I just got told by a friend of mine: “You will be able to play golf again. I met Jane today, playing in a competition 4 weeks after having a mastectomy. She looks great in her post chemo turban.”
I had a mini breakdown.
I guess she was trying to be helpful !!! You just want to take a day at a time not fast forward and think about what comes next.
Every one you talk to has some sort of story to share they think they are helpful usually there not. Big hug ps if someone told me I can play golf after surgery I would be chuffed cause I couldn’t play before ?
Yes people are generally only trying to be helpful but end up saying the most unhelpful things .
Not all of my friends have been informed about my diagnosis. One of them who I thought to be really trustworthy keeps posting cancer related things on fb and tags me on every one of them. Im probably over sensitive but it drives me crazy. Thinking of blocking her :-p
Naza I have specifically told people I will not be putting anything on fb and that they need to respect that I have told them not to tag me in anything and not to ask how I am in public view and I believe that if they really care they will take the time to call or text and do not need to show the whole fb community how caring they are. Rather than block a friend you think you can trust can you ask them to stop? X
Some friends just become too stressful to be around. It’s like being judged wanting. This same friend also said she’d bring a meal on Sunday, and then didn’t have time so brought cake. So there I was with no food prepared, eating cake when I’m a) on diet, and b) a diabetic.
(She also brought her husband, and when the conversation faltered they both sat there playing on their phones.) ARGH!
And I have just realised I’ve wandered into the complaining groove. I need to do something about things if I want it to change. I suppose sometimes friends feel helpless, so I am going to ask her if she will take me shopping to a market. I have ordered some things online, but fresh fruit and meat is best from a market. Then I’ll treat her to coffee. (And then, if she says I can play golf in 3 weeks, I’ll just kill her.)
Delete the last post in case murder is the only option x I will be your alibi ?
One of my so called friends turned my situation into her own drama! Burst out crying twice on my birthday weekend, got leathered, shouting and falling aslwep in front of others! Then I found out she was telling other people (not really her place). So I had it out with her and I’ve not seen her since 24th June! Since then I found out she has been lying to people about her own stuff! Can’t believe it took my situation to find out what an awful person she was! She had a habit of calling me her bestie as if to ward others off! Well, at 51 and what I’m going through now I’m surprised at the support I have had without her!
Isn’t there a way to stop people tagging you in things on Facebook ?
My husband went to see our friends the other night to sort out business staff as they work together and was asked not to mention my name as its too upseting. How I suppose to feel?
I found this can certainly be an eye opener when it comes to friends ,some can really disappoint and it’s upsetting ,some seem to drop off the face of the earth and sometimes help comes from the most surprising of sources .It certainly makes you realise how self-centred a lot of people are.
She may think she is being helpful but obviously she is not !
Everyone becomes an expert don’t they. I have again only told specific people. My cancer is not a secret but it’s also not public knowledge.I have taken myself off fb, for the duration of my treatment. I need to concentrate on me and my recovery/ treatment not virtual friends. X
Yes everyone has a story !! It is also hard to give a stuff about some of the trivial things people are posting about on Facebook isn’t it ?
This site is my new fb x you all just get me ?And more si than people I have know for years xxx
It is great to find people who really understand to talk to and sometimes you just want to protect the people around you from how bad you are actually feeling don’t you .
Absolutely agree Sue, this is my new fb, we are all in this together and have so much support to give each other. X
Yes Jill, I’m a very private person and to my family I’m very strong, so it’s difficult to share my very deep fears for my future with them. I find it much easier to vent here, plus the reassurance you get from people who have walked in your shoes . X
Yes Sib,you just want to protect them from those thoughts don’t you? Best vented on here.Hard to stay seeming strong and positive at home though for those around you ?