advice

i just want advice…my mam has been diognosed with breast cancer and i am so frightened, she had a brain tumor last year and has came out of hospital not long ago she was left dissabelled, it has been so hard but we pulled through it and have a holiday planned with all the family, but now this…we thought all of the stress and heartache was over but now this…i dont know how i am going to cope, the brain tumor wasnt cancer…as soon as i hear the word cancer i think death im so scared, we will find out on wednesday what type it is x x

Hi Lesley
I just saw your post and felt I had to reply. I’m sure you’ll get many more replies from ladies who will reassure you much better than I can.
The word “cancer” is such a huge word…but I know there are a lot of people on these forums who were diagnosed with breast cancer many, many years ago and they still come here and help the rest of us to cope with the terrifying world that we’ve stepped into.

Best of luck to your mum on wednesday…I hope the results are good.

Sue xx

Hello Lesley,

What a tough time your mum is having, and all so worrying for you. I am not surprised that when you hear the word cancer you think of death. I was like that when I was diagnosed with breast cancer 20 years ago. I think back then most people spoke of cancer in hushed tones. But I learned to live with it - and determined to talk about it to anyone I knew. The more people realise that it isn’t automatically a death sentence the better. I am not dying of cancer - I am living with it. The treatments are getting better and better - although there is still a long way to go the do enable us to live longer and to live with a reasonable quality of life. If you can go with your mum to her appointments with the oncologist do ask about the holiday and if it can be fitted in with her schedule of treatment. I am sure it will do you all the world of good.

Dawn
xx

Dear Lesley

Welcome to the forums where I am sure you will continue to receive lots of support from your fellow users, in addition, you and your Mum may find it helpful to call our helpline. It is a free, confidential service where you can talk to one of our specialist nurses or trained helpliners about your worries. The line is open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 9-2 on 0808 800 6000, the team are there to support you through this difficult time.

Take care
Lucy

thanks every1 for your kind words,
you are all so brave.
my mam thinks it is an agressive cancer, they decided straight away to have the breast removed, it seems so quick, is this normal? and she is also thinking should she just have them both removed?.. should we go private so its a more comfortable…
ive got so many questions and worries going round in my head ive had very little sleep… i have two lumps in my right breast which i found when i was 18 they were tested and were fine but all this makes me want to do another test to make sure.
my poor dad… im so frightened for him you can see the fear in his face i just dont know how to cope.
To top it off my mam has been suffering from horrible pains through her arm which the doctors thought was post stroke syndrome, But now im questioning it?
Am i worrying to much?
i just dont want to loose her i nearly lost her once, i dont want to go through that feeling again, i know this it sounds selfish but she is my best friend i couldnt live without her.

mams getting her breast removed next thursday, im so scared for her, but we are just going to stay possitive x

Hi Lesley

Hope you are all feeling better now that you have a date in place. Once you know exactly whather treatment plan is going to be it is easier. I do hope you can get away on holiday as Dawn says they are good at trying to arrange treatment around arrangements. I know it is a very difficult time for you all but always feel free to ask questions here and rant if you need to at any time.

Thinking of you all.

Anne xx

Hi Lesley

Don’t be too alarmed about the speed of things. When I was first diagnosed, on a Wed, they told me they could do the op that Friday! Completely freaked me out. I asked, does it have to be so fast, can I wait a couple of weeks while I get my act together? They said ‘of course, we just offer an early date because most people want to have the operation asap’. So it wasn’t because it was considered an emergency, it was what they thought I would like.

It was all 6 years ago and I am still around and doing fine. Lots of ladies here were diagnosed a long time ago, although they don’t visit the site every day so it may take a while for them to see your post and reply.

Keep in touch

Sarah

Just a quick update!
mams had her op and has recovered well, even the doctors were suprised, she has got 1 drain out already.
The surgeon came in today and told us she will need chemo, he did say the tumor was large! i know it has spread cos he also said two of the lymph glands were slightly swolen, we wont know the full details till april 7th tho.
Im so scared for her but i am staying possitive, is that it if its spread? or is there a chance the chemo will get rid of it? we are still hoping to get to go on the cruise … the tickets came today how depressing we were all looking forward to it!..but if she needs chemo straight away…its getting cancelled, She is more important!. Thats another questionm, how long after surgery can they give you chemo. the nurse said you have to wait 6 weeks,is that not to long? x xx x

Hi Lesley1, I am sorry you are having all this worry just now. Do you have a Maggie Centre near you because they can offer help and supprt to patients AND their family. You could also phone the Breast Care nurse at your Mums hospital and have a word with her about all your worries. Make a list of the things you are concerned about before you go on the phone. If you do not know if there is a Maggies Centre near your BC Nurse may have the answer. You could also mention to her the previous lumps in your breast and because you are concerned she may be able to have you checked over too. There are other things you could do for mum too. Have you appled for a blue badge for her? She also may be entitled to Disability Living Allowance. I know this will be the last thing on her mind just now, but the extra money may stop her worrying about " making ends meet" while she is unwell. Sorry if I have given you too much information just now…but you sound like a lovely caring daughter and I know you just want to help your Mam.
I have 2 daughters myself and they were just 7 and 14 when I was diagnosed with BC way back in 1989. I hope you Mum gets on Ok with her operation. Hugs coming your way. Love Val

hi,im just about to go to the hospital today to get the results of the op im so nervous but im going to be strong for mam…fingers crossed! x

Hi Lesley, Please let us know how you got on at the hospital today with your Mum. Hope you are coping under the strain of it all. Take care, Val

Hi every1,…not good news,:frowning: the cancer has spread to the lymph glands, and she has now got to have a scan to see if it has spread anywhere else …so more waiting around! im so angry i told them last week to do a scan she could have been booked in, im sick of waiting around, the tumor was big 8cm.poor mam she is so brave she says she doesnt want chemo if it has spread anywhere else, is she making the right decision? i dont know what to do for the best i have a horrible feeling it would of spread, i just dont want to believe it, i wish it was a nightmare x

Hi Leslay, I mentioned before that I first had Breast cancer in 1989 and it was found in my lymph glands then. I did have chemo and I was fine for 10 years and even went back to work. Later I found it had spread to my bones (1999). I have been having treatment for this ever since and although I have had more chemo I still am alive and kicking!
Of course everyone is differently and we all deal with our diagnosis in our own way. Wait until your Mum has all her scans done and speak to the doctor who is looking after her for advice and what treatment they suggest. (They would not want to put your Mum through all the scans at the one time and that is normal). But perhaps if you tell Mum that you “know” of women who have gone on to lead a “normal” life for years and years, it may give her a little courage to go on with chemo IF she needs it. There are lots of ladies on here who have. Yes it is a very scary time and the waiting for tests and results is just the pits. Let us know how Mum is doing…and you too Lesley. One day at a time. Love to you both, Val

Lesley1 only just seen this thread, you sound besides yourself. I found the Breast Care Nurse/MacMillan nurse at the local breast clinic v.v. helpful and always ready to answer my huge number of questions (Have them written out) The BCN also sits in at my appts with Onc and we go out together afterwards so I/she can be sure I have understood everything. Perhaps she could arrange to do that for you and your mum and dad. I have also used the BCC help line and that has been v. helpful too.You all sound as if you have already gone through so much.Having lymph gland/s affected does not automatically mean it has spread elsewhere though.Good Luck and as said earlier try to take one day at a time, not easy I know. Love and hugs to you and yours.Jackie

hi lesley, just been reading through your post’s Im so sorry you are all going through such a horrible time.the only thing I want to add is just try too be strong for your mum, IVE got 2 girls 19/17 they have been so supporting . I was diagnosed in jan & started chemo in february,everyone will tell you its not easy but there are plenty of people to ask anything you need to know.
My girls have just said to me they have found the mcmillan nurses great & found they can ask them anythink,always there to help.

LET US KNOW HOW YOU GET ON .
chica xx

Hi everyone, mam gets her results from the scans on wednesday…i do and i dont want that day to come, if you know what i mean! i read out all your lovely messages to my mam and it helped her a bit, we just wish we knew more now. i would like to thank you all for replying to me, it really helps and gives me a little hope, when i feel down i always read back through them, i just feel like when i talk to friends they are always doom and gloom and its horrible they are trying to say possitive things but you can see in their faces they think theres no hope, sorry im having a moan,My mam has this nosey neighbour, who has already spread it around that it is an agressive cancer and she probably wont survive, how horrible is that? i cant stand her… anyway enough of the moaning lol…I just hope that she proves everyone wrong and she fights it! fingers crossed for wednesday girls.take care everyone and ill let you all know. x x x xx

Hi Lesley,
Just to send you and your mum love and hugs, l am also waiting for results…oh the pain and worry of waiting for results…
This site is brilliant for making you and your mum feel a little easier in your minds, the worry never goes away, but it is good to know there are others out there that feel as you do!
Yesterday was my 63rd birthday, and we went out for a meal, and today l had my family around for dinner 11 of us, and while it was lovely, l still felt very lonely and frightened, they give me so much love, but l still get very frightened, how very strange! We are so lucky to have our family around us, reading some of the posts, so many ladies are alone, goodness knows how they cope, But l suppose our inner strength shows through, and what else can they do,
So Lesley and Mum enjoy each other, you are lucky to have each other.
As for nosey neighbours! Don’t give her another thought, there are always people who enjoy other peoples probems, don’t dwell on her missfortunes, some people come into this life to enjoy it and make people happy, and some, like your neighbour who are doom and gloom, she is not worth a thought!
Yes Lesley, enough moaning! positive thoughts!! Sending Lots of Positive thoughts for Wednesday for Mum and You.
Take care
Sandra xxx

Yes you are so right …we are so lucky to have family around us i dont know how any1 could cope without. I agree with what you said about having your party (happy birthday by the way x x) when i went out with the family the other day, i felt like i was almost two different people, on the outside your possitive putting on a brave face and getting on with it, then on the inside your screaming why us, is this a dream? and sometimes i get the urge to shout and tell every1 what we are going through, especially ungrateful people,(im a florist and i get alot of ungrateful people in the shop sometimes, moaning about silly little things) its so strange i cannot explain it, you have to put on an act to get you through it, and just act normal x

hi people, im so nervous for tomorrow, mams really upset how can i keep her possitive if the news is bad?