Just been diagnosed with BC. Waiting 3 weeks for results of biopsy as it’s Christmas which I totally understand.
Need to tell my 2 grown up kids who are in their 30s but need to wait til treatment plan. I’m so scared. I have a lovely partner at home that is so supportive but I’m just thinking the worst. Feel sick can’t sleep.Lumpectomy was mentioned at clinic but my mind is racing that it will be worse than they said.I feel so lost as my partner won’t listen if I mention my worst fears which I really need to do as he refuses to be negative!!!
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Hi, sorry to hear that you’ve been diagnosed with BC. Waiting is the worst- And I am afraid there is likely to be more at each stage. However if you take each stage as it happens it helps - having a date for surgery really helped me. I now have dates for radiotherapy in mid Jan and ‘can’t wait’ to get through another stage of treatment. My children are in the 30s and although worried about me have been brilliant.
Good luck and keep busy xx
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Thank you so much for replying .
Makes me feel not so alone.
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Sorry that you find yourself in the club that none of us wants to be in.
My children are in their 30s as well. I told them once the diagnosis was confirmed and I had seen the surgeon so I could give them the full details in one go. It wasn’t easy but I felt so much better once they knew. They were upset to start with but once they had processed the information are supportive.
As Elsie1 says it does get easier when you have more information and a plan is in place but the fear, uncertainty and lack of control is always there. It’s a real rollercoaster of emotions. Take each day as it comes, keep finding things to distract when things are hard and talk to others who understand.
My husband won’t talk about it at all and hates me talking to other people for support. If anyone asks he tells then I am fine. If he doesn’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist!
I’ve had a lumpectomy and am having further surgery on 15th January.
I hope that you get a plan soon. Good luck and try to enjoy Christmas. xx
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@clobo1 you are not alone. We have all been where you are right now. The not knowing and not being in control and waiting for the wheels to grind is the worst, but when things start to move hopefully you will feel you are on your way.
@holly.52 I’m not sure your husband is being helpful to you, after all this is your diagnosis and you need support from somewhere. It is possible that he is struggling but he needs to understand that it is real and he can’t ignore it so it goes away. Does he go with you to your appointments to hear it first hand from the doctors? There are groups for partners of cancer patients, but I guess he might think it unnecessary. I hope he comes round for you soon x
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Yes he has been with to the hospital and understands the diagnosis but when I start to feel down he just won’t acknowledge that maybe I could be right.
Thanks for replying x
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Thank you that is exactly how I feel. Why won’t men accept it.
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It’s because they are scared and it’s easier to just sweep it under a rug and hope for the best . My husband was like that too both times. I realised the best people to talk up about my fears were people who understood ie been through it or going through it and also people who I wasn’t afraid to upset so I could be honest that’s why this forum is so helpful .Best wishes Jill
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I’m learning this now. Thanks
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Hello @clobo1
When I was waiting for biopsy results, I didn’t tell my grown up children during that couple of weeks.
But once I had the biopsy results I told them that day.
They have been very supportive and caring.
I had a lumpectomy last week and now I wait for those results.
I’m just going through each of the steps and filling the waiting time with distractions, like a lot of others on the forum are suggesting.
A few friends know about the biopsy diagnosis and the lumpectomy happening, but only brief conversations so far (as it was all in the lead-up to Christmas) .
I wonder if some partners don’t understand what’s happening or they may be scared, but they think they should say something positive as it’s all into the unknown for them as well as us.
Take care. Hope you find some good conversations and help on here. x
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Hi there,
It is completely understandable that you feel scared. I felt the same and was diagnosed around the same time of year in Dec 2021. Since then I had chemotherapy, lumpectomy and radiotherapy and have come out the other side, like many other women on here. The medical team were brilliant for me. My advice would be to trust them, they have your best interest at heartand will offer you the best plan for you. I hope you can get some comfort from this and enjoy what’s left of your Christmas. You will need your strength for your next few months, which will be behind you soon. Take each stage one at a time and try not to read everything all at once. I wish you all the very best wishes for your treatment. X
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Hi @clobo1 you are most certainly not the only one. Like others have already said, we all felt anxiety and more in the early days after diagnosis and when waiting for outcomes - which seems to cause our brains to work overtime and consider ‘the worst’.
However the more you get into the whole process, unpleasant though it is at times, the more you can take control and put some perspective on things. If not already, you should be allocated a BC Nurse who exists to listen to exactly the concerns you are feeling. We are all here too, your pink sisters to be your friends and support online. So you’ve done just the right thing reaching out.
There are, and will be many others you can call. It’s a pity at Christmas it’s a bit of a skeleton staff, but BreastcancerNow has a support line, as do Macmillan and others.
Unfortunately everyone has their own ways of dealing with news and stuff. It’s unfortunate some great partners might not be the best listeners in this situation, but out of love for you, they too will be finding their coping techniques.
On my journey, I read that 1 in 7 women has a brush with breast cancer in their lifetime. Treatments are amazing and like others said, easy though it is, don’t jump too far ahead… just the next step. I am sure once you have the info you need and tell your children, after initial sadness about news nobody wants to hear, they will become a support to you.
Take care. Sending virtual hugs 
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Hi clobo1 I’m so sorry to hear your news, it’s a very stressful time for you waiting for answers is dreadful but
please try not to worry about what you can change 
You’ve had the worst news so now focus on treatment plan and recovery, you will get through it my lovely because it’s what we do, I was diagnosed December 21 it was so daunting , I was told I had BC it was hormonal an simple lumpectomy would be done
sadly it was not hormonal an I needed lumpectomy chemo and radiotherapy scary yes but 2 years one I’m great an feeling more like myself with a very positive outlook and attitude, the treatment has come on so much with a better understanding of BC , stay strong an please keep talking be kind to yourself,
your partner is right to be positive but speaking about your worries is a must for anyone in your situation, it’s a club no one actually wants to be in, cancer can be a lonely place in your head , I struggled thinking I could cope alone it was a very surreal situation, good luck with everything you will get through it, remember be kind to yourself an take care keep us updated
XXX Nikks
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I hope you managed to have a bit of a rest from worry yesterday and were able to celebrate the Christmas festival at least for a while. I was diagnosed just before Christmas in 2003, had my lumpectomy on 19 Dec and unfortunately was back in hospital on Christmas Eve with an infection.
I don’t recommend rushing into treatment as I am now celebrating looking back to Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve twenty years ago which I spent in Barts Hospital and this year, when I was eating Christmas dinner at home with my husband which was a great improvement. And he cooked it too…
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Hi I am recently diagnosed, 21st November. I told my teenage children 3 days after my results - I had to, I was having a mastectomy 4 days after that. It was a bad 2 hours, but we tgen asked them to help with lunch and laying the table and we went out after lunch together to a local free museum and hot chocolate in tge cafe. It helped with bringing normality to a very traumatic day. They’ve questioned me off and on, Im awaiting another op to remove lymph nodes in january as its there on the pathology, wasnt on the scan. Then chemo after I recover.
My husband is very practical but finding supporting me emotionally a little too much. So Im having councelling in the new year and Im on these forums to just get some help with feelings.
Its a lot. For heart and head. Im sleep deprived and emotional and just seeing blackness. Everyone says “you’re amazing, so strong” but Im not - its just a front. Its not like I can blubber myself silly in front of everyone.
So you are not alone. The waiting is hard, all the hurdles hard. Breast cancer is hard and heartbreaking and the hurting others is difficult to handle. I have my parents and my children and husband going through it - trying to be strong for all is not easy xxxx
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Thank you so much for your reply 
Thank you so much Mills. Just a reply really helps me feel better.
Give Macmillan a call they were offering 6 weeks free counselling with Bupa which you may be suitable for but if not they are really helpful and supportive. Sorry you’ve joined the club no one wants to be in but we’re all here for you. You will however find the strength to get through this. Find things you like doing and actively do these. Plus I find listening to my favourite music helps lift my mood. All the best.
I too found the waiting during the investigations awful. I think 3 weeks is about average.
I got some Mirtazapine from my GP in the end, as the inability to sleep was the worst bit for me. There are strict guidelines laid down by NICE about length of time from diagnosis to treatment plan and from decision from treatment plan to actual treatment starting.
I’m sure there is variation from trust to trust but cancer treatment is always prioritised.
I had lumpectomy a week ago and feel a little bit calmer. No doubt will ramp up anxiety once gets near results day.
Do whatever you need to get through it, including medication if that’s what you want.
Good luck xx
Thank you for taking the time to reply. It helps to know there are others out there that will listen.