Benedictus - feel bad for the rant. Literally as I pressed the send button, the doorbell was ringing and the DN was there. Very cheerful lady, and made me feel very reassured. I made her a nice cold drink - possibly to ease my guilt about moaning!!
Pollyanne - well done my lovely.
To all those stepping up for their cocktails tomorrow - good luck.
Oh forgot to put my thoughts on holistic approach/quandry that one of us ladies seems to be in. Could you consider holistic methods that work for you alongside the chemo. I have been meditating regularly each day, and it helps me lots. When I am stressed out at the hospital, for example when I had biopsy I have learnt how to “get my head” into a difference place that calms me.
Hi Junkies,
So here I am. Finished antibiotics, one more injection of Filgrastim. Bloods today and then they decided whether I can have FEC #2. I feel OK, tooth still there and only grumbling now. I thought i had been well organised and went to see dentist and hygeniest before chemo, but oh no my teeth are not liking this.
Tamsin i’m glad you are up and at them after your 3rd trip to the theatre. Hopefully they will give you dates for your chemo soon. remember you are a Junkie and no jumping ship to the August gang. 
Debs and Nell42 glad you are both feeling less dizzy, I lay on the sofa with my feet up and read. Thank heavens for my Kindle.
Chezzap it is a difficult place to be in when you see how much your body has changed and it’s not just physically but how you deal with it emotionally. You have a cry and grieve we all do. I wore a sports bra under my cossie when I went back to swimming. I felt so weak on that side and was furious when elderly ladies overtook me, It would have been easier to swim in a circle !!!
Marion09 Hope your grandson has some good friends to talk to. My 15 year old daughter is struggling with this and we did have tears last night. I sometimes think they could do with a forum too. We did end up laughing when we decided my hair made me look like a baby orangutan!!
Juliemb good luck at the bar, drink lots and have ice with it xx
I bought some bags from Juliana at pixiehappybags.com she is a truly remarkable lady to raise so much money for cancer research.
To everyone who has been to the bar hope the rain and storms are making life easier for you.
Kat xx
Not a happy laptop? over heating and being really slow.
Gilly, chemo is a hard decision to make and also as Pollyanne says a no brainer. There is so much that you can do alongside it just check with your onc first. I have had some massage and today will ask if I can try moxibustion (instead of acupuncture)
Kat xx
Good morning ladies, well todays the day!!! I am feeling a bit wobbly, god knows what I’ll be like when I walk through them doors!!! Positive thinking and deep breaths!! xxxxx
Morning ladies
Good luck for those stepping up today.
Just wondering where Naz has gone - she must be due her second cycle anytime now and Tasha think you see your onc this week.
Tasha if you are still on this forum I had 12/16 lymph nodes so like you am kakking myself and so angry that I didnt find the damn thing earlier.
find it helps reading June jewels too as they are couple cycles ahead so its useful to see the cumulative effects and what to expect by cycle 3 etc.
Thank heavens for this forum its the only thing keeping me going at moment. You think you arent coping but then you read posts from women who have just been diagnosed and realise just how far on this journey we have already come. Our jouney started the day we found the damn lump.
Is anyone having their treatment at The Christie in Manchester???
Morning ladies, had a decent nights sleep, apart from 3 pink wees along the way was trying to drink lots of water to dilute it , took a bowl to bed with me just in case but didn’t need it thank goodness ( I soooo hate being sick). Thinking of Julie and kat today , I just hope their day goes smoothly . And we will tie you to the sofa if you try to leave the junkies Tamsin , your our mainstay!. Just taken my steroid tab as at moment have no inclination for food , forced a banana down with anti sick pill , but because I feel ok apart from lack of appetite , don’t really want to eat in case I feel sick enjoy your day and will pop back later to see how you all are. Lynda xx
Morning Lynda (pollyanne), glad you are feeling ok, I keep clock watching, lol. Have stocked up on ryvita, flavoured water and melba toast!!! xx
Hi ladies, Chezza yes I’m still here but although I’m worried about the nodes there’s nothing I can do so I’m not letting it rule my life. I’m a keen horse rider and have just bought myself a horse to give me an incentive to get out of bed every morning. I feel so much better already, and the physical activity has also improved my recovery from MX I have much more movement and less armpit pain (not sure the NHS will give out horses though…) I’ve been so inspired by the ladies on this forum, I have a little cry when I read the posts then I concur with the “f**k cancer” approach and go and try and enjoy every moment of every day. Like many others here I love my husband even more for the way he is supporting me, I’ve really taken stock of what’s actually important in life so let’s all stick together and help each other through this.
I’m at the onc tomorrow so will let you know my schedule then.
Love and hugs to all my new best friends I’m thinking of you all xxx
Tasha - great to hear from you. Nice one with the horse. I was just saying bout the arm pit and mx feels so tight. The walking the arm up wall one really pulls the back of my arm. Will this effing numbness ever go away??? HOw long ago was your surgery? Think we are quite similar in terms of diagnosis and age
Lynda glad to hear you havent had any nasty SE yet.
I rang Christies before and asked about a portacath as gotta have herceptin for a year also and dont think the veins will hold. Really dont want a picc line as cant imagine not being able to swim etc for a whole year.
Has anyone else had a portacath and are risks of infection less as its under the skin? Did actual procedure hurt???
I had a right MX and lymph clearance on 26th June. Arm pit pain was excruciating until a week ago, being more active (but don’t go mad!!) really helped I’m almost back to full range of movement now and only slight numbness right in the deep bit of the pit. I’ve also got a weird crater in the armpit so a little tuft of hairs grow out and the razor can’t get them!!! I daren’t Veet in case it stings too much so my poor husband cuts them with scissors, hehe how romantic! Xx
Hi tash, just checked your profile and see your in Essex same as me , I’m rainham . And believe me tash once you know exactly whats what and what your regime wil be you will begin to feel more in control. This whole thing does make us take stock of things and realise whats really important, a real kick up the proverbial s , keep us posted on how things go , big hugs Lynda
Hi ladies,
So here I am the day before cycle 2 and I am fairly calm. All of last week I was worried about the 2nd cycle coming up but I am now into my 2nd litre of water so I am hoping that this helps as it did last time. You know the funny thing that has happened is 21 days have almost passed, I remember during the first few days of that 1st cycle thinking god another hour to pass until the sickness tablet or sleep and sinking into a mini depression that I could not live my life like this and here we are the day before I step up for the 2nd lot of southern comfort and lemonade!!
I have just been food shopping and have stocked up on lots of nice things in the hope that I continue to be able to eat everything that I did last time. My appetitie hasn’t changed however thinking that I had potatoes in gravy last time for dinner after cycle 1 the thought of that makes me want to vomit, so I am having pizza as I don’t want to stick to the same foods.
I understand your views Gilly as a humanistic counsellor however for me it never once crossed my mind to say no and I am also looking to add on radiotherapy as my belief of choosing life is something that I am grabbing with both hands, legs and arms even if it means I will be “potentially” poorly in the short term.
Thanks for remembering me chezzap I have to say it is more than my best friend has done and that has been something that I have been dealing with over the last few days. To say she has been distant and disinterested would be an understatement, which has been very upsetting and so the upshot is yesterday I took the bull by the horns for the 2nd time and asked her was her distance perceived or real? Some friends have been texting every day just to see/make sure how I am and the other week when I had a funny turn at physio and was whisked away to oncology to get bloods checked it took her 4 days to reply as she had a bad back, when I said that it was 4 days her response was “i’m sorry but texting you every day wouldn’t feel right”…now I don’t think I am special in any way but it’s not like I have flu!! Has anyone else experienced something similar, I feel completely let down by her and I have been very strong through out this whole journey and whilst I have had some ups and downs the thing that has been stressing me out most is my “best friend” - I am not 12 and yet it feels like I am, how can that be so 
Some people who I would not have stepped up have shown me incredible love and strength.
Chezzap, I had my mx on 14th May and mine gets very tight but massaging moisturiser into it but the numbness is something that I suffer from also since my clearance on the 24th May and some mornings I feel that I am still unable to lift up my arm. I had 14 nodes taken out and don’t know if that is the reason???
So I hope that you lovely ladies who have been to the bar yesterday, today and tomorrow and the coming days it is as painless as can possibly be. Bring on No.2, let’s be having you!!!
Karen
x x
Yes I’m in Epping, I’d love to be in touch by email too but not sure if the forum allows that? Chezza I did try and PM you I’m not sure if it worked? Lynda and any other ladies in Essex maybe we should try and meet up now and then? At least massive false eyelashes aren’t unusual here, we will just have to do without the big hair for a while!
I couldn’t agree more about taking control and taking stock, I’ve never been more determined to enjoy life and not waste a single minute. That’s thanks to ‘meeting’ all you lovely ladies. Xxx
Naz (Karen) you are doing so well, look how far you have come since you joined the forum, I can tell how much stronger you are now. Don’t lose hope with your friend, some people just don’t know how to react. Like you, I had some real surprises when it came to love and support, fortunately most of them were good surprises. I personally find it quite difficult speaking to well wishers on the phone, I prefer texts so that I can reply when I feel up to it. I just explained that to everyone and its worked well. I also didn’t want a lot of visitors because I don’t want pitying looks, so I’ve told everyone I appreciate their kind messages but that I don’t feel like seeing people yet but I make a point of thanking them for offering. Have you tried explaining how you feel to your friend and spelling out what you need from her? I’m sure once she knows how to help then she will want to do it. This is a short period of our lives when it is OK to be a bit selfish, I’ve spent my whole life helping people and right now I need a little bit back so we should all be gently telling our nearest and dearest what they can do to get us through this a little more easily. Anyone who cares for you will be pleased to know how to do that.
And remember, your fellow JJs are here for you all the way!
xxx
Hey Karen, When we’re going through this whole experience the thing we need and crave most is love and support from those we know and trust. Sad to say, both I and a dear friend who has also gone through this had what she calls ‘a friends cull’ as we both found ourselves surprised by the reaction of some of those that we thought we could trust implicitly to provide that support but who failed miserably. This time around my friends (those who were all around last time) have all been fab again, but I’ve been really upset by a school mum who I have seen at the school gates every single day for 4 years, who I have shared children’s birthday parties with and who I thought of as a pretty good friend - but hasn’t even managed to send me a ‘sorry to hear your news’ text. So for your best friend to be doing this to you must be devastating. All I can say is concentrate on those who are being fab, try and put her behaviour to the back of your mind and come on here and rant as often as you like.
Hope things go well for you tomorrow and may your se’s continue to be minimal!
Still waiting for results this end. Can’t believe this has been going on since March and I still don’t have a plan. I realised that it’s only 3 weeks until the holiday we’ve booked and which I thought I’d be missing out on. I reckon I might as well ask whether I could enjoy the holiday and start chemo afterwards - or even chance my arm and ask whether I could enjoy the summer hols and start chemo in September when the kids are back at school in a routine. Would mean that I’d have to be a very honorary Junkie, but I’m sure that could be arranged.
Lots of rain here. Wonder if that’s the end of summer
Tamsin x
good evening Junkies. Just a quick visit this evening as we’re out to dinner with friends shortly. Had a fab time at the Larmer Tree Festival, felt like i’d got “me” back for a few days. Came crashing back to earth when got home to find letter from hosp with appointment to see an oncologist on Thursday morning, before I have the picc line put in in the afternoon. I’ve never had the pathology or my scans explained to me and I want a better answer than “unfortunately mammograms don’t pick up everything” because the tumour was 10.2 cms, yes cms! How was that missed, especially when I’d already told them it was there. So looks like we’re going to be at the hosp most of the day Thursday and Friday. Had my hair cut really really short today in preparation for the hair loss. Luckily it doesn’t look too awful, and at least there won’t be loads of hair left on the pillow. Will post again tomorrow. Good luck to everyone starting tomorrow. x
Naz can only echo what Tamsin has said - the ones you thought would be there arent as good as you thought whereas others you previously woudlnt have relied on have shown their mettle and stood up to the plate.
Maybe she genuinely doesnt know what to say to you or she has seen you as coping really well and thinks you dont need her. Who knows but no matter what the reason doesnt excuse her shodiness
Cat and Julie hope today went swimmingly
Gonna have early night gotta MUGA scan tomorrow early doors and cant be round my kids after due to a ready brek glow!
Gonna stay at a mates, actually looking forward to being kid free for an evening ( oops!)
Hi all, today didnt go very well due to my needle phobia, took 3 nurses, 4 attempts, wasnt nice at all 
they are going to fit me with a picc line for the rest of my treatment
on the plus side, i am feeling ok, bit wobbly, but so far so good 
so 1 down, 5 to go!!! xxxx
Hi naz, will be thinking of you tomorrow, just think another one under your belt, and I know what you mean about being disappointed in the way some people deal or not deal with this trauma, but that’s their weakness not yours . Lynda x