Anyone

[lottie73]

Good morning ladies

Hope you are all having a good week. I’ve been a bit quiet on here cos things here suddenly went very manic and I only got to look at messages late at night and thought I’ll respond in the morning and then forgot

As most of you know I have 2 part time jobs which basically means full time hours. I had planned a gradual return to work at one with 2 days in the office and 2 at home and wasn’t going to do the other one until mid September as it’s quite a drive from my house and involves working every weekend. Well none of that happened!! I did one week of what was planned which tired me out but once the other office found out I was back to work I had a call asking me to go back there too. I was so tired last week and didn’t even have the bank holiday to rest as I had my mum (she has dementia) to give my sister, who she lives with, a break. Just to say I’m not lazy with my mum but my sister doesn’t work and has a big house with plenty of room so it makes sense for mum to be with her.

I’m exhausted already this week and it’s only Thursday😬 I don’t know how you brave ladies who have had 2 GAs are doing it!

Whilst thinking about writing this I got a text message saying I have an oncology appointment next Wednesday so it’s all going on at once. I’ll let you know what they say regarding the hormone therapy. It’s been very interesting to read all your comments, this journey is so confusing isn’t it.

Hope you are all feeling well and not to sore or exhausted

Charlotte

[misswoof-88]

Morning Charlotte,
Wow hon. You’ve got a lot going on! I’m not surprised you’re knackered!
I’m sorry about your Mum… thats hard to navigate in all ways. You’re going the best you can. And given that you’re dealing with breast cancer surgery etc, as we all are, I think you have nothing to feel guilty about, with regards to any of the above.
Your other job, putting pressure on you was unfair! Just be honest about how you feel… it isn’t forever, but you need time to get your strength back. You had a double lumpectomy and SNB!! That’s major surgery! Messing with our lymph nodes makes it doubly tiring.
Im still finding that I run out of steam much, much quicker than normal. Although I feel “normal”, and no doubt look normal to everyone else (if you can’t see the old lady boob dent!), we are all still healing and it zaps our energy.

Radiotherapy is going to exhaust us too. Add to that new hormone meds, and there’s more bumps to come.

My hb said to me a long time ago that I need to learn the power of “no” (with a smile). It’s not always easy but, if this cancer journey has taught us anything, it’s that we absolutely have to put our energy into ourselves right now.

You you, perhaps that means a conversation with your two employers?? You might need some flexibility again after your radiotherapy. Bella talks of hitting the wall 10-14 days after treatment ends… maybe get ‘em both primed for that - now.
And maybe your sister too . Hopefully she’s not the same as mine (absolute nightmare!).
Good luck with your follow up. It gives you a good opportunity to ask questions. Make use of it! I probably gave my oncologist a headache! Lol!!
I’m only having a weeks worth of radio but yours may be longer. If people around you know it’s going to wipe you out afterwards, they can’t be surprised if you need a bit of peace to rest and recover.

I haven’t told many people about my little critter. But there are some people who really need to know, if it helps you, don’t hesitate!!
Hope you get a bit of down time soon.

Love & hugs

[amafoss65]

Sorry @lottie73 to hear you are so busy with work, it must be very stressful. But maybe you need a break and just take some time out for yourself, honestly I think sometimes we are too keen to please others… I know I find it hard to say no. It’s going to be tiring for some time and even after radiotherapy. I hope you manage to get a rest and someone is looking after you. I’m sorry to hear about your mum, that’s a really difficult situation to manage and it sounds like both you and your sister are helping her as well as being there for each other, I admire anyone who takes on the care for their relatives at home. Deep breaths and lots of hugs xxx

[amafoss65]

Hi @misswoof-88 thank you for checking in, that’s so thoughtful! That’s fantastic news that you “only” need 5 days of radiotherapy, that will go quick, you must be so relieved. I hope you had a good bank holiday weekend, the weather was amazing

I had a good weekend thanks and have managed to sleep, I almost feel human except for one disfigured smaller boob and scars … I’m getting there and hopefully I’ll adjust mentally to accept the new body over time and won’t be quite so lobsided with no bra!

I had my first oncology meeting this morning, the oncologist was good as she explained why I need radiotherapy and the benefit to mop up any stray cancer cells. Because I had one node positive, I need 3 weeks RT to the left breast, lymph nodes in armpit, lymph nodes in lower neck (clavicle) and lymph nodes behind the breastbone (internal mammary chain). It sounds a lot… and she’s warned me that a side effect is more shrinking of my already smaller boob along with tiredness for up to a 2-3 weeks after. I won’t start until early-mid October (6 weeks estimate from today) and then daily 1.5 hour round trip to the Churchill in Oxford for 3 weeks (I assume it’s 5 days on 2 off, like others). Hey ho… I’m already on letrozole for 5 years at the moment, I started in June prior to surgery. Current side effects are odd hot flushes, slight hair thinning and feeling low (though I do put that down to the feeling of being out of control as I waited for the test results). I can live with those side effects at the moment, if they worsen I’d raise back to the oncologist. So I have September to relax and take some days away with the family and have some fun! It finally feels like I can plan trips and days out again and get back to being me and not feeling like I wanted to hide away from everyone! It’s been a difficult journey and I feel I can see some light… I might not feel this way mid RT of course… !

I hope all you BBBs ladies are doing well and enjoying some “me” time. I’m going to book myself in for a pedicure and massage soon and do some exercise so I’m RT ready… then plan a treat with some friends to celebrate with fizz when this is all done.

Lots of love and thanks for all the advice and updates.

xxx

Edit: I have a bone dexa scan tomorrow and RT planning appointment on 18th September, so things are moving….

[lottie73]

Hi Alison, thank you for your lovely reply. My sister is good for looking after my mum but she is hard work where I’m concerned and makes me feel bad for not doing enough. Her attitude to my diagnosis was that it’s early and not real cancer cos it was easily got rid of. The 2nd job I do is for her husband and unfortunately I think he has the same view as her. The cancer is gone and I look okay so therefore I should be doing everything I did before. Apparently as my op was so long ago it’s unlikely that my tiredness is due to having a GA but more because I’ve got myself into a lazy rut and going back to normal will help me get out of it. I am well aware of how easy I have had it so I am a bit of an imposter. I wasn’t supposed to be back there until mid September but hey ho that was wishful thinking! I wouldn’t mind so much if I got paid properly ….

My main job however have been brilliant. From the moment I started this journey they have given me time off for any appointments and never deducted me any wages or expected me to make up the time I missed. They decided from the start that they would pay me in full instead of sick pay during my leave without me even asking. They know I’m a bit of a workaholic so bought me a laptop so I can log on any time I wanted to but there was NO pressure to do that. My colleagues monitored my emails and I was only asked to work if it was things that only I could do. If I do end up having radiotherapy they have already said to take any time I need. I cannot fault them for their support at all, I’m very lucky.

I have been writing down lots of questions for next week in case they say I have to proceed with radio and meds. Thanks to you ladies I feel I’m prepared but not sure the oncologist will be

Im so sorry for the rant

Lots of love

[lottie73]

Ahh that’s so lovely of you to say, thank you. It’s only the two of us and my mum has been the best we could have asked for over the years and looked after her parents and my dad throughout their illnesses and remained strong right to the end for each of them. She set us a great example and it’s our turn now to be there for her. It’s so sad for me cos for something like breast cancer you’d speak to your mum and sister yet my mum doesn’t remember and my sister thinks I’m fine and the illness is all over with no suffering.

Hope you are feeling better and stronger each day.

Sorry for the moans, obviously must have been a bad day!!

Charlotte

[misswoof-88]

Hay you… rant away!!
Two things:
Firstly- you are not an imposter! Just because they caught yours good and early, doesn’t mean you were not on the same emotional roller coaster that we all are. You had a double lumpectomy- they don’t do that for no reason. Those lumps needed to be out of you for good reason. So less of the imposter please! You’ve been through a lot Charlotte. I think your sister is being rather disingenuous.

Two:
Mother with dementia, or not, your sister & husband don’t own you! You said it yourself- she doesn’t work and has the room for your mum. You work two jobs (one for their benefit) and still they pull your strings??? …. There’s a power play going on here and it’s not healthy.

You may look ok, but you are still undergoing treatment and STILL healing. We all are. What we have all been through is frightening, it pulls the rug out from under you and is life changing. You deserve their support - not their pressure or guilt trips.

What is it with sisters???

Seriously, don’t get me started on mine… Her reaction to my diagnosis was a classic she said- quote : “oh! that’s not good. My mammogram is overdue and that’s the last thing I need - breast cancer, on top of everything else. I need to chase that up”

Honestly, her reaction ever since has been one of distance and disbelief. I even thought maybe she was frightened of catching it!!
Perhaps it’s just their way of coping, I don’t know. But it hurts all the same… I know that I wouldn’t react that way if our rolls were reversed & I doubt you would either.

My old grandmother was a wise old lady. Very savvy. She always told me that people do, to you, only what you allow them to get away with. She was right.
She also used to say “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”…

Our sisters could do with a bit of closed mouth I think

Family dynamics are not my strong point Charlotte, but when it feels wrong- trust your gut!

You rant away girlie! We’ve got you
I’m not surprised you are exhausted. You’re being pulled in lots of directions. But, at least your ‘proper job’ has the right attitude. They obviously value you, and with good reason.

Sometimes we all need to listen to our inner BITCH… lol!! Yours is trying to tell you something… that’s why you vented tonight. Nothing like a good dose of righteous indignation!!

Yoga anyone?? Ha, ha ha
What a life eh

I hope you have a better week ahead
Let us know how you get on with your follow up lovie.

Chin up- it’s not you!

[misswoof-88]

FYI fellow BBBs : phone call today and I start my radio first week in October.
I’ve got CT planning scan/tattoo dots etc on 11th Sept. Bone DEXA scan on 12th and then I can have a bit of peace until Oct
I finally relented and took the prescription to the pharmacy. Out of stock . So I guess I’ll pick it up next Monday … another weekend to feel normal!! Every cloud eh?

Hope you are all doing ok lovely ladies
Stay bonkers!!

Xxxx

[misswoof-88]

That’s good to know @amafoss65. Sounds like we will be headed to radio at about the same time. Yes, Mon to Fri is usual. Although my lot did say that they are starting to do more Saturdays occasionally, just to get more in and through quicker.

Although my schedule has come back starting on a Friday and going through to following Thursday … be prepared for timings to change!! I remember my hb having his timings checked everyday, just to keep up with the changes. You might also be caught up with delays… take a good book or something, to keep you occupied for the three weeks. It’ll fly by! You’ll soon be ringing your bell and hoping Bella on the other side (& me)
Xx

[bellalasagne1]

Quick one as I’m heading to work…

Having had cancer is considered a Disability under the Equality Act 2020. Your employer HAS to give you time off for all your medical appointments and offer Reasonable Adjustments while you recover. I’d need to fact check the latter, or you can, but giving you time off isn’t doing you a favour or being kind, it’s the law!

Catch up soon lovelies

Bxx

[smak]

Hi. Charlotte
We did miss you on here . You have so much going on at the same time. I am in awe of you. So unfair that you had to return to your second job so soon. Just because we’ve had our lumps removed doesn’t mean we are ready to return to normal life . People don’t understand the impact our diagnosis and treatment has on us physically and mentally. Throw everything else into the mix is exhausting. We do need to learn how to say no. Hope your mum stays as well as she can be. Good luck for Wed . I too need luck on the same day. Hope you get some rest soon Z

[lottie73]

I feel sorry for you but it’s good to know that I’m not the only one with an oddball sister!

We have had my mum since Thursday as my sister had gone away but thankfully Lily isn’t back at school yet so she’s been a real help. My mum’s short term memory is non existent but somehow she’s remembered I had a op and always asks how I’m doing and is it all gone yet, bless her

Off to watch Lily’s bestie play hockey for her new team and thankfully it’s nice and bright today. I’m not going to my brother in laws firm this weekend - they’re away so why should I bother!!

I am going to try and be a bit more forceful with them just like all you ladies are advising me to do.

Hope you have a lovely weekend

[lottie73]

Hi Bella, thank you for the info. I love where I work for my main job and nothing seems too much bother for them. It’s a small family firm with just 12 of us but tbh it’s like a little family where we all look out for each other. Most of the team are in their late 20s and early 30s and I’ve become their “work” mum!

I am going to be a bit more forceful with my brother in law though as they both feel that it’s okay to call me at any time, doesn’t matter if I’m in the office at my main job or in a waiting room!!

Hope you’re feeling more human again following the extreme tiredness from the radio. Don’t do too much!!

Have a lovely weekend

[lottie73]

Aww Sheelagh that’s so sweet

I find saying no really hard but I am going to learn how to do it! Lily is really good at it as she’s always saying no to me

I will keep everything crossed for you too on Wednesday, is it an oncologist appointment?

Have a restful weekend

[bellalasagne1]

You don’t have to have tattoos, there are other threads on here which cover this subject x

[misswoof-88]

Definitely needs to be a polite conversation about boundaries. Either that, or just start hitting mute when you’re on your own time/not on their clock!!!
They’ll get the message once they realise that you only reply between office hours! Lol…
I mean, Whats the worst that can happen??? lol!!
They can’t replace you without paying someone else more money, and it sounds like you’ve made yourself fairly indispensable. If that wasn’t the case, they wouldn’t be hounding you back to office so soon, would they?…
I would definitely be hitting “mute” or putting call screening on your landline, if you have one.

@bellalasagne1 that’s interesting, about the tattoo dots…. I’ll look it up. Thanks
How’s the energy level now? I hope it’s getting easier for you and that Rudolf is calming down

I’m doing better. Starting to feel like I can do much more now. which is just as well because I’m heading towards my busiest month of the year … oh Lordy…

Hope all you ladies are ok.
Hugs to all you BBBs xx

[misswoof-88]

Your mum sounds fantastic!! I’m so sorry about the dementia. It’s a cruel disease but it sounds like she is still putting up a fight… she’s in there.

My close friend, her mum was diagnosed too. They managed to look after her for quite a long time, but she did, eventually, need full time care and that was hard.

I wish you many more years of repeated conversations that warm your heart.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend Charlotte. Lily sounds like a lovely girl.
Sending hugs

[deedee8]

My surgery is next friday and Im terrified.
Its like Im on the worst roundabout ever and I cant get off!
Im angry, sad ,sorry for myself and fearing the unknown. Thank god for this forum it helps to know what to expect specially from ladies that have been through it.
I dont know how im going to get through the wait for results!

[lottie73]

Hi @deedee8 So sorry that you have had to become a member of the sh**ty titty squad but the ladies on the forum are full of good advice and support, especially in this thread. I hope the others don’t mind but we are all a bit loopy, brutally honest and very supportive so please feel free to talk whenever you’re having a down moment.

What surgery are you having?

Lottie xx

[lottie73]

Hi Alison, I know I’m biased but Lily really is an absolute gem especially where my mum is concerned. She has so much patience with her which I’ve think she’s learnt from the kids at school

Hope you’re having a lovely weekend hun and good to hear that you are feeling a bit more energetic but that doesn’t mean you should do too much!!

Charlotte xx