of it that had not shown up on any tests so i was incredibly fortunate! BC is not a death sentance and is nothing like you are no doubt imagining right now, its very treatable and whatever your outcome today you will be well looked after, im 3 months post treatment and currently lying by a pool in Lanzarote ? you cope and get through whats ahead and life does return to normal ! Best of luck love Xx Jo

Hi Claire, today went as well as can be expected I suppose, am feeling a bit sore now though. They ended up taking two biopsies from the lump and a biopsy from the lymph node, I was a complete mess though throughout and broke down a few times. The consultant radiographer was kind and said that from looking at the lump on the ultrasound she couldn’t say if the lump looked consistent with a cancerous lump or not and said she could only find one swollen lymph node. The biopsy didn’t hurt as much as I anticipated at the time, though I am feeling quite sore now.

I was feeling slightly more positive after the procedure, however the breast nurse practitioner called me an hour or so ago and I feel really down again now. She said that the results from the biopsy should be back on Thursday as she’s asked them to be rushed through because of my heightened anxiety, and also I was meant to be going to Egypt on Saturday, but I can’t help feeling that it’s because they know that it’s going to be bad, which I know is probably silly. When I was having my mammogram earlier the lady said that she’d managed to fit me in today as she’d been told that I was coping well with the whole situation, so maybe there’s no other sinister reason.

Anyway, whilst on the phone to the nurse I just kept asking her about what she thought the outcome would be on Thursday and should I be prepared for the worst, and she just replied that I already sounded like I was prepared for the worse case scenario. I know I’m probably reading too much into things, and I know that until the biopsy results come back she can’t say it’s cancer, however I just thought I’d have a better idea today. Sorry for the long message again, but I just have so much going round in my head.

How are you feeling about Wednesday Claire? Xx

Claire, I can’t believe you’ve had to wait so long for your results, maybe it’s because they want to have the mri scan results as well so that they can have a complete diagnosis? I know how you feel as well in relation to feeling positive one minute and then panicked the next, the panic I feel at times gets to the extent where I don’t know what to do with myself, which panics me even more. This is the worst experience that I have ever had in my life and keep hoping it is a bad dream.

Has anyone had any trouble with their appetite? My husband is getting cross with me as I’m having trouble with eating anything substantial. I feel hungry, however as soon as I start to eat I feel panicked and nauseous. I mentioned this to the breast nurse earlier and she said it was probably because of the anxiety and stress. However, I’m aware that I need to look after myself and eat well at the moment, so this is just stressing me even more. Sarah xx

Sarah my appetite disapeared completely and i was living on a banana and a mouthful of my tea each day for weeks,needless to say i lost a lot of weight! My hubby kept trying to force feed me too but i would tell him to bog off and pour me a glass of wine!! I was completely choked with anxiety and just couldnt eat a thing but once i had my results and knew what was happening it came back and now i cant stop eating!! Xx

Hi all, still feeling a bit delicate after yesterday’s biopsy and scans. I feel so low at the moment and can’t seem to break out of the glass half empty attitude that I have. My OH forced me out today to Tesco to help do the food shop, but even that was a trial. I must say it’s comforting reading all of your posts sharing your experiences. And I’m glad it’s not just me that’s lost their appetite, though I wish I could stomach a glass of wine or two at the moment.

Claire, good luck for tomorrow and I’ll be thinking about you xx

Sarah you are going to be in shock at whats happened, its like a runaway train and you cant get off! I managed to drag myself to work the week i was waiting for biopsy results as i couldnt stand to be home but couldnt venture to Asda or i may have belted someone! Hubby kept me sane by being home every minute i was and after a glass or 2 of wine the world seemed a better place! Just try and focus on results now and no further ahead, its too much for our poor brains to process and i found one step at a time was the only thing stopping me exploding!! Xx

I know I need to take it one step at a time, but my mind is working overtime. Is everyone else in this situation imagining the worst like I am? I keep thinking that it’s going to have spread everywhere and that they won’t be able to treat it and I just feel so scared of the Unknown. I’m sorry to be so negative, but I just can’t seem to get these thoughts out of my head and I know my OH is getting worn down by my negativity and he’s worried to leave me at home without company xx

You will imagine the worst, without the knowledge of whats actually happening you cant do anything else but in reality it really isnt like that, BC is very treatable and generally our boobs are good at keeping hold of it ,oncologist told me this! It wont be rampaging around your body but that wont stop you imagining it is,i certainly did but now i know more about it i understand how slowly it grows, mine could have taken up to 10 years to have become an issue! The stress you are feeling is natural and nothing i or anyone says will make little difference to how you are feeling but you wont feel like this forever ladies Xx

Hi all, thank you for your replies to my posts, they do provide me with some comfort knowing that it’s not just me who is thinking like this. This waiting and not knowing for sure is mental torture.

Claire, I’ll be thinking about you today xx

Sorry another question, does everyone else keep poking and prodding at their lump/lumps? Xx

Claire, you will get your life back with some adjustments,have your holiday if you feel you could enjoy it in any way ,as treatment can go on for a number of months depending on what path you follow.Grade 2 ,hormone receptive cancer is not such a bad diagnosis (if any cancer diagnosis can be described as not that bad!!),it means that your cancer is not particularly aggressive and that Tamoxifen can help reduce the chances of a reoccurrence . The first few weeks are very hard after you are first diagnosed ,like being run over by a bus, but it does get easier and less overwhelming I promise.Most of us come out the other end a little misshapen but cancer free and living happy, healthy lives.

It is scary but gets less scary,the vast majority of us will still be here in 10 years time so try and focus on that.

Also Claire, come over to the ‘I am recently diagnosed’ thread, lots of us there at various stages!

 

Amanda x

Claire its bloody crap but as you can tell from us here you do get through it, its terrifying but the more knowledge you gain the better you will feel… honestly! I was just keen to get my op over with, i had private health care but had all mine through NHS as they could do it quicker and cannot fault my care, if you can mentally cope then i say go on your holiday as a few weeks delay in surgery wont make any difference, i know its such a shock and you will be all over the place but as Jill has said its such a treatable thing and you will be just fine Xx jo

We know how it feels Claire .

We certainly do know how it feels claire and you will never be alone on here, let it all out to us its what we are here for Xx