Don’t know how to sum it up really, so strange thread title as we seem to be going through all the emotions.
My wife found “the lump”, she/we went and did the tests which had to go the way we didn’t really want or expect and confirmed that was our worst fear after much hoping and wishful thinking it wasn’t true.
So we’ve gone through the really really angry and upset bit over the last few weeks, and there’s no getting away from the truth however much we want to, we spoke to the 2 children 11+7 with the “mummy’s lump” book to let them know what’s going to be happening as best we can.
So come this friday my wife goes in for a Mx (i think you call it on here) and lymph node removal.
It turns out so far before we go for the post op results ,it’s confirmed breast grade 2 IDC, and also replacement of a left auxillary node with a grade 2 with IDC. Does that mean a lot to anyone, we’ve already been told it’s going to involve chemo for starters and they are looking to “cure” it.
Also at the moment my wife is not suitable for reconstruction but that can be offered at a later stage, would there be any reason to say that or as usual are we reading too much between the lines and worrying constantly about everything that is said and being oversensitive.
We know it not possible but we just want to try and get a straight answer as to will my wife be ok, we are up at nights worrying and it seems to have taken over our life which we accept it will do but will things become clearer and less worrying after the post op results.
Anway sorry for the rambling post there is so much we want to ask, and don’t know where to start and were just hoping everything turns out ok.
Hi, sorry you & your wife find yourself here! It’s a bewildering time and hopefully you will find the site and helpline a great source of support. Try and take a stage at a time however difficult that may be. Each BC case is different and once you get your pathology and treatment plan it takes away a lot of the uncertainty. My kids are of a similar age and have coped very well, it’s been business as usual since my dx in feb and we have been through mx, recon, node clearance and chemo. The thoughts about coping with it all can be upsetting but everyone here understands and you will have a lot of people and their experience to talk to. When I first posted in Feb, I felt so lost and confused and although it probably doesn’t feel like it now, it will get easier as you go along. Best of luck with the op, hope all goes well. Tina.
Hi zzippy and welcome to the forums where i am sure you will continue to receive lots of valuable support from your fellow users. In addition I am posting to the BCC publication which is a resource pack for those newly diagnosed, you and your wife may find this helpful to read:
Hi Zzippy, So sorry you and your wife have had to join this site, but you will find loads of love and support from the lovely ladies on here. I don’t know why they have said your wife is not suitable for reconstruction yet, but if it’s worrying you, please ring up and ask them or speak to someone one of the helplines here. I didn’t have a reconstruction for thirteen years but that was my choice.
I know the terrible fear and emotion which you are experiencing, but you are not alone in this, there is loads of support available to you both and once the treatment has started, it will become easier. I know that probably sounds daft at the moment, but honestly it will become easier to bear and you will both get through this and come out on the other side. Your wife is lucky to have such a caring and supportive husband.
I’m so sorry this is not giving you the answers you need, but I just wanted to wish you both all the very best and for you to know that I am thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs your way. Please let us know how you get on. Take care and be kind to yourselves, you deserve it. Lots of love to you both, Dianne x x x
Hi,
Re the reconstruction, it may be because she may need radiotherapy down the line, thats what happened to me. If they think there’s a chance you may need it they prefer to wait till all your treatment is over as the radio can damage the new boob.
My kids were 13 and 9 when I was diagnosed last Nov, but have coped very well and we are coming out the other side now,
Good luck xx
Sorry to hear your news, this is the journey that no-one wants to go on, but we have no choice and we take everything that comes along the way - the good, the bad and the total crap bits. We do it because we all want to stay with our families, our wonderful OH’s and our children. You will both find the strength from somewhere, it might not be easy at times and my best advice which I’m sure many of the others will also tell you is - just take it one day at a time.
I also was told I could not have an immediate reconstruction after my mx (back in April), this was because I will be having radiotherapy and the surgeon did not want to do a reconstruction until after that was done. As it is I am currently not planning to actually have a reconstruction, I am still going through my chemo and as yet I can’t even begin to think about it - perhaps I will sometime next year.
Good luck with your journey. I always found it helpful to write down a list of all the questions I had before I went to any appointments so I was sure that we had covered everything that that I had thought of.
Thanks for the replies and Lucy for the links to look at,
As silver says we are just dumbstruck really that this time last month we were just getting on top of all sorts of things and now this has come along and we have absolutely no choice or options available, we just have to go with it whatever, i’m sure it’s in my wife’s best interests but it all seems very sudden and frightening, we are having to come to terms with it very quickly because of that.
Thanks for the answers about the reconstruction bit, it looks like they could be planning on possible future radio treatment which they have’t mentioned at all to us, just chemo, (my mum had grade 1 b/c late last year and ended up with a small lump removal followed by radio at christies earlier this year followed up with tamoxifen :/) the more i read about it, it looks like my wife is going to be in for a longer haul with more treatment than we thought or hoped was necessary ,
I just hope after friday she’s ok, i suppose we’ll have to try and stop worrying about the future and take each day as it comes but just seems so difficult at the moment with her going into hospital tomorrow and trying to keep everything as normal as possible for the children while being worried about my wife and her concerns, at the moment it is a like treading on eggshells trying to do and say the right things and make sure she is in the best shape and positive spirit for the treatment to come.
Thanks for your kind comments and i’m keeping everything crossed for tomorrow, ps any idea’s how long a mx stay in hosp may be, i can’t see my wife being out the same day which was mentioned as it seems a biggish operation to us, or is it just suck it and see 2 or 3 days or longer.
Hi Zippy
So sorry to hear your going through this awful time. As the other ladies have said take it one step at a time. I was dx in feb and have 1 chemo left and it’s not been easy but is do able.
I also have children 19, 12 and 11 and they seem to be coping really well(much better than hubby and me seem to do at times.)
I was only in hospital overnight and this seems to be the norm from reading posts on here.
I didn’t have reconstruction at the same time as there was a chance if you have radiotherapy it could undo the good work that the surgeons have done and chance of infection.
Wishing you and your family good luck for the future.
Chris xx
Mrs ZZippy has had the op this AM and all seems to have gone to plan so far so good, wife was awake a bit and not in too much pain, seems really on the ball and positive now one of the the first steps taken and out of the way, hoping we can keep it up, the staff are bobbing about taking good care of her, back again at the hosp later for the 3rd time today to make sure she’s doing ok and taking the children to say Hi to mummy
Here’s hoping for good results when we see the consultant a week thursday
Hi zippy
I’m glad that you and your family seem to be coping.
I bet taking the kids into see mrs zippy will have helped both of them.
My youngest came to see me with my hubby on the night of my mx and it cheered me up loads made me realise why the op was worth going through with.
I’ll keep everything crossed for when your wife gets the results.
Chris x
Hi Zzippy, So glad the op went well and that your wife is feeling relatively ok. That’s one thing out of the way at least. I didn’t find it a particularly painful op, just uncomfortable really. I was in the hospital for about 5 days I think (it’s such a long time ago, I can’t really remember).
Wishing you, your wife and your children a happy and peaceful weekend. Please let us know how she is. (What’s her name?)
Hope everyone else is well today. Lotsa love, Dianne x x x
Oh well it seems to be going right over the Kids heads at the moment the 11 yr old is way too busy with her social life and a new school to start in less than 2 weeks and the 6 yr old was busy helping me clean all the bugs out of the house this morning for mummys return
Sue came back home late afternoon, 18 hrs after going in, sat happyish on the sofa now with a few choccy’s, not in too much pain but uncomfortable. Too big/sore to wear much in the breast area but “hiding” under a blanket, however she feels more comfortable like that and that is all that matters. District nurse due tomorrow to sort out the drains and stuff so hopefully a peaceful night ahead with plenty of rest followed by a good breakfast :).
One thing though, i think i need to speak to the WI/local sewing group etc to try and see if they can knock up some fabric “shoulder bags” for the ladies to carry the drains about in when they get discharged, the hospital were down to 2 old frayed shoulder bags, if i could afford it i’d buy them a hundred to thank them, then all the ladies/patients could look and feel great as they leave hospital after their operations. (Come on BCC get your PR dept to get on the case for thousands of pink shoulder bags )
Hopefully Sue will be a bit more “open” with her friends now the first op is out of the way, it is quite a worry that she wants too keep everything quiet and not want to talk about or accept things what are happening, but here’s to the future and hopefully a full recovery, roll on next Thursday for good results.
Hi Zippy
Try not to worry to much about Sue being open with friends and family about her bc, this is how some people deal with it the best they can. I’m the opposite and told everyone, but this is my way of dealing with it.
She has you as support and that maybe enough for her.
I know it must be hard for you trying to keep everything together but you seem a strong person.
Keep giving her lots of love and reassurance. Has Sue been on this forum also? If not maybe you could introduce her to it as as you will have noticed it’s a great waay to get support. Even if she doesn’t post just reading the forums can be a great support, thats what I did in the early days after dx back in feb.
Good luck for next thursday and keep us informed
Love to you and your family
Chris x
Hi Zzippy, so pleased that Sue is at home and feeling relatively ok. Don’t worry too much about whether she does or doesn’t tell people. As Chris has said, everyone handles it in their own way. I’m the same as Chris I tell everyone who’s interested and usually end up making wry jokes about it. It’s just what helps me through it all. I totally agree with you about the pink shoulder bags, what a brilliant idea. I came out with my drains in a carrier bag!!
Anyway, hope you’ve both had as good a weekend as possible in the circumstances. It will get better as time goes on, I promise you.
Not sure what to say after today and finally getting results :(,
Worse than expected :(, 14cm tumor split into 3, 16 cancerous lymph out of approx 25, now booked in for C/T and bone scan “just in case” at the next hospital, Sue had to leave with the Bcn as it’s worse than expected, now Chemo,radio and drugs as Oestroegen receptive. The consultant mentioned a 45% better outcome with chemo and drugs.
i’m supposed to be in work now but it can whistle, don’t know where we go from here just more tests and more waiting to see if can get any worse, and i’m going to have to stop snapping at the kids and worrying
Zzippy, I’m so sorry to read about your shocking day. It’s so awful having to adjust to more bad news, just as you feel you’ve got used to the way things were. But you do adjust with time and hopefully once treatment begins, things won’t seem nearly so bad.
I’ve had to adjust to a changing diagnosis and each time, it’s floored me and my partner. I’m also having chemotherapy, radiotherapy to armpit and chest, then tamoxifen (also hormone receptive).
Wishing you very good luck with the scans. xxx Jane
Zzippy so sorry to hear about your sad news you must both feel so overwhelmed by it all at present.Your wife’s BCN sounds like a real support, I remember 'phoning mine often in the early days for clarification and explanations as at the consultations so much does not 'go in’Also the BCC help line are great too.It does seemm like the goal posts are forever changing but gradually when the treatment plan is sorted it will be ‘easier’ to get on with. Like Jane I too had to cope with an ever changing diagnosis had chemo then surgery x 2 and radiotherapy last rads this morning
Really wishing you the very best of luck and hope the scans go well. Jackie xxx
Oh Zzippy, so sorry for you & Sue and your results. It’s so unfair getting diagnosed in the first place without the results being worse than you expected. Like Jane says you do adjust and then you move onto the next step. Remember you can only do one step at a time.
My results were worse than I expected and I remember coming away from the appointment totally stunned. I have now finished my chemo and am waiting to start my radiotherapy, but back at the time of diagnosis this all seemed another lifetime away, but I have got here and you and Sue will get through this too.
All the best for the scans and let us know how they go.
The waiting around for scans and results is always the worst bit. I also had mx and lymph node removal (3 out of 9 positive). Finished chemo 6 weeks ago and started rads today for 5 weeks. Already started on Tamoxifen. While it takes a while, the sheer terror you feel at the beginning does fade especially when scan results come back and you know what you are dealing with.
I have a wonderful BCN who has been invaluable. I often would ring her up with questions and queries and fears.
It does get easier but its a long road, best of luck.
cat
I’m so sorry - this sucks. Although you must both be shell shocked at the moment, I just wanted to reassure you that there are plenty of women with quite a few lymph nodes involved at dx that have no spread elsewhere. Also being oestrogen positive is good news, it means there are more treatment options.
Somehow you will get through the next few weeks, and when treatment starts it will get a little easier. Keep posting here - there are so many of us going through the same thing and finding ways to cope, and many that are further ahead and doing just fine.
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