Poor you, sbee another long night, let’s hope you are able to get some rest throughout the day, make a cup of tea and get on the sofa with a magazine.
Hopefully a better day ahead for you.
Hugs Tili 
,
1 Like
Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate it. I spoke to the team today regarding the ct / surgery etc & explained that I just don’t think I can do it anymore.
I’ve been on my knees since the last treatment physically and emotionally (& then ended up in hospital with suspected infection for a night) - my hair is falling out, my eyebrows and eyelashes, my nails are going black, my skin is like sandpaper. I have oral thrush. Absolutely none of it seems worth it at present. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but does anyone else have these thoughts?
4 Likes
You’ve done amazingly to get through 5 chemos whilst working and living alone , it’s not surprising you are feeling exhausted and despairing particularly after a stay in hospital and not sleeping .You are certainly not the only person to have felt this way I’ve read lots of discussions on the forum about people feeling the same way .Did your team offer you any suggestions regarding a change in chemo regime / dose ? Did they offer anyone to talk this through with ?
Please don’t make any decisions about further treatment - surgery / radiotherapy until you have had some time to recover and talk this through .You may find that the other treatments are far more doable than the chemo despite how daunting they may seem now and they may have a really positive impact on your future
Hoping for better days ahead for you.
2 Likes
Thank you @Jill1998 - I was meant to have an appointment tomorrow with the oncologist & spoke with a bcn today regarding the fact that I feel like i need to stop treatment so we have arranged a call instead. The treatment plan was 8 & there’s absolutely no way that I feel like i can do that to my body.
I spoke honestly with a family member today & she explained that mentally she also cannot see me completing this, the surgery & all the things ahead.
1 Like
@sbee the amount of things you are dealing with at the moment - it’s totally normal to feel like this - everyone is different but I had 4 EC and then doxatacel and also felt I couldn’t go on - after speaking to the team they came up with some options that we agreed on together and my second doxatacel last week - has meant I can manage the systems better - I have had to take three days sick this week though - to rest - I’m sharing this to give you hope - there are dark days minutes and hours - but you are doing this [quote=“sbee, post:24, topic:132060, full:true”]
Thank you @Jill1998 - I was meant to have an appointment tomorrow with the oncologist & spoke with a bcn today regarding the fact that I feel like i need to stop treatment so we have arranged a call instead. The treatment plan was 8 & there’s absolutely no way that I feel like i can do that to my body.
I spoke honestly with a family member today & she explained that mentally she also cannot see me completing this, the surgery & all the things ahead.
[/quote]
1 Like
Thank you for your reply @suzy72 - may I ask what your side effects were? I genuinely still feel them now almost 12 days later
1 Like
Of course - and for anyone else reading I don’t think this happens to everyone- I am also having a targeted drug with doxatacel- and had already lost all body hair pain all over my body and even in my teeth - diarrhoea- fever - mouth ulcers - mouth thrush - extreme fatigue- losing skin and vleedong off war’s and fingers - sore toes facial skin blisters like white spots - I actually think this is most distressing for others - ended up dehydrated. I should have asked for help sooner from the breast cancer line - I ended up on a drop and if I had not been so Stuborn I could have got help sooner - also most Symptoms didn’t start till 4 days after the chemo x
1 Like
Sore that should say bleeding Fingers and ears
I understood, pretty much spot on to my side effects too.
2 Likes
@sbee when you speak to your team tomorrow, please spell out exactly how low you are feeling and that you sometimes have thoughts that you don’t want to go on with your life, not just your treatment. This is really important so that they make sure they put in the right emotional support for you whilst hopefully making your treatment plan more manageable. Fingers crossed for you that they are super helpful and you find a way forward - we are all routing for you xxx
3 Likes
And that’s why @floss2 advice is so important - no one can deal with those side effects and feel anywhere near normal physically or mentally- I’m 9 days into second cycle and the symptoms are much less - i have more control and more Hope x
1 Like
Thank you @floss2 & @suzy72. I had already had this discussion with them pre docetaxel, so they are aware how I’m struggling but we agreed to try 1 round of this post EC
My plan is to say no more treatment.
2 Likes
I hope it works out for you @sbee - just keep talking to people xxx
2 Likes
Thank you - I just so desperately want to be and feel like me again. I feel like my life is totally ruined.
Has anyone made the decision to not proceed with treatment?
2 Likes
Bless you it’s so hard. Keep talking to your team. They will support you and hopefully change a few things for you x
1 Like
Please remember this is one moment in time.
You are only 38 so do not let this awful disease win - it is hard at the moment, but you have a whole future ahead of you - don’t allow this to steal from it you.
Speak to your gp asap and see what help they can offer (counselling, tablets, anything), and use your treatment team to help you get through it rather than stop. Look how far you’ve got already…
5 Likes
Hi @sbee, it’s great to know that you have spoken to your medical team. It’s important to keep them updated with how you are feeling. Please don’t forget we are here to chat to, or Macmillan’s support line if you need to chat after 4pm or on Sundays is also available for you.
We’re thinking of you!
Bernard
2 Likes
I’m 55, I’ve had two lumpectomy operations and still waiting for the results that have been delayed 3 times. I too have the same problem as you and I haven’t started any treatment yet.
I understand how you feel. I feel like giving up. But why, why should we feel like this? We still have a lot to live for.
You can do this. Hang in there. You’ve got so far you can’t stop now. The end of all this will come and you will be able to continue with your life. I know that’s what I tell myself.
Please hang in there. Look up meditation on you tube, mindful meditation helps me sleep. Breathing for relaxation also helps. There’s lots you can do to help you doze off. It’s our minds that stop us from getting the much needed sleep we need. Keep in touch xx
2 Likes
Thank you, here again. The skin around my fingers is really sore. X
Morning, @sbee
I didn’t have chemo so it’s hard for me to imagine what you must be going through, but just wanted to say you are not alone and send love your way. x