anxious...trying to stay positive

Public Archive
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Hi everybody - I’ve been waiting on an email confirming my membership on here for the past few days, and finally just logged in to find that I can!

About five weeks ago I found a lump in my right breast, it’s tender, not sore but tender, and a bloodied discharge from the nipple. I went and got it checked out - went for the mammo and the u/s. The ultrasound confirmed that my complaint was that of a papilloma - a wart inside the milk duct. Definitely NOT cancerous, but would be removed nevertheless. Also on the u/s though, she found a ‘mass’ that the sonographer said she would normally do a biopsy of then and there under u/s, but due to it’s close proximity to the papilloma, she wanted to be sure to get accurate readings, and would need to consult the consultant in regards to maybe doing the biopsy and the papilloma removal at the same time - as there would less chance of bruising and disturbance in the area.

Last Thursday I received a phone call to come back for the results of the mammogram - I mentioned the u/s etc. and was rather bluntly told that ‘no, this is for the mammogram results’, but the u/s results you already know will be discussed as well. I wasn’t alarmed prior to the blunt comment, but now it’s all that’s on my mind - what was on the mammo - mammo was both breasts, u/s was only the right one. I’m sure they both pick up different things too, some clearer than others. Now it’s all that’s on my mind until my appointment on Thursday morning.

I have read lots of you saying that the waiting was hard, it is! I think too, that if anything is wrong, I will be one who will feel so much more in control with a treatment plan.

Anyways - as I don’t want to tell friends etc., why I’m anxious - no need in worrying unnecessarily, I had to say it here. I work from home and have gotten very little done yesterday - roll on Thursday and let me know the status!

To all you ladies out there - you truly are an inspiration and I take my hat off to you - while some come here for support, there are so many of you out there supporting others - and it is amazing how sharing experiences with others can help in how you can deal with anything.

I hope NOT to be joining the club, although, depending on the outcome, I would be honoured to be in a club that had you ladies as members.

Hugs to anybody out there who feel they need one today…

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its really hard trying to stay positive isn’t it? we feel we have to too for those around us. its hard getting a balance sometimes but we just do lol xx
this waiting is just the worst thing there is i think as it grips you and even though it can fade into the background sometimes, it can rush back like a tornado! what can we do though but wait?. we have to try and laugh about it or we will cry!
people tell you to keep yourself busy, go out, do activities etc but the truth is you cant most of the time as your brain will just not shut up! i wouldn’t wish this on anyone this waiting. we feel guilty too because we don’t know yet, we may or not have BC so we feel guilty thinking the worst especially when we read all the posts and discussions on this site and read what all the women and their families are going through. even though we can empathies we are in limbo still as we still cannot fully contemplate what that is like as we have not been through it -----yet may possibly have to. phew!!!

so hang in there, we are all here to help each other through this and remember that you are not alone in your wait, don’t feel guilty if your feeling low and cannot get any work done, just go off and do something nice for yourself instead, we have a lifetime to work and nothing is more important than you right now. take care and i will be thinking about you on Thursday too as i get my results then also.

big (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

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Thanks Melanie - I’ve been sitting here working, and I think I’ve completed at least a day’s worth of work in a matter of hours, yet as soon as I do take a break…where do I come? What’s on my mind? Yup - I’m sure many on here know the feeling.

I think from reading on here, there are a few of us awaiting results on Thursday - so hoping that everybody can come back on and have some positive posts.

It really does make you think though - I’ve lost two friends to BC (one was almost 20 years ago, the other 15 years ago) - and I know that today, women have much greater chances of recovery than all those years ago. Even the thought that it could be me that ‘picked up a batch of c cells’ somewhere along the line - it just makes it hit home so much more.

Hubby is being very non chalant about it - which is good in a way as we can discuss results or relax after the results come Thursday. He has just been through supporting his work colleague whose wife now has the all clear, saw how draining it was on his colleague, and supported him through his ups and downs.

Roll on Thursday - for both of us and others!

Okay…back to work now - don’t feel like talking to clients - can’t put on that ‘cheery sales voice’ for my customers, so faxing the schools that I deal with instead.

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Hi MommaJake

This must be a very worrying time for you, you’ll get loads of support here from people who know exactly what you are going through. But you might also find it helpful to read breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=70 which explains about changes in the breast and breast awareness.

If you are feeling upset or panicky and want to talk to someone who understands what you are going through then do give our helpline a call. Everyone working on our helpline either has experience of breast cancer, or is a breast care nurse, and has an excellent knowledge of breast cancer issues. They are on 0808 800 6000 and are open Monday - Friday, 9am - 5pmSaturday, 9am - 2pm

Kind regards

Sam
BCC Facilitator

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Hi MommaJake

Sorry that you too are in the limbo state waiting for results. The waiting is the worst part of it … obviously the treatment is not a walk in the park but you do feel more in control once you have a firm idea of what is wrong and what is going to happen. Sincerley hope that Thursday comes and you are told you will not have to join us here.

Good luck and let us know how you are getting on.

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hi MommaJake,
Another one who is sorry you are in limbo at moment.
We all know how awful these waiting times are…your mind goes into overdrive.
I also hope that thursday brings you relief and that you do not have to join our club.

Take care
Karen x

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Heya MommaJake

Mammograms do get things wrong and disagree with ultrasound quite a bit. I was diagnosed with cancer but no one seriously thought it would be in my case and they like to be really thorough. They thought it was most probably a hematoma with me, ie I’d damaged myself on new years eve or something (it was a long night LOL) so there’s so many things it could be, hard to keep your mind of it I know thought.

Lets hope in your case they’re just being as thorough as my team was, but lets hope you don’t have the same outcome.

Whatever the outcome we’re here.

Good Luck.

Angie

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Thanks for your kind comments everybody - I do know that there’s a good chance I’m worrying about nothing, but just to have the reality of the possibilities hit you in the face is a fright in itself!
I’ve just found that a little retail therapy occupied my mind for a bit - great clothing sale on at Asda’s right now :slight_smile:
I’ll just make sure that I’m busy busy tomorrow during the day - and have kids school football tournament after school tomorrow, and then a pta event at older son’s school to keep me busy in the evening.
I have five boys, and they keep myself and OH quite busy most of the time. I keep thinking too that breast feeding is supposed to be good for reducing risks of BC…so even more thankful for five hungry young boys who loved to snuggle up and nurse for a least the first year of their lives.
Thanks for the support again…

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(((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))) for tomorrow,
thinking about you
take care
Melanie xxx

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Well, was rather a boring appointment - which is a positive sign! Did go for a core biopsy under u/s - and surprisingly, was not very uncomfortable. It was described as possible uncomfortable, but because the growth is right under the nipple, the other sonographer said ‘oh no, hers is right under the nipple, so it may be more sensitive - don’t mislead her!’. Funny - but it made me expect it to really hurt, so quite pleasantly surprised at only a little ‘sting’ with the first localised anaesthetic then no pain at all. I do hate needles with a passion…the thing that made me ‘jump’ was the noise the ‘slicer’ (for want of a better word) makes when it cuts the sample. Took two samples, so hopefully enough there to come back with a 100% sure diagnosis. Was advised that due to the nature of the growth, that it would be my choice if it comes back negative, to have it out or not, but as it’s in the milk duct, and IS uncomfortable, my thought is that anything there that doesn’t belong should be shown the highway… So…now we start another week to ten days of awaiting the results.

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Glad the appointment went well (ish). Fingers crossed for a negative result. I think I would be the same as you along the lines of getting it removed regardless.

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Okay…sometimes even the most wonderful men say the stupidist things! I got a voice mail from the hospital yesterday - test results from core biopsy are back, and they’ve made an appointment for me for next Thursday to ‘go over the results’. I told hubby that they had said if all was fine, they would write and tell me and that no further appt. would be necessary (unless I wanted the lump out anyways in which case I’d contact them), but instead of this, they have called me in for an appointment. His response??? ‘Oh good - glad you’ve heard’…hmmmmmm He just didn’t ‘get’ that I wanted a letter saying ‘no problem’ did he? Men…gotta love them with all those silly brain cells in their heads eh?

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Hi MommaJake

Maybe they got negative results but are recommending some more treatment as your breast has been tender. I think it is only natural, if we have very little information, to analyse that information and try to think of every different meaning to the few words we have been given, isn’t it? I have gone over and over my mammo report, and invested dozens of different meanings to the only three words they’ve said about the prognosis! Like you, I think I would prefer to have the lump taken out whatever the result, because I have sort of got used to the idea of surgery now.

I just wanted to say thank you for your reassuring words on what the core biopsy felt like - I am going for one on Monday and it is nice to hear that your experience on the couch was quite comfortable. Thank you very much for helping me. I do appreciate it and I do hope that next week’s meeting with your doctor goes fine.

ps: my husband has had a lot of trouble taking in the importance of all this, and just says 'whatever it is, they’ll make you better, won’t they?" It is quite nice really because I wouldn’t want both of us to be panicking at the same time. We all handle things in different ways, don’t we? Thank Goodness we’ve got the girls on the site to keep us company, eh?

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Hi Kitty and thanks for your comments :slight_smile: Yes…men - there’s always a fix all for everything - and I do agree - better to have them positive - 'cos I don’t think too many women can handle a man who is anxious - I know my OH would be oh so impatient waiting for results, and would be complaining that it was taking too long etc. We’re both on school holidays with the kids now - so really enjoying keeping busy with projects around the house and garden.

I think I owe my comfort with the core biopsy to the doctor and the ultrasound technician were fantastic - and they were honest. I would’ve been very anxious had they turned the screen away, not said too much etc. I’m more of a ‘I want to know and see’ person, even though I cannot interpret it at all! I took some paracetamol and ibuprofen afterwards (once the numbing wore off and I felt I could use it) - and again before I went to bed that night ‘just in case’. By the next day it was fine and I didn’t take anything, and there was some yellow bruising that appeared a couple of days later - but felt fine.

It did help too that one of the nurses (trainee I think?) stood beside me and we were chatting - as I was by myself. I think that is an advantage over taking someone with you - they may not chat to you during the procedure as they are tense? I’d take the nurse any day for that :slight_smile:

Hope your biopsy goes as well, and that your results are exactly what you want to hear and is nothing to worry about!

I agree with you on the girls on this site - they seem a great no nonsense group with one thing in common - and that’s not the BC - it’s the tremendous sense of support that they give to one another despite their own battles.

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My core biopsy was fine also just wish they had warned me about the noise, nearly jumped of the couch. Sounded like a loud staple gun!
Best of luck all of you.
Chrissie xxx

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Hi
I got my result from core biopsy after four days which was positive but my friend had to wait two weeks for a negative result so maybe the wait is a good sign.
Babs

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Good advice about those noises - I’ll be ready for the sound of the staple gun! They’ve told me I have to wait two to three WEEKS for the results of the core biopsy, even tho the mammo apparently is ‘almost certainly malignant’ (their words - but then again they misdiagnosed me with gout (gout???) a few weeks ago so who knows? I really must stop seeing the medics as the enemy- they are all nice, and doing their best, and try to share what they know kindly and honestly. Still, at least a bit of a wait gives me a few more days in the sun before any nasties start happening. Thanks for your good wishes girls Kitty xxx

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Two to three weeks, bloody hell, just the wait would give me a nervous breakdown. Mine was a week.
I thought the mammo was really funny, reminded me of those old breast pumps. I was amazed at how flat they could make them, could have put them in my pocket or worse still, tucked them in my knickers.
Chrissie xx

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Laughing at your visions of a breast packed away in the pocket there Chrissie - mine are really small anyways - so, probably wouldn’t have noticed it had it stayed that shape and been stuffed in a pocket - would’ve looked like one of those travel packs of kleenex!

Kitty - on the first attempt at getting a sample - the doc said something (can’t remember what it was - but it was a signal that he was 'going in for it’d) and then the staple gun type noise went…so when he took the second sample, when he said the word again (still can’t remember what he said!) I was prepared for it. But yes, the noise the first time got me more than the actual procedure.

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Was it something like ‘Bang’ ha ha