Afternoon Angels, hope your all feeling a bit better today.
JUDY I am with you on the bit about us having the cancer rather than OH or kids or grand kids. I know I have felt far worse about friends when they were diagnosed than I did my self? Seems odd but true.
Yesterday I spent most of the day at hospital for varies clinics, like you AMBER, I should be starting about the same time as you. I have been put forward for a trial called IMPORT HIGH intensity modulated and partial organ radiotherapy. They need over 2,600 women and its over 10 years and means very thorough yearly check ups, which for many of us this would not happen. I also saw my oncologist who was really lovely. I asked her what happened when chemo was finished and affectively, that’s it no more follow up. But she did say that I should look out for any lumps or bumps anywhere that lasted more than a few days and were not related to accidents or exercise and said I should phone her secretary and she would see me! Also if any more lumps in the breast I could go straight through to the BCN and would be seen immediately rather than go through the GP. In all feel much better about it all.
ive got family and friend s visiting this weekend so planning party time at our house, and I am finally feeling good.
Hope all have a great weekend Angels… Onwards and upwards xx
Afternoon Angels,
Sorry for that awful rant yesterday. I was feeling so angry, depressed and frustrated. Dragged myself out last night for a couple of glasses of bitter, salty, yet tasteless wine with the girls and managed a laugh or two so now I’m feeling a bit better.
Been this morning for my hearing test. Won’t know anything until my GP calls me in to discuss results. I should now confess that I lost the hearing in my right ear about 8 years ago. It left me traumatised for a long time and I eventually had to give up work because I just couldn’t cope no matter what they did to help. Now that I think my left ear is starting to deteriorate, I’m really frightened. Hopefully, it is just tinnitus and I will eventually cope. I plug my good ear when I go to concerts because I am aware that it is the only one I’ve got. Just another blip on the timeline 
Sounds like you’ve had a really rotten time Judy. Hope you’re feeling better soon for you and your kid’s sakes.
Angie, your daughter sounds like just the tonic we all need. Enjoy your time together 
I’m now going to get dressed ( been back to bed this afternoon) and visit daughter with 3 young children. She needs help to get them fed, washed and into bed since her OH is on a jolly with work.
Two nice things: I’ve started reading a book - got some concentration back. On the down side, it is the latest Dan Brown!
And I also have a Grandson called Freddie. He’s five and absolutely lovely and Grandad will get the job of putting him in the bath and reading him a bedtime story.
Wishing you all a pleasant s/e free weekend
Moira xxx
Hey Angels, just back from a cheeky wee last minute trip to the lovely scottish Loch’s in Argyle and Bute - decided on Wednesday just to get in the car and go! Stayed at 2 lovely lochside hotels and had some fab food, homemade scones and glad to say taste buds were just about good enough to enjoy a few Vino’s 
- such a tonic to get a change of scenerey for a couple of days!
Sounds like a recent rough patch for a few AAAs but some great uplifting posts on here which seem to have helped a great deal. For me, Tax s/e’s lasted about 11 days so 10 good days before next round - just really tired now which seems to be affecting lots of us.
Judy - sorry you ended up in hospital, that’s sh** , tax really does make you feel bad but at least next time we’ll know what to expect and hopefully get better drugs!!
Moira - if you can’t rant here, where can you? A few Angels have said it’s hard to share real feelings with OH and family so we all absoultely need to do that on here where at least everyone will completely understand. We can’t all be strong / brave / positive all of the time. We all have our down days and it’s important we share that and move on - and when we do, we get some great posts from the AAAs to cheer us up
Katiepops - great to hear from you, my daughter is 26 and comes with me when I get my chemo. I know she is being strong for me as she knows how upset I would be if she was upset (don’t we all do a great job at looking out for each other!) I often think ‘what does she really think / feel’ - you’ve given me some good insight, thanks
Hope everyone is doing well, take care Angels
Pauline xx
It’s amazing how a change of scenery can be a real pick me up. I feel tons better today (day9). I’ve been to see my nana and to the local supermarket’ but feel good for getting out of the house. I’ve also broken my pact to be very good with my food and treated myself to an egg custard and some ice cream for later. I also bought some rountree sour fruits to try to take the horrible taste out of my mouth. It was hilarious seeing the look on everyone’s face when they tried them. They were great for me
Cycle 4 docetaxel 1 day 1
All went well today no allergic reaction, although I only had about 2 hours sleep all in last night I was cat nappisleeping feeling sleepy now. I’ve got sleeping tabs to take might take one tonight not sure what time though. Will need to check packet.
Glad to hear some of you are turning a corner, in a good way.
Im going to go into town tomorrow if I feel ok to get these rum for Eyebrows migget have tea out before my mouth furs up.
Hopeyoy all grace a good night and weekend . Lynn x
Cycle 4 docetaxol day 8
i slept right through last night, think it was a combination of piriton and the Chlorphenamine for the skin rash. Feeling very strange today, still aches and pains but I’ve also felt like I was not really in my body, very weird! My mouth has split at both sides of my lips again. The chemo nurse rang me this morning, he had been to visit me on the ward but found a little old lady in my bed instead. i can still taste my food so im making the most of it and eating for England. I had a sleep on the sofa bed in the playroom this afternoon, I felt like a king when the kids came home from school as they’ve both come in one after the other, and laid on the sofa bed and told me about there day.
Lynn make the most of the next 3 days, I don’t thin the s/e kicked in till day 3 so make the of it before they effect you.
Mel-A my mouth is watering, I love egg custards, I just know I am going to be obsessing over egg custards now till I can get one from the shops. As for sweets, I’ve been eating Yorkshire mixture since the start of chemo, I always have a bag of them in my bag. I know I’m gonna have to excercise a lot when this is over but having treats while going through chemo makes it all bearable.
Pauline, glad our doing ok now and have had a nice break… Ooh homemade scones… FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, I just want more food, god, asnt even like this when I was pregnant!
Moira, as if your not going through enough with the chemo, without worrying about your hearing as well, I really do hope everything turns out ok for you. You’ll have to let me now how the dan brown book is, I love all his other books. I started reading a new book while in hospital, I didn’t realise till i had been in overnight that I had it on my phone, it’s good to be reading again. Have fun with Freddie, I’m sure he will keep you busy.
My Spelling atrocious predictive text not predicting what I did want to say hope you got the jist tiredness setting in I think x
Hi all.
After accidentally posting on May Moonbeams thread (chemo brain) last night I’m so glad to find this thread and people going through same experience. Very late to the party joining the forum as not really one for on line forums as a rule but was inspired by all your sad/angry/happy/inspirational/downright hilarious posts.
Wishing you all the best of luck, especially with the TAX side effects. Mine are many and varied and yucky. Main problem is my gums which I’ve posted about seperately but any advice on swollen gums gratefully received.
Paula.xx
docetaxol 1 - day 11
good morning ladies
feeling a lot better today and off i went to work - lasted 1 hour before i felt like i was going to pass out, so i’m back home, i give in. As i came out of work i bumped into my macmillan nurse, (cleverly disguised as a shopper) so i got a telling off , but i explained that i had thought i was ok, so she wagged her finger at me and said i had better not try going tommorow either. Then driving home i passed my OH who then rang me and said ‘told you so’. So ive got my feet up.
While i was out i bought a cancer research raffle ticket and then donated to macmillan in tesco, theres some kind of coffee morning thing on… fate telling me something?
i dont know howw you all feel but i think i get a false sense of well being when i’m sat at home. i didnt realise that i was so weak, i really thought i would be able to do a few hours to get me out of the house, obviously not though. apart from that i seem to be ok, just not got any strength at all it seems…
So i hope you are all heading for a relaxing weekend, i’m just going to rest and do as i’m told for a change.
angie xx
Hi Angie,
Poor you getting a telling off from all sides, especially a Macmillan nurse in disguise!
The fatigue is difficult isn’t it? Put your feet up and enjoy a rest this weekend.
Welcome Paula - it’s nice to hear from you. I’m glad you’ve found our posts helpful. Thus chemo train really is a rollercoaster isn’t it? I’m afraid I’m not sure about sore gums. I mainly use difflam and corsodyl for my sore or manky mouth. You can watrr them down if they sting. Also you could maybe try a baby toothbrush if they are really sore. Anyone got any other tips?
Have a nice weekend everyone
hi paula
i use sensodyne toothpaste and a baby toothbrush, when i have the furry mouth i do it about every 2 hours and dont rinse too much off. i use oraldene mouthwash and i do water it down when ive got a very sore mouth, but its very mild although very medicated for infections. poor thing, its just terrible this mouth thing isnt it. ice cubes, ice cream, ice lollies etc are good for swelling, (and eating).
welcome to the crew 
angie xx
Hello Paula’s this mouth thing is awfull isn’t it, only other thing I can add to all that’s been said is drink plenty of cold water, it helps flush all the toxins out, at the moment I seem to walk around permanent with a bottle of cold water in my hand. What chemo are you on Paula?
glad you’ve turned a corner Angie, even though your still exhausted, I know how you feel. This docetaxol sure knocks the stuffing out of you.
i slept right through again last night, I think it’s drug induced, im poppin that many pills I rattle, but the sleep is good. My leg is in agony today, so I will keep taking the paracetamol followed by ibuprofen. I tried making some healthy cookies yesterday from mashed banana and ooats with mixed fruit and a few choc chips. They did make me go but they were bloody awful, anyway, the birds are enjoying them today. I’ve still got the skin ash which is driving me insane, how’s your skin rash doing Kate?
hope you’ve all got the sun, have a good day, judy xxx
Afternoon Angels,
Seem to have come back to life today. It’s as if that great big dark grey cloud has just lifted and chased away the black dog that’s been sitting on my head. Did a bit of pottering in the garden then, highlight of the week, pushed a trolley round Sainsburys. Actually going to cook some dinner this evening. Thanks to Angie, I need smoked haddock and new potatoes. Going to make a cauliflower cheese as well. Boy, I sure know how to live the life! Pity that white wine still tastes wierd.
Kim, I didn’t get round to ringing my BCN re LGFB. I did intend to but my list of moans and groans was so long that I felt a bit mean laying all my woes at her door then saying can you book me in for a makeover. Will get round to it next week but I’m probably too late now anyway. She usually rings a couple of days after treatment but this cycle she hasn’t bothered. Probably cos there’s never anything much wrong with me!
Welcome Paula. This is a lovely community to be part of even though it’s come about because of a club none of us would have ever chosen to join. I like my electric toothbrush - doesnt make your gums bleed - chemo nurse suggested I use it. I always use an alcohol free mouthwash everytime I clean my teeth and corsodyl overnight. Though sounds like you may need something stronger / prescribed to get sorted.
Hope everyone is taking it easy this weekend - that includes you, Angie! I’m off to see Michael Buble at the O2 on Monday. I will be there come Hell or highwater!
Is anyone watching the tennis? My concentration is absolute pants this year. Still I’m getting into my Dan Brown, as ever it’s a page turner. Give it a go Judy. It might help take your mind off the bone agony.
Here’s to a good few days for all,
Moira xxx
Evening Angels
Angie - Poor you being caught by the McMillan nurse as you say it is easy to think we are ok when we are sat at home but reality soon hits us when we go out Or try to do too much.
Paula - welcome to the group, the sore mouth problem is awful isn’t it, I agree with Judy and Angie about the regular brushing with children’s toothbrush, mouthwash and ice lollies also work pretty well for the sore gums.
Moira - glad you are feeling more like your old self. have a great time with Michael Buble on Monday…I’m very jealous . I have tried to watch the tennis but like you my mind keeps wandering, it’s the same when I try to read, normally my kindle never leaves my side but I’ve only read a couple of books since I started chemo.
Today’s good news is I have become a great auntie again my nephew and his wife had a lovely baby boy at 6.15 this morning, hopefully we will be seeing him on Monday
good weather is forecast for tomorrow so I hope we all have a lovely day
Kim x
hi girls
congratulations kim, how lovely for you.
i think ive come to the conclusion that i’m not very well. i think ive got a cold and my nose is blocked, got a headache and all that stuff. Im not very good at being a patient though and its just making me so frustrated, i should get on the sofa really but i can’t seem to stay there. maybe a film will come on that i can fall to sleep to.
has anyone had this feeling of despair? maybe like moira described, the black cloud hanging over? i woke up this morning thinking every bad or negative thought that i could fit in my head, then as the day goes on it just gets worse, more time to think up new problems. Is it a side effect or what, i’m not usually like this. Im really concious of the fact that i have no hair, my eyebrows are like dot to dot and my now chubby face is a right miserable one. Ive been on the phone chatting and i’m fine but as soon as i put it down i start again, thinking ‘what if’ things and making myself more miserable.
I am on my own today, OH is at work all day, maybe i should just go to bed and get up again tommorow.
Have any of you done this, or is it just me?
angie xx
Hi Angie,
You’re not alone there. I think the dark cloud is hitting us all at various points. It’s always worse when you’re on your own too and feeling rough. It will pass, though it doesn’t seem like it at the time. Be kind to yourself, rest and counter the what ifs with more positive alternatives as who knows what the future might bring? You might win the lottery!
Kim congratulations on the birth of your nephew. What lovely news
Moira I’m glad your dark cloud has lifted a bit. I hope you’re having a good day today.
Itchy hands, sore fingertips and feet seem to be the SEs of the last couple of days, but I am feeling happier because my energy is coming back again.
Good points of the day so far - I had a good nights sleep and I’ve been able to do more around the house.
ECMF cycle 4 day10
Hi all
Welcome Paula 
Angiepops- I’ve spent 9 days now just going from bed to sofa in a daze. The only reason I’m not dwelling on negative thoughts is because I’ve lost the capacity to think at all. Don’t know about everyone else but it seems like my life has shrunk to just illness? I know I’m being unbearable to live with, but didn’t seem to be able to raise my game. Hit v. low when ended up back at hospital on Friday with temp of 38.2 for the second time in the week. Bloods were ok AGAIN and more IV antibiotics, as hospital don’t know why temp keeps going up. Bit obsessed about temp now!
However- on the good side, since yesterday I have started to feel a bit better. It was my birthday. OH drove me to a cafe for breakfast ( as bacon is the food of the moment!), first time out other than hospital since last chemo. Managed to sit in garden for a bit at home- better than sofa!Presents and cards cheered me up , and a friend came round, which was lovely even though I can’t string sentences together! I think the chemo is killing my brain cells instead.I’ve decided not to fight it. when I feel bad I’m just going to try to let it all wash over me until I feel better. I am seriously lowering my expectations of what is possible at the moment!!, and hopefully things will slowly improve. I’ve been reading what everyone is up to and tried to post yesterday but lost it which reduced me to tears 
how sad is that?
glad you’re feeling better Moira, and Mel I need you in my ear keeping me positive
huge hugs and love to all the angels
mel xxx
Ok gremlins are on here, posted a message which showed up now disappeared!
Angie, Iam with on the dark clouds hanging about. Felt rubbish yesterday, bursting into tears for no reason and generally just hating the way I look. The pounds are piling on, hardly any eyebrows or lashes and a round face, I just want ‘me’ back. Feeling a bit better today so hopefully the cloud is on the move and Mr Sun is on his way.
I think we forget sometimes exactly what we’re going through, trying to stay strong for our families and forgetting that its ok to feel rubbish sometimes as its one hellava journey we’re on. I think the extreme tiredness now makes us much more emotional too. We are strong and we will come out the other end together. The support of from each other will get us there.
Moira, glad you’re feeling better. Enjoy Buble just the tonic you need
Kim, a new baby in the family, how lovely, these are sure moments to treasure
Mel, good your energy is returning
Wishing all angels a minimal s/e free night. Xxx
mel
i know what you mean, i can find illness in any conversation anyone cares to have with me. i think now that i have had to pack in work i feel like its the end of my normality. how awful being in hospital, i would be obsessed too , maybe just sellotape the thermometer in my ears! we all seem to be following the same path though, it comes in waves all these ups and downs. ive just wasted a whole day wandering around until i was too tired to stay awake, now i wont sleep tonight.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY mel - hope your presents were lovely
angie xx
Mel, happy belated birthday, good that you managed to go out for brecky. Sorry you’re having such a rubbish time and ended up in hospital again. It will pass and hopefully you’ll be s/e free, Iam heading for Tax 2 on Tues and found I was fine last week apart from my emotional blip on Sat.
Welcome to he gang, Paula xxx